Something that my late father and I have in common is we dig research and data. Back when he was alive, a lot of our email exchanges consisted of sharing random "Did you know?" info back and forth; the kind of stuff that probably only Jeopardy contestants would even remotely care about. Well, since a lot of my life consists of dealing with romantic relationships, I really enjoy reading scientific research that specifically relates to couples. Stuff that might seem like automatic common sense to some yet there is more than mere opinions to back the resolves up.
Today, let's tackle what keeps some people happier in their relationships than others. If after reading this, you can relate, please share your thoughts in the comments. If you never considered some of these things before, why not apply them ASAP? Love, on its own, is a beautiful thing. Oh, but when you're in love and happy in your relationship most of the time—life really doesn't get much better than that.
1. They Don’t Do a Lot of Texting (to Each Other)
There is literally only one person who has my cell number. Everyone else has my landline. A part of the reason is because I don't like the "I should have immediate access to you" impression that cell phones tend to give other folks. Plus, I write for a living. Texting all day long is one of the last things that I want to do. Meanwhile, it kind of amazes me how many married people prefer to text over talking over the phone. I don't mean simple stuff like, "Can you pick up some juice on the way home?" or "I'll be home at 7" kind of texts. I mean they will discuss serious issues, sometimes even have drag out fights that way.
There is one couple I know, in particular, who does it all of the time. When I encourage them to not only not text but to wait until they are face-to-face before getting all deep, they just blow the recommendation off. Yet—surprise, surprise—they rarely get matters resolved (definitely not in a timely fashion) and it's all because words are choppy and tone is left out when they text. When it comes to truly communicating with each other, what they think is a convenient method, actually…isn't.
That's why it comes as absolutely no surprise to me that research says that something happy couples have in common is they aren't big on the whole texting thing. You can click here to read the particulars, yet the gist is that women are not big on apologies over text and men think that doing a lot of texting is a sign of a relationship being a lower quality one. Just something to ponder if you and yours do more texting than actual talking.
2. They’re BFFs
Any couple who's worked with me before knows that I am a huge fan and advocate of husbands and wives being each other's best friend (check out "Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?"). There are two main reasons why. For one thing, ask any couple who has been together for more than five years and they're probably going to vouch for the fact that being "in like" is what will get you through the tough times when you don't feel quite like you're "in love". Not only that but people who are friends with one another tend to have a greater sense of loyalty and a desire to want to work issues—whatever the issues they may be—out. Plus, I'm pretty word-particular and "best" means of highest quality, standing and degree. How do you pledge to share your entire life with someone and they not fit that bill?
I'm not alone in this line of thinking. There are studies which support that couples who call their partner their best friend are twice as satisfied in their marriage as couples who don't. So, while some of you might have read what I said, rolled your eyes and was like, "Whatever. So-and-so is always gonna be my best friend"—one, so someone actually has a higher standing in your life than your own spouse? And two, science provides solid evidence for you to consider rethinking your stance. For the ultimate sake of your relationship.
3. They Have Sex (at Least) Once a Week
Whenever I have a conversation with church folks about the purpose of sex and the first thing they say is procreation, I'm the first to be like, "Yeah…naw." If you are a Bible follower, you can go to Genesis 2 and peep that Adam and the Woman (her name in the Garden of Eden) were given sexual instructions before leaving the Garden…even though kids didn't come until later (in Genesis 3). My point? Sex is about cultivating oneness and celebrating the love you and your partner have for one another, first and foremost. And why would you want to do that as little as possible (what in the world?!). As far as what science has to say about it, the current conclusion is the happiest couples have sex no less than once a week. And listen, when you stop to think about the fact that there are 168 hours in a week and that it takes roughly 30 minutes for a man and woman to orgasm together, how hard is it to make the time to strengthen your physical and emotional bond for the sake of your relationship's ultimate health and well-being? Real talk.
