Some of us loved reading the newspaper for the "funnies", others enjoyed buying their favorite magazine for the horoscope section, and the horoscope section alone. I imagine that astrology is easily one of our first introductions to magic in this lifetime. Certainly, the case for me! And I've only become more drawn to it as I've grown older, from checking the compatibility of my latest young loves in high school to trying to understand my inundated singleness in grown-ass womanhood. For as long as I remember astrology has been popular, but with little understanding of anything other than our Sun signs — the most mainstream of signs until recently.
Recently, with the help of apps and the growing visibility of Black and Brown astrologers, more people are coming to learn and better understand the intricacies of our entire chart. At the bare minimum, most people are aware of the Sun, Moon, and Rising signs these days! In the past, all we knew was our sun. Where we might have known to look beyond our Sun sign for compatibility in the past, we're now understanding that there are so many aspects that are telling of the romantic connections we're seeking out. Astro expert Avalldar Astrology says, "For many people, the Sun will not necessarily be the most influential placement when it comes to romantic compatibility, precisely because we have entire charts that we need to look at, in order to see all the dynamics at play between all the planets."
So what exactly do we look to when we're looking at love? Well, you should know that there are so many different types of astrology and different astrologers use different combinations, formulas, and theories (much like any other profession that is rooted in research) to draw their conclusion when it comes to compatibility. When it's all said and done, she reminds us that although she feels it necessary to have a "global" understanding of things, the aspects you look to are dependent on what it is that you prioritize in your relationship.
Personally, Avalldar feels that "Moon and Venus signs are definitely among the most important planets to look at, as they will mostly concern our emotional needs within the relationship, and the type of things we enjoy and are attracted to, respectively." At least, on the surface level.
Zodiac Sign Compatibility, According To An Expert
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"When it comes to romantic compatibility, people focus on Sun sign affinity a lot, probably because the Sun sign is the easiest placement to determine in astrology. All you have to do is know the dates of each zodiac season, and which zodiac sign is associated with your birthday. Those dates are constant, so it's easy to find," Avalldar says. "In astrology, there are more than Sun signs, we have entire charts with multiple planets and houses as well, and the way our charts are set up can make things vary widely and even create surprising dynamics!"
However, the real big three we ought to be looking at when it concerns compatibility, at least outside of the planets themselves, are "element (fire, earth, air, water), modality (cardinal, fixed, mutable), and extensively, aspects (conjunctions, trine, squares, and sextiles extensively) — which are lowkey at the core of elemental and modal dynamics." Once you understand just how in-depth this goes, it might bring greater understanding as to why people may not be compatible and why it is encouraged to do a deeper dive than what can be offered through your favorite publication.
"People with earth Suns would most likely get along best, with people that have their Sun in earth signs as well. On a personal level, the way they define their sense of self (one of the things the Sun encompasses) is influenced by the earth, so there's a common understanding, a common ground, and on top of that, earth signs are trine to each other (signs that share the same element are trine to each other in general). Trines are the most harmonious aspects, they indicate dynamics in which energies flow naturally."
That said, we spoke with another Astro expert Madison Mikay better known as Venuzian Scorpio to get the breakdown of the most compatible Sun signs:
The Most Compatible Zodiac Signs
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1. Leo and Libra
When a Leo and a Libra are together, they are almost always the center of attention! With Leo being ruled by the Sun, they know how to satisfy the Libra's desire to be appreciated and reassured. With Libra being ruled by Venus, they know how to shower Leo with the love and attention that they deserve. Both Leo and Libra know how to bring out each other's true star power and help each other grow into their best selves.
2. Scorpio and Pisces
The watery pair of Scorpio and Pisces just instantly understand each other. Although not many others can match Scorpio's intense and passionate energy, Pisces is almost always up for the task! These two are able to be truly vulnerable with each other and appreciate the depth of their connection. Pisces' intuitive side always knows how to break through Scorpio's barriers and immediately knows how to comfort them. Scorpio challenges Pisces to take a walk on the wild side; Pisces encourages Scorpio to be themselves.
3. Aquarius and Sagittarius
Aquarius and Sagittarius never have a dull moment with each other! Sagittarians are always in pursuit of knowledge and live for adventure. Aquarians love to discover the most unique subjects and are always down for a good two. This pair knows how to mentally stimulate each other. Although they both value their independence, they know how to effectively divide and conquer. They both enjoy learning from each other and helping each other explore new territories.
4. Taurus and Cancer
With Cancer's protective nature and Taurus' romantic tendencies, these two are one of the most loving couples ever! Tauruses help Cancers to ground themselves and provide them with the comfort and stability that they crave. Cancers help Tauruses get comfortable with expressing their emotional sides and make them feel appreciated. This couple is the epitome of the phrase "home is where the heart is." They truly understand how to make the other feel at peace and how to cater to each other's love languages.
5. Virgo and Capricorn
