Yeeeeeah. I'm not sure what any of us were actually expecting 2020 to be like as the clock struck midnight on January 1, but I'm fairly confident when I say that this was certainly not it. I don't need to tell you what, barely six months into this year, has been like. Not only can you read articles like "Covid-19 Is Killing Black People Unequally—Don't Be Surprised", "Few Minority-Owned Businesses Got Relief Loans They Asked For" and "The Coronavirus Was an Emergency Until Trump Found Out Who Was Dying" if you wanna get a semi-brief media recap (SMDH), but most of us personally know someone who has passed away from the pandemic, lost their job and/or is battling some level of depression (if that "someone" isn't us). Not to mention all of the regular day-to-day stuff that can straight stress a sistah out, even without COVID-19 being all up in our space.
It's been rough. I'm not going to patronize you by trying to act otherwise. But if you've ever heard the quote, "Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place" before, you'll get why I believed it was so important to pen this piece. It's definitely not written with the intention of making light of any of the challenges or struggles you and yours may be facing. It's simply something to offer up a perspective that will hopefully remind you of how resilient you actually are and how, even bad times, can refine you in ways that ultimately make sticking things out and going through the rough patches worth it in the end.
Are you ready to see some of the silver linings of this pandemic quarantine? Believe it or not, there are some truly priceless ones.
1. You Can See Who Your True Friends Are
Years ago, a filmmaker by the name of Molly Secours once said to me, "I'm in a season of being still and seeing who and what comes to me." That resolve has always stayed with me because, as a recovered codependent, I used to be notorious for doing the very opposite of that when it came to relationships, both romantic and platonic.
I'm telling you, sometimes you can be so busy in your dynamics with people that you don't even realize how much of the load you are carrying until…you…stop. And something that this pandemic has done has forced a lot of us to do just that. In many ways, it has forced us to get still, be quiet and pay attention to who is truly as invested in our lives as we are in theirs.
For me, it's really been something to see who has checked in, who has offered help, who has been "intentionally consistent" about making sure that I'm good. It's also been fascinating to see who hasn't done those things. The processing of both has provided me with some real—and what I believe to be lasting—clarity about who my peeps really and truly are; especially in this season. And believe you me, when you know who is fully in your corner, that brings forth a peace of mind and clarity that is nothing short of incomparable. Life-affirming, even.
2. You Can Push “Reset” on Areas of Your Life (That Aren’t Working)
The one and only time when I got fired from a job, while financially it sucked to have it happen, in hindsight, it was one of the best things ever. For one thing, I hated being there. For another, the gig had absolutely nothing to do with my purpose, passion or calling. I know some people who have lost their job in this season. Ugh. But what has been truly remarkable is to see how it has pushed them to cultivate a dream, write a screenplay or hop on a Masterclass or Skillshare's website so that they can learn a skill that they can…"expand" is the word that comes to mind.
Sometimes, life has us so caught up that we're too busy to step back and ask ourselves, "Is this really what I want to be doing with my gifts, talents and time?" Then, seemingly out of nowhere, something like this happens to slow us down and help us realize that the answer is not just "no", but HELL NO. The beauty in that answer is that you can give yourself permission to reset your life. Reset is a cool word because it means "to set, adjust, or fix in a new or different way".
Sis, just because you've been working—working at a job, working at a relationship, working at keeping things going—that doesn't mean that "it" has been working for you. Take this time to ask yourself if it's time to do something different or new. Thankfully, you've got the gift of time and space to set some things right so that you can thrive rather than simply…exist.
3. You Can Become More Responsible with Your Money
GiphyHow crazy is this? Did you know that only 67 percent of Americans actually have a financial budget? What. In. The. World? You know what they say—if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Even if you've been fortunate enough to where not a lot has dramatically changed on the financial tip, I think we all can agree that it would be beyond foolish to be out here maxing out credit cards or blowing stimulus checks. Whether money is tighter than it's ever been or this pandemic is simply reminding you that a whopping 78 percent of us are literally living paycheck to paycheck, hopefully this time has served as either a reminder or a confirmation to get (or keep) your coins in order. Remember, budgeting can help you be accountable of your money, to plan for the future, and to even save up for some special things that you want. Times are tight, that's for sure, but this is when you can become more financially savvy than ever; if you want to be. That's definitely an upside. (By the way, if you need a little help in this area, feel free to check out our article, "10 Budgeting Apps That Will Get Your Coins All The Way Together".)
