Want To Have Hotter Oral Sex? STOP Doing These 8 Things.

Great oral sex isn't just about what you should do. It's also about what you shouldn't.


I must admit that I kinda chuckled to myself as I sat down to write this. You know how a lot of guys say that there is no such thing as bad coochie? That some is simply better than others? Well, while I do know a few women who are able to share some semi-horrific tales of being on the receiving end of oral sex (a few guys can too), for the most part, I'd say that we all can agree that oral sex is bomb. For us ladies, especially, since the direct clitoral stimulation is what significantly increases our chances of having an orgasm whenever we have sex. And with that being the case, oral sex is pretty hot without figuring out ways to make it…hotter.

Indeed. Indeed. But if you're already damn near climbing the walls as it is, aren't you, just the least bit curious, about what you can do to take things to an entirely different level? If so, this is for you. It's not deep. It's not difficult. It's just a list of a few tweaks that you can make here and there so that both you and your partner can enjoy cunnilingus and fellatio in ways that you possibly never have before. Let's dig in with, not what you should start doing but actually what you should STOP doing in order to make that possible, shall we?

1. STOP Thinking It’s Weird to Ask Your Partner About Their “Pube Preferences”


Yes, y'all. I know. It is our body and we can do whatever the "f" we want with it. That is so true. But unless you're the ultimate contortionist (with a next-level kind of freaky side), you probably won't be as up-close-and-personal to your vagina as your partner will (same goes for him). That's why, it can never hurt for the two of you to discuss if either of you have pube preferences—not because you have to concede to each other's requests. More like it's because, when both of you are more comfortable with what's going on down below, that can result in a lot more pleasure. Ultimately, for the both of you.

Example. I know a woman who absolutely hates her own pubic hair, so she's been bare down there for years. When she got married, though, she found out that her husband is the total opposite; he likes pubic hair. A LOT. So, she decided to let a little of her soul grow out. What's a trip is, while he's always been down to "bless her" with some oral action, she said that he was absolutely ravenous once her pubic hair started to show. So now, she's got a fade (LOL) down there and they're both happy. Actually, she's ecstatic.

Listen, you can do all of the pushback that you want on this particular point. But if you are in a long-term relationship, it can never hurt to ask your partner, "So, how do you like it down there?" (and for him to do the same). It could open up a whole new world of possibilities, if you do.

2. STOP Always Taking All of Your Clothes Off


Is it TMI? I don't know any other way to be, so my apologies in advance. Anyway, back when I was sexually active (which included engaging in oral sex), something that was really hot to me was having sex while some of my clothes were still on. You know, breasts out of the bra, panties pushed to the side—you get it. To me, it translated that my partner was so excited to have me, that there was no time to wait for me to get naked. Plus, having sex when you're not totally in the nude makes it easier to get a quickie in when you're out—out in your car, out in the backyard…out wherever you want to take the risk. Maybe it's the exhibitionist in me coming out on this one, but you know what they say—don't knock it until you've tried it, chile.

3. STOP Always Doing It in the Dark


You know what's a trip about this particular point? I don't know one man who prefers to have sex in the dark. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that they aren't turned on when they do. What I mean is, every guy I've talked to about this topic (and it's been a lot of 'em), they've said that they wish their partner would be down to have sex more with the lights on. And the ones who consider themselves to be oral sex connoisseurs, what makes them enjoy "partaking" even more is, to not just taste the fruit but to be able to look at it as they are doing it.

If, for whatever the reason, you are shy about having sex with the lights on, no one said that you had to flip the switch up in your bedroom or open up all of the blinds during the daytime. A blue or red light bulb can provide just enough light for him to enjoy you in all of your beauty and you to feel like you're not standing directly in a spotlight.

4. STOP Sticking to the Same Sex Positions


Believe it or not, even something as phenomenal as oral sex can lean towards the boring side if you're always doing it the same way all of the time. Avoid that by intentionally getting into other positions than simply sitting up or laying on your back. If you need a little inspiration to get your creative juices flowing, check out "6 Oral Sex Positions That'll Elevate You Even When You're On Your Knees". Come to think of it, try and incorporate a few "accessories" too. Some flavored lube. Some whipped cream. A couple of ice cubes—you know, things that will help to take cunnilingus and fellatio to an entirely higher level (than it already is)!

5. STOP Being Silent


There are a few people I know who say that they are pretty close to silent during sex. No moaning. No sweet whisperings. And, definitely not any dirty talk. For shame, for shame because science backs up the fact that when a person is already physically aroused and then they hear dirty talking coming from their partner, that further stimulates them, making orgasms much more intense and pleasurable. On this particular point, Kelly Rowland's "Motivation" comes to mind (actually, "Kisses Down Low" does too #wink). If you're shy, I get it. Look at dirty talking as a way to encourage your partner to keep doing what they already are or to switch up to what will please you more. Just saying his name in a low voice can be enough to, yes, motivate him to give you more of what you want and need, so try and get out of your silence zone. Watch how much it does for your (oral) sex life!