Virgo and Capricorn are the power couple of the zodiac! These two earth signs know how to get things done when they are together and can truly motivate each other. They both want to see each other win and will supply each other with the encouragement that they need. Virgo and Capricorn almost instantly bond over their witty sense of humor and their intellect. Virgo shows Capricorn how to appreciate the small things in life; Capricorn shows Virgo how to see the bigger picture from a new perspective.
6. Aries and Gemini
When Aries and Gemini are together, the conversation almost never stops! These two know how to keep things and will always be the life of the party. The passion between these two signs is almost unmatched! Aries knows how to perfectly capture Gemini's attention and keep the relationship fresh. The Gemini values all of the Aries' complexities and knows exactly how to keep their fire alive. Gemini teaches Aries that life does not have to always be so serious. Even as a couple, these two are genuinely the best of friends!
Astrology Says Our Zodiac Signs Aren't Compatible, Now What?
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In order to understand astrology and its authenticity, you must first understand that your natal chart is a blueprint of sorts. And, oftentimes, blueprints can be tweaked or manipulated to give us the outcome we desire. Your natal chart tells you what you were born with, what could be a potential roadblock/challenge, or what will allow us to thrive. But much like the idea of destiny or prayer to a higher power or the universe, you get out what you put in. They each give you the free game, but you have to figure out how to make that work for you.
I say all of that to say, you aren't intended to live your life in a bubble because you were given zodiac signs that don't immediately mesh. You shouldn't break off your engagement because the natal chart shows challenging dynamics. You might simply have to work at it a little harder, that's all. So how can you make an "incompatible" match work for you?
Avalldar Astrology gives us a few workarounds that allow for greater insights. But before doing so, she reminds us that there are pairings where simple fixes will do "and others, in which adaptation is necessary, and whether adaptation is possible or not, greatly depends on if people are willing to renounce certain things, prioritize other things instead, etc."
Look at your chart as tools for self-understanding instead of compatibility.
First, take a look at your natal chart ("Astrology Charts 101: The Significance Of Knowing Your Full Chart" is a great place to start). Next, focus on planets like Venus and Jupiter, or the Moon. When you do, think of these aspects of your chart as a tool for self-understanding versus compatibility. Avalldar explains, "Knowing ourselves and what we expect from and are willing to give to a relationship are very important points. For instance, the way the Moon is placed in our natal charts will be the indicator of things that are essential to our emotional comfort within the relationship on a personal level.
Also, considering relationships are dynamics in which we give and receive love in various forms, Venus will be the planet that indicates ways in which we prefer to be catered to/provided for, while Jupiter denotes ways in which we feel most comfortable giving/providing to our partner. "From there, when we understand that people value different things, the partners, after exploring their own charts separately, can see if what they value in terms of emotional comfort/needs, things willingly given and expected, are compatible, and ways in which they can best work around them (compromises)."
Go deeper into the relationship by having your synastry and/or composite chart interpreted.
What are synastry charts? According to Avalldar, a synastry chart is a result of putting two individual birth charts together so that they are overlaid together. They allow the couple to receive a detailed account of how each person influences the other. A composite chart is slightly different but slightly similar, as it is still two individual birth charts coming together. However, this time, the natal charts are merged into one single chart as opposed to one chart being overlaid over the other. "That chart is the representation of the dynamic of the couple overall," Avalldar states. "It doesn't show how each person of the couple is influencing each other. Instead, this chart will present the potential the relationship holds in itself."
While you can use either of these charts as tools to learn more about your relationship with your partner(s), Avalldar advises pacing yourself. A synastry chart might be great for a new couple looking to gain an understanding of their newfound relationship. For couples who are more so on the long-term track, the composite chart might be considerably more useful.
For more from these astrology experts, follow them @avalldar and @VenuzianScorpio.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Originally published on March 10, 2021
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
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Unmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
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Okay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
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If off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
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A friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
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It’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
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I once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
19 Must-Have Holiday Gifts For Your Friend In Their Hosting Era
What would the holiday be without the ones who host? As you make your Christmas gifting lists this holiday season, remember the ones who make the holidays feel special.
When it comes to gifting, the best way to extend gratitude to the ones in our lives who open their hearts and homes to us each year is through intentional gifts when you are invited over. And do not worry; whether you're balling or budget-friendly, xoNecole's got you covered with gifts that the hosts in your life will love.
So let's raise a glass (or buy some as a gift, lol) to the ones who make it happen; happy shopping!
Robin Marble Wine Bottle Holder