4. You Can SLOW DOWN and (Better) Nurture Yourself
Something that a single female client and I are currently working on is making sure that her closet reflects the type of dates that she wants to go on. What is that all about? I'm sure you've heard the saying, "If you build it, they will come." Well, after she shared with me a lot of her relationship history, I wasn't even remotely impressed by what her dating life has looked like. And so, I suggested to her to invest into her dating wardrobe and then to only accept dates that will match it. It's one way to "upgrade" when it comes to setting a new set of standards for herself.
Meanwhile, I'm over here purchasing stuff on Etsy that will re-mineralize my teeth (you can DIY this type of toothpaste by checking out this recipe), deep condition my hair (Chebe powder is that one) and keep my skin super smooth. I'll be honest—I didn't think as hard about doing all of this until the world shut down and I got to meditating on how I could take better care of myself. So yeah, here's another reason why I think this pandemic has been a blessing in disguise. It's given me—and the people I've been working with—some time to make time for ourselves; to really self-nurture (and pamper) in ways that we hadn't been as thoughtful or thorough prior to the quarantine.
Nurture is actually a favorite word of mine. On the self-nurture tip, it speaks to protecting oneself, supporting oneself and cherishing oneself. What have you been doing, right through here, to make sure you are doing these things for your own mind, body and spirit? If the answer is "nothing", there is no time like the present to start.
5. You Can Emotionally Connect with Your Partner on Another Level
One of the reasons why I wrote "8 Hacks To Keep You & Your Boo From Falling Out (During A Quarantine)" is because I already knew that this pandemic—and more specifically, this pandemic's quarantine—was going to take quite the toll on a lot of relationships. It really is kind of a trip how, a lot of people don't even realize how little time they spend with their significant other until something like this reveals that it's not much at all (on average, married couples engage one another only two hours a day). If you live with your partner, this quarantine can help you to relearn your significant other, strengthen your communication skills and figure out ways to reprioritize your relationship. If you are quarantined away from your partner right now, while it can be really—and for some, really, really—hard to not be able to physically connect, watching Lives like the ones between Karrueche Tran and Victor Cruz can remind you that cultivating and then solidifying your emotional bond are very precious and special. It can help you to see what your relationship is truly made of so that when the two of you do come back together, physical intimacy will truly be the icing, not the cake.
6. You Can Make the Time for What Matters Most (to You)
You know what they say. It's not about what we have time for; it's about what we make time for. And, as author M. Scott Peck once said, "Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." I've shared, a few times before, in my writings on this platform, that I firmly believe that not only is it possible to waste time, but that a lot of us do it. Waste means "to consume, spend, or employ uselessly or without adequate return", so if we're doing things that we deem are not ultimately giving us an "adequate return", by definition, they are wasting our time.
Listen, there is only so much Netflix and Hulu that you can watch. Make the time to write yourself a love letter, to do some sex journaling, to ponder the patterns you've got with your family, friends and co-workers (check out "The Relationships In Your Life That Are Desperately In Need Of Boundaries" and "The Art Of Saying 'No' To Things You Don't Want To Do"). Think about what you're spending your money on, what you're doing with every moment of every day, and if you're actually planning out your future in a way that will truly benefit you. In short, ask yourself if you're doing what really and truly matters most to you and your life. The quiet of this season might scream to you that you are not. The good thing about that is, there is no time like the present to make a change; to stop wasting what you can never—ever—get back.
7. You Can Make Rest (More of) a Priority
If this quarantine has had you climbing the walls with boredom, I get that; especially if you're an extrovert. Just make sure that you know the difference between being bored and being a busybody.
Remember that job that I mentioned earlier. While I was unemployed, broke and trying to figure out what the heck I was gonna do with the rest of my life, someone who was close to me at the time said, "You better enjoy this time, Shellie. Something tells me that you won't get this kind of pace ever again." That was about 20 years ago. That individual was right.
