"The space that stands between you and your dreams is called self-discipline."
It's a saying too many of us can relate to. Our minds are teeming with all these crazy big dreams that are so easy to dream. Yet, when it comes to actually putting in the work to turn them into reality, it's something that we fail to do. Including—no, mostly, me.
I often hear my circle describe me as a woman of ambition that manages to reach the top of every mountain that she decides to climb. Although I'd love for this painting of me to be real, I must admit that these are in fact misinterpreted facts. I did accomplish pretty big things, that's true. But you know, for all the dreams of mine that I managed to fulfill throughout my life, I couldn't tell you how many other perfectly planned and visualized ideas and projects I have allowed to die between the pages of my journals.
Why? Easy. The lack of self-discipline.
At the beginning, the motivation to start is 100 percent there, but as far as staying consistent and having enough patience to wait for real results to show? It's easy to get discouraged and switch my focus on a short-term goal that'll provide me with instant gratification instead. I know that I'm not the only one to feel this way. But one thing I know, sisters, is that we want to stop doing that. We want to stop giving up on our crazy ideas and desires and start pursuing them relentlessly so we can finally live a life of abundance.
Recently, I had the opportunity to have inspiring conversations with successful women of color who, to me, perfectly embody the principle of self-discipline and ask them about their learning process, what self-discipline means to them, and how they're implementing it in their lives.
Courtesy of Ardre Orie
Founder of 13th & Joan | Ghostwriter
One thing I've learned throughout my journey through entrepreneurship is that if I don't rely on my calendar, it makes things scattered for me; my calendar is everything that my day can consist of. I believe I've come to the realization that my calendar was my most powerful ally after the third year of entrepreneurship.
I reached a point where I was just burnt out because I thought that I could replace my 9-5 within my first year of entrepreneurship—that was a very unrealistic goal.
But I was convinced that if I worked hard enough, I could make the same income in so little time. When that didn't happen, I blamed myself. I wasn't even close to it and I thought the reason why was because I didn't work hard enough. So, for the next two years, I worked around the clock and was putting in the hours.
Being in my third year of entrepreneurship now, I realize that it was unhealthy to have set myself such a goal for it made me feel unhappy. I had to face the fact that I was doing something wrong and this is when the process of me really analyzing how I'm spending my time started.
Now my rule is, during the time slots that I have parked out for specific activities, I do not allow myself to veer away from them. Even my family, friends and staff know that unless it's an emergency, they can't just pop up and call me in the middle of the day. I probably won't answer anyway because if I do, I'll want to pour into them and it means that the things I should be doing will be on pause.
To me, self-discipline really is the chemistry between your soul and your mind. In many instances, you may have an inkling of something that you want to do but self-discipline is when you have to dig down in your soul to actually make it happen. And once you operate in a space of self-discipline, you walk a little taller. You hold your head high, you have a different posture because you know what you're capable of.
To the question what does it require from me, I would say listening to my soul on a consistent basis. Listening to the things that make me happy.
Staying true to ourselves and remaining consistent in looking for the things that make us happy is important. Those are the gifts that will make room for us. I also do think that due diligence is mandatory. When you think of the things that you want to accomplish, it's necessary that you commit to them. You can't just be halfway putting in the work here and there—that is also where consistency comes in and plays a huge role.
Courtesy of Imani Wade
Blogger | Author of Breaking up with the Bad Girl
I was raised by a single mom, parenting two daughters. She has three degrees and her own business. Seeing how hard my mom works has truly been impactful in my own life and I grew to understand and appreciate this trait of her personality.
My process to learning self-discipline involves three things: 1) Knowing what I want. I find it hard to be disciplined with anything if I didn't initially spend the time visualizing or understanding what my goal or desired outcome was in the first place. 2) Being my biggest fan. The hard reality of pursuing your goal is that you won't always have the support that you need. Luckily, I do have a strong core group of close friends who cheer me on. However, I don't always depend on them because I know how important it is to be my biggest fan. 3) Some serious self-awareness. Self-awareness is crucial. You have to know yourself and be willing to be real with yourself.
