When it comes to living a life of purpose, hands down, one of my favorite quotes is by Ralph Waldo Emerson: "The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well." It truly can’t be said enough that being consumed by only what makes you happy could actually have you out here NOT living your best life. Why? Because happiness is fleeting, oftentimes fickle, and sometimes even selfish.
Living out your purpose, though — even when it means doing some things that will sometimes make you uncomfortable, requires great sacrifices and encourages you to grow in ways that you wouldn’t otherwise. That will always and forever be worth it. Why? Because fulfilling your purpose is why you’re here. Literally.
So, as you’re in the process of looking over these past 12 months in preparation for the next 12 that lie ahead, I want to urge you to have a conversation with yourself — yes, about your purpose. Because if you make the time to focus on it, above all else, I believe that it will boost your self-esteem and confidence, help you to concentrate on things that truly matter in the now and for the future, and it will cause you to effectively realign your priorities too.
Are you ready to pull out your journal (or phone so that you can record some voice notes) so that you can do some very necessary purpose-themed soul-searching?
What Is My Purpose?
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Former UN secretary Kofi Annan once said, “To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go, and why you want to get there.” I really like this quote because it’s a reminder that 1) when it comes to the quality of life that we end up having, most of it has to do with the choices that we make, and 2) you can’t choose as well as you should if you don’t factor your purpose into your decisions.
Y’all, for as long as I have breath in my body, I will declare that NOTHING and NO ONE should cause you to compromise your purpose because, by definition, your purpose is “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” So, before you close this year out, be honest: Do you know what your purpose is? If you don’t, this is the season to be super intentional about figuring it out. For starters, you can do that by asking yourself the following questions:
- What are you passionate about?
- What problems do you want to solve?
- What puts you into a state of bliss?
- What causes you to completely lose track of time?
- What do you do rather easily that is a semi-struggle for others?
- What almost seamlessly incorporates your gifts as well as your talents?
- What brings out the best in your entire being: mind, body, and spirit?
- What do you enjoy that isn’t solely or even mostly motivated by money?
- What feels like it spiritually elevates you and results in you helping others?
- What would cause you to leave behind a legacy that you can be proud of?
So many people are out here in the wrong job, with the wrong person, doing the wrong things with their time and it’s all because they prioritize everything in life BUT their purpose — and that is truly tragic. Again, if you don’t know your purpose, now is the time to figure it out (even if that means getting a life coach for a season). However, if you do, write a mission statement for what you want to do within your purpose this coming year.
Which brings me to the next point.
What Have I Done This Year to Elevate My Purpose?
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Another definition of purpose is “an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal” — and indeed, one of my favorite things about living a life in and on purpose is that purpose will never keep you stagnant; it will always motivate and inspire you to come up with new ideas, plans, and missions. And so, as you reflect on the past 12 months, what are (at least) five things that you can say you did to elevate your purpose?
For example, because I am someone who also believes that you should be able to explain/express your purpose in three words or phrases, and since mine are “marriage, sex, and the biblical Sabbath,” the five things that I did to “go to a higher place” (elevate) in those areas is to write another book, get more clients, pick some platforms to support that share a similar agenda, do more podcast interviews (to get the word about my purpose out) and I’m building a site as well.
When you know what your purpose is, you also know that amplifying its voice isn’t about you; it’s about bettering mankind in the way that you were specifically and specially created to do. Jotting down some distinct ways that you took your own purpose to another level will help you acknowledge some areas of growth and provide insight into what you need to do for the next 12-month cycle.
What People, Places, Things and/or Ideas Complement My Purpose?
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When it comes to making wise life choices, “complement” truly is one of my all-time favorite words (check out “If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life”). Y’all, it takes a lot of self-awareness, maturity, and even self-surrender to accept the fact that you can love and like a lot of people and things in this life that you really shouldn’t take along in your journey (at least on an intimate level) if they are not going to complement your purpose. When someone or something complements you, by definition, they literally help to complete you.
No, not in the rom-com kind of way. It’s more like they are puzzle pieces that fit well into your overall life picture; they do this by 1) providing encouragement and/or support; 2) being the “work” friends that Aristotle spoke of (check out “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility,’ ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends”) and/or; 3) holding you accountable to your purpose-related goals and/or; 4) offering connections and/or resources that will aid in fulfilling your purpose and/or; 5) helping you in ways that keep spiritually grounded and emotionally healthy and/or, 6) fueling you to keep going in your purpose.
I can’t tell you how many couples I have worked with who have struggled, A LOT, and a big part of it is because they chose a partner who they deeply care about yet doesn’t even begin to complement their purpose (shoot, sometimes their partner doesn’t even respect it — SMDH). Please hear me when I say that it is a peak form of spiritual disobedience and personal betrayal to delay purpose-fulfillment for anyone or anything.
That said, the folks who have “held you down” in the purpose arena, the places, things, and ideas that have inspired you — thank the people and revisit some of the motivators. Anyone or thing who helps to keep you focused on your purpose deserves some heartfelt gratitude.
What People, Places, Things and/or Ideas Are Hindering Purpose Manifestation?
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Ask anyone who is thriving in their purpose, and they will tell you that it came with quite a bit of sacrifice. Sacrifice is also a word that I like a lot because it literally means to give up something good for something greater — and if you read in between the lines when it comes to that, sometimes you are gonna have to release some people, places, things and/or ideas that might seem good or even feel right because they simply aren’t a good “purpose fit”…whether it’s right now or…ever.
For me, there have been some people in my life who I like a lot; still, I’ve had to shift them out of my space because they want to debate my purpose or have me prove to them what my purpose is. I don’t have time to make you believe that I know what my purpose is; that is a complete and total waste of time. An example of this is a guy friend who I had to let go because he was constantly challenging me on how much I talk about sex due to his own hang-ups on the topic; meanwhile, I’ve got married folks who are consistently telling me that they’ve received great ah-ha moments on intimacy due to my research and writing on the subject matter.
Also, there are some leisure activities that I’ve had to participate in less because they are counterproductive to my purpose. Listen, when you know that your life’s work is to (for instance) help people have a healthy marriage and sex life, you don’t need to be consuming a lot of toxic information or energy — whether it’s on or offline.
So, take a moment to reflect on who and what has been more of a hindrance than some actual help this year as it directly relates to your purpose. Just for the record, to hinder is to obstruct, prevent, burden, delay, interfere, thwart, and even slow down. Oh, and if you are currently dating someone who you know these words apply, please end the relationship. You can’t move forward, in a beneficial way, with someone who is keeping you from fulfilling your purpose instead of empowering you to do so (someone really needed to hear that, too!).
What Are Five Things That I Can Do in the Next Six Months to Benefit/Further My Purpose?
If you’ve never taken a chronotype quiz before (here), make this the day that you do. Long story short, it’s a test that helps you to learn a lot about your sleep patterns as well as the time of day when you are the most productive based on different animals: lions get most done during the morning between 8 a.m.-noon, bears, and dolphins are at their best between 10 a.m.-2 p.m. and wolves shine between noon-9 p.m.
When I discovered that I was a lion, it helped me to accomplish more because, honestly, I tend to be the most productive and focused between like 6 a.m. and 10 a.m., which is probably why I like a quote that I once read so much: “Any man who doesn’t finish half of his day’s duty by 10:00 a.m. has wasted the day.”
It came from an article that said that there are certain things that you can do to get 10 years’ worth of time within 12 months. I agree because once you know what your purpose is, how to refuel and rejuvenate your system by getting the right amount of rest and which time of the day you are most productive — you can do the following things that further your purpose on a whole ‘nother level:
Put together a plan that includes some short and long-term goals for your purpose; create a budget to get those goals accomplished; seek out some resources that will support you in executing your plan; set aside some funds to take a break from all of your “purpose work” (check out “How To Handle 'Purpose Fatigue'”), and get an accountability partner who can check on you every six months to make sure that all of this has been properly executed.
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A new year is literally a few moments away at this point. In the midst of all of the other plans that you may have, please put your goals for your purpose at the very top of your list.
You will never go wrong with focusing on why you were put on this planet…for such a time as this. I promise you that.
Happy (Almost) New Year, y’all!
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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