The famous Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh once said, "We humans have lost the wisdom of genuinely resting and relaxing. We worry too much. We don't allow our bodies to heal, and we don't allow our minds and hearts to heal." Did you catch that? Resting helps us to heal. To become healthy. To become whole. To cleanse ourselves. To free ourselves. To pray, meditate and shoot…sleep (be honest, when's the last time you've been able to get eight hours a night in, consecutively so?). So, if this pandemic quarantine has got you in the position where you are resting more so that you can heal more so that you can flourish more, give thanks. Praise the Lord that pandemics don't come around every day and the world doesn't shut down like this often. Use this time to take long baths, to sleep in and incorporate practices that will teach you how to become more calm and relaxed.
It might not feel like it right now, but nothing lasts forever; including COVID-19. Let this season teach you whatever the Universe wants you to learn, so that you can come out stronger and better than ever, as the direct result of choosing to see all of this as being a bit of a blessing; even if it's sometimes in disguise.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
I've Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul
10 Things Marriages Need On A Daily Basis
Featured image by Shutterstock
RELATED
July 2025 Astrology Overview
Uranus Enters Gemini
Uranus makes an important transit this month and enters Gemini on July 7 after being in Taurus since 2018. Uranus in Gemini is a wildcard, and anything can happen during this time. With Uranus being the planet of change, upheaval, and breakthrough, and Gemini being the sign of communication, there is a new opening appearing in life, especially regarding creative and business matters.
A few days later, we have a Full Moon in Capricorn, grounding all the energy we have experienced the past month. This Full Moon is about creating space for more security, understanding, and purpose to enter your life, and to own your power in creating your dreams.
Saturn Goes Retrograde, Then Mercury
Saturn goes Retrograde on July 13 until November 27, and Saturn Retrograde brings a push towards growth, but also examines what has been restricting you from doing so. With Saturn currently in Aries, you may be feeling more challenged in standing up for yourself and your beliefs and owning your growth. It’s about reminding yourself how far you have come and knowing that things can get better for you at any moment.
A few days later, we have Mercury going retrograde in Leo, and this Mercury Retrograde is also feeling more personal. It’s about examining how you express yourself and live in your confidence, and overcoming miscommunication with others by showing up exactly as you are authentically.
Leo Season Begins, Chiron Goes Retrograde & Venus Enters Cancer
Leo Season officially begins on July 22, bringing more sunshine after the emotional waters of Cancer Season. Even though we are in Retrograde Season now, with the Sun in Leo, we find the power to overcome even the most trying times. On July 24, we have a New Moon in Leo, making this a powerful New Moon to set intentions for your inner power, creativity, hobbies, self-expression, and where you want to shine in life. Chiron goes retrograde on July 30, and Venus enters Cancer on the same day, and we leave July, entering a new door in love.
One that is more healing and passionate than before. Overall, July is a month of closure and one that is creating the new ground for more purpose, excitement, and love to grow. Keep reading for your Sun, Moon, and rising sign below to see what July has in store for you.
Jump to Your Sign
Aries | Taurus | Gemini | Cancer | Leo | Virgo | Libra | Scorpio | Sagittarius | Capricorn | Aquarius | Pisces
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleA lot of things are brought to your attention this month, Aries. Neptune entered your sign this year for some time to come, and this month Neptune goes retrograde in Aries until the end of October. For you, this means you need some more time to process, understand yourself and your emotional world better, and you are clearing the fog. You are entering Retrograde Season with a deep inner clarity, but also an understanding that your healing doesn’t need to be rushed.
Mid-month, Saturn goes retrograde in Aries until September 1, and it’s important not to be hard on yourself right now. You have a strong urge to transform your life this month, but things may not be happening as quickly with the retrogrades in your sign. On July 30, Chiron also goes retrograde in Aries until 2026, and you end the month in introspection, with the need to take care of your health more. This month is a reminder that you can make plans, but divine timing will always have a say.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is a month of closure for you, Taurus. You begin the month with Uranus going retrograde in your 2nd house of income, and it’s a good time to prepare for a rainy day. Uranus is going to be shifting the dynamics in your life when it comes to your financial investments, earnings, and sense of stability, and it’s time to open your mind to what is possible for you and your abundance in life. You are learning to be fearless when it comes to owning your authenticity, and knowing that who you are is unique and worthy of love.
