

I know, I know. Traditionally, the bride's parents is responsible for paying for the wedding. My family just isn't set up that way. When we decided that we were going to have a wedding, we talked openly and agreed going in that we would be covering all of the expenses, and needed to remember that with each decision.
On top of that, we were new homeowners and also had a traditional Nigerian wedding that pulled from our bank accounts. When we first met with our planner, we gave her a number that we thought would be enough to get what we wanted. She quickly reassured us that with the amount we suggested, we could have a wedding, but it wouldn't be the wedding we wanted.
Talk about a reality check.
We set a number that we were comfortable with spending and tried our hardest to aim for it. But as expected, we exceeded it several months before our big day. Leading up to the wedding, we explored options that felt most like us and didn't conform just because that's what weddings "do" or "have". We also didn't "save" for our wedding prior to deciding to have one, but we quickly created a plan once we decided we were having one. We put money up specifically for those wedding expenses that we knew would come up.
Nate and I both agreed very adamantly that we would not go broke behind a wedding and if we were going to be broke after the wedding, we didn't need to have one.
Weddings are expensive. I don't care how big or small, simple or elaborate you try to make it. Even the small and simple affairs will likely require checks cut in amounts larger than us non-celebrities have ever spent on anything our entire lives. Bigger than any down payment you've ever put on a car. Checks larger than we had to pay to secure the lot for our home. Adding the word "wedding" to anything exponentially drives the price up. Wedding photography, wedding cake, wedding venue, the list goes on. The further along you get in planning, the more expenses start to appear. My biggest fear with having a wedding was that I'd wake up the next day feeling like we had wasted our money. Luckily, we woke up happy as could be reliving how nicely each and every detail came together.
If you are paying for a wedding completely or mostly on your own, plan for it, budget, and pay cash for it all.
When we started planning the wedding, we both set a goal to wake up Sunday morning after the wedding with all of our bills paid and to be completely wedding debt-free. We are happy to say, we stuck to it, held each other accountable, and paid each bill in advance with the money that we had in our joint account. If you and your future spouse are planning a wedding that you all will pay for, here are some ways to take care of it.
1.Decide at the Beginning
Have a serious conversation with your fiance at the beginning of planning and map out what both of you consider as must-haves, nice-to-haves, and can-do-withouts. Must-haves will be different for you both, but need to be agreed upon, such as a great photographer or a plated dinner. These items are worth the money because they're important to you, and will make or break your big day. Nice-to-haves may be an open bar, or uplighting, which may be must-haves for some brides. As time goes on and you see how quickly things add up, you will likely get more flexible on what you "must have".
Can-do-withouts are forgettable items that your guest may not even notice. These include wedding programs or party favors. Formulate a budget based on averages that you receive from your wedding planner, or the vendors you'll be using, and add at least $5,000 to that for last minute expenses that pop up. Because they WILL pop up.
2.Seek Help
Even if you and your fiance are going to be the primary financiers of your wedding, that doesn't mean you won't get help here and there. My second mom was so gracious to volunteer to pay for our wedding cake, and my mom bought my veil. They may not have been the bulk of our expenses, but believe me, a little bit goes a long way to chip away at that total dollar amount. Schedule dinner with your parents, aunts, or whoever you think may be in a position to help and suggest opting out of a wedding gift if they're willing to help with an item the day of.
Explain to them that photos you get to show your grandchildren mean much more to you than a can opener or toaster and you'd be so grateful if they could help. If they agree, when it comes time for payment, let them handle the payment directly with the vendor. This way they're not handing you cash, or having you act as a middle man. For those who do help, be sure and send them sincere thank you cards first. If you want to take it a step further, thank them in your wedding program or your dinner speech.
3.Put Money Up
The deposits are the easy part. The final payments hurt a little different! We opened a joint account so that we could each dump a certain amount of money in there every check, and we used that account to pay for wedding items. If your wedding budget is significant, you'll need to put up much more than $50 every two weeks. Learning how to work, save and budget together to achieve a shared (expensive) goal is great training for marriage! It may cause a few disagreements, but it's better to iron out those details now than after you say "I do".
So, starting with your end target dollar amount (the money you'll need to pay every vendor, plus tip), work backward and see how much you'll have to save monthly between now and your wedding to get there. Then, either divide those monthly savings goals in half or make it proportional to your incomes in order to establish what each of you should be putting away each month.