4. They Are Emotionally Close with One Another
I've shared in articles for this platform before that something I'm not big on using, when I'm talking about long-term relationships, is the word "vulnerable". Again, because I'm word-particular, I know that it means "capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon" and "open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.".
To me, your significant other should be your very safe space, so if coming to them with your thoughts, feelings and fears has you believing that you're capable of being wounded by them or that you'll constantly be open to attack or criticism, you're in a really unhealthy situation. So, what do I think couples should be? Dependent. Dependent is awesome word because it means "relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc." and y'all really—if you can't rely on your partner for aid and support, who can you rely on? Geeze.
Unfortunately, in the science and research world, dependence is used in an extreme sense (like being too needy or clingy). To me, that seems more like codependence or obsession. Anyway, the term they prefer to use is emotional closeness. In an article that I read on the topic, a clinical psychologist defined it as being the act of giving and taking so that you and your partner both feel fulfilled. Whichever term you choose to go with, the bottom line is emotionally relying on your partner while they rely on you is another key to being in a happy relationship. Because of all of the people in the world who you should be able to trust your feelings with, hands down, it should be them.
5. They’ve Got Similar Financial Values
Lawd. This one right here really can't be emphasized enough. When I wrote the article, "Please Be Clear On These 7 Things Before Getting Engaged" earlier this year, one of the points in it was how important it is for long-term couples to discuss their thoughts on money. It's no secret that two of the biggest causes of divorce, to this day, continue to be related to sexual incompatibility and financial drama. That's why it came as absolutely no surprise to me when I read that 1) far too many couples pick their financial opposite and 2) that leads to nothing but trouble once they do start to mesh their lives together. In fact, in an article on Live Science's website entitled, "Tightwads and Spendthrifts Attract, Marry, Fight", it stated that, unfortunately, far too many couples take on the "opposites attract" mentality when it comes to finances, only to get together and stay in constant conflict because their financial values absolutely do not coincide.
None of us can survive without money and relationships are a partnership. If you and yours don't see eye to eye when it comes to spending, saving and financially planning, it's gonna be really hard to stay together, let alone be happy. There is plenty of scientific data to prove it.
6. They THINK More than They FEEL
I can't remember which Black male manosphere podcaster said it (I listen to quite a few of 'em) yet this pearl of wisdom is something that I strive to apply to my life on the regular these days. He said, "The moment you start to substitute 'I think' for 'I feel', your world will be a whole lot better." He's right. As much as folks—and by folks, I specifically mean us ladies as it relates to this topic—like to rely on feelings so much of the time, the reality is that feelings can be pretty fickle. I mean, even the Bible says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9-10—NKJV) And what is the heart? One definitely is the center of our emotions. The Bible warns that the center of our emotions can deceive—mislead, delude, falsely persuade—us. That's why I'm not big on the whole "follow your heart" thing. We've got a brain and common sense for a reason. It's far best to follow that.
Science agrees. There's an anthropologist by the name of Helen Fisher who once said that, when it comes to romantic relationships, our brains are broken up into three systems. There's lust (our libido). There's romantic attraction (romantic love). Then there's attachment (having a deep union with someone else). Well, when couples are not as reliant on lust and instead choose to focus their time, effort and energy on cultivating their attachment to their partner, their level of empathy increases, they are better at controlling their emotions and they are better able to maintain positive thoughts about their partner too. In short, they are happier and more fulfilled.
7. They Celebrate Each Other. As Much As Possible.
Something that's basically Parenting 101 is, when we're trying to get our children to learn something new and they do, we make sure to make a pretty big deal about it. We celebrate them as a form of inspiration and encouragement, right? Unfortunately, this is something that far too many of us lose sight of when it comes to nurturing our adult-level relationships. It's like, rather than becoming our partner's biggest fan, we instead turn into their biggest critic—always judging, picking (to the point of nitpicking) and criticizing. No one wants to be around that kind of individual and so, after a while, even if our partner stays with us, walls develop. And yeah, that ain't good.