On July 10, we have a Full Moon happening in your 9th house, creating an opportunity for travel plans to follow through, or you just feeling more adventurous in general. Mid-month is about letting go of old belief systems that don’t resonate with your heart, and clearing the way for the new to be built in your life. You end the month with Chiron retrograde in your 12th house of endings, and you are learning through what is transforming in your life.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are a powerhouse this month, Gemini. This is a month of achievement, success, and growing more deeply into your power. We begin the month with Venus entering your sign from July 4 until July 30, and love is taking you to new heights. This is a good month for making relationship developments, and for being received well. You are growing in your inner confidence and self-love, and this is creating more harmony in your partnerships as well.
One of the most important astrological transits of the year happens for you this month, and that is Uranus entering your sign on July 7, where it will remain until 2033. With Uranus now being in your sign, you are entering a journey of freedom, rebellion, self-expression, breakthrough, and immense change. You are dancing to the beat of your own drum and will be surprising others by how much life changes for you over the next eight or so years. We end the month with Mercury going retrograde in your 3rd house of communication, remember to think things through as you close out the month.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is a month of communication, creativity, and self-expression, Cancer. Cancer Season is here for you, and you are moving through the month claiming your power, speaking from the heart, and balancing your needs with others’ needs in your life. The Full Moon of the month on July 10 is your opportunity to let go of anything that has been weighing you down in your close partnerships, and to create room for more stable, committed, and fulfilling love to enter.
On July 24, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be happening in your 2nd house of income, abundance, and self-worth. You are evaluating how you want to show up and ask for what you need, and are preparing for a financial breakthrough. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for your financial world and to see new ways to create a stronger foundation for yourself here. We end the month with Venus entering your sign from July 30 until August 25, and love feels a little more intense, passionate, and purposeful now.
Your guidance for the month overall is to know that you are the magnet for the things you want in your life, and that you have the power to rise above and claim them.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleJoy is what this month is about for you, Leo. You are entering a fulfilling time in your life, where everything comes together for you better than you have ever imagined it to. Mercury goes retrograde in your sign this month from July 18 - August 11, but it’s not stopping you from enjoying your life and living out your truth. You are moving through this Retrograde fearlessly and learning more about yourself in the process.
Leo Season officially begins on July 18, and it’s your time to shine your light, Leo. With the Sun in Leo, you feel like your authentic self is being recognized and loved, and you are healing from a space of feeling like you have to do it all alone. A few days later, we have a Leo New Moon on July 24, and this is the time to set your intentions for your future and for how you want to show up in the world moving forward. July is your month of fulfillment through growth, compassion, and community, and for feeling like you have everything you need.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is all about perspective, Virgo. You are getting inspired this month, creating new plans for your life, and owning an adventurous side to yourself. With the Sun in your 11th house of aspirations for most of the month, July is a great time to manifest your dreams and to feel more powerful in creating your reality. Some Virgos could be traveling this month and seeing previous plans through, and you are gaining clarity on a lot of aspects of your life by doing things in a new way right now.
Your ruling planet, Mercury, goes retrograde this month and will be retrograding through an area of your life that has to do with healing, closure, spirituality, and your dream world. Pay attention to the messages you are receiving during this time, because they are guiding you towards your healing and personal empowerment. The New Moon on July 24 will also be highlighting your need to close one chapter of your life and begin another, and you are closing out the month with a new perspective in your heart and soul.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a month of fulfillment for you, Libra. A lot of things are falling into place for you in July, and you are owning your freedom and independence right now. Uranus enters your 9th house of travel at the beginning of the month, and you are entering a new journey in your life where you do things in your own way and when you break free of the status quo. You are growing so much mentally this year, and July is when the work you have done internally is being reflected externally.