4.Make Extra Money
So much of the money that I used to pay for our wedding wasn't even money made from my 9-5. It was money that I'd already had sitting thanks to my blog, brand and side hustle. Nate has a corporate job, his own company, and works one day a month at Saks. Best believe he started extending discounts to make a couple extra hundred bucks to go towards the wedding. Weddings are SO stressful, even if money is not a worry. The details alone will break you out in hives. I was SO glad that worrying about finances was not keeping me up at night. It was more so thinking about if the lighting color I chose was going to transform the room to give off the vibe I was hoping for than anything else.
If there is anything you can pick up to make some extra money leading up to the wedding, I encourage you to do it. Whether it be selling the clothes you never wear to a consignment store, to tutoring school kids if you're brainy like that, to simply digging around for freelance gigs in your field, you can, and should, think beyond your paycheck if you need more cash to dump into your wedding account. Worst case scenario? You have a ton of leftover money to buy whatever you want off of your wedding registry once it's all over.
5.Sacrifice
If finding the money you need for a wedding still seems impossible after running all the numbers, it's time to start crossing things out. Go back to your must-haves/nice-to-haves and make some adjustments. Can you only comfortably afford to feed 200 people? If not, shave down your guest count. Do you need to downgrade your bar package from open bar, to beer and wine? Maybe you decide to give up Starbucks and manicures until after the wedding. You'll be amazed by how much money you can save with small changes. Making your bridesmaids bouquets 50% smaller, or re-purposing your centerpieces and tablescapes from the ceremony to the reception to cut down on your floral costs are all options. The more you trim off the top of each expenditure, the more you'll add to your total savings in the long run.
Another way to ensure you're stretching your money as far as it can go is by negotiating with your vendors. More often than not, the original quote you get from a vendor is just a starting point, and you may be able to wiggle their price down. It can feel uncomfortable to negotiate costs at first, since none of us are used to talking that intimately about money with strangers, and I certainly don't ever want you to disrespect a vendors talent by being unrealistic with your pricing, but remember that this is a part of the job for wedding vendors, and you shouldn't feel intimidated. Just remember to stay respectful and kind as you negotiate, and do plenty of research. The more you know and the nicer you are, the more leverage you'll have during negotiations.
6.Be Realistic
And stay that way. If you need to save $50,000 to have the wedding that you want, don't pick a date that's six months away if you'll need twice as long to save that amount of money. When dress shopping, don't even waste your time trying on dresses that are more than what you want to spend. There will absolutely be things that you will want, that you'll have to pass on. I promise you, when it's over, it will NOT matter that you didn't have a decal on your dance floor, or that you didn't leave your wedding in a Rolls Royce. (We Uber'd, by the way.) When your wedding day comes, you'll be so glad that you planned your dream wedding within the budget that you set, rather than within a budget you thought you'd have.
Waking up debt-free your first morning as husband and wife is literally my idea of "happily ever after".
As much money as weddings cost, they're completely doable. Especially now that it's done! If you have any other questions regarding paying for your own wedding, leave them below and I'll be sure and get them answered for you guys!
Originally published on The B Werd
Featured image by Farren Manuel via Courtney's Instagram
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On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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Meet Kiara Walker: The Bold New Voice Giving Men A Safe Space To Be Real On ‘xoMAN’
Kiara Walker was born to entertain. Her childhood experiences helped shape her destiny as a media personality, and now she’s taking her talents to xoNecole.
A Dallas, Texas native and Atlanta transplant, Walker will host the newest Will Packer Media and xoNecole production, xoMAN podcast. This fresh podcast series provides a platform for authentic and transformative conversations that bridge the gap between the introspection men crave and their real-life experiences.
xoMAN started as an Instagram Live series and is now a full-cast production, with Walker as the host. Initially, she was skeptical about joining as the new host of xoMan. Not because she doesn’t have the chops to thrive in the role, but because coming in on something that wasn’t her original idea initially seemed daunting for the media personality.
However, since she loves a challenge, the CockTales: Dirty Discussionspodcast host embraced the task with an open heart and mind.
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“I was like, this is a cool concept, so I’m so glad that they decided to turn it into a podcast,” Walker tells xoNecole. “It’s been interesting to take somebody else’s idea and try to turn it into a thing, put it together, and bring it to fruition. I am anxious, nervous, and all things, but above all, I’m excited.”
