Ari Lennox's "Get Close," André 3000's "Ninety Three 'Til Infinity And Beyoncé" & More Tracks To Vibe To
The new music released this week is alluring in the sense that it seems like everyone has stopped to consider how they relate to others and how they see themselves. Some analyses ("Chanel Pit" and "First Person Shooter") conclude that they are fantastic individuals, while other analyses ("Red Flags," "These Four Walls," "Tummy Hurts," and "Get Close") leave artists feeling angry with the people in their immediate environment and the way they have been treated by them.
Other tunes, like "Ninety Three 'Til Infinity And Beyoncé" and Noname's recent Tiny Desk Performance, induce a sense of calm by encouraging introspection. This week's music, in contrast to previous weeks, exudes confidence and self-assurance. Although the artists are still seeking personal development, it's encouraging to see people recognize their own beauty and opportunities for growth without criticizing or punishing themselves for not reaching their goals.
Here are the top ten songs of the week, you'll be thankful you gave them a listen.
"ON THE RIVER (Live Session)" - Offset
If you haven't viewed this video and song yet, please do so immediately, as it is less than two minutes long. For what reason? Well, a variety of factors. First off, Offset's career is at its pinnacle. Following the release of his most recent album, SET IT OFF, Offset has demonstrated remarkable artistic development.
He has exceptional lyricism, and his creative approach is more methodical. With these changes since his 2019 album, it has been a delight to observe his superabundance of imagination.
This song "On the River" demonstrates just how strategic he has become in his artistry. With Kirby talking about the Mississippi River in the backdrop, Offset performs his song in a fast-paced flow with his son, Wave, acting as his hype-man. With his son in hand, Offset raves about his success and lists how he has gained riches since he left his group. When he begins talking about how these riches provide for his family, Wave begins dancing creating a charming father-and-son moment.
"First Person Shooter" - Drake ft. J. Cole
It was a wise choice for Drake to release "First Person Shooter," which features J. Cole for his newest single and video. This is mostly because the other tracks on the album For All the Dogs—aside from "Rich Baby Daddy," "8am in Charlotte," and "Calling For You"—are mediocre at best, if not downright dull. "First Person Shooter" was released a few days after Drake and Cole revealed their 2024 joint tour, and the song tracks the two artists as they talk about their present standing in the rap business and how they demand to be considered one of the best.
Drake discusses his lavish lifestyle, comparing himself to a Super Bowl game or concert, and how he nearly surpassed Michael Jackson, the greatest artist in history. He also touches on his ruthless and opulent lifestyle during the two verses he raps.
Conversely, Cole talks about how other rappers use his name as a kind of "beef" to start a rivalry with him in order to gain something from it. He also discusses his standing in the rap game as a result of the praise that his albums have received from critics, his notable feature runs, and his luxurious musical productions, all of which have led to him being regarded as one of the greatest rappers of the present generation. The video is fun and clever and in the end, you can't help but agree that they are two of the greatest rappers in the game.
"Chanel Pit" - Tierra Whack
Speaking of the greatest rappers in the game, Tierra Whack needs to be held in that regard, as well. Unfortunately, I am certain that her gender prevents many people from viewing her as such. Even more tragically, she is seldom ever acknowledged for her brilliance when people consider the female rappers who are currently dominating the rap scene. In any case, it's long overdue that Tierra Whack receives recognition for her artistic ability, and I hope this song contributes to that. She creates catchy, fun, lighthearted, and entertaining songs and frequently presents them in the same way. Is this among her finest compositions?
No. If you're looking for that you need to go to her 2018 album, Whack World, or listen to her singles "Only Child" or "Unemployed." Even yet, this song is nonetheless worthy of its popularity since she mumbles humorously over a Kalimba tune, and her strange lines about smells and sensory overload in a mosh pit are accompanied by massive, bass-heavy beats. The term "Chanel Pit" refers to a very real place, a recalls a time when a friend of Whack's noticed her perfume odor while she was at a performance with a mosh pit. The song serves as the first taste of Whack's next album, which is set to be released in early 2024. Judging by her previous singles, it might be something wonderful.
"Get Close" - Ari Lennox
My displeasure with Ari Lennox's lack of recognition is similar to my initial feelings of annoyance with SZA and Victoria Monét. Although the other two have finally begun to receive the credit they deserve, Ari has still been left out in the cold, receiving fleeting moments of acclaim. Despite being a fantastic singer and artist with a vast repertory, for some reason, not enough people have recognized her as the mainstream star that she truly is.
In her latest single, "Get Close," Lennox sings over the chorus with a melodic yearning, demanding her love get close in proximity, and emotionally.
The song is not long, and in all honesty, the song doesn't need to be—it lasts less than three minutes. The message doesn't have to take longer to reach its intended audience, because it is clear-cut and simple. She wants to be close to her lover. She gently draws his attention to his sporadic distancing, despite her worry, and reminds him of the occasions when it is appropriate to trust her enough to be close. So, she knows how obstinate he can be and when he might want to retreat. With this song, she may easily entice him back into her embrace and their inevitable bond.
