![Quantcast](http://pixel.quantserve.com/pixel/p-GS-HF4BKvzCmv.gif)
![Quarantine & Chill: What To Know About Sex & Dating During A Pandemic](https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzE0NTM5My9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTczNjE4MTgzM30.rMKtPclAxW2AJXdmBZnKPtU4dSdk8GiYq81726iIOMU/img.jpg?width=1200&height=600&quality=90&coordinates=0%2C170%2C0%2C496)
Quarantine & Chill: What To Know About Sex & Dating During A Pandemic
Living in a time of an unprecedented health crisis has drastically reshaped the way we go about our daily lives. With shelter-in-place restrictions and nightly curfews in place, the pandemic has significantly challenged the way we used to interact with each other – including romantically. Now that social distancing and self-isolation practices are our new normal, you may wonder, 'Can I hook up with a quarantine bae?' or 'Is sex off-limits – especially with someone I'm not living with?'
Whether you're looking for "Mr. Right" or "Mr. Right Now", COVID-19 has made connecting in person nearly impossible. The 'Rona has forced many of us to stay indoors for an unforeseeable amount of time and while you may be tempted to indulge in some quarantine-peen, you may want to think again.
While coronaviruses aren't strictly transmitted through sex, the virus can spread through direct contact with saliva or mucus – which can include kissing, licking, breathing on each other and a whole host of other freaky acts.
Couples who live together have the least amount of risk, especially since they already share a living space – but what happens if you don't have an in-house partner to ride out the quarantine with (literally and figuratively speaking)? Or what happens if you're just looking for someone to connect with during these difficult and unpredictable times?
While it may seem that your love life is on lockdown, it doesn't have to be. Chanta Blue, sex and relationship therapist and co-founder of the Blue Counseling & Wellness Center, offers pro tips on how to navigate the new dating scene while abiding by the social distancing measures.
"Like many things in our society right now, COVID-19 has changed the landscape of dating, sex, and relationships in general," Blue said. "There is also this belief that if you are in the home with your partner, you should be having a lot more sex since you have more time. This can be the case for some folks, but for others the state of social distancing is very stressful, and sex is the last thing that they want to think about."
"On the other hand, there are a lot of folks who are single and are trying to find ways to help reduce feelings of loneliness and get their emotional and sexual needs met," she explained. "Prior to COVID-19, singles were meeting at bars and clubs, hooking up with folks they met on dating apps or simply going on dates. Now that all social events and establishments are closed, and the threat of contracting a [potentially] fatal virus is real, singles are limited to virtual platforms for romantic and sexual connections."
Social distancing doesn’t mean social isolation.
Shutterstock
Reports show that dating apps have hit an all-time high thanks to the quarantine – new matches are even taking their first dates digital! "Singles are finding that they have a lot more time to engage in online dating now that they can't go out to bars or restaurants," Blue said.
"When virtual dating, just like when dating in-person, it's still important to understand what you're looking for in a potential partner. Are you looking for fun and hookups, or are you looking for commitment and long-term connections? I encourage folks to look at their relationship needs on six different levels: intellectual, social, emotional, spiritual, physical and sexual. Then, start looking for your ideal partner."
Once you establish interest and rapport with a match, Blue suggests planning virtual dates to help get to know each other better. "If you have the space and privacy, set up a scene," she explained. "You can have picnics, watch movies together or go for long walks while video chatting."
Flood your brain with happy hormones.
Shutterstock
In times of great anxiety and stress, you may have the desire to want to connect with someone on an emotional and physical level. "It's totally natural for people to crave physical and emotional connection with others during this time," Blue said. "We are social beings and need each other to survive."
"It's encouraged that people do not get physical with anyone who they're not quarantining or self-isolating with," she added. "With that being said, if you do find someone to weather the storm with, just try to take proper precautions to keep yourself and everyone in your home safe."
Blue explained how physical activities such as sex, hugging, kissing, and cuddling produces a hormone called oxytocin. This hormone is known as the "love hormone" or the "cuddle hormone" and helps us bond with the people we care about.
"Unfortunately, it's really difficult to replace the feelings that we get from connecting with people in-person but there are a few things folks can try to increase their levels of oxytocin," she said. Blue recommended the following tips for heightened levels of this happy hormone:
- Self-massages (if physically able)
- Warming yourself with a weighted or heated blanket
- Laughing
- Listening and/or dancing to music
Looking for lovin’? Cyber sex is the way to go.
Shutterstock
"There are so many great ways to satisfy sexual feelings with a partner during this time, even if you are not in the same home. Think of it as a long-distance relationship and get creative," Blue suggested.
