If you've already read articles on the site like "15 Pretty Tripped Out Things You May Not Know About Penises" and "BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go", then you know that I have never shied away from writing about penises. Personally, I adore them. They've provided me with many fond memories over the years. And because I've experienced 14 different ones (oral sex and intercourse wise; I've seen a few more than that), I've come to realize—and accept—that just like each man comes with his own level of uniqueness, so does his penis. And since no two penises are exactly alike, each kind requires a different kind of, finessing, if you will.
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That's what we're gonna touch on—no pun intended—today. 12 different things about penises that you may encounter and how to handle them—again no pun intended—so that you can get as much joy and pleasure out of them as possible. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Now dive in.
1. Gherkin
If gherkin is a name that you're familiar with but you can't exactly remember why, they're pickles. Some penises have earned this nickname because they are smaller than average (which means they are less than roughly five inches long whenever they are erect). Keeping in mind that your most intense nerve endings are within two inches of your vagina, a gherkin can still get the job done. The main thing to keep in mind is, for maximum penetration, positions like doggy style, cowgirl (you know, being on top), having your legs pushed behind you, or putting a pillow underneath you while you're on your back are gonna be your best.
Oh, and definitely avoid asking questions like, "Are you in yet?" or faking orgasms, thinking that it will help a man with a smaller than average's penis ego. He's been aware of his penis way longer than you have. He is not shocked by his size. No need to shame him or—on the other side of the spectrum—lie to him. The jig is up. Just have an open mind about what smaller penises are able to do and let him pleasantly surprise you.
2. Eggplant
Here's the tripped out thing about the actual eggplant—it's not a huge penis; it's one that tends to be shorter than average while having a significant amount of girth (which is actually, when it comes to having consistent orgasms, better than the opposite scenario, which we'll get to in a bit). Matter of fact, eggplants are hailed for being able to get the job done in ways that most penises cannot. As far as positions go, just about any one of 'em work. The main hack to keep in mind here is the use of extra lubrication can make your partner entering you feel much more comfortable, so can extending foreplay time. However, if you're a "the deeper, the better" kind of woman, sitting on the end of something (like a countertop) while he penetrates you or being on your stomach during sex can help make you climax a lot quicker.
3. Rocket Popsicle
Some penises are actually wider and thicker down at the bottom of them and then they get thinner down towards the head. Hence, the nickname "rocket popsicle" (some of y'all remember those, right?). In order to get the most out of this kind of member, sex where you are sitting upright is a good idea. That way, you can feel the base of his penis as much as possible.
4. Burrito
Can you guess what a burrito is? It's basically someone who has a big penis—lots of length and a good amount of girth. How do you know exactly who qualifies? Well, believe it or not, if a man is over seven inches when he's erect, that's considered to be a pretty nice-size burrito. So, what has made us think that we need someone who is 9" or more. Porn, for the most part. That's another article for another time, though. As far as sex with a burrito goes, getting into sex positions that allow you to control how much or little you are penetrated is always smart. There's an article on the site that can help you out with this. If you read "5 Go-To Positions For When Your Partner Is Well-Endowed" and also make sure to keep some lube in tow—oh and you breathe deeply during initial penetration—you can handle it. Remember, babies come out of vaginas every day. You can handle it.
5. Pencil
I'm assuming that a pencil penis is pretty self-explanatory, right? It's a thin straight one that is the same in width from top to bottom. While a lot of "pencils" are fairly long, the challenge is they tend to lack girth, and that can keep you from "feeling it" as much as you would like.
The hack here is for you to get into positions where you can keep your thighs closed as much as possible. Not only does it help to narrow your vaginal walls, doing this makes it easier for you to feel more friction during intercourse too. Doggy style can get this done, so can getting on your back as your partner is penetrating you while they're on their knees. When you're in this position, your feet can go on their chest with your thighs still being fairly close together. Spooning works well for pencil penises too.
6. Hammer
Hammers are interesting. The reason why I say that is because they are basically the pencil with a bit of a twist—it has a rather large head. Since the initial penetration is the most stimulating and hammers can rub against those two-inch entry nerve endings that I've already mentioned, get into positions where your legs are able to open up as widely as possible. Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, the face-off (where he's sitting up and you're straddling him while sitting up as well) and the seashell (where you're on your back with your legs are out to his sides) are all positions that can all give you maximum pleasure during entry as well as the act of intercourse itself.