One more study that I came across stated that when two people who are in a relationship act like they are just as excited for their partner's triumphs and achievements as their own, they find themselves to be way more satisfied with each other in the long run. I really can't think of a better place to end this article. Praise your partner. Cheer them on. Honor their achievements. Encourage reciprocity in this area. When you know that the one you love most is the most thrilled for your progress, how can you not want to stay in their space? For real, for real.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
You Like Having Sex With Him. Your Vagina Doesn't. What Should You Do?
I already know. Some of y’all read the title of this and was like, “How does that even make sense?” Oh, believe you me, there can be someone who you are definitely attracted to, who you connect with on a billion levels, where the sexual chemistry is totally off the charts — and yet, when it comes to intercourse, your vagina is on some "Do we really have to?"
It can be for a few different reasons. His penis size might take some adjusting to. His sperm/semen may throw your pH balance off. You might end up with a yeast infection or UTI (urinary tract infection) on a semi-consistent basis. Uh-huh, now do you see how you can enjoy coitus and still experience — let’s call them “technical difficulties” as far as your vagina goes at the same time?
If this has been your plight and you’ve been scouring the internet in order to get some much-needed (literal) relief, here are 12 things that may be able to get you, your partner, and your vagina on the same page, as far as experiencing consistently pleasurable copulation is concerned.
1. Bring in Some Lubrication
GiphyLet’s begin with something that can kill two birds with one stone — umm, so to speak. Whether your issue is that your man’s size is a lot to handle or either the friction of the sex or the inability to get as wet as you would like is resulting in you ending up with a UTI, invest in some lubrication. The wetter you are, the better sex will feel, and the less irritated your vagina will be.
The real hack is to get the kind that is as close to the pH level of your vagina (which should be somewhere around 4.5) as possible. Word on the street is that silicone-based ones can help you out in this department. By the way, saliva can also throw your pH balance off, which is why some people use things like dental damns. Just something to keep in mind as far as oral activity goes.
2. Use Condoms
GiphyIf it’s been a minute since you’ve had sex (check out “What Actually Happens To Your Vagina During Seasons Of Abstinence?”) or you’re about to change (or add) sex partners, there are many reasons why you should use a condom — one of them being that bacteria or sperm/semen definitely has the potential to throw your vagina’s pH level off as well which can lead to a yeast infection.
Not to mention the fact that men can get yeast infections and sometimes they are asymptomatic. This means that if you don’t want to be passing one of those bad boys back and forth to each other, a rubber can serve as a barrier for that.
3. Consume More Probiotics. Eat Less Sugar.
GiphySpeaking of bacteria, another thing that you can do to decrease the chances of bad bacteria overtaking the good kind that’s in your va-jay-jay, be intentional about taking a probiotic and consuming foods that are filled with probiotics. Also, try to eat less sugar. Probiotic-enriched foods like yogurt, cottage cheese, cheddar cheese, fish sauce, and fermented veggies will give you more good bacteria. The reason why sugar is an enemy of your vagina is because that is what feeds bad bacteria and yeast.
4. Have Your Partner Give You a Perineal Massage (with a Twist)
GiphyAs a doula, I know quite a bit about perineal massages. Basically, it’s all about having your partner put some oil or lubricant on one or two of their fingers before using them to gently massage your perineum (the skin that is in between your vaginal opening and your anus) in order to decrease your chances of tearing while giving birth. Well, if you want to prepare yourself for sex after going without for a long period of time or before engaging with a larger partner, this type of massage could help you out, too.
The reason why I didn’t just call this good old-fashioned fingering is because if a part of what you want to partake in is anal sex, it can be wise to not just stretch your vagina but that piece of skin as well. Just make sure that if you plan on using a condom, you go with a water or silicone-based lubricant only. Oils will dissolve the potency of latex.
5. Invest in a Vaginal Dilator
GiphyI’m actually kind of surprised that vaginal dilators don’t come up more in sex-related articles. If you’ve never heard of them before, they are tube-like devices that are made out of plastic or medical-grade silicone that can help to stretch out your vagina, make it more flexible, and reduce discomfort during intercourse (especially if yours is related to having some sort of issues with your pelvic floor).
