This Financial Expert Swears By Investing In Multiple Investment Accounts
Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they spend it.
Most relationships will fail on the surface level due to lack of intimacy, communication or trust, or even falling out of love with one another. However, thanks to Chanel Nicole Scott's relationship platform, CheMinistry, viewers are witnesses to candid conversations between guest speakers during live hosted events about the rise of healthy relationships.
Alongside unequal spiritual wellness and poor communication skills, financial dispositions can also play a factor in the success or failure of any relationship. "I love that my work has allowed me to educate others on the concept of financial literacy and the importance of this kind of discipline when you are engaging in a long-term relationship. Many relationships are about finding common ground, and much of the ground that you cover must include what your financial life and retirement plan will look like for you and your partner," Scott shared with xoNecole.
Courtesy of Chanel Nicole Scott
As the founder and lead organizer behind a relationship platform that has been recognized by stars of Real Housewives of Atlanta, Black Love, and many award-winning singers and songwriters, CheMinistry has attracted a worldwide audience by providing perspective and preparing them for long-lasting, healthy relationships.
The North Carolina native organized CheMinistry to provoke intimate exchange and compelling conversation surrounding romantic relationships with the ultimate goal of bridging the gap between purpose-driven men and women who desire to progressively move their love life to the next level. CheMinistry has featured top influencers and celebrities in pop culture from R&B singer Fantasia and Destiny's Child founding member LaTavia to actresses Demetria McKinney and television personalities Erica Dixon, Drea Kelly, and Debra Antney.
In this installment of "Money Talks", xoNecole spoke with the 45-year-old founder about how to better manage your money with your partner, why relationships fail due to financial instability and the importance of investing for the younger generation.
On the statistics of failed relationships due to financial instability:
"If you consider the most common disagreements in relationships, many of these disagreements are linked to money, egos, and expectations based on society's hierarchy of men versus women in the household. Financial instability creates disconnect, resentment, and even control issues between you and your partner. It is so important to be transparent about your finances AND your debts when you are pursuing a healthy relationship.
"More than 43% of marriages start off in debt. Imagine planning the wedding of your dreams, and then after you've invested all this money into a memory, you come home only to realize you're still in debt. Your issues will start that day!"
On how relationships can be saved through financial wellness and managing money with your partner:
"I would encourage individuals to educate themselves on financial literacy and position yourself to be financially independent before entering a marriage. The simplest of issues that can create a disconnect are the control mechanisms that are enforced when one partner feels they have more financial power––thus more power in the relationship. For couples who find themselves in this position, you can save your marriage simply with open communication."
Courtesy of Chanel Nicole Scott
"Financial instability creates disconnect, resentment, and even control issues between you and your partner. It is so important to be transparent about your finances AND your debts when you are pursuing a healthy relationship. More than 43% of marriages start off in debt."
On how the pandemic has financially impacted couples and how to recover:
"Whew! COVID has challenged couples in so many ways, but definitely financially. Many couples usually have some small sort of disagreement about saving and spending habits, but now more than ever, couples are really having to confront some unhealthy spending habits that are overtly more unhealthy during this pandemic. Having to completely alter how your household is run or led to align with today's current economy is difficult, especially considering that so many people have lost jobs and are having to live off of one partner's income, if any income at all."
On how much she saves and if it’s in a high-yield savings account:
"I do invest money into the Money Market and CD account but with the current economic climate, the yield is very low. A CD account pretty much offers a savings account where you invest a specific amount of money with the bank and agree to let that amount sit over a specific period of time. In reward, banks will offer you a higher interest rate for your money. CD accounts are good because your money is insured by the bank and often has low-risk associations, however, if you do not have a substantial amount of money to get started with a CD account (usually an amount of money that you can afford to do without for a fixed period of time), then I would not suggest starting this account so soon."