6. STOP Ignoring the Perineum


Ah. The perineum. I must admit that, it wasn't until I became a doula, that I knew the technical word for this little sweet spot on the body. Basically, it's the area that is right in between the vaginal opening and anus for women and the scrotum and anus for men. When a pregnant woman is a few weeks out from giving birth, it's a good idea for her perineum to be massaged and stretched with oil because it can significantly reduce her chances of experiencing any vaginal tearing. Well, when it comes to oral sex, kissing and licking the perineum can intensify you and your partner's orgasms because, for us, it's a very sensitive area of our body, and for men, it's considered to be right where their "male G-spot" is.

7. STOP Limiting Oral Sex to Foreplay—Only


I know a few women who, although they like penetrative sex, if they had to choose between it or oral sex for the rest of their lives, oral sex would win by a landslide. I get this too since several studies indicate that half of women climax from cunnilingus while 70-75 percent don't from sexual intercourse. But in my world, I want it all and I don't separate oral from intercourse. Oral might be foreplay. Oral might be the main event. Oral might be afterplay. If things are going the way I'd like for them too, oral is involved in all three categories.

The point here is to not see oral sex as just an appetizer or just the main dish. Treat it more like kissing. Let it flow in and out of your time with your partner, however and whenever. It's been my personal experience that, when you do, it will only make the act itself more satisfying and your connection with your partner, that much stronger too.

8. STOP Settling for Just One Orgasm


Not too long ago, Salt-N-Pepa's video for "Whatta Man" came on. I smiled because I've always liked it. Shoot, I've heard it so much at this point, that I pretty much know all of the lyrics. That said, there have always been two lines that have made me be like "huh?". One is "spends quality time with his kids when he can" (when he can?!). The other is "knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night". Listen, while it's cool to have such earth-shattering orgasms that one is all that you need, I personally think that is a low bar.

Make it a goal for you and your partner to have as many as you can in one sitting (one day, one night…you get it). Even though we all have different refractory periods, something that is great about oral sex is, he can make you cum, and you can "hook him up" while you get your bounce back and then, he can "return the favor" after he cums. If y'all do this right, you can get at least 3-4 orgasms in before calling it a night. Which is definitely something that makes cunnilingus an absolute fave in my book. What about you?

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.

Featured image by Shutterstock

When we think of R&B, we think of soul. Soul, by definition, is emotional or intellectual energy or intensity, especially as revealed in a work of art or an artistic performance. Black people are soul. Everything about us. Our hair. Our energy. Our skin. And, without a doubt, the creativity that courses through every inch of who we are. So, when it comes to our music, spiritual experiences are often what we call them. Makes sense, for there are no other people who remain unbroken the way we do. And every so often, an artist comes along who seems to be the physical manifestation of all that we are.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.

As the summer comes to an end, we must welcome the time for change. Say goodbye to summer and hello to cooler weather! And we know what that means ladies: We have to switch up our fashion trends, how we wear our hair, and even our skincare routines. When it comes to skincare, we as Black queens have to make sure our products are on point for all the seasons. It is crucial for us to protect our blessed and melanated beauty.

You would think with the amount of trends and dollars being put behind beauty brands, that there would be better representation in the medical field to help us understand our skin better from the jump. Unfortunately, Black physicians only make up 5% of the physician population, and if we want to talk about Black dermatologists specifically, well that number is even lower.

Keep reading... Show less

It can be more than challenging trying to balance childcare, COVID-19 prevention (hey, Delta), and work. It's hard enough not worrying about whether your kid's school will cancel in-person classes or shut down altogether while facing the not-so-usual growing pains of children and teens who are forced to live in whatever phase of a pandemic we're in right now. (I mean, is it really post-pandemic? Is it halfway done or just beginning? And what's "normal" about this "new" environment?)

Moms, we feel your pain.

Keep reading... Show less

Keke Palmer is easily one of our favorite tell-it-like-it-is celebrities. From her up close and personal revelation of her battle with adult acne to doing it for the culture at the MET Gala to admitting she's "sorry to this man," Keke is known to give it to you straight, no chaser. And it's that commitment to being unapologetic in telling her truth that draws others to her like the light that she is.

Keep reading... Show less

As the saying goes, there is nothing new underneath the sun. So it comes as no surprise that something as groundbreaking as the graphic eyeliner look trend from a couple of years ago is making its rounds again as a must-try beauty trend for the fall season. Saying goodbye to the traditional thick-wit-it non-floating winged liner and hello to the new wave of if-it's-up-then-it's-up-then-it's-stuck eye makeup looks is the ultimate fall beauty move. It's the floating crease for us.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

How Christina Milian Reclaimed Her Confidence After Overcoming Postpartum Hair Loss

The multi-hyphenate talks postpartum, love, life, and the hustle of being Christina Milian.

Latest Posts