Listen.
If you frequently read my posts, you know that I am first-in-line-here for Black people, with Black families, being unapologetically and openly Black for the world to see. And a family that wears this cape so beautifully, is none other than the Native Borne Family—expat social influencers, John and Safiyyah Christian and their 5 kids—all embarking on a relocation journey to live their best lives abroad. They encourage holistic living while boastfully being true advocates of down-to-earth lifestyles.
From traveling as a family of seven, to creating and sharing a relocation blueprint, this family is all about helping us find our passions, and showing us that we can live and travel while simultaneously being immersed in them too.
Well, recently, they grabbed my attention by detailing their painfully honest list of key, or what they described as dumb, mistakes made when moving internationally. And with many of us considering moving overseas, this list could be even more valuable to international cautionary tales.
Their mistakes consisted of:
Not Rooting in a Secure Place
Like with any move, but especially internationally, home should be safe—that's a given. Obviously, John and Safiyyah did their due diligence in ensuring their new home was safe, their new residence even had 24/7 security. But as time went on, they learned that their security was too lax and wasn't as thorough as promised. This caused them to be robbed while sleeping one night, all of their belongings being stolen.
They later found out that although Ghana is an overall safe country, known expats and tourists are targeted at a much higher rate than locals.
Their advice:
- Be mindful. Pay the price for peace of mind.
- Get advice from locals about locals. Get to know people.
- Take your time in choosing where you want to live.
- Look for clean grounds and security performing thorough inspections.
Shipping Everything
Native Borne
When the NB fam officially decided to move to Ghana, they were so excited to relocate, that they chose to ship all of their belongings to the country. Beds, mattresses, dishes. Even unnecessary paperwork.
Huge mistake. Why? Because it was expensiiiiiveeeee. They soon found out, that not only are there shipping costs, there's also Customs fees, which they estimated to be about $2,000 USD. Ouch.
Their advice:
- Less is more. If you don't need it, don't bring it.
- Find a shipper who is able to explain the full process in detail.
- Adopt a minimalist mindset.
- If you want to bring particular items, just pay the additional bag fees to bring your items on the plane. Whatever that cost is, it is much cheaper than having them shipped.
Not Having Residual Income
Like many expats, they saved up money and moved with their faith in tow. They had a nice-sized cushion to sustain them for a while, but it dwindled quickly. Their ultimate goal was to always become digital nomads, so that they could travel the world, but they learned that they had to set themselves up properly in order to continue to do so, thus monetizing their journey and providing insight and guidance to those of us interested in doing the same.
Their advice:
- Savings is great, but have residual income.
- Take part in business that's proven to bring you revenue.
- Start the business now, and then relocate.
- Be able to show yourself results on paper. Confirm that “this is what this business is making, and if I move, I'll be OK.“
Sending Money Ahead Of Time
Prior to arriving, the NB family made connections with locals in the country. They ended up sending money to people that they trusted to secure their home. Once they arrived, communication changed, the story changed, and the place they were supposed to be living in, also changed. They were supposed to save money through this connection, but it ended up costing them more due to..."fees." *side eye*
Their advice:
- When dealing with professionals, conduct business in person.
- Have written agreements and contracts to protect both parties.
- Stay at an Airbnb or hotel until you are acclimated with the area.
- Find a reputable real estate agent show you around. There's plenty where you want to relocate, but it's one of those things that you must do on-site.
- Be patient and stay in control.
- Don't send your money.
- Don't send your money.
- Don't send your money.
Rushing To Purchase Land
Native Borne
Like with any country, buying land is a highly in-demand interest across the board. The NB family had many conversations with people who have lived in the country for decades, who all told them to take their time. Unfortunately, they soon learned they were taken advantage of by people whom they trusted. To make a purchase of that caliber, takes time, so their process ended up being quite difficult.
Their advice:
- Before you make any decisions, rent. Don't allow excitement to cloud judgement.
- Build your team. Hire a reputable surveyor, real estate agent, and the like.
- Always protect your interest and don't be afraid to walk away from a seemingly great deal.
- Again, conduct your deals in person, guys. Nothing less.
- Take your time in signing the dotted line.
Ultimately, the NB family found their stride and perfected what they sought out to do. In addition to living in Ghana, they frequent various countries, masterfully traveling as only they know how: black and beautiful.
To learn more about the Native Borne Family, visit their YouTube channel here. Also, for anyone interested in their relocation blueprint or current projects, visit their website.
Feature image courtesy of The Native Borne Family
- Germany: Zoie-Marie, Tech Professional & Vlogger - xoNecole ... ›
- These Women Left America To Live Out Their Black Girl Magic Abroad ›
- These Women Left America To Live Out Their Black Girl Magic Abroad - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 4 Women Talk Living Abroad And Life As An Expat - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 5 Things Your Travel Guide Won't Tell You About Ghana ›
- This is what I wish I knew moving to Ghana, tips and advice ... ›
- Entry requirements - Ghana travel advice - GOV.UK ›
- Moving abroad for school changed my life—that's why I went back ... ›
- COMPLETE Moving Abroad Checklist: What do do Before you Move ... ›
- Moving Abroad To Ghana When You Have Little Ones | New parent ... ›
- How to Move to Ghana: the Complete Relocation Guide ... ›
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
While her time at the Ivy League came with its set of learning curves, Hairston was sure that her love for coding as a computer science major would outweigh those barriers to entry.
