Last night, I had an online dating encounter that had me shooketh.
After minutes of mindless swiping, I landed upon a gentleman that truly tickled my fancy, and following a series of witty back-and-forth messages, we found ourselves on the phone. While I'm normally apprehensive about a first interaction with a potential suitor, his social media presence (or lack thereof) didn't make it any easier to get to know my newfound mystery man.
It wasn't until 15 minutes into our conversation when my anxiety was confirmed and he revealed that not only had he never had a girlfriend, but he was also "damn near" a virgin—I'll let you interpret that on your own time.
He went on to explain that he was abstinent and was in no hurry to pop his cherry. When I asked why he had chosen to make this extreme lifestyle decision, he responded, "Because of my faith." Although this should have felt like a goldmine to a woman of God such as myself, it sadly was not.
I began to press him to the point where he was audibly uncomfortable and ended the conversation by telling him that we weren't a good fit because while his sex life (or lack thereof) wasn't the only dealbreaker, it was definitely disappointing.
It was at this point I began to question my own ideas and perspectives as a single, Christian woman and I asked myself: Could I date a man who's chosen to be abstinent? If you ask Draya Michele, her answer is unapologetically, "Nah".
In a recent live stream with Terrence J., the duo had a relevant conversation with a caller who questioned if celibacy before marriage is really worth the wait. The caller explained:
"I'm actually at the point where I feel I should just wait until marriage because this is just ridiculous. I feel like the older we get, the more serious my intentions need to be."
Draya, who was understandably skeptical of the caller's perspective on dating, then asked the question we were all thinking:
"You think you're gonna find a guy that's going to wait? A guy that you're going to like? Are you even going to like the kind of guy who waits?"
Dating in the digital age can be complicated and Draya's speculations were valid AF. I need to try before I buy.
While the idea of dating a man who doesn't desire to be deflowered sounds good on paper, Draya says that this archetype of man is either a monolith or not really her type:
"Because me personally, that might be 'Prince Charming', but I don't like him. I don't like the kind of guy that waits, he's not my husband, no."
Having a frozen set of deal breakers is key in any courtship, and according to Draya, a man's performance in the bedroom has to be tested way before tying the knot and tbh, I feel you sis 🤷🏽♀️.
"I just think that we need to be physically attracted to each other and he needs to showcase that before we talk any of that marriage sh*t. That's crazy. I have respect for people that do it... That ain't goin' down over here."
Could you date a man who doesn't want sex before marriage? Let us know in the comments.
Featured image by Instagram/@drayamichele.