Michaela Coel & The Art Of Negotiating As A Black Woman
Becoming a millionaire is often the ultimate bag in life but when Netflix offered award-winning executive producer, writer and actress Michaela Coel a cool $1M for the rights to I May Destroy You, she said, "Yeah, no." Sis knew her worth. With her massive success of her debut comedy, Chewing Gum, and work on three other Netflix projects under her belt, a million wasn't it.
Now I get that a mil isn't exactly normal payment for a script. We could go to Netflix today with a story idea and would be lucky to receive an offer of $10K. Sis was handed a Birkin in that aspect. But as Black women, we should never accept a company's initial offer without negotiating first, and that goes for a 9-5. We should produce our professional receipts and add in our experience beyond the minimum job requirements, major accomplishments, any press and our awards. There's usually more money on the table. Or if not, we should ask for perks. And when it comes to our art, we should definitely retain some ownership, if not all, at least to maintain integrity of our work and claim those residuals.
Besides I May Destroy You wasn't just any script. It's the 33-year-old's real-life story, based on her own sexual assault. It's also a form of her therapy, a way for her to process what happened and try to heal from it. We really can't put a price on her experience.
Michaela only asked for 5% ownership of the series. When Netflix refused, she attempted to negotiate down to 2%, eventually to 0.5%. A half of a percent. She was actually going to sign, too, but the woman on the other end of the telephone, who needed to run the deal past the higher-ups, expressed pride that Michaela was doing the right thing. The remark didn't sit right in Michaela's spirit.
"My thing is, I don't trust people. I just don't trust. I don't trust businesspeople, especially when they're parading as friends. I don't like it. I think that's all probably because of learning from my previous deals where I didn't say no, where I accepted, and so now it's made me very suspicious."
A few months later, Michaela pitched I May Destroy You to BBC, which immediately gave her everything she asked for and teamed up with HBO later to produce. A seat at the production table? Check. Full creative control? Of course. Rights to her own work? Yassss!
It's angering how women are often addressed and treated in business, though, especially in an industry dominated by white men. They assume we're not as smart and savvy as them, or we don't belong, so there's already that strike against us. But let a Black woman enter their space and have the audacity to ask her worth. Tuh! In a recent interview with The Wall Street Journal, Michaela said:
"Life is tricky enough navigating being a woman, being a Black woman, being a dark-skinned woman in England on television. It's so hard."
Entire conversations are shut down before any fair negotiations begin. And to add insult to this injury, it was another woman, who probably didn't look like us, who was complicit in allowing Michaela to undervalue herself. We must do better.
Not only should we ask for what we want and deserve, we should also dismiss the outdated idea that discussing money is taboo. We need trusted folks in our fields to bounce figures off of. And we need to be willing to share when there's no blueprint or standard. When it comes to transparency on money and one-sided deals, here's what Michaela said:
"That's so cool to me because it means that people might not make the same mistakes I made. I think if you have someone that you can privately say, 'Hey, I'm in the middle of a deal with these guys and you're in a deal with them...I just wanted to know, what does your deal look like?' I think it's empowering and the way the structures are set up, we're not very empowered. I love the fact that there is a little bit more discussion, that people are having talks at the side, creative to creative."
This isn't the only major win for Michaela, who recently earned a spot as Wall Street Journal's 2020 Television Innovator earlier this month. In 2018, she also became the first Black woman in the entire 42-year history of the Edinburgh International Television Festival to deliver their keynote address, a spot usually designated for white men. If we can learn anything from this smart and stunning queen, it's how to smash some norms. But infiltrating circles controlled by another race and gender only to reject their coins like pennies because we know we can absolutely get more will always be the ultimate flex.
To read Michaela's full WSJ and W interviews, click here and click here. To listen to her James MacTaggart Keynote Speech at the Edinburgh International Television Festival, click here.
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I write about lifestyle and women's health and wellness. When I'm not in front of a computer screen crafting stories, I'm in a kitchen crafting cocktails. Follow me on the 'gram @teronda.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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