I am always quick to call myself out and then establish a new boundary with myself, for myself. If I had a lazy week, I have to be upfront about it. If my body and mind simply need a day to unplug, I honor that as well. Because I was once lazy, I also have to identify if it is rest or laziness approaching me. It gets easier differentiating the two over time, but ultimately you have to keep listening to your needs and be real with yourself.
Moment of transparency, it's still taking me time to adapt to this change of lifestyle but what keeps me motivated is to remember that nobody is going to do it for me. I often tell myself this when laziness tries to creep up around the corner. When writing my book Breaking up with the Bad Girl, I was able to hire an editor, but I had to muster up the self-discipline to write my book in the first place.
Even though some days I only get a quarter of the tasks on my list accomplished whereas I could've crossed off every one of them, I've learned to accept that when I'm patient and gracious with myself, it makes self-discipline more enjoyable.
Self-discipline has improved the quality of my life in many ways. One of those ways is my belief in myself. When my discipline allows me to accomplish a goal, it is proof that it can be done again for another goal. It has always enhanced the love I have for myself. I understand who I am to the core, and what I bring to the table. Moreover, as a believer, it's important to me to be self-disciplined for not only am I honoring myself, but I'm also honoring God; "Faith without works is dead" (James 2:14-26).
Courtesy of Leticia Marie Gardner (left) & lovely daughter (right)
Founder of Total Body 21
As a woman, wife, mother of two incredible girls, and fitness brand owner, I have a lot of things going on and there isn't a part of it all that doesn't require self-discipline. Especially when we only have 24 hours in a day. Whether it is loving my husband, looking after my daughters who are on two completely different schedules and demand two very different types of attention, working out, or managing my online boutique… it all requires focus and persistence from me.
I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't have the willpower to be that woman.
The need to become more serious about my health and body didn't hit me before I gave birth to my youngest. I was in my early 30s and realized that everything really changes with age and gone were the days I could just eat anything. From there, it became mandatory for me to feed my body with healthy food and exercise consistently.
Now of course, I go through those days where I'm dragging; I just don't feel like it. I go through my seasons where I either just want to eat good or I don't care. I'm no different than any other girl, I go through it just like everyone else.
But although I may not be motivated all the time, the thing that keeps me going is my addiction to the results. I'm not addicted to the process, I'd rather stay home, eat fast food, and desserts every day. But the result is what I'm in love with. I love the way my body looks and feels when I treat it right.
To me, self-discipline comes from self-worth, self-love, and self-motivation. You may see women with nice bodies and deeply want yours to look similar. But if you're not willing to put in the necessary amount of work until you can actually see some results, then all you'll do is double-tap their pictures on Instagram.
It's really about mental strength, it all happens in your mind. Your body will not do what the mind doesn't tell it to do. You can be sitting comfortably on your couch and crave a snack, but if you do not command your body to get up and go get it, you're not going to eat it. You must have the willpower, you must set the goal—a realistic goal—and chase it. You must love yourself enough to treat your body like the vessel that it is which is special. We only get one body, so you must have the willpower to do what is necessary to take care of it.
Courtesy of Danielle D. Hughes
Entrepreneur | Author of Always Make Your Bed
My process to learn self-discipline was an interesting one. I graduated high-school with a very low GPA (1.9 to be exact), I never had a routine, never had a bedtime or strict rules growing up in my household. When I got older, I knew that I wanted to change that. Once I became sick of my own BS, I started creating daily habits for myself. I started making my bed each day (hence the title of my book) and I started to see my productivity increase substantially just by being consistent in that small task each day.
