Growing up, my parents always told me to save my money. Did I always listen? Of course not, but it’s one of the pieces of financial advice that I remember. I was also told not to depend on credit cards. I often saw my parents use their debit cards to pay for everything, and it wasn’t until I got older that I learned how to use credit cards to my advantage.
While talking to Natalia Brown and Dasha Kennedy, I learned I wasn’t the only one who grew up with similar teachings. Natalia serves as the Chief Compliance and Consumer Affairs Officer for National Debt Relief (NDR), and Dasha is a Financial Wellness Board Member for NDR and also runs the online platform The Broke Black Girl. Together, they are educating Black women and others on debt, the good and the bad.
They each have had their fair share of unlearning to do after going through rough patches that eventually started them on their financial wellness journeys. During our interview, Dasha and Natalia debunked myths about debt and broke down the many things that helped them on their way. One of those myths is that debt is bad. While using credit cards to make purchases on things you can’t afford and will be unable to pay back isn’t a good method, leveraging debt is, especially when building wealth.
Leveraging Debt
Dasha fell into debt after going through a divorce. While she was always told not to depend on credit cards, it became her only way of survival. However, after going through that experience, she continues to share her story and provide tips on how to get out of consumer debt and use credit cards to your advantage.
“This is something that I've talked to my audience about as just a simple way to decide on leveraging debt, using debt in a way that is going to make you more money. So being in debt, whether it's you know, credit cards to pay for a class or a certification or you need to get financing for a car, like using debt in a way that is going to help you make more money in the long run,” she says.
“So then, as you make more money, you will want to be able to pay off, you know, the debt that you took on, and on top of that, your income as a whole would have increased. So that's one way to leverage debt to build wealth or money by taking care of things or expenses that you need that could catapult your career, help make, you know, income even it's like investing in like a small business that you want to do.”
“This is something that I've talked to my audience about as just a simple way to decide on leveraging debt, using debt in a way that is going to make you more money. So being in debt, whether it's you know, credit cards to pay for a class or a certification or you need to get financing for a car, like using debt in a way that is going to help you make more money in the long run.”
Research
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Debt specialist Natalia recommends that people put the same amount of effort into researching credit cards and debt as they do everything else. She explains by sharing something someone told her. “I used to do more research on a pair of shoes or you know, Amazon shopping like I go straight to the reviews and people do that without even thinking about it,” she says.
“You put a lot more effort into researching the things that you want when you're making a purchase; you can do the same exact thing with like Dasha said, is this credit card the right credit card for me? I drive a lot, so I should have a gas card, right, versus a points card because that doesn't transfer the gas, right? So, you should look at every single aspect of your life. And when you're getting to a point of using it (credit) as a tool, make sure it fits your lifestyle and do as much research as you would, you know, a new car or a wedding dress or whatever those important things are that you've done a lot of research in. You should do the same thing with your debt situation.”
Shift Your Mindset
“It was realizing what I was doing was not the right way. Because I was sticking to what I was told. And I was in a predicament, right? And there were some social pressures, right? You're supposed to do certain things as a woman,” she explains. “You're supposed to get married, have kids, and all these things, and I was following this traditional Caribbean path. That without all the right tools to understand what I needed to make that successful. So it was realizing, you know, if I keep going this way, it's only gonna get worse. So I have to do something different.
“And it was that moment that I decided just like Dasha said, to not be ashamed of it, not to hide it. I made a pact with myself. It was actually 12 years ago; it popped up on my Facebook memories where it said I'm gonna change my life this year. And I just focused on that any way that I could. I made mistakes along the way, but I learned that you know, you learn from mistakes. You can't do everything perfect. And over that year, I decided to change my life."
When she began working for NDR, she learned more about financial literacy, which further enhanced her journey. She also found out that she wasn’t alone and a lot of women are or have been in similar situations. She was no longer blaming herself for having debt and was finally letting go of the shame around it.
“It was realizing what I was doing was not the right way. Because I was sticking to what I was told. And I was in a predicament, right? And there were some social pressures, right? You're supposed to do certain things as a woman.”
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“That's actually when I started with NDR is when I decided to make that shift, right. And one of the myths I had to get over was it was my fault. It was not my fault. There are so many reasons that people end up in debt,” she says. “It could be medical, it could be a divorce, like Dasha. It could be, you know, just not having the financial education.
“At the time, it was not taught in schools, right? I just barely had a macroeconomics and a microeconomics class in college and it was only because I was in accounting that I knew how to balance a checkbook. So, it's one of those things where I just really had to let go the the shame of it, just like Dasha said, and move on, right, and take control and be confident or at least learn how to be confident as I got more knowledge.”
Finding Safe Spaces
As Dasha was learning more about financial literacy, she relied on community, particularly online. The self-proclaimed financial activist created The Broke Black Girl, which started off as a Facebook group and now has become a popular online destination that shares tips on saving, investing, building wealth, and much more.
“For me, when it came to shifting my mindset, it was finding community online, finding places that validated me. At the beginning, I had to create my own space because I didn't easily come across some that approach debt or just money as a whole in an empathetic way in an understanding, meeting you where you are type way, which is what led me to create The Broke Black Girl,” she explains.
“But then as you grow and you learn, and you find more resources, you find more communities, and I also mentioned like resources like NDR that understands that debt is not a morally wrong thing, it's not something that you should feel ashamed, excluded from having certain conversations about money and getting the help."
“But then as you grow and you learn, and you find more resources, you find more communities, and I also mentioned like resources like NDR that understands that debt is not a morally wrong thing, it's not something that you should feel ashamed, excluded from having certain conversations about money and getting the help."
She continues, “So, for me, when it came to the shift in my mindset, it was really finding communities and resources, and organizations that validated my experience. So before I could even start with any tools or tips, I needed someone to validate that I wasn't crazy, that I was making this up, and I think that was a huge play in me learning to look at debt and just money different as a whole.”
Natalia and Dasha are passionate about educating others on financial literacy. Through NDR and their personal efforts, they are hoping to make a positive impact in the lives of others and help them avoid the same mistakes they made. For more information about NDR, visit nationaldebtrelief.com.
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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