On her definitions of wealth and success:
"I believe wealth is defined as the ability to leave a generational blessing for those who come after me. Success is the capacity to know and operate in my God-given purpose. A lot of people feel that wealth and success go hand-in-hand. I feel that success has a lot to do with personal gratification. When you have reached a space where you are generally satisfied with your place in life, most people feel successful. Wealth I feel is more of a tangible experience. It allows you to acquire certain luxuries that, usually, generations after you should be able to benefit from."
Courtesy of Chanel Nicole Scott
"When you're faced with life challenges, you often find your peak of strength and creativity. You find yourself learning how to make something out of nothing, and at my lowest points, I've learned that being tested isn't a bad thing, but more so a transitional period."
On the lowest she’s ever felt when it came to her finances and how she overcame it:
"There was a point in my life where I lost everything chasing after what I believed to be my purpose, but in the midst of it all, I was able to tap into the gifts and talents that I didn't even know I possessed. I [co-wrote] a book about it Girl Powered Uncensored, a compilation of women stories [in the first chapter]. I had to reset. I literally started all over again and am re-building, but this time I have the wisdom to make better decisions about my purpose and what I was actually put here to do. When you're faced with life challenges, you often find your peak of strength and creativity. You find yourself learning how to make something out of nothing, and at my lowest points, I've learned that being tested isn't a bad thing, but more so a transitional period."
On her biggest splurge to date:
"I think my biggest splurge would be my car. I love cars, just like other people like bags and shoes, but I like those, too. My thought process behind all of my purchases is that if I work for it, then I can have it. Unlike some, I don't believe in buying anything that I don't want or settling for less, I'd rather wait until I can actually afford what I want."
On whether she’s a spender or a saver:
"I'm definitely a spender, but I save money by allocating portions of my income to be deposited into different accounts for monthly living expenses, spending accounts, and savings accounts."
On the importance of investing:
"If I could offer any advice to younger generations, it would be to start investing early or encourage your parents to set you up to invest. Ask questions early-on. Investing early makes the difference between a 15-year retirement plan and a 40-year retirement plan. When you reach your mid-20's you start wanting to really experience life, hence why you need money. By the time you're 30, you want to live for you and live unapologetically (hence you need money). By the time you are 40 plus, you want peace, stability, and financial freedom to move comfortably and take care of your family, hence you need money. Investing really prepares you for each level of desired stability."
Courtesy of Chanel Nicole Scott
"Investing early makes the difference between a 15-year retirement plan and a 40-year retirement plan. When you reach your mid-20's you start wanting to really experience life, hence why you need money. By the time you're 30, you want to live for you and live unapologetically (hence you need money). By the time you are 40 plus, you want peace, stability, and financial freedom to move comfortably and take care of your family, hence you need money. Investing really prepares you for each level of desired stability."
On her savings goals and what retirement looks like to her:
"With the changing economy, my retirement plan is continuously evolving. Currently, I make contributions into a 401K in addition to an MMA and CD account. The current state of the economy has shown everyone, especially me, that having one plan is not enough. There are many people who were set to retire in 2020, thought they planned accordingly for retirement, and as soon as we entered this pandemic, many finance plans were challenged. Everyone's retirement plan is currently still evolving in order to prepare for the unthinkable future."
On her budgeting must-haves:
"I must have a food-spend budget. I'm a single woman with no children and I'm a foodie. Besides, I don't cook. I have a separate account that I deposit money into just for food expenses."
On her intentions behind multiple streams of revenue:
"In my business, we've created a stream of income through ticket sales and we also provide a vendor experience as a part of the live event. The event is fairly large so it can be quite lucrative. I've also created brand merchandise. However, with the recent changes in the economy due to COVID-19, we're still in the process of revamping 'how' we do business."
On unhealthy money habits and mindsets:
"Impulsive spending is definitely a bad habit of mine. If I see it and I want it, I buy it. Sometimes I have to talk myself off the ledge, but I think developing a clear financial picture of what your savings goals are and where you see yourself in a particular time frame helps with creating an effective financial plan. I'm still trying to make those changes, but I do spend less when I 'think' through my purchases!"