During her freshman year, she landed an internship at Facebook that would shape her outlook on tech forever. “I got my first offer letter, and seeing that, I was like, ‘This is how you create economic opportunities,” she recalls. “Seeing how much I was making as just a 19-year-old in tech made me realize I wanted to devote the rest of my career to helping more people have access to this in-demand field in tech.”
And that, she did.
Today, Hairston is the CEO and co-founder of EdLyft, a tutoring platform that equips students in computer science courses to land in-demand tech careers at the largest tech companies and is one of the youngest Black women to raise more than $1 million in venture capital through her startup. “We're a platform that helps companies train and engage their entire future workforce,” she says. “Everyone and all students are using our platform, however, we make it an intention to prioritize partnerships and programs where diversity is a top priority or a top goal.”
Erika and her co-founder believe in replicating the support that kept them in computer science to help more underrepresented talent thrive in the growing world of tech. After leaving their corporate jobs to pursue this mission and launching Edlyft in February 2020, they have since supported over 3000 students to reach their goals in the tech field.
“Computer science dramatically changed our lives, and when we looked at the market, we saw how in-demand software engineering was and realized that if we could replicate what kept us in computer science to help more people gain access to these in-demand careers, that would be really powerful.”
We caught up with Erika Hairston to talk about all things coding, overcoming imposter syndrome, and the importance of demystifying the fundraising process for Black women entrepreneurs/founders.
Photo by Apple Media
xoNecole: Learning to code can seem like an intimidating skill to acquire. Can you speak to how one can overcome those initial barriers of entry?
Erika Hairston: Coding is like learning a new language where practice makes perfect. The intimidation, it's not just women of color who experienced that, it’s everyone when they try coding for the first time because it has a very steep learning curve. The first piece of advice is acknowledging that you're not alone in that initial hurdle of the steep learning curve.
The second piece of advice is that the media doesn't help. When you think of your typical hacker or getting into computer science, you see a white guy with a hoodie and glasses on, with a laptop in the corner, and sometimes people don't see themselves represented in that. And so I think there's been a lot of push to change that in really seeing yourself as an engineer, and that’s a part of what we are trying to change.
On a tactical level, there are so many organizations and resources that I encourage women, especially Black women, to tap into in order to overcome those barriers. One amazing organization that we're partnering with is Reboot Representation, whose mission is to increase the number of Black, Latinx, and Native women in tech.
xoN: Many female entrepreneurs struggle with imposter syndrome. How have you dealt with self-doubt while remaining confident in your abilities?
EH: More recently, I will say I have chosen to dismiss impostor syndrome as something that I feel because I realized that no one knows what they are doing. I wasn't ready to become a founder — I actually was working on a side project when I thought, ‘Oh, I can't be a founder. I don't look like a founder.’ What does that look like? And when I got into Apple’s Entrepreneur Camp, I was surrounded by women founders who were stages ahead of me, and they became my friends, and I got to see what it looked like to be in their shoes.
It was the first time that I saw that this is what it would look like for me to do this. I am capable, I can do that. Changing what it looks like to be what you want to be is a really important part of my journey. Surround yourself with investors or peers who have that shared vision of the world with you, empower you, and help you see what you can become.
"Changing what it looks like to be what you want to be is a really important part of my journey. Surround yourself with investors or peers who have that shared vision of the world with you, empower you, and help you see what you can become."
Photo by Apple Media
xoN: What challenges did you face when raising venture capital funding or navigating the tech world?
EH: Demystifying the fundraising process is one of those inside secrets that you don't know until you know. So democratizing access to this information is critical so that there's no longer those "The Only Black Woman To Raise This Much" headlines — those have to be abolished.
We went through an accelerator program called Y Combinator. It's three months of access to investors who help you gear up for its ‘Demo Day’ where you pitch in front of a lot of investors. That was how we got that inside, ‘secret juice’ which is the way the fundraising process works. Doing those exercises and research to learn the tactics and skills that will increase our chances of being funded by investors that are mission-aligned was a really critical part of the process.
What that looked like for us was sending a lot of emails; I was even in people's DMs on Twitter. Being prepared to answer any questions and asking more founders for more introductions, that is truly how fundraising happens because sometimes we can't do what works for the 99%.
xoN: As a successful female entrepreneur, what advice do you have for women who aspire to start their own businesses, particularly in male-dominated industries like tech?
EH: One, do your ‘startup math’ or do your founder math. Calculate how much you need to have saved before you start your business. For me, that was six months of living expenses to feel confident and comfortable leaving my full-time job to focus on my company full-time. Do that math, save it up. That way, it's not always ‘Oh, I'll do it later,’ there's a concrete number that you're saving up towards.
Second, fall in love with a problem, not the solution. When you're building a business, the solution will look different, and it'll have to change as you learn from the people that you are building for. But if you care a lot about the problem, you'll find all of the different ways to best solve that and stay motivated as you work on your business.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Apple Media