If anything, the lack of discipline of anyone around me only made me want to be further away from them. Once I made up my mind that I was going to change my lifestyle because I was destined for more, I began to lose a lot of people along the way. Unfortunately, as you become more in tune with your divine purpose, people who are no longer equally yoked will naturally fall off. I've learned to make peace with that and no longer try to hold on to something/someone that is no longer serving my highest good.
One of my favorite fall quotes says: "The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let the dead things go." I try to live by that.
One thing that I'm working on this year is being more present with my loved ones. Surprisingly, that has required so much self-discipline because I'm used to always doing 10,000 things at once. Life has taught me that everything else is temporary but family is forever. Knowing that, it pushes me to be more intentional and disciplined during my quality time with the ones I love the most.
Courtesy of Javacia Harris Bowser
Former English Teacher | Writerpreneur
As a Black woman in America from a low-income family, I knew early in life that to achieve anything I'd have to work harder than everybody else and be more disciplined than everybody else. For me, self-discipline is about creating a plan and sticking to it which means that discipline requires a lot of planning.
Every Sunday I spend 30 minutes to an hour planning out my week. I make a list of all the things I want, need, and must do. Then (using my planner), I assign each item to a day of the week. Then, I look at Monday's to-do list and schedule when I will do each task. Monday night, I create Tuesday's schedule and so on... This hour-by-hour scheduling isn't for everyone, but it works well for me because I was a teacher for 10 years and thus lived my life in class periods.
Right now, every single part of my life requires self-discipline. I am currently battling breast cancer. The side effects of cancer treatments and the emotional and mental toll of a cancer diagnosis all make it very hard to feel motivated to do anything.
But thanks to my self-discipline—and God—and despite cancer plus the pandemic, 2020 has been one of my most successful years career-wise.
That said, even before the cancer diagnosis, self-discipline was essential for my career. I am what I like to call a full-time "writerpreneur". I'm a freelance writer and the founder of See Jane Write which is a website, membership community, and coaching service for women who write and blog. When you're your own boss, self-discipline is a prerequisite. Without it, I wouldn't meet deadlines for freelance writing assignments, let alone do what needs to be done to serve the community and grow my business.
To me, the main pillars of self-discipline are planning, purpose, and persistence.
You have to create a plan for what needs to be done to accomplish your goals. You have to know your purpose, know why you want to accomplish those goals in the first place, and stay focused on that. Most importantly, you have to be persistent. Persistence doesn't mean perfection. It's OK if you're killing it every day. Remember, rest is essential. Also, some days you're going to miss the mark. And that's OK.
Persistence is getting back in the game after a bad day.
Featured image courtesy of Ardre Orie
- Developing Discipline | Psychology Today ›
- How to Build Self Discipline to Excel in Life ›
- 7 ways to start being more self-disciplined right now ›
- If Self-Discipline Feels Difficult, Then You're Doing It Wrong ›
- 20 Strategies To Develop Self Discipline That Lasts ›
- 5 Proven Methods For Gaining Self Discipline ›
- 7 Simple Habits to Improve Your Self-Discipline | Clever Girl Finance ›
The most Gemini woman you'll ever meet. Communications & community enthusiast, I run a media platform centered around spirituality, and I'm always looking to connect with fellow creatives. Follow me on Instagram & Twitter @savannahtaider
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
We waved farewell to summer last week, along with all its highlights. Now we warmly embrace music that encourages us to feel, calm down, and think back on the last enjoyable months and their aftermath. Some of the aftereffects of our summertime delights, like "Lil Boo Thang" and "Guarantee," will make us feel content and that our time was well spent. Other repercussions, like "I Just Wanna Feel Your Love Again" and "No SZNs," are more severe and will leave us contemplating some ill-placed steps while we spiral into deep despair.
Whichever side you find yourself on during this change of seasons, or if you're between, consider adding some of these new singles to your playlist to help mourn what's left of this summertime weather. While also welcoming the possibilities that only autumn's beautiful breeze can create.
