Kerry Washington Opens Up About Neglecting Herself While Portraying Various Characters On Screen
Actress Kerry Washington recently revealed the effects of neglecting her personal growth while embodying some of the most iconic characters onscreen.
Washington has been a part of the entertainment industry for about 29 years. Throughout her career, the 46-year-old has played in over sixty projects consisting of music videos, television shows, and films.
Washington's most recognizable work includes Save the Last Dance, Ray, Scandal, I Think I Love My Wife,Django Unchained, and many more. To date, the mother of two is currently starring in Hulu's hit series UnPrisioned alongside veteran actor Delroy Lindo.
In the March cover story for Marie Claire magazine, Washington opened up about why she struggled early on to get back to herself after wrapping up various projects and the steps she took over the years to combat those issues
Kerry On Portraying Various Characters
During the discussion, the Little Fires Everywhere star revealed that she chose acting as a career because she was "comfortable" portraying the lives of others.
However, Washington would add that when the shows and films would end, she found it incredibly difficult to transition back to regular life because she had to find "a self to go back to."
"I've made a career into being other people because being other people is comfortable for me," she said. "Being in myself, being with myself in my own body as myself, is a much newer adventure for me. When the job ends, the movie's over, and the incredible run of the historic TV show ends, it's important to have a self to go back to."
Towards the end of her statement, Washington claimed that with her past struggles, she had taken steps to prioritize herself as "the lead character" of her story.
Kerry On The Steps She Took To Prioritize Her Well-Being
Further into the interview, Washington disclosed that one way she prioritizes herself is by being honest about her journey and trusting that her "best" efforts in life and self-care are enough.
"One is lack of faith that everything's good. This idea that I have to do better or be better to be lovable or acceptable, as opposed to trusting that my best is enough. And then I have a history of healing around body image and perfectionism," she stated.
Washington continued the conversation by sharing that the work she has put in to prioritize her well-being consisted of "prayer, meditation, therapy, journaling, or spending time with other people in growth situations."
The American Son star also mentioned that since incorporating those practices into her life regularly, she could do a "self-inventory," face her issues head-on, and accept who she is as a person without worrying about unnecessary things.
"I have to be doing that work. As an executive, entrepreneur, parent, wife, for me to show up in those places requires that I'm willing to constantly be doing self-inventory and face my stuff," she said. "If I'm in a place of faith, self-love, and radical acceptance, s--t doesn't bother me. I can take a risk, and whether it goes well or doesn't, I'm good. It's about the journey, letting go of the result, and trusting your lane is yours. But if I'm not doing the work to be in a faithful place, then it's much harder."
Washington's recent admission to putting herself first regardless of the situation is a reminder that we all need.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images