Once the honeymoon phase packs its bags and leaves, you and your partner have come face to face with the actual "work" it takes to stay together. From what to watch on TV to how the toilet paper should look on the toilet paper roll, you will have these arguments.
Some arguments will test the foundation of your relationship. Some may end with a simple "I'm sorry," others may lead to nights on the couch, refusal of sex, and the silent treatment. What happens when you discover that your partner is overly argumentative?
You know, someone who would make it their mission to have at least one good argument a day, one who loves to disturb the peace, or someone who enjoys arguing for the sake of arguing, or you could be the person who is the overly argumentative one. Not to fear, your girl is here to help you get to the root of the problem.
Here are four reasons why you or your partner might be argumentative and ways to combat this problem to never exist in your relationship ever again.
Being unhappy
No matter where this unhappiness stems from, people become argumentative when they have a hard time expressing their dismay. Solution: Be honest and get to the root of the problem. If this unhappiness stems from within or with your partner, tell them how you feel. In an article with Bustle, life coach Kali Rogers states:
"If you can get on their level by asking questions and truly understanding where this combative nature comes from, together you two can work on building a different form of communication."
Being a victim of emotional abuse in the past
Victims of emotional abuse have a hard time explaining any emotions they could have. The lack of confidence and fear of not being understood can cause frustration. Let's be honest, you will not always agree with your partner. It is excellent to agree to disagree, and it's also OK to counter without a solution. The critical thing to focus on is the respect and trust you both have for each other. It is possible to disagree and still have love and admiration for each other. If you or your partner are having issues with how confrontation is occuring due to feeling triggered from past traumas, try bringing those feelings to the light. It might be difficult to be vulnerable in this way, but the shift in dynamic in how you converse will be well worth the effort.
Being defensive
Nobody wants to admit when they're wrong. For partners who have problems dealing with the shame and embarrassment of being wrong, not wanting to fall on their swords in disagreements will always lead to an argument. This tactic only protects the humiliation of being wrong and losing the "fight". The real question is, "Why is your focus on trying to be right and not finding a solution?" It begs the question on what exactly are you trying to hide from your partner? During these situations, it's best to be proactive in acknowledging how your partner feels and provide reassurance to avoid future arguments.
Because it's just the way they (you) are
Many of our habits stem from the environment in which we spent our childhood. Being overly argumentative wasn't a choice you made one day in your adult life. You became a product of your environment. That doesn't mean it's a death sentence. It just means that you have to be mindful of these confrontational situations as they present themselves.Author April Masini explains:
"For starters, don't assume they realize what they're doing. You might say, 'You're arguing with me,' and test the waters. Instead of fighting back, give them a chance to back off. If they're surprised, then merely bringing arguments to light is a great way to begin to dissolve them.
"You can also ask, 'Why are you arguing with me?' Statements such as those take the focus of the issue and onto the relationship dynamic. They may open up and tell you that they're angry about something else, stressed from work, or something that brings the two of you closer to a healthy relationship dynamic."
It's important to understand personal insecurities and how they play a part in the list above. According to Psychology Today, some causes of insecurity are genetics, environmental stressors, fear of disappointing others, dependency, and broken trust. With patience and healthy dialogue with your partner, overcoming these insecurities will help you become a better individual and a better partner.
Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image by Giphy.