According to the clinical sexologist, sexting is a great way to start off if you're nervous or just want to build some anticipation. Sexting can range anywhere from sharing your sexual fantasies to sending flirty thirst traps or full-on nudes!
"Scheduling phone or video chat sex sessions with each other is also a great way to sexually connect. With these methods, you get to express your wants and desires with your partner and get a sexual release at the same time. As you're sharing what positions you want to put them in or how wet you're getting, you can be mutually masturbating," Blue suggested. "Mutual masturbation, which is masturbating in front of or next to your partner while they are also masturbating, can be super arousing."
If you are feeling adventurous, Blue suggests investing in a remote or app-controlled vibrator to further enhance the experience (from a distance, of course). Watching porn together during these sessions can also be a great stimulator.
"One thing to remember though -- you want to first make sure that all parties consent to sending and receiving sexual content," Blue advises. "Also, it's important to talk about boundaries and expectations whenever you're trying something new. If you are concerned about your images or video sessions being leaked, I always say 'no face, no case'. Try keeping your face out of explicit pictures, video shots or during video sex sessions."
Prioritize self-pleasure.
Shutterstock
While there's so much we have yet to learn about the virus, the New York City Department of Health offers a key piece of advice: The safest person to have sex with is yourself. Additionally, with all the extra time we have on our hands, now's the perfect moment to put them to use.
"Masturbation is the best way to learn your body and establish the basics of your sexual likes and dislikes. Exploring your own body through masturbation can bring so much pleasure and has many other health benefits," said Blue. "Masturbation has been found to reduce headaches and menstrual cramps, release tension and stress, improve sleep and boost your self-esteem! Also, having an orgasm is another way to release oxytocin."
"There are many different ways to masturbate that can keep you from getting bored. You can change up your position -- if you always masturbate on your back, try standing up against a wall or turning over on your stomach," Blue suggested. "You can also try adding a toy such as a vibrator or a butt plug. I know Amazon is cracking down on 'non-essential' items but this might be a great time to support small businesses by finding an online sex toy boutique or reaching out to a sex toy consultant."
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- Science Based Facts About Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How To Have Safe Sex During Coronavirus - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How To Look Good On Your First Virtual Date Night - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Introducing The Single Girl's Guide To Digital Dating - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
- Health, sex and coronavirus: How does sexual intimacy change ... ›
- Love In The Time Of Coronavirus: How The Budding Pandemic ›
- Of 'Covidivorces' and 'Coronababies': Life During a Lockdown - The ... ›
- Coronavirus and sex: Should Covid-19 change how we think about ... ›
- Coronavirus outbreak: Dating and sex in the time of a pandemic ... ›
- How to date, have sex, and fall in love during coronavirus pandemic ... ›
- An expert guide to love and sex during a pandemic | Popular Science ›
- Listener Questions About Dating During A Time Of Social Distancing ... ›
- How New Yorkers are mating and dating during coronavirus ›
- Sex, Dating, and Social Distancing with COVID-19 ›
These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by FotosbyFola
This Is How To Make Essential Oils Your Ultimate Nail Health Hack
Something that I will forever back until the end of time is essential oils. One reason is that they are all-natural (essential oils are basicallyplant extracts). Another reason is that the (proven) holistic health benefits that come with using them (consistently) aredamn near endless. And lawd, don’t even get me started on how wonderful many of them smell — and how they tend to last longer than a lot of the perfumes and colognes that are out there. Definitely, for as long as essential oils are in existence, I’ll be singing their praises.
Today, the lane that I’m gonna be in is how you can apply certain essential oils to your nail care regimen. Since it should be the goal of all of us to be intentional about doing what we can to havestrong and healthy nails, I’m going to share with you 10 oils that are proven to help you reach that very goal (just make sure that youmix them with a carrier oil like apricot, grapeseed or jojoba first; essential oils are way more potent than they are oftentimes given credit for).
The Best Essential Oils for Nail Health
Getty Images
1. Tea Tree Oil
Believe it or not,nail fungus is pretty common.Some studies say that 1 in 10 people will experience it; that number jumps to 1 in 2 for individuals over 70. When it comes to this, signs to look out for are nails that look white, yellow, or brown, nails that seem to rise up from your nail bed, nails that are cloudy-looking in areas, and/or nails that easily break or split in more than one spot. Depending on how serious the fungal growth is, your doctor may prescribe an oral medication, a prescription-strength topical one, or even try a laser treatment of some sort.
However, if what you’re going through is minor, you might only needsome tea tree oil to get everything under control. Since it’s the type of essential oil that contains potent antifungal and antiseptic properties, applying it to nail fungus can significantly reduce fungal growth in a relatively short period of time without over-drying your nails in the process.
