

Kenya Moore Shares How Working On Herself Allowed Love to Enter Her Life at 46
Kenya Moore is getting real. Not The Real Housewives of Atlanta "real," where the lines between scripted scenes and real-life feuds are often blurred and distorted for public consumption, but the kind of real that forces you to really dig deep within yourself, confront your flaws, analyze your decisions and make peace with your mistakes—the real that many are afraid to embrace.
As a staple cast member of one of reality TV's long-standing franchises, we've caught glimpses into the life of the former Miss USA pageant winner as she ducked and dished out her share of shade and arguments, as friendships and relationships were tested, and as meltdowns and breakups played out over the last few seasons in front of millions of viewers.
But the Kenya that we see an hour a week doesn't define the woman that she is or aspires to be.
Courtesy of Kenya Moore
Because when the camera stops rolling, she's most certainly still a woman—one who desires love, motherhood, and fulfillment that television alone cannot provide.
To get what she desired, though, Moore had to look in the mirror.
Her self-confrontation led her to the office of her therapist. It was there that she was able to break down the walls that the ghosts of her pasts and the spotlight of her present had caused her to build up, and it was there that she would repair the parts of herself that could both accept and give love in return. "I had to really take a look at my life and why I made bad choices in the past and try to do more work on myself before I was ready to get back into the world of even meeting someone serious," she says on our brief call. "I had to look at my previous behavior and go back to the mistakes I've made, and do an overhaul and be really honest with myself about my past, and not bring past mistakes into my future."
Her self-reflection led to the realization that some of those choices—many of which have played out on air—didn't always stem from a healthy place. "Sometimes women make choices because we don't want to be alone," she says. "I think that's the biggest mistake that women make is that 'Oh, I don't want to be the girl that they say can't get a man or can't keep a man,' and you kind of succumb to peer pressure or pressure from your family members or co-workers. I think that's the biggest mistake that women make, making choices for themselves based on other people's opinion of them."
"Sometimes women make choices because we don't want to be alone."
Discarding other people's presumptions has been a challenge for Moore as she fought to keep her marriage to businessman Marc Daly, whom she said she met through their mutual friend Chef Roblé a year prior to their exchange of vows, away from naysayers. Her fellow castmates and fans questioned the validity of her relationship due to her keeping tightlipped on her union, not realizing that when you treasure something, you go to whatever lengths necessary to protect it.
"I just didn't want any nonsense to interfere with how someone feels about me," says Moore. "I wanted to have an honest and genuine relationship where I could be 100% me and someone doesn't buy into what a blog says about me or radio host or talk show host— people that just have an opinion on the internet—say about me. I wanted him to know who I was without all of the distraction, so I would never change that for anything, because I think it allowed him to really see my heart and judge me for who I am, the woman that I am now and not the woman that people form opinions about based on a reality TV show."
Still, despite her attempts at shielding her new beau from public scrutiny, Moore shares in an interview with Bravo TV that their first couple of weeks as newlyweds was everything but peaceful. "We were targeted with so much hatred, negativity, and interference at that time, and I was overwhelmed and emotionally drained. The things that people did to try to hurt us were incredible to me. I was breaking down over the things people would say to him about me in hopes of tarnishing his image and love for me…As a wife, I've had to learn that what is between us is between us. We are in this together, and he is my heart. We fight battles as a team, and together we have to deal with what comes our way. We are one. We solve our problems together and privately."
"As a wife, I've had to learn that what is between us is between us."
She confesses that it was Daly's character qualities that attracted her to her husband, which arguably are the same characteristics that helped the couple weather the storm. He was very honest and caring in a way that she hadn't experienced before. He was protective in a way that she needed him to be, and supportive on a level that allowed her to evolve into the best woman he knew she could be.
To get the love, the marriage, and, one day, the family that she deserved, though, required Moore to change in every aspect of her life. No longer was she operating solo, now she had to consider how every action and reaction affected those that she loved.
"My character preservation and also my brand is more important to me now more than ever. It's important how my children see me, too, so I have to navigate how that will work for me and my family moving forward."