When xoNecole's managing editor Sheriden Garrett approached Walker to take on the position, it felt like fate. She had previously attempted to get Garrett on her CockTales platform about six or seven years ago due to her expertise in the love and relationship space.
“I was like, wait, y’all listen to the show? And you want me to host a show where I’m only talking to men? And I’m listening to them and not giving them a hard time? I say that because sometimes I feel like, on my show, I may come off like I don’t even like men," she says.
"I love men, but it can be frustrating sometimes on that platform, social media, and other places when they continue to regurgitate the same rhetoric about what I like to call Twitter topics, like constantly talking about who’s paying as a man, as a woman. You should do this. You should do that…It’s been cool hearing the stories with the men we’ve spoken to so far at xoMAN, hearing these stories, and hearing them let their guards down.”
A Howard graduate, Walker almost didn’t enter the world of media after listening to advice from elders who said she would make a great lawyer because she loves to debate topics and sometimes argue (haha).
"It’s been cool hearing the stories with the men we’ve spoken to so far at xoMAN, hearing these stories, and hearing them let their guards down.”
After traveling to the nation’s capital to study political science, Walker soon discovered that her only motivation for becoming an attorney was the potential income and witnessing how boss women like Erika Alexander’s Maxine Shaw character on Living Single would look in their suits as career women.
“I realized that this was for real,” she says, studying law at Howard. “This is a lot of work, and when you think about what you do, I was like, this is not a performance, and I just wanted to talk. I wasn’t trying to defend anyone.”
A visit to a fair showcasing the different organizations on Howard’s campus, combined with her affinity for celebrity gossip and entertainment news, ultimately led Walker to explore a radio career. Soon, she auditioned for a show and landed the gig. By the spring semester, she was on the radio, ultimately leading her to switch her major to journalism with a concentration in broadcast news.
Soon after earning her degree in the field, Walker decided she didn’t want to do anything related to hard news. Instead, she became involved in lifestyle content. She used her friends' love of hearing her stories to motivate her to get into podcasting.
The rest is, as they say, history.
“Before podcasts became what they are, I was in a living room with a microphone before ultimately moving to a studio and refining the show. I loved it and knew people were listening because I monitored the analytics and everything," she explains.
"When we decided to do a live show, the show sold out in two weeks, and I was so nervous. I was like, 'Are we ready? Are we gonna be able to sell out this venue?' We didn’t have any sponsorship. We were still independent and had to front the money for everything.”
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“When they sold out in two weeks, not only did I price my tickets too low, but I thought, wow, we’ve got something. I was like, people spent money to hear me and my co-host talking about our shitty love lives. This is wild, all from an idea in my head. It made me feel like I was on the right path and encouraged me to stop doubting myself. I have imposter syndrome," she reveals.
"Even to this day, I’m constantly biased. But it’s like, if not me, then who? And, like, why not me? If people can do it with way less and way more. I’ve been trying to encourage myself and other people to eliminate the doubt that we have in ourselves so we can do whatever it is we want to do. I love it. No matter how many sleepless nights I have, I will continue to have bags under my eyes until the end of time because I’m enjoying it.”
"I have imposter syndrome. Even to this day, I’m constantly biased. But it’s like, if not me, then who? And, like, why not me? If people can do it with way less and way more. I’ve been trying to encourage myself and other people to eliminate the doubt that we have in ourselves so we can do whatever it is we want to do."
In between garnering a strong social media presence for her work as a podcast host, lifestyle influencer, and beyond, Walker has managed to use her many gifts and talents, like cooking, and most importantly, giving a strong opinion about the things she does (or doesn’t) believe in to carve out a lane of her own.
As she embarks on this chapter as the host of xoMAN, where she has already spoken with actors Devale Ellis and Skyh Black and Dear Future Wifey podcast host Laterras R. Whitfield, Walker hopes that it encourages people, especially women, to look at their male counterparts from a different perspective.
“I hope that anyone listening can listen to the first few episodes, hear how different each man is, and learn to let down whatever preconceived notions you have about me or a specific man, whoever it is in your life," she says. "Just listen, talk to them, ask them how they feel, and listen with an open mind, without thinking that you already know what the answer is.”
“I just hope that people learn to, again, not put people in boxes and make the other person, whoever it is, men specifically for this show, but sit down and talk with an open mind and listen to understand, not to respond. Help someone feel safe.”
xoMAN officially launches on Tuesday, June. 17.
Feature image courtesy