2. Myrrh Oil
Since myrrh oil contains so many powerful antioxidants and is able tokill harmful bacteria quickly, that already makes it a great essential oil for nail care. Also, since it contains properties that help to keep your skin healthy, it’s also a wonderful cuticle oil (especially if you mix it with a carrier oil like sweet almond oil, plum oil, or sesame oil). Another thing to keep in mind is if you’ve recently injured your nail(s) in some way, myrrh oil contains properties that help to reduce swelling at a pretty accelerated pace.
3. Juniper Berry Oil
An essential oil that has a good reputation for both healing as well as protecting your skin is juniper berry oil. In fact, if you’ve got a bit of foot odor going on or you’ve noticed some nail fungus creeping up, if you apply the oil to your feet (or nails) while you’re in the shower, it can help to eliminate the smells and speed up the healing process.
Another bonus about this particular oil is it has astringent properties that can help to keep your nails nice and clean.
Getty Images
4. Lavender Oil
Another oil that’s ideal forfighting nail fungus is lavender oil. In fact, in Healthline’s article, “Can You Use Essential Oil for Toenail Fungus?” lavender is on the list. That’s not all. If you happen to havenail eczema,the properties of lavender oil have the ability to soothe and heal the symptoms that come along with it, including nail softness and shedding. It’s also a good idea to keep in mind that if you want to addmoisture to your nails or cuticles, lavender oil is one that can hydrate your nails without a ton of residue.
5. Clove Oil
Since clove oil is considered to be an antimicrobial oil, it’s another one that is able to kill bacteria. Something else that’s cool about this oil is it can bring quick relief to pain and discomfort if you’ve broken a nail or you’ve got a hangnail that’s getting on your last nerve.Two other big wins about clove oil are it can help to even out any skin discoloration that you may have around your cuticles and it can help to keep your nails and hands looking youthful too (because, yes,nails do age).
6. Sage Oil
Sage oil also has some pretty impressive antibacterial properties in it. It also has the ability to condition your skin as well as your nails. This means that if you happen to struggle with brittle nails or nails that seem to peel, applying this oil to it can help to naturally reverse those issues. Also, if your nails seem to look a bit on the dull side, sage nails can give them a natural sheen if polish isn’t (really) your thing.
Getty Images
7. Geranium Oil
An essential oil that’s great at fighting off all types of infections isgeranium oil. What I especially like about it,as far as nail care is concerned, is that it’s got a solid reputation for moisturizing your nails so that they’re able to grow stronger and longer. Since it’s an oil thatcontains anti-aging properties, geranium oil can help to keep your hands (and feet) younger-looking for a longer period of time as well.
8. Lemon Oil
Hangnails are the absolute worst. Typically, those annoying things come as the result of having dry cuticles or constantly picking (or biting) the skin around your nails. If you make a cuticle oil out oflemon oil, not only can that help to nourish your cuticles and nails, but it can also repair any tissue damage that you may have as well as deeply cleanse your nails too. This, as a direct result, can help your nails to become stronger over time (plus, it doesn’t exactly taste the best, so it can help to keep your mouth off of your nails…which is a good thing).
9. Eucalyptus Oil
One of the most potent ways to treat a nail fungal infection is toapply some eucalyptus oil to it. In fact, one of the best things about taking this particular all-natural approach to a nail infection is it can kill the fungi without totally drying out your nails in the process. Also, if you’re looking for an oil that will protect your all-natural nails frompotential environmental damage, eucalyptus oil totally has your back as far as that is concerned.
10. Vanilla Oil
Now,I’m definitely preaching to the choir when I say that you should take a break from nail polish every once in a while. Just like your skin needs a mini-vacation from cosmetics and your hair needs one from the product (build-up), your nails need time to breathe on occasion, too; otherwise, the chemicals in the polish can lead to breakage, peeling, and weak nails overall. And while you’re on the break, try applying some vanilla oil to your nails and your nail beds.The antioxidants in the oil can help to speed up the healing process of your nails as well as reduce inflammation (if you’ve got any of that going on). It can also help to nourish your nails as they prepare for another few months of nail color.
___
I’m telling you, although there are all kinds of nail products on the market, if you get your hands on a few staple essential oils, you can feel confident that you’re giving your nails some chemical-free, holistically beneficial oils that will get your nails right in so many ways. I’m looking at my nails as I’m typing all of this out, and I can certainly attest to it. Try it — ain’t no way that you (and your nails) won’t like it!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by ozgurdonmaz/Getty Images