7. Cucumber
Let me tell it, a perfect penis is one that is healthy and provides consistent pleasure. To me this means that virtually any of these can fall into that category. However, as far as popular standards go, a cucumber has earned the prize because it's a penis that's considered to not be too big or too small; it's one that's literally just right for most women. The awesome thing about that is you can try pretty much any position and be good to go. That said, if you're ready to do some more experimenting, She Knows published a feature entitled, "69 Sex Positions You Need to Put on Your Bucket List Immediately" that includes illustrations and everything. Have fun!
8. Curved
Something else that we need to factor in is if your partner has a curve to his penis or not. When it comes to a curve, if it's less than a thirty percent of one and it isn't painful for him, consider his curve to be completely normal (if it doesn't fit these criteria, he might have Peyronie's disease). That said, curved penises can be a blessing in disguise because they have the ability to rub you in all of the right places; specifically, your G-spot. The main thing to keep in mind, in this case, is what direction the curve goes in.
If his penis curves upwards when it's erect, the missionary position can get you off quickest. If it curves down, doggy style is wise. What about if it curves to the right or left? Hmm. Try having sex while spooning. Just make sure to keep the sides in mind. Meaning, that if his penis curves to the left, get on your right side; if it curves to the right, get on your left side. You might be surprised by how great the sex feels, just by following this simple hack.
9. Uncircumcised
You know what's interesting? What I've discovered is, a lot of the women who frown at uncircumcised penises tend to be the ones who have never even seen one in real life, let alone been with a man who is "uncut". Here's the deal, though—it's actually reported that men who are a "turtleneck" can actually make women climax easier and quicker, thanks to that little bit of extra skin that they've got. They also tend to have more stamina too. So, if you've just discovered that your partner is uncircumcised, I'd release the stigma that it's problematic on any level, if I were you. You just might be in for the ride of your life. Literally.
Oh, and as far as oral sex, don't be offended if he would prefer to push his foreskin back himself. While an erect uncircumcised penis looks pretty much like a circumcised one, some men are sensitive about their foreskin and that's just fine. Oh, and don't be "scared" of it when it comes to giving head either. The extra skin can actually make performing fellatio more comfortable due to its extra bit of cushion that can feel pretty nice during the act.
10. Veiny
What if your partner has a super veiny penis—one that, due to all of the semi lumps 'n bumps, it irritates your vagina more than you'd prefer? First, let me just say that veiny penises are pretty much genetic, nothing to be afraid of, and actually something to be somewhat grateful for because it's those veins that help your man to get and maintain his erection. Keeping all of this in mind, if you'd prefer a little less friction during intercourse, opt for some textured condoms; that can help to reduce the friction and make the sensation less, well, irritating.
11. Lava Lamp
Some women hate fellatio (check out "Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?"). Yet even if you don't, something that can be a bit, well, much is if you happen to have a partner who pre-cums a lot (I personally call those lava lamps). Unless you are a huge semen connoisseur, the taste and amount can catch you off guard, cause you to gag, or even make you want to stop altogether.
A trick that can help to keep things flowing smoothly is to switch back and forth from oral stimulation to manual stimulation, whenever you notice that some extra fluid is headed your way. You can even have a little cinnamon oil (you might want to mix it with a carrier oil like almond if the taste is too strong for you) close by so that you can put a little on your hands to mask the taste. The warmth of the oil will feel really great to him and the sweetness of it will help to make the taste of semen more…palatable.
12. Different Hues of Penile Skin
I don't see myself ever—and I do mean, ever—being with a man who isn't Black. Not that other ethnicities aren't beautiful…I'm just unapologetically Team Black Love. Besides, in my porn-watching days, a lot of white penises used to make me feel very uncomfortable. I used to call them "angry penises" because they always looked so red.
One day, I looked up why penises come in the colors that they do. It's because sex hormones actually play a role in regulating melanocyte cells which are cells that are responsible for the amount of pigment that's in various parts of the body. Since testosterone levels play a direct role in how light or dark a man's genitalia is, if you happen to notice that your partner's penis is much darker than the rest of his body, it's probably because his testosterone levels are on the high side. Oh, and as far as the red—or even purple shades—down there, that's typically due to the blood that has rushed down to the genitalia in order to make the erection happen in the first place. The lighter someone is, the easier it is to see it.
Oh, I could go on and on, believe you me. I'll save that for another time. For now, I hope this Reader's Digest introduction to penises and what to (sexually) do with them has provided you with some clarity and perhaps, even a little bit of comfort. Because all penises are awesome. When your partner knows what he's doing—and when you know what to do in return. Feel me? Sis, I know that you do.
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It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
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In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
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And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
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This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
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Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
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It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
___
Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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