Anthropologie
This wine holder is a beautiful way to store wine bottles on a kitchen counter, but can also be used as a centerpiece for your tablescape. Handcrafted entirely from marble, this rack can also be chilled in order to keep bottles cold for dinner party guests - a sophisticated touch that brings added charm to this piece
Sweet July Olive Oil + Balsamic Vinegar Set
I don't know about you but I trust anything Ayesha Curry makes. Her best-selling Olive Oil and Balsamic Vinegar are essentials for any host’s pantry. 100% extra virgin olive oil made using Arbequina olives, known for their delicate flavor and unique bright and fruity aroma, with an Oak-aged Balsamic Vinegar from Italy. Enjoy this over cheese, salads, or marinades.
Valleta Gold Cheese Knives

CB2
That cheese on your charcuterie board isn’t going to cut itself. Now my favorite gold knives from CB2 were discontinued, but rest assured these are just as fabulous. The elegant stainless steel knives set elevates the cheese board with wavy brass loop handles for a comfortable grip.
Aspen Martini Glasses

Crate and Barrel
Espresso martini anyone? What I love most about this hosting gift is the intentionality around gifting the host with the necessary tools to curate one of the most trendy drinks. The classic V-shaped martini is finished with a smooth fire-polished rim and pulled stem. And if you’re feeling generous, include a bottle of your favorite vodka.
Temple OUD Candle
So I know you might be wondering, what does Beyoncé know about candles? My answer - everything. I’m a true candle snob, and this Temple OUD candle with rich and complex notes of oud, Australian sandalwood, warm musk, night-blooming jasmine, Haitian vetiver, and violet leaves, truly elevates the room and is a wonderful gift to a host. Take it from me, candles burn all night long when you host gatherings, and this is a gift that tells someone, you appreciate them and want them to feel just as good in their home when they’re hosting, and when they’re spending time at home for self-care.
SIN Handmade Oyster Platter

I’m a fan of Whole Foods $1 Oyster Fridays, and so are my girls who love to host. If you know a host who loves to serve seafood, this ceramic oyster plate has fluting inspired by paper plates and—just like oyster plates of the Victorian era—specially shaped nooks for bivalves.
Dinner Plus Brining Blend
Hits *add to cart* immediately! Just in time for the holidays, the Tastemaker himself Scot Louie has launched his brine blend. A wet brine is the key to a moist and succulent turkey and roasted meats— Brining Blend is your secret weapon. This blend brines up to 20 lbs of meat and is the best way to elevate your holiday turkey for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Hand Blown Champagne Glasses

