Tracee Ellis Ross On Learning To Stop Seeking Validation & Be Her True Self
I finally understand what people mean when they say they found themselves. I mean, I never *literally* lost myself––myself has been here the whole time. But over the last few years, after facing some painful yet life-changing experiences and learning some potent lessons, I became myself. I shed everything people thought I should be and became who I am, and my life changed.
Living a life without the need for confirmation or validation from other humans is a superpower, one that Tracee Ellis Ross says that she has been learning to master ever since she heard her first "no". In an interview with The Atlantic, the Black-ish actress and multi-talented entrepreneur broke down how she learned to embrace her eccentricities and become her truest self. And, honey, it was a whole word.
Tracee told the publication that early in her career, despite her talent, tenacity, and persistence, she was constantly met with rejection and disappointment. Despite her widespread success on the show Girlfriends, Tracee revealed that she was virtually blackballed on the late-night talk show circuit:
"Even if we reached out, the answer was no. The response was, 'We love Tracee. Call us when she gets something.' Get what? Can you tell me what kind of thing? Is it something I can get at a store? Can you send it in a package?!"
It was at this point that self-doubt took over and Tracee began to compare herself to her peers who had taken the same path and gotten more effective results:
"I was like, OK, so this person does feel like the right person, but his show has a smaller viewership than ours, so I'm not sure I understand. So I was like, Hmm, what's happening here?"
It wasn't long before Tracee changed course and timing finally aligned with her purpose. As the landscape of the entertainment industry shifted, so did Tracee's focus. Throughout this process, Tracee says that her true self not only grew, but thrived––and so did her career.
"I sort of unapologetically became myself. I was like, Look, if twisting myself into weird spaces is not going to get me parts, then I might as well enjoy being me while I work through this process."
In the interview, Tracee also opened about the importance of self-acceptance and the valuable lesson her mother taught her about coming to the table as your best self.
"It's delightful to be acknowledged for your work. It is not validating. If I look for validation from those aspects of a career, I would be ruined. [She'd ask,] 'Did you do your best today? Not 'Did you get a good grade?' but 'Did you do your best? How do you feel about it, Tracee?' [These questions taught invaluable lessons on] how to navigate a life through how it feels to you as opposed to how it looks to everyone else."
To read Tracee's full interview, click here.
Featured image by Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage
