I’m gonna be honest: It’s topics like the one that we’re about to get into today that really do make grandma’s (actually, these days, with the way our society is going, it’s probably more like great-grandma’s) pearls of wisdom really hit home on a whole ‘nother level. What I mean by that is, have you really ever stopped to think about how less chaotic relationships — and our culture at large, if we’re gonna be really real — would be if more folks actually waited until marriage to have sex? Or shoot, how about just not treating it like some random recreational activity?
As someone who has worked with couples for close to 20 years at this point, I can’t tell you how many folks underestimated just how important — critical even — intimacy is in a marriage, how much it differs from partners that they date, and how their past sexual decisions really do influence their long-term relationship in ways that they never would’ve predicted or imagined. Y’all, no matter what your preferred media medium of choice may tell you,statistics continue to prove that lower body counts really do decrease the chances of divorce; that’s not “shaming,” it’s reality.
That said, what’s an unexpected thing that may complicate your sex life with your partner if you’re not careful? Being consumed with whether you’re the best that he’s ever had or not. Yeah, it’s not the kind of topic that you tend to see all over cyberspace, yet it is something that most — if not all — women have wondered…sometimes to the point of creating unnecessary stress and potential drama in their relationship because they can’t seem to let the query go.
Let’s get free today from it, though.
A Recap on What “Best” Means
GiphyAlthough it’s been five years since I wrote, “Why I'll Never Call Someone A 'Boyfriend' Again,” and even though quite a few things in my life have changed since that time when it comes to that particular resolve, I’m firmer than I’ve ever been. Aside from being, as I oftentimes say, “too old for a ‘boy’ anything” — I don’t see a lot of benefits from acting like you’re married when you’re actually not (which is how most people do boyfriend/girlfriend relationships these days). If I’m gonna get that deeply involved again, I’ll need a ring and his last name, please. Otherwise, I’m good. Better than that, even.
That doesn’t mean that the boyfriends from my past haven’t left me with some real gems, though. For instance, while a part of me wishes that I could take the credit for today’s conversation, it’s actually my last boyfriend who introduced the concept of a sexual favorite being more important than a sexual best. How did the topic come about? It’s simple: my dumb-ass decided to ask him if I was his best or not.
Why do I put it that way? Because, just like those ridiculous hypothetical questions, scenarios, and scruples that I see so many women present to their man online, ones that typically stir up nothing more than hurt feelings or arguments that could have been fully avoided, the same goes for the “best” discourse. I mean, if both of you had other partners, why do you want to put yourself through the stress of knowing who was (potentially) better than you?
Or any of the other words that define best:
Best: of the highest quality, excellence, or standing; most advantageous, suitable, or desirable
Synonyms: outstanding, perfect, first-rate, 10, incomparable, baddest, leading, unequal, matchless, beyond compare
GOODNESS. Now, when you put this in a sexual context, as if the definitions aren’t intimidating enough, a lot of different factors can come into what qualifies someone as being another person’s best — the sexual chemistry may be off the charts. Maybe it was a one-night stand that was a random best. Perhaps some techniques were learned that created a type of pleasure that was one’s best.
Or, as my ex explained to me, when he gently (I mean, as gently as you can when it comes to something like this) told me that no, I wasn’t his “best.” There was a partner from his past who was, let’s go, with the word “customizable” because she didn’t have a lot of sexual history or experience. And so, since he was introducing her to a lot about sex was all about, that also meant that she was meeting his specific needs, and so — that made her his best.
And while, at first, it was a little jarring to hear that, with as much time we had put into the relationship and, honestly, how much sex we had been having up until the point of the conversation, I have to admit that not only did he make perfect sense, it wasn’t like he was my best either. Nah, I had to go on a “get my heart pieces back” tour (you can read more about that here, also check out “Let's Finally 'Spring Clean' ALL Of Our Exes Out Of Our Lives, Shall We?” when you get a chance as well) to get what, I think who I would still consider to be my best, out of my system, chile.
And what made “him” my best? I was over-the-top attracted to him. We both were very much in sync outside of the bedroom. He was curious and adventurous as hell. From the first time until the last one, there was no awkwardness or hesitation — lust was very present and strong. I can’t recall one time when I wasn’t euphorically satisfied. In fact, when we did catch up during my tour, we both talked about how we had to consciously “quit” each other in order to leave each other alone and “sexually detox” so to speak. That kind of sex? Yeah, it qualifies as best — no doubt about it.
Beyond me, though, even as I’m writing about all of this, I’m thinking about husbands who have told me that women other than their wives gave them their best fellatio and wives who have said that men other than their husbands have given them the most orgasms. If as you’re reading this, a part of you is like, how the hell can people trust each other to remain faithful or not feel intimidated if they don’t happen to be their partner’s best? Well, I do have an answer for you. You can thank my ex for it because it’s awesome.
Care less about being someone’s “best.” Care more about being (or becoming) their FAVORITE.
Now Here’s Why “Favorite” Should Be Your Ultimate Goal
GiphyI’ve been a full-time writer for most of my life; even before then, English and creative writing were classes that I fully enjoyed in school, so it’s not like I didn’t know what “favorite” meant before my ex and I talked about it. Still, in the way that he meant it, it was indeed the ultimate light bulb and ah-ha moment for me. Before I explain why, a recap of its definitions and some of its synonyms too:
Favorite: a person or thing regarded with special favor or preference; a person treated with special or undue favor by a king, official, etc.
Synonyms: beloved, cherished, treasured, choice, dear, intimate, sweetheart, adored, best-loved, main
Can you already see where this is going? Some strange woman who a man meets in a bar while he’s on vacation, who he goes up into a hotel room with and has a night of passionate sex with, it all could be something that he describes as “outstanding” and “first-rate.” Yet the woman to who he commits his life and only sleeps with her after marriage, he can see as “beloved” and their sex as “intimate.”
When you really want to build something with someone that is significant and lasting — which sounds better: best or favorite? And that’s what my boyfriend (at the time) was trying to convey.
The mechanics of sex with someone who came before me did make things damn near perfect for him, yet he enjoyed me because I was his choice, his main, and our experiences were cherished and very dear to him — so much so that he had no regrets or desires to exchange his past best for his (then) current favorite.
I mean, take it outside of sex to get a clearer view. One time, while I was on the road touring with an organization that I used to work with, I had some of the BEST beef ribs ever. Chile now? I can’t even tell you the name of the restaurant at this point; I just recall how the ribs made me feel at the time that I had them. My favorite, though? To tell you the truth, before Tony Roma’s went down ina major flood that Nashville had back in 2010, I would probably say it was theirs (the ones who know…know).
Now, though, I’ve mastered how to make some pretty tender and delicious (if I do say so myself) beef ribs at home, and so my homemade batches are what I consider to be my absolute favorite. They are so good that, while I remember some things about my best, I don’t long for them. I like the "favorite" more; they are my preference because that "best" experience…I don’t know if I can ever recreate that. My favorite? I’ve done it so many times and the results have been so consistent that I am beyond content. See my point?
Okay, so what about you hyper-cynical folks who think this is all a crock of bull and if you can’t be your man’s best, you don’t want anything at all? Well, first of all, you might want to get yourself a virgin (and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that) in order to significantly and realistically increase your odds of that being the case. Secondly — caring so much about being someone’s best is usually more about ego than intimacy anyway. Ask any married couple who has more than five wedding anniversaries under the belt, and I’m willing to bet some pretty good money that they will tell you that your bed doesn’t have enough for two people and two egos to fit into it.
Meaning, being someone’s best is a nice pat on the back, I won’t lie — yet if that’s your focus, you really can miss out on all of the beautiful things that can come with just resting in the fact that whether you will ever be someone’s best or not…you can always say, do and simply be things that will make you be/become their one-thousand-and-one-perfect favorite.
___
In fact, should my time to say “I do” ever come, being my husband’s best won’t even really matter to me. For one thing, I already know I ain’t no slouch (I’m kidding yet not — LOL) and so, knowing that he chose me, even above who may have been his best before me, that automatically makes me his favorite because, again, favorite means choice. And if you chose me…when it’s all said and done, that’s all that really matters.
Let “her” be his best in their season, chile.
Who cares?
He and I have a lifetime to remain one another’s favorite.
WE WIN. #wink
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Ananda Lewis Clarifies Why She Didn't Get A Mastectomy & Says She's Doing 'Better' After Stage IV Breast Cancer Diagnosis
Former MTV VJ Ananda Lewis received a lot of backlash from online critics after sharing she decided to forgo a double mastectomy. But there's more to the story.
Ananda was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer in 2019, and during a recent round table discussion with CNN's Stephanie Elam and Sara Sidner, she revealed that she decided not to get a double mastectomy and, now, she has stage IV cancer.
Following that interview, she clarified why she did not get the surgery. “The circumstances were not conducive to surgery because my tumor wasn’t aggressively growing at the time, and then COVID hit,” Ananda told The Epoch Times.
She opted for a cryoablation treatment instead, which uses extreme cold to destroy the cancer cells.
Another thing the 51-year-old wanted to clarify was whether she was dying. She said she is not. “Nothing happened. Today, I am fantastic. I may have felt like I was dying in February, but I’m not dying, and I’m definitely doing better than I was last October,” she said.
She is focused on taking care of herself and getting a "good 20 more years out of this body." She follows a keto diet and avoids alcohol, white flour and white sugar.
During the CNN roundtable discussion, the mother of one shared that she had an integrative approach to her treatment, which included traditional medicine and homeopathy methods such as red light therapy.
“My plan at first was to get out excessive toxins in my body. I felt like my body is intelligent, I know that to be true. Our bodies are brilliantly made,” she said.
“I decided to keep my tumor and try to work it out of my body a different way,” she continued. “Looking back on that, I go, ‘You know what? Maybe I should have.’
Ananda also admitted that she wasn't prioritizing early detection, such as getting mammograms. The former talk show host's mom also had breast cancer and chose to go the conventional route, which influenced her to go a non-traditional route.
As a content creator, Ananda uses her social media to inform others on the things she's learned about obtaining good health such as toxic items to through out of your pantry and the many benefits of water.
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