On July 10, we have a Full Moon in your 4th house of home, family, stability, and emotional harmony, and you are finding your balance. This is a Full Moon of forgiveness, and one where you are recognizing the power in self-care and taking care of your inner world. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Leo, and you are seeing a breakthrough happen within your friendships, community, and support system. You have some exciting opportunities coming your way this month, and you are living life in your own way and on your own terms.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is about protecting your energy, Scorpio. You have been setting your intentions and creating the life you dream of, and it’s important to create boundaries from those who don’t understand your vision or support you right now. With Uranus moving out of your 7th house of love and entering your 8th house of transformation, after changing things up in your relationships for the past eight years, you are ready to break free from old pain, experiences, or uneasiness in love.
Mercury goes retrograde this month on July 18, and will be retrograde in your house of career. This is the time to take a step back, go over your goals, and give life time to catch up to your dreams. The New Moon on July 24 will be activating this same area of your life, and you are getting glimpses of what is possible for you and your sense of success as you end the month. Overall, your main message this month is to not give up on who you are and what you are building towards, and to know that you are on the right path.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a powerful month of growth for you, Sagittarius. You have the Midas Touch, and you are creating abundance in your life. With Venus and Uranus moving into your 7th house of love, partnership, harmony, and wealth, there are a lot of new opportunities coming your way right now. You are someone who is out-of-the-box and does things their own way, and this energy is serving you well right now and making you a magnet for new opportunities to enter your life.
Mid-month, we have a Full Moon in your 2nd house of abundance and self-worth, and you are feeling more appreciation and value in your life. Previous financial intentions and plans are coming to fruition for you now, and you are ready to let go of the self-doubt of it all. At the end of the month, we have a New Moon in fellow fire sign Leo, and this New Moon is asking you to take more creative risks and to trust that you are on the right path, even if it looks different than others. If it feels right for you, it probably is, Sag.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleEverything comes to fruition for you this month, Capricorn. July is your month of achievement, closure, and claiming your power, and you are doing so confidently. The Sun is in your house of love and partnership for most of the month, and July creates a space of happiness and commitment within your close relationships. On July 10, we have a Full Moon in Capricorn, and life comes full circle for you. Everything you have been building in your life over the past year is being reflected to you now, and you are feeling a lot of gratitude for where life is today.
Mid-month, your ruling planet Saturn, goes retrograde, and this is shifting the energy in the home. Whatever dynamics that have felt a little shaky for you in the home or with family are being addressed now, and you are learning the importance of healing your inner world and doing the work internally. With a New Moon in your 8th house of transformation to end the month, you are getting a little more vulnerable in July, and it’s surprising others, but even yourself. This is your month of closing one door in your life in peace, and seeing a new one bloom in the process.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is about taking things slow and thinking things through, Aquarius. Relationship dynamics in your life could be causing some challenges or confusion, and it’s best to choose your battles wisely right now. With the Sun in your house of health and daily rituals for most of the month, it’s important to take care of your well-being before you try to fix anything else. On July 10, we have a Full Moon in your 12th house of healing, closure, and spirituality, and this is a good time to reflect on everything you want to let go of in your life right now and what you no longer want to carry forward with you into your new beginnings.
Saturn, one of your ruling planets, goes Retrograde in your house of communication this month, and over the next few months, you are going to be learning about the power of your words. Make sure you are only speaking of things you want to bring forth into existence, and be careful with jumping to assumptions right now. Before the month ends, Mercury goes Retrograde in your 7th house of love, and your heart is seeking forgiveness. Know that you can find clarity during this time by being honest with yourself and your heart.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThere is a lot to process this month, and your mind is healing, Pisces. July is your month of overcoming past challenges and letting go of habits and routines that don’t serve you in the long run. Neptune, one of your ruling planets, goes Retrograde this month, and will be bringing your attention to your values and income world during this time. This transit is allowing you to gain clarity on your financial reality, establish greater self-worth and confidence, and get inspired by what is possible for you and your sense of abundance in life.
On July 18, Mercury goes retrograde in your 6th house of health, and you are ready to let go of the daily rituals or working routines that have been limiting your personal growth in some way. It’s time to examine what your body, mind, and soul are asking for right now, and to have the power to let go of what doesn’t resonate with your overall well-being. Before the month ends, Chiron goes retrograde in your 2nd house as well, joining Neptune, and there is a lot of healing to be done this month.
