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Being Overly Argumentative Can Be A Subtle Sign Of Insecurity
Once the honeymoon phase packs its bags and leaves, you and your partner have come face to face with the actual "work" it takes to stay together. From what to watch on TV to how the toilet paper should look on the toilet paper roll, you will have these arguments.
Some arguments will test the foundation of your relationship. Some may end with a simple "I'm sorry," others may lead to nights on the couch, refusal of sex, and the silent treatment. What happens when you discover that your partner is overly argumentative?
You know, someone who would make it their mission to have at least one good argument a day, one who loves to disturb the peace, or someone who enjoys arguing for the sake of arguing, or you could be the person who is the overly argumentative one. Not to fear, your girl is here to help you get to the root of the problem.
Here are four reasons why you or your partner might be argumentative and ways to combat this problem to never exist in your relationship ever again.
Being unhappy
No matter where this unhappiness stems from, people become argumentative when they have a hard time expressing their dismay. Solution: Be honest and get to the root of the problem. If this unhappiness stems from within or with your partner, tell them how you feel. In an article with Bustle, life coach Kali Rogers states:
"If you can get on their level by asking questions and truly understanding where this combative nature comes from, together you two can work on building a different form of communication."
Being a victim of emotional abuse in the past
Victims of emotional abuse have a hard time explaining any emotions they could have. The lack of confidence and fear of not being understood can cause frustration. Let's be honest, you will not always agree with your partner. It is excellent to agree to disagree, and it's also OK to counter without a solution. The critical thing to focus on is the respect and trust you both have for each other. It is possible to disagree and still have love and admiration for each other. If you or your partner are having issues with how confrontation is occuring due to feeling triggered from past traumas, try bringing those feelings to the light. It might be difficult to be vulnerable in this way, but the shift in dynamic in how you converse will be well worth the effort.
Being defensive
Nobody wants to admit when they're wrong. For partners who have problems dealing with the shame and embarrassment of being wrong, not wanting to fall on their swords in disagreements will always lead to an argument. This tactic only protects the humiliation of being wrong and losing the "fight". The real question is, "Why is your focus on trying to be right and not finding a solution?" It begs the question on what exactly are you trying to hide from your partner? During these situations, it's best to be proactive in acknowledging how your partner feels and provide reassurance to avoid future arguments.
Because it's just the way they (you) are
Many of our habits stem from the environment in which we spent our childhood. Being overly argumentative wasn't a choice you made one day in your adult life. You became a product of your environment. That doesn't mean it's a death sentence. It just means that you have to be mindful of these confrontational situations as they present themselves.Author April Masini explains:
"For starters, don't assume they realize what they're doing. You might say, 'You're arguing with me,' and test the waters. Instead of fighting back, give them a chance to back off. If they're surprised, then merely bringing arguments to light is a great way to begin to dissolve them.
"You can also ask, 'Why are you arguing with me?' Statements such as those take the focus of the issue and onto the relationship dynamic. They may open up and tell you that they're angry about something else, stressed from work, or something that brings the two of you closer to a healthy relationship dynamic."
It's important to understand personal insecurities and how they play a part in the list above. According to Psychology Today, some causes of insecurity are genetics, environmental stressors, fear of disappointing others, dependency, and broken trust. With patience and healthy dialogue with your partner, overcoming these insecurities will help you become a better individual and a better partner.
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Featured image by Giphy.
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Writer, Empath, Listener, Self Improver, and a motivational speaker to her homegirls Teisha LeShea currently resides in California who loves to add fifteen million items to her Amazon cart. She is passionate about wellness, spiritual improvement, leveling up, and setting up twice a month therapy appointments. She writes with you in mind. Her listicle and personal stories will inspire you to dig deep within yourself to be a better you. You can follow her on Instagram @teisha.leshea and & @tl_teisha.leshea
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."