1.Doechii - "Pacer"
Oh, Doechii, how we have waited for you at every door and corner for what seems like an eternity; yet we are so grateful that you have finally arrived. Doechii has released another single to further demonstrate her versatility after releasing one of the summer's most popular songs. With "Pacer," Doechii, who stunned us with her vocal range on "What It Is," goes back to her rapping roots. The TDE phenomenon starts the song out completely unhinged. With a blood-curdling scream, similar to fellow TDE artist Jay Rock, Doechii gathers her clique to prepare for battle, as though she had just returned from a fierce altercation.
However, instead of amassing casualties upon those who doubted her, Doechii plans to render them inept under the weight of her accomplishments and accolades. She acknowledges that she has arrived at her success later than she had hoped, but says she is on "God's time," and that while reaching her level of achievement later than others, she has done it regardless and with enough assurance to intend to remain for a while.
2."No Statements" - ScarLip
No matter what rap music you play these days, there is always a critic waiting to proclaim that rap and hip-hop are dying. Although part of what they say is true, they haven't yet detected the faint pulse that keeps the business alive. If the naysayers would quiet down long enough to hear that fading pulse, it would be the sound of female rappers smashing through locked doors in an attempt to reclaim its strong and steady beat. One of those rappers, besides Doechii, is ScarLip.
ScarLip, who is 22 years old, fresh off the success of her 2022 "Glizzy Gobbler," has dropped her newest single "No Statements." The rapper says in "No Statements" that she is not in the business of snitching, making statements, or leaving a paper trail of her wrongdoings, but rather needs to be fully aware of the circumstances so she may proceed with her decisions. It would be difficult to not hear people humming this song for weeks to come, because of the catchy chorus and straightforward lyricism. Maybe after this, critics can follow her lead and refrain from making detrimental statements.
3."How Were We To Know" - Emeli Sandé
How were we to know? We ponder this question after a relationship has ended and everything has been put out on the floor to be either picked up and rebuilt or swept away and abandoned. How were we to tell if the connection would burn to the ground or vanish into thin air? How could we have known that the person we intended to spend forever with would be gone the next day? How were we to recognize all the signs when they were arranged randomly and incomprehensibly? In this query, we pardon ourselves for not being omniscient. We accept responsibility for failing to recognize the apparent facts that were put in front of us.
Emelie Sandé asks the same questions in her most recent song, "How Were We To Know." She ponders how she might have known that the relationship was doomed. But as the song goes on, it becomes obvious that she, just like the rest of us, could have easily figured it out if we had communicated better, assigned blame less frequently, and set aside our egos.
4."Angel" - Halle (Acoustic Performance)
At the beginning of August, Halle Bailey released "Angel," her debut single as a solo performer. In less than a few hours, the piano-driven ballad that explored what it is like to be a Black woman growing up in this tiresome, neglectful environment captured millions of listeners and became an anthem for all sun-kissed girls. With beautiful lyricism that acknowledges the weight unfairly burdened upon Black women, Halle reminds audiences that they are in fact angelic, despite the demons that appear out of the woodwork to tell us otherwise.
When one falls, they fall "onto clouds" and find a way to make their way through the limitless struggles bestowed by simply existing. After all, as I said before, black women are the only things to ever grow without nourishment. As if the song couldn't be lovelier than the original rendition, Halle debuted an acoustic version of the smash a couple of weeks ago to demonstrate just how genuinely heavenly she is.
5."No SZNS" - Jean Dawson and SZA
Every day is like the day before. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west, and everything beautiful and dismal that can happen occurs in between. The seasons bring a certain ambiance that allows for differentiation between the past and the present, but only if you're in a place where it matters, and the changing of seasons can be felt. If not, then every day is every day. In "NO SZNS," by Jean Dawson and SZA, this simple fact is mentioned repeatedly in the chorus; but the reality of every day being the same creates an unshakeable melancholy that can only be felt through their lilting vocals and sometimes abrupt instrumentals.