You are being asked to see yourself as a powerful, worthy, and loved being you are, and to know that you deserve to feel good about your life and to feel secure in what you are building for yourself and your future.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
When I asked a few women I know if they ever tried that before, I was surprised to discover that not only had they, but many didn’t treat it as some random social media fad — they actually still do it to this day. Partly, because it’s fun to them and partly because their partner(s) seem to go crazy for it.
Listen, any time something sexual works like a charm, I’m going to shout it out — (late) trend or not. And so, if you’ve never heard of the whole coconut thing, you tried it and forgot all about it, or you just want to try something new/different/else tonight — here’s a reminder, in article form, that coconut-ting is still alive and well, y’all. And the men are all about it!
But First, The Grapefruit Technique
Video Credit: Myem/YouTube (Funny part starts at 2:40)
If this woman is not familiar to you on sight, you ain’t a real one. LOL. Although I know that a lot of people think that the concept of grapefruiting came from the movie Girls Trip (you can see the clip from the film here) that absolutely is not the case. Auntie Angel (whose real name is reportedly Denise Walker) is the creator of the Grapefruit Technique and although I thought that this video came out way earlier, apparently it made its way onto the YouTube streets sometime back in 2014.
If for some reason, you’re not familiar with grapefruiting on any level, I will tell you right now that I had to download this video because it is absolutely NSFW — so you should probably watch it on your lunch break (on your phone with the volume as low as possible) or at home…because chile, the sound effects? Whew, the sound effects. LOL. However, when I sat down to pen this piece, I thought it was hilarious that this video is what immediately came to mind because it seems like, when it comes to “blow his mind sex hacks,” fruit is constantly on the menu.
When it comes to oral sex, it’s grapefruit.
When it comes to ride ‘em cowgirl, it’s a coconut.
What Is the “Coconut” Sex Trend?
@windy_moraba #duet with @mysteri0us.gir1 spell coconut with your waist 😂😂😂
Okay, so what in the world does a coconut have to do with intercourse? Well, for starters, if you and your partner are looking for an all-natural lubricant, coconut oil works well. HOWEVER, do keep in mind that the disclaimer on this is you shouldn’t use it if condoms are in the mix because they can actually cause rubbers to be less effective (silicone lube is a solid bet for condoms, by the way).
There is another way that coconuts are kinda-sorta incorporated when it comes to making sex more pleasurable — and it actually became pretty popular right after COVID lockdown (2021): spelling C-O-C-O-N-U-T with your hips while you’re on top of your partner.
It’s wild how I forgot all about this until a client of mine was telling me how much her husband liked her on top while it wasn’t her favorite thing to do because it felt awkward to her. When I said, “Have you ever heard of spelling ‘coconut’ with your hips before?” — at first, she looked at me like I was crazy and then she busted out laughing: “Girl, no” was her reply.
Hmph. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it because, as wild as it might sound on the surface, the word isn’t the point so much as the movements that come with spelling it out are.
When you’re moving your pelvis around to make a “c,” “o” or U-turn, not only does it intensify the level of sensation that both you and your partner feel during intercourse, it can also increase the level of blood circulation to both of your genitalia which can make your orgasms more satisfying too.
At the end of the day, spelling “coconut” is simply reminding you that there are more options to riding than simply sitting there while your partner pumps for all he’s worth or you humping up and down like you’re on a pogo stick.
Spelling “coconut” is an easy hack to bring some variety into cowgirling. However…
Honestly, the “Fruit” Isn’t the Point. THIS IS.
GiphyFrom grapefruiting and spelling “coconut” to reading articles that I’ve penned for the platform like “How To Improve The Taste Of Sperm” — fruit and sex are always going to be a winning combination, one way or another. However, the main point of this article isn’t about making sure that you are a master speller so much as providing you with tips that will make the cowgirl position something that you are confident about and you find a ton of fulfillment in doing.
