Malcolm X Quotes Reminding Us Of Our Power
Malcolm X was an African-American Muslim and one of the most prophetic human rights activists in history. Courageous and determined with every word uttered from his mouth—yet humbled and teachable by his mishaps. He was filled with passion advocating for human rights for the Black community, regardless of all it's cost him. If you haven't read his autobiography that he had predominantly written alongside Alex Haley—you are definitely missing out.
X's autobiography shed light on how disciplined he was despite his circumstances and how willingly vulnerable he was in return for transformation to become a better version of himself. Malcolm X will forever be the muse for justice, as he mentioned, "A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything."
Here are some inspiring Malcolm X quotes to remind yourself of the power that lies within you for the times where you forget.
Malcolm X + Self-Love Quotes
Giphy"There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance next time." – Malcolm X
I know life has flipped many of our lives upsides down due to the ongoing pandemic, but just know that all that we are enduring is serving a purpose in a significant way. Our God is an intentional God, so this season serves a purpose; even if life still looks a bit blurry, keep going.
"Anytime you see someone more successful than you are, they are doing something you aren't." - Malcolm X.
So when you have your moments of comparison, pause and pay attention to the little details because that's the part you're missing—focusing on the little details that work for your story, not someone else's. Focus on your lane, things may not always come on your timing, but they'll come when you're ready for that blessing; until then, stay present and do the best you can with what you have.
Malcolm X’s Appreciation for Black Women Quotes
GiphyIf y'all didn't know prior, let me just tell you now Malcolm X was the hero for Black women. He recognized our struggles, spoke up about colorism issues, and he was ready to fight our battles if we were ever harmed.
"The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the Black woman. The most neglected person in America is the Black woman."—Malcolm X
His goals were set on doing whatever he had to do to uplift the Black community. Fifty plus years later, we're still dealing with the mindset of not feeling good enough or working twice as hard to get noticed in white spaces. We still have issues with colorism and texturism that was started by the white community and frowned upon within our own community. We have to do better, but we can only do better if we're willing to hold ourselves accountable for shifting such toxic mindsets.
"Who taught you to hate the color of your skin? Who taught you to hate the texture of your hair? Who taught you to hate the shape of your nose and the shape of your lips? Who taught you to hate yourself from the top of your head to the soles of your feet?" - Malcolm X
You are beautiful as you are. To my dark skin sisters, I see you and value you; you do NOT need to settle for just anybody because society claims your options are limited. Throw that myth away; you are as exquisite as they come, and you deserve the world, nothing less. Stop fetishizing light skin or biracial Black women; it's uncomfortable to be appreciated for our skin tone versus our character and what we add to society. To my sisters with 4C hair, learn to love it despite what the world perceives of how 'unmanageable' your hair is. Let out your afro shine or slay your natural styles if that's what you please.
We have to take away these beauty standards formulated by whiteness. Black features are astounding, I have my personal receipt of being teased for my big full lips as a child, and now every woman wants them. Our features are not trends; they hold timeless beauty.
Malcolm X + Education Quotes
GiphyAmong the many character traits I absolutely adore about Malcolm X, one of my favorites was – he was always trying to learn something new; he was a student and teachable scholar for a lifetime.
"Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today."– Malcolm X
One of the most transformative moments in X's life was when he was incarcerated for ten years. He had such a rough childhood that robbed his youth and drew him into life on the streets. In jail, he was finally able to be reflective—to see how far he's come and question if this is all life had to offer him. He rejected the mindset of missing out in the world because he was behind bars. X was so ashamed of not reading or writing well, which is why he dedicated his time there to educate himself socially, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.
As Malcolm states, "Without education, you're not going anywhere in this world."
Self-education matters as much as traditional education is taught in schools, where so many things are taken out of history because it doesn't suit white supremacy. The system was set up for us not to know ourselves, so it's every Black individual's duty to seek knowledge about our roots, whether through a book, podcast, documentary, etc.
"Education is an important element in the struggle for human rights. It is the means to help our children and thereby increase self-respect." – Malcolm X
If you don't know your history, you can't combat the issues we're having today because you're unaware of the marginalized system's patterns that were built to hold us back.
Malcolm X + Justice Quotes
Human Rights Unity GIFGiphyI don't know about y'all, but there was never a lick of text in my textbook talking about all of the work Malcolm X has contributed to society. And that information was held back to hold back our power of knowing our worth.
"America's greatest crime against the black man was not slavery or lynching, but that he was taught to wear a mask of self-hate and self-doubt."― Malcolm X
Many people dismiss Malcolm X's ideologies because of fear and self-doubt. He was the definition of articulate and unapologetic about his stance, which in itself was his most significant threat. Malcolm taught us that complacency wouldn't make the changes we want to see; you have to get uncomfortable to demand the respect and care you deserve.
"Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery." ― Malcolm X
Malcolm's legacy taught me self-worth is something you have to fight for; you have to define it for others and be vocal about your boundaries. Some people may be dismissive because of his radical behavior, but Malcolm and Martin Luther King Jr. had the same goal, but they just had different ways of getting things done.