A part of her growth also meant accepting that sometimes those that we desire love from the most aren't always capable of giving the love that we deserve. Throughout the show we've watched Moore battle with abandonment from her mother at just three days old, to the extent where she attempted to confront her on camera without success in hopes of building a relationship with her estranged parent. She tells me that her own lack of relationship with her mom only motivates her more to be the best mother that she can be.
"Most people say that I'm very nurturing and I'm warm and I'm kind; I just want to be that same person to my children. I want my children to be better than me and make better choices. I think most people want that for their children, they want them to be better than them."
The Kenya that walked onto The Real Housewives of Atlanta six years ago is most certainly not the same one that walked down the aisle just six months prior. She's a little more humble and a little less naïve about the ways of the world, but also more forgiving, because as she will tell you, she's no more perfect than the next person. "I've worked so much on the areas that I think most of my closest friends would agree that I need to work on, but no one is perfect, so I just strive to continue to be a better person everyday and the best wife I can be. It's a new role for me and I make mistakes, but making choices for my family as a team is important to me."
The reality star recently announced some exciting news in the form of a pregnancy announcement. She and her husband Marc are expecting their first child. The big reveal happened on on The Real Housewives Of Atlanta's season 10 reunion special. "We will definitely be welcoming a boy or girl in late this year," Moore shared. "Oh my God, I said that! I don't want to talk about the details because I'm still very nervous about everything so I want to get past a safe place."
For the 47-year-old who thought that true love was just a fairytale and no longer an option, Moore has proven even to herself that to attract what you want you first have to become what you desire—and that means removing the masks, doing the work, and fearlessly embracing the better you.
For more Kenya Moore, follow her on social @thekenyamoore.
Featured image via Kenya Moore/Instagram
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Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
I didn’t think much could get better about the blissful high that comes with oral. That was until I came across the Kivin Method.
As someone who was never a huge fan of oral sex and could largely take it or leave it, I must admit that I have started to come around in recent years. With my head thrown back, hands gripping sheets and hair, and toes curling from the intense sensations of the work my partner is putting in at my center, I now give myself over to the pleasurable act wholly and unapologetically.
When I came across a way to maximize the pleasure I receive from cunnilingus (already), I had no choice but to tap in. Who knew the key to taking oral sex to new heights was giving it a sideways twist? For those of you who might also be interested in ways to spice up the way you do oral, experience faster and stronger orgasms, or simply want to indulge in something new with your partner, the Kivin Method could definitely be the oral sex technique for you, too.
Keep reading to learn about the method that is sure to have you writhing in ecstasy in no time at all.
What Is The Kivin Method?
For the uninitiated, the Kivin Method is an oral sex technique that focuses on stimulating the clitoris from a different angle. Dubbed “sideways oral” by some, this method involves the action of giving head from a side-to-side movement as opposed to the up-and-down motion that people typically perform when giving head. (If you need a visual, this illustration is helpful.)
The difference in approach as you’re receiving head can be a game-changer in how you receive pleasure. Not only does the giving partner have access to the clitoris, but they can also access more easily the vulva and the labia, which are objectively a bigger focus in this version of cunnilingus. More access means wider coverage, and that, plus the new sensation of oral from a different angle, can heighten the way you experience oral sex that much more.
Where more pleasure flows, intense orgasms are sure to follow.
Getty Images
How To Do The Kivin Method
If you want to know how to do the Kivin Method, it’s actually pretty straightforward. The receiver lays on their back while the giver positions themselves perpendicular to the receiver. Their head will be facing the vulva, but instead of vertical, their face will be horizontal to the vulva.
From there, the giver can get to business, ensuring that they keep their head perpendicular to the receiver’s vulva while working on their craft. Because this technique can be more intense for some receivers, start slowly by stroking the vulva and clitoris sideways with the tongue, and allow sensations and communication from the receiver to be a guide of what you need more or less of with the Kivin Method.
Ultimately, the Kivin Method allows experimentation and unlocking what pressure, rhythm, and tricks work best for the giver and the receiver. Try implementing a finger or two, or adding a sex toy to the mix to intensify the act even further.
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images