They appear to be pleading for some other truth, because they find it difficult to accept that each day will be the same as the last, and that, despite the passing of time and the changing of the seasons, we are doomed to repeat the at times idyllic, terrifying cycle.
6."Black Dress" - 070 Shake
It's unfortunate that not as many people tune in to 070 Shake as frequently as they ought to. Despite becoming popular with her song "SCAR" on Beyoncé's The Lion King: The Gift, many people are still unaware of how good she is as an artist. The unclassifiable New Jersey musician, whose music is tough to define, has released "Black Dress," in preparation for her second album, You Can't Kill Me. The brand-new 070 Shake track "Black Dress" is a sensation with a haunting feel.
The song has strong, churning guitars, hazy synthesizers, and trap 808s that help to create an eerie and encapsulating, daunting melody. Shake plays the sole survivor of an aircraft accident in the popular song's music video, which was shot by Noah Lee. She is originally stranded in a tree with her parachute before descending to the burning wreckage below. When she finally touches the ground, she performs a song deserving of the fame she will one day enjoy.
7."You" - Lola Brooke ft. Bryson Tiller
What's that I hear around the way? Oh, another female rapper here to save the day? With the help of Bryson Tiller, Lola Brooke's newest song, "You," aims to kick off this cuffing season in the 90s. The rapper, who is relatively new to the hip-hop scene and who recently released the single "Don't Play With It," samples Foxxy Brown's popular song "Get Me Home" on this nearly three-minute tune.
In time for the fall, Brooke and Tiller's powerful voices and sensuous vocals have created the ideal song to dance to while searching for love. In her lyrics, the 29-year-old displays both her Brooklyn heritage and the characteristics ideal in a potential suitor. By the end of the song, it is clear that Brooke plans to move through this cuffing season with intention and refuses to settle for anything less than what she deserves.
8."Guarantee" - Black Eyed Peas
No matter how far into the future we are, you can always depend on the Black Eyed Peas to come from a more vibrant, lively, and distant time period than our own. The trio speaks about having what other people need in their newest song, "Guarantee," off of their 2022 album ELEVATION. In this single, they assert that they can elevate all that is freely provided to them, leading to greater love, knowledge, and total pleasure.
Promising endless satisfaction, they show what is guaranteed if only given the opportunity. With a fun summer mix and poppy, futuristic beat, "Guarantee" is one of the dance songs the endless heat has to give.
9."Lil Boo Thang" - Paul Russell
It is almost ridiculous how often this song has been played throughout the summer, to not have made it in time to be a summer hit. But with only the first 30 seconds available to audiences via TikTok, it had no other choice but to be a glimmer of what it could have been. Nevertheless, now that Paul Russell's "Lil Boo Thang" has been made available, it includes a much lengthier version of the endearing summer song about liking someone enough to be open and honest about one's intentions.
In this short song, he sings of all the potential and affection he can bring to the relationship if only given the chance. Concluding with a nice homage to The Emotions' "Best of My Love," "Lil Boo Thang" might be able to reclaim the love it was unable to receive in the summer this fall.
10."I Just Wanna Feel Your Love Again." - Montell Fish
If Kevin Abstract, Leon Bridges, and Moses Sumney had a baby, I'd imagine it'd be this Montell Fish single. In "I Just Wanna Feel Your Love Again." Fish laments the end of his relationship and the unrestricted love that came with its demise in this song. Without her affection, the need and want to be with her consumes his weekends and moments, but he is always left pleading and alone.
To make matters worse, he is compelled to navigate the world knowing how wonderful it is to experience everlasting love and realizing that he is unlikely to come close to doing so again. As he sings over a guitar and echoing backing vocals, the song has a loneliness that cannot be placed into words. Ultimately, his longing to once again experience his love's devotion feels almost unearthly and forever out of reach.
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