In fact, if you’re in the latter stages of perimenopause or you’re post-menopausal and sex has not been as pleasurable for you because of symptoms that are directly associated with that, a vaginal dilator might be able to offer up some relief.
For the record, you can typically purchase them at local drugstores (and online); however, you might want to run this decision by your doctor first, just so they can discuss any potential challenges/issues that you should know about (since they have your medical history).
6. Take Some Ibuprofen Before Sex
GiphyThis tip right here is a bit of a double-edged sword because whiletaking an over-the-counter pain reliever like ibuprofen an hour or so before having sex can help to reduce pain and inflammation to your vagina (if that has been an issue in the past),some studies say that men who take these same meds can potentially increase their chances of experiencing some level of erectile dysfunction.
That said, since the article today is focusing on our body parts, yes, this is somewhat of an effective hack, especially if you also soak in a warm bath prior to getting some.
7. Urinate Right After Sex
GiphyIf you’ve always wondered if you really should make it a point and practice to pee after having sex, the short answer is yes. Although nothing is going to blow up if you don’t, the reason why it’s a good idea is it can help to flush bacteria out of your urethra which can, in turn, lower your chances of experiencing a UTI.
8. Extend the Foreplay
GiphyI don’t think one woman on this planet is shocked thatmost ladies would prefer more foreplay before sex. As far as how long that should be, some studies state thatsomewhere around 20 minutes is good. That said, all of us are different, and, keeping in line with being wetter making sex better theme, if you need more time with “the appetizer” before the “main course” —tell your partner that. When it comes to less friction, more comfort, and ultimately more satisfying sex, longer foreplay might just be all that you need.
9. Stay on Top
GiphyYou probably already know this; still, I’m adding it in for safe measure. If you want to be able to better control the speed, motion, and depth of your partner when it comes to intercourse, opt for being on top. It will feel more comfortable to you, and I don’t know any man who doesn’t like to get a full view of what his partner has to offer when she’s on top of him. It’s a win for everyone involved.
10. Sign Up for Some Pelvic Floor Therapy
GiphyIf no matter what you do, you seem to experience some level of discomfort during sex, you might want to look into getting some pelvic floor therapy. It is a literal form of physical therapy that can help to strengthen the muscles in your pelvic region. If you’re interested in learning more about this, you can search for pelvic floor therapists who are in your area here.
11. Have Some Diflucan on Tap (Just in Case)
GiphyAlthough a lot of these tips are all about taking preventative measures, what should you do if you already have a yeast infection that’s tied to sex (and you know that for sure)? If you don’t want to go through the (sometimes) drama of scheduling a doctor’s appointment, there are sites now that will prescribe antifungal meds like Diflucan online.
Wisp is one that I definitely know does, along with medication for bacterial vaginosis (BV), UTIs, and genital herpes, too. Just fill out a form, and a doctor will follow up online. If they feel that you are a good candidate, they will send a prescription to a pharmacy in your area (of your choosing), and you can go pick up and pay there — sometimes all within the same day.
12. Get Tested for a Potential Sperm/Semen Allergy
GiphyAlthough actually being allergic to sperm/semen is not hella common (reportedly around 40,000 women in this country are), it is a real thing. So, if after having unprotected sex, you experience incessant burning and/or itching, hives, lip and/or tongue swelling, nausea, or diarrhea, it’s important that you see your physician. Although this kind of allergy is not particularly “dangerous,” it can be super uncomfortable.
Plus, it can make it harder for you to conceive a child (if that is something that you and your partner are trying to do). As far as treatment goes, to a certain extent, it varies. However, a prescription-strength antihistamine may be what your healthcare provider recommends for you.
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Gee, I certainly hope that these tips help. Because while having sex with someone who you dig is wonderful, it is so much better when your vagina “gets along” with him too. Feel me? Exactly.
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