You can make both of these things happen by incorporating the following things:
Stretch beforehand. A charley horse during sex is the worst thing ever — and chile, don’t let it be right before you’re about to climax. SMDH. Yeah, if you want to feel more comfortable when you’re on top, make sure that you stretch beforehand and that you are well-hydrated. That will reduce the chances of experiencing a totally-out-of-nowhere muscle spasm — whether you decide to “spell” during sex or…not.
Bring pillows into the mix. Sometimes riding is a challenge because your partner feels farther away from your body than you would like. Putting a pillow underneath him can help to elevate his pelvis, so that you don’t feel like you’re stretching and straining. Speaking of pillows, a longer one can really come in handy because it can give your knees some additional support as well.
Also, ask him to put his knees up. Speaking of making the “grind” easier for you, ask your partner to put his knees up. That way, your back can recline on his legs as you’re moving your hips around. You’d be amazed how much this one hack can do for you. Straight up.
Add lube. When you get a chance, check out “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” and you will automatically see why bringing lubrication into a cowgirl session is an absolute must. It reduces friction. It makes your movements glide with ease. And it’s just more fun. Promise you that.
Lean in. If your partner happens to be on the larger side of life, one way that you can control his depth is by leaning forward into him. That way, your hips can better control how much or little he is inside of you, so that you can get into a position that gives you the sensation that you are looking for.
Get him to multitask. Again, whether you are spelling “coconut” or not and whether you are riding cowgirl or reverse cowgirl — something that is awesome about being on top is it frees your partner’s hands to do, umm, other things. And since it is so much easier to have an orgasm while your clitoris is being stimulated, get your partner to put some of the lube that we discussed earlier on his fingertips, so that he can gently rub on your clitoris while you are riding him. It doesn’t get much better than that!
Don’t wanna spell? Hula Hoop then. What if you try the whole coconut thing and it’s not a favorite for you (or him)? No problem — when’s the last time that you hula hooped? Pretend that you have one of those around your hips and move around that way. I’d be shocked if you ended up feeling “meh” about that option.
5 Guys Tell Me What They Love When Their Partner Is on Top
GiphyA part of the reason why I am “team cowgirl” is because it provides a lot of benefits to the woman: she has more control, it tends to be more comfortable for her, it’s a great position for a quickie and the orgasms tend to be that much more — wonderful. However, as I was thinking about spelling coconut, in general, I couldn’t help but wonder what guys thought about it and the cowgirl position overall.
If you’re curious, here’s what five of ‘em said.
1. Braxford. Engaged. 35. “Y’all be spelling up there? Who knew? My favorite thing about when my fiancée is on top is what I think every man likes: the view. It’s a chance to see her entire body and experience it at the same time. Not even doggy style accomplishes that. Damn, where’s my lady at?”
2. Denez. Single. 42. “Do you know how many ‘spots’ you have access to when y’all are on top? Breasts are in my mouth. Hickeys are on her neck. Prop my head up on a pillow and her tummy is getting licked. When a woman is riding you, it’s sensory overload! It’s crazy how each one looks amazing in that position too.”
3. Omar. In a Serious Relationship. 29. “[He said her name yet I’m not going to share it] isn’t a very vocal lover. Her body and technique are insane, so even though I love dirty talk, I’ve learned to compromise — except when she’s on top. She’s not saying much but those moans? And yeah, we tried the coconut thing. ‘Cs’ and ‘Os,’ hell yeah. ‘Ns’ and “Ts’? Nah.”
4. Nolen. Single. 45. “45 isn’t old but it’s old enough for your back to show out on you when you least expect it. My experience has been that women don’t want a lot of thrusting when they are on top, so it’s like having some of the best sex without having to do much at all. Well, aside from trying not to bust too quickly. I take that back: riding is easy on the body; it’s work on the brain.”
5. Ivan. Married. 37. “I like the spelling sh-t because it switches things up. We make a game out of it by her picking a word and spelling out while I try and guess what it is. We also try to see how many words that we can get to before one of us cums. 12 words is pushing it unless it’s like ‘dog’ or ‘cat’ or something. I’ve guessed ‘coconut’ a few times and I get what the excitement is all about. Spelling bee sex: try it.”
Yep. I concur.
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Featured image by Giphy