"I don't even call it violence when it's in self-defense; I call it intelligence." ― Malcolm X
Your power lies in your voice; if you don't use it effectively, you are enabling anyone to have their way. So live your life unapologetically speaking your truth and claiming what's yours!
Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image via Unseen Histories on Unsplash
Ajeé Buggam is a content writer and fashion designer from New York City and an alumna from the Fashion Institute of Technology. She specializes in writing about race, social injustice, relationships, feminism, entrepreneurship, and mental wellness. Check out her recent work at Notes To Self
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
You're Catching Feelings For Your Guy Friend. Now What?
Let me just start this all off by saying that I will never be the kind of person who thinks that men and women can’t be friends (or that single people and married people can’t be friends). Choosing friends is about looking into someone’s character and how they complement your life; it should never be about their gender or relational status. Don’t get it twisted, though — in order to properly navigate the dynamic between a man and a woman, there are some things that should be pondered and then discussed.
For instance, is the relationship truly platonic? Even though our culture has reduced that word to simply mean that two people are friends and nothing more, the actual definition is that BOTH individuals do not have any type of sexual interest or attraction at all; that only a spiritual kind of love exists. Is that possible? I have a few male friends where that word applies. I won’t lie, though — most of my (unmarried) male friends are more in the lane of, “You could get it. We just value the friendship too much to explore it”…and no, it hasn’t been “game” whenever they’ve brought it up.
Contrary to the notoriously toxic belief of so many folks out here, not every man has coochie on the brain 24/7 and/or lacks self-control and/or is willing to risk it all in order to get some. In fact, not one man in my life is even remotely that shallow.
Now, that doesn’t mean that I don’t get that the line between just friends and possibly more isn’t a tightrope for some friendships from time to time. Like, what happens if the person who ends up “with a little extra,” as far as emotions go for a friend, ends up being you? Even further, what if that question isn’t even close to being rhetorical because it’s something that you’re experiencing right at this very moment, and you’re not exactly sure what you should do about it?
If that’s the case, have no fear. I think I might be able to offer up a bit of insight that can get you through the (potential) internal stress of what happens when you look up one day and it really does seem like, out of nowhere, you suddenly want your guy friend to become something…more.
What Kind of Friendship Is It?
GiphySo before we talk about anything else, the first thing that you should get clear on is the type of friendship that you’re in. What I mean by that is, although we tend to use “friend” to cover all of the bases of someone who we’re not romantically involved with (or isn’t a relative or we can’t stand — and chile,don’t even get me started on frenemies), the reality is that friendships definitely have levels to them (check out “Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them”).
Like,is he a work friend? Is he a church friend? Is he someone you’ve recently gotten to know over the past couple of months? Is he an online friend? Or is it deeper, like a guy who you’ve been friends with for a couple of years now or someone who you used to have in the friend zone (check out “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.”)? Or — and lawd have mercy, if so — is he your best friend, and you’re starting to see him in a completely different light?
Do you see how, just breaking down some of these friendship dynamics, the situations are quite different? For instance, if you have feelings for a co-worker friend, you’ve got to take into consideration what your work environment will be like if the two of you date and it ultimately doesn’t work out. If he’s an online friend (especially if he’s in another city, state, or country), the risk of potential rejection probably won’t be as impactful as if you have to see him every weekend at church.
If he’s someone you already put into the friend zone, I’m gonna tell you right now that if he has any sort of self-esteem, you’re gonna have to eat a few slices of humble pie to get him to entertain being more than friends (because guys tend to move on once they find out that they fall into that space). And if he’s your best friend? Well, while it probably won’t cost you your friendship, it could make things awkward for a while at best or shift the relationship a bit at worst.
That’s why I definitely think that getting real about the kind of friendship you have with the guy is what you should get mentally cleared up first. Then, we can move on to the next thing.
What Do You Want to Come from the Matter?
GiphyAnyway, because I do have a nice circle of male friends, many of whom are single or divorced, I get asked often if it’s hard to be just friends with them. It’s not because I really like what we have as being friends only. There is a type of intimacy and balance of energies that come from a male-female friendship that you can never get from same-sex ones. I value it all too much to risk it. What I want from my male friends — a certain level of protection (because I’m single), insight from a male perspective, doing things that my female friends may not want to do, etc. — I get…and that’s worth more than seeing if the sex would be bomb or if we should try something more and it end up being a bad decision that we can’t come back from.
That’s me, though. That doesn’t have to be you and your guy friend. For example, what if what you want is to explore a sexual relationship (check out “5 Things You Should Ask Yourself Before Having Sex with A Friend”) because you can’t seem to get sex with him out of your head? For better or for worse, chile, back when I was out in these sex streets, that was pretty much my pattern: sex with close friends (check out “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners”), and it’s not an impossible feat.