"These Four Walls" - Khamari
In the sea of R&B singers, it is no surprise that the artist Khamari finds himself drowning in their artistry. Another artist deserving of recognition, his sultry voice is on full display in his newest single "These Four Walls." A song about loneliness and longing for love to come back to him, Khamari proclaims his love for his lover but is only met with disappointment at her ever-flighty behavior.
This forces him to place a higher value on the walls than he ought to because he perceives them as more trustworthy and consistent than the partner who ignores him, betrays him, and makes unobtainable and unreasonable demands. In the end, he sadly recognizes that the walls are the only things in his life that can provide stability and protection for his love's selfishness and although it is not something he wants, he realizes it's the only thing he has.
"Tummy Hurt" - Reneé Rapp and Coco Jones
I will admit that I am not a huge fan of Reneé Rapp. Although I don't have anything against the musician, I haven't found a song of hers that I find particularly noteworthy or that I care about enough to download. That was before today. I didn't anticipate this remix of "Tummy Hurts," coming out like this, but all of a sudden I was downloading and playing the song nonstop. Coco Jones, a five-time Grammy nominee (I love writing that), is featured on the remix, which has brought the song to life in a manner I never imagined.
Rapp starts the song by singing on how difficult it is to depend on her ex for both emotional and financial assistance while an electric guitar is strumming along. She showed him affection even though he wasn't worthy of it, and in exchange he showed another person his affection. She therefore only wants the best for the couple, but she also has a secret hope that they will learn a valuable lesson via the suffering of their predestined kid, whom Rapp hopes would suffer the same anguish she had. Jones reflects similar sentiments, wondering how the devil maintains all of his wicked traits while maintaining such a lovely appearance. It's entertaining to hear the vocalists belt over each other as they join the chorus and express their fervent desire for the demise of both his new partner and their ex.
"The Glass" - H.E.R. ft. Foo Fighters
Remember that time Imagine Dragons and Kendrick Lamar performed together at the 2014 Grammy Awards, and everyone thought, "What the f***?" and "Why the f***?" However, it ended up being a song worth listening to and one of the night's top performances. Well, that's the exact sentiments I expressed when I saw H.E.R.'s name next to the Foo Fighters. Though, unexpectedly this does not have much of the Foo Fighters on the song. Instead, this is a cover of Foo Fighter's "The Glass."
Reflective of her debut album, this song is very ballad-based and anthem-like, which isn't always a bad thing. But after hearing one ballad-like speech too many, it becomes redundant and leaves a lot to be desired with this chosen single. Her voice is beautiful, but once the song concludes, it doesn't leave much of an impression on the listener.
"Red Flags" - Brittany Howard
The excitement I hold for this upcoming album is simply unfathomable. And with the constant releases of her singles, I find that I am getting more and more excited as the weeks drag on. "Red Flags," Brittany Howard's latest single, is an emotional, expressionist rumination on a failing relationship.
Brittany Howard's "Red Flags" unfolds like an ethereal jazz emotional breakdown, except in her interpretation. The topic of the song is the propensity to see warning signs and to ignore them entirely despite knowing better.
Unlike the songs that Howard usually creates, this song leans less on the electric guitar and more on the funky and at times erratic beats of the drum, and Howard's low raspy voice told as if she is coming to some kind of realization throughout the song. When she finally acknowledges where she is at fault, her low rasp turns into a high-pitched scream of frustration.
"Ninety Three 'Til Infinity And Beyoncé" - André 3000
The music on the new album New Blue Sun, is lovely and a great example of how people may get more introspective as they age. André 3000 opted to use a flute, which has been an inspiration to him for the past few years, to produce an album because he wanted to make a rap record but had nothing to talk about. This album, which lasts for one hour and eight minutes, is a peaceful, serene experience as all of the tracks are at 432 Hz, the healing frequency for calmness and relaxation.
With "Ninety Three 'Til Infinity And Beyoncé," André 3000 crafts a catchy, melodious atmosphere that keeps you enthralled for over four minutes.
Noname: Tiny Desk Concert
Not many artists have returned to the Tiny Desk performances. When they do, however, Tiny Desk demands that they either come in a new version or give something completely different. The 23-minute performance included revolutionary raps from Noname's third album Sundial, as well as the premiere of an unreleased song by hip-hop trio Ghetto Sage, which includes her and longtime collaborators Smino and Saba. The album, Sundial, is a brilliant examination of American culture and marks Noname's first release in five years.
Noname is tired of the anti-critical positive culture we've fostered over the years and is disgusted by the way this movement has produced marketed performances that turn Black art and culture into commodities.
This record is remarkable, enlightening, and self-aware in a manner that Noname has never been before. She is not trying to portray herself as a revolutionary in this, but she is also not going to remain silent about the absurdity she is seeing all around her or for other people. Watch the entire 23 minutes of this performance, and become enraptured in the artist as she finally shows that she deserves to be recognized as a groundbreaking artist of her time.
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Featured image by Ari Lennox/YouTube
Taysha Robinson is a writer and high school English teacher, based in metro-Atlanta. A self described philomath, you can find her reading books and articles of every genre, attending educational conferences, and hiking wherever the terrain will allow.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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