Amazon
This one's for your bougie friend and in your price range! These elegant crystal champagne glasses are like candelabras in the darkness of the night, allowing you to find your one and only soulmate in the world. Imagine yourself intoxicated by the swirl of champagne, listening to the lilting melody of “ring” and raising your glass in celebration for only $25?!! Run, don't walk to get these from Amazon.
Embroidered Cocktail Napkins
There’s nothing a host loves more while hosting - than elevating their hosting experience. And these embroidered cocktail napkins allow for every gathering to have the timeless elegance of Threads & Honey's Embroidered Cocktail Napkins. Now before making a purchase like this, I’d take it a step further and consider their favorite color, and what fonts they like most before ordering.
Estelle Colored Wine Stemware - Set of 6
My personal favorite is Amber Smoke, but each color is flawless and the quality is well worth the purchase. If you want to give a host something that makes a lasting impression, go with Estelle Colored Glass. Estelle Colored Glass is a Black-owned luxury brand of hand-blown and specialty-made colored glass cake stands and stemware in a mix of jewel tones and soft pastels. Made for the founders' grandmother, Estelle, who she describes as "a jewel of a person that instilled in me an appreciation of the pastime of treasure hunting for beautiful finds -- especially for the kitchen which was the heart of her home."
Uncle Nearest Whiskey
There’s Whiskey, and then there’s Black-owned whiskey. Crafted by 4-time Master Blender of the Year and 5th-generation Green descendant, Victoria Eady Butler, this 84-proof Tennessee whiskey is perfect for sipping neat or mixing into your favorite cocktails.
French Kitchen Marble Wine Cooler

Crate and Barrel
Chill the wine in style. This white marble with grey veining unique to each piece chills wine at the table with classic flair. Not just a practical gift, but one that truly elevates the look of any gathering.
Tabitha Brown Electric Wine Opener

Target
Auntie Tab has got you covered with this fabulous electric wine opener that’s a part of her Tabitha Brown For Target collection! A thoughtful gift for the wine lovers, this makes it easy to start parties large and small in sophisticated style.
Compact Swivel Cheese Board with Knives

What’s better than a charcuterie board? Charcuterie served on a board taking its cue from a wheel of cheese. This unique design starts as a wedge and transforms into a tiered server for your favorite cheeses and appetizers with tucked-away flatware stowed in a small drawer inside the board guaranteed to impress.
VANE Monogram Tea Set
Founded by none other than Lynae Vanee, VANE centers “self” to combat the ever-pressing urge to pour from an empty cup. With VANE’s tranquil, grounding aesthetics in addition to its holistic approach to the user’s sensory experience, it encourages everyone to engage in self-care as an intentional — revolutionary — measure of reclaiming their time.
VANE SS Blend Box
You thought you could enjoy the tea set without the tea itself? Procure a variety of white tea-based Spring-Summer-inspired tea blends with flavors of lime & basil, peppermint & pineapple, rosehip & camellia, orange & persimmon, and more.
DeLonghi Espresso Machine

A little espresso to end the evening for the host and their guests is always a good idea. Imagine being the person to gift this espresso machine and having each evening filled with cups of cappuccino, espresso, and even caffeinated cocktails thanks to your present. This is the perfect machine for anyone who isn’t an expert at coffee but wants authentic barista quality right at home.
Modwix EcoLighter

Williams Sonoma
The EcoLighter from Modwix uses a flameless electric arc to instantly ignite a candle's wick. Unlike traditional lighters filled with butane, this planet-friendly accessory is rechargeable and infinitely reusable, getting up to 300 lights per charge. The chic design has a long neck for easy reach, and it's also windproof and water-resistant so you can use it anytime, anywhere.
KitchenAid Design Series Evergreen Tilt-Head Stand Mixer

Kitchen Aid
The perfect gift for the Nara Smith in your life who loves to make everything from scratch. KitchenAid’s newest evergreen tilt-stand mixer brings the essence of the outdoors within, so you can come alive in the kitchen every single time you use it. Ground yourself in natural elements of deep, forest green and a true, walnut wood bowl.
Featured image courtesy
Originally published on December 5, 2024