You’ve just got to be real with yourself about whether that’s truly all that you want and if you can handle it gracefully if things don’t go as planned (check out “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”) or the sex is so good that now you can’t decide if you’re into him or just into…it. Oh, and don’t even get me started on if he’s seeing other people (because all you wanted was sex…right?). Yeah, a movie that I like calledSleeping with Other People has a scene where a woman is mad that her casual sex partner is sleeping around. His response was on-point: “Keeping our arrangement doesn’t make me an as-hole, but it does make you a liar.” #checkmate
That’s just one example to emphasize the point that, yes, you need to figure out what you want to come from your more-than-just-friends feelings. Do you just want to get it off of your chest and you’re not sure if you want or need to do anything more than that? Do you want just sex? Would you like to go on a few dates to see ifthe chemistry is mutual? Are you “deeply in” and you’re hoping that he feels the same way so that you two can have a full-blown relationship?
Listen, I have watched enough relationships in my lifetime to know that when it comes to something that needs to be as thoughtfully approached as this, it’s not fair to share your feelings with someone and then expect them to know what you want to come from doing so. You need to know…first. So before bringing it to him, figure it out on your own.
Tell Him the Deal. No Hinting Around.
GiphyAlthough timing and delivery matter, I don’t know one man who isn’t a “straight no-chaser” type of individual. This means no hinting around. No guessing games. No 50 million questions to try and see if he likes you first. I promise you that all of these approaches are off-putting to guys and will get them to mentally and emotionally tap out before you get around to making your point. Besides, if he’s a FRIEND friend, you should be able to express your genuine feelings — and honestly, this is a huge plus to telling him: you will be able to see how mature he is when it comes to handling matters of the heart.
Can there be a reason to not tell your guy friend how you feel? I mean, honestly, if you’re avoiding it, I’m assuming that it’s mostly due to fear, and trying to maintain anything with fear as your “fuel,” ultimately, isn’t going to get you anywhere. Plus, the more that you suppress what is going on inside of you, the more it’s going to alter the energy between the two of you, and that could cause unnecessary stress and strain to where either you start unnecessarily projecting things onto him, or he wants to spend less time around you because you’re making him feel as uncomfortable as you are.
Are there any exceptions to this? Eh. If you’re more like good acquaintances than actual friends, perhaps. Personally, though, I think that solid friendships are rooted in honesty — and how can you claim that you’ve got a healthy friendship with someone if you’re holding something as big back as having feelings for them away from them? Logically, it just doesn’t make much sense.
Prepare Yourself for His Response. And Don’t Penalize the Friendship If He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way.
GiphyOnce you tell him, for the most part, there are three ways that telling him can go: he can like you back, he can want some time and space to consider the possibilities, or he can not be interested. Let’s briefly unpack all three.
Liking you back...
So, what if you tell him how you feel, and he feels the same way (or something close)? My two cents would be for the two of you to still go slowly. Where I’ve seen many mess up is they think that they can go from friend to more-than-friends in two days or less, and that’s super unrealistic. Meaning, someone having feelings for you, too doesn't mean that they can, should, or will automatically stop seeing other people or that you two can or should immediately start becoming intimate.
Take some time to really discuss each other’s feelings, thoughts, and expectations — and what you guys should do trying to move into a different relational space ultimately proves to not be the best thing for one or both of you. If anything should take the “ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” approach, it’s friends who are transitioning into something more — or else.
Wanting time and space...
Going from friends to potentially something different is a lot like shifting gears in a car — and if you move too fast, you can strip them. That said, just because you’ve been sitting with your feelings for a while, it’s not fair to want to rush him after he finds out. Whether he wants time and space to figure out how he feels about your feelings or time and space from you altogether — both are warranted.
Should it be for weeks with no contact? Not if he’s a good friend. On the other hand, should you pressure him into making you feel at ease about what he’s just now learning? Eh. You might want to go to another friend to help you out with that. I mean, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Right…exactly.
He's not interested...
No one likes rejection; that’s real. At the same time, though, it’s not fair to penalize him if he doesn’t feel the same way that you do. Clearly, if he’s your friend (especially a close friend), he adores and values you on some level. However, if that’s not romantically, try and be emotionally mature enough to know and then accept that not wanting all of what you desire from the relationship doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you in his life at all.
At the end of the day, if it’s too hard to be his friend when you want something else, you’ve got to do what’s best for you. Just make sure that you’re not going to lose a great person in your life because your ego got bruised or your pride couldn’t handle him not reciprocating what you were offering. It’s not fair, and it could end up costing you…A LOT. Take the kind of space you need to redirect your focus. If he loves you, he’ll be there when you get…back.
___
I’ve developed feelings for a friend before; more than once. Was it always easy to work through? Not always. My friendships always survived it, though — whether the feelings were reciprocated or not. And it was because we valued the friendship too much to lose it.
And honestly, I think that is one of the best things to come out of having feelings for a friend: you end up finding out just how solid the bond actually is. And in a world where really good friends are hard to come by…that can never not be a good thing.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images