On her money mantra:
"'Give and it shall be given to you; good measure, press downed, shaken together, and running over.'"
On the craziest thing she’s ever done for money:
"I don't think it was crazy, but I did UberEats a few years back when I moved to Atlanta. I was still in the process of building my business and securing permanent employment and I needed the extra money. It did a 'doozy' to my car with the number of miles I racked up but hey you do what you've got to do."
On the worst money-related decision she’s ever made:
"Spending too much money when you 'have it' or not being diligent enough in my decision-making. I would advise anyone in business when making financial decisions regarding your business to make decisions as if you had little-to-no money. Talk through all your purchases and ask as many questions as possible to make better decisions."
On her budget breakdown:
How much do you spend on rent? $1,600
Eating out/ordering in? $400
Gas/car note? $800
Personal expenses? $450
For more of Chanel, follow her on Twitter!
Featured image courtesy of Chanel Nicole Scott.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?
German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” At close to two decades of working with married couples, I agree with this man 1000 percent. It’s actually the main motivation for why I once penned, “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?” because, the reality is, if you’re not friends with the person who you vowed to share every aspect of your life with, for the rest of your life, it’s going to be very difficult (if not damn near impossible) to honor that level of commitment. Without question, I will now and forever die on the hill that if you like your partner, you can make it through the not-so-in-love-right-now moments. Vice versa? Eh…not so much.
A basis for why I feel this way? Another quote immediately comes to mind. Famed author Jane Austen once wrote: “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” You know, back when I also wrote “10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships” for the platform, I shared that some of the traits of a friend — a real friend — include loyalty, honesty and compassion. And if you can’t say that your spouse is this way (as they say the same thing about you), chile…what is y’all doin’ over there?
So, why am I talking about marriage when this article is supposed to be about friendship? It’s because, something that life has taught me, kinda sorta the hard way, is we should vet potential friends — especially close friends — almost like we would a spouse.
And if you keep reading, I think you’ll get why I framed the intro in the way that I did.
Why Friendships Are Still Hella Essential
GiphyOkay, so before I get into why it seems that people have fewer friends than they ever had before, let me just say that, even as an ambivert who enjoys my own company and has absolutely no problem with being alone a good amount of the time, every personality type needs friends. That’s not just my opinion;science makes it a fact. Not only do studies support thathealthy friendships help us to feel more satisfied with our lives, but they can also reduce our chances of experiencing depression, stress, and anxiety and they increase longevity overall.
This is why — without going too deep because it’s kind of another topic for another time — it’s important to not allow past hurts and disappointments from former friends (or folks you thought were your friends) to cause you to build up walls as you declare that you don’t need anyone. When you do that, all you’re really doing is working against your own health and well-being. The saying that “no man (or woman) is an island”? It is absolutely true.
That said, even if it’s just a couple of people, make sure that you’ve got individuals in your life who you can call a friend and, in turn, they can say the very same thing about you, okay?
Are All of Those People Your Actual Friends? Or Do You Just Happen to Know a Lot of Folks?
GiphyAight but what if you happen to be someone who swings on the other side of few? Meaning, if someone were to ask you how many friends you had, you’d quickly declare that you’ve got too many to count. Listen, not to patronize or anything yet, but whenever I hear folks (especially if they are over 35) say something along those lines, it takes me back to high school — a time when so many of us thought that so long as we knew a ton of folks and/or we were popular, clearly, we had many friends.
Wisdom and pure ole’ dealing with humans on a consistent basis will teach you that an article that I wrote a few years back for the platform has a title that is spot-on: “According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends — Here's Why.” According to it, the average American (based on a survey that was conducted) has somewhere around 16 friends. Oh, but wait. Last fall, I wrote another article for the platform entitled, “What's The 'Five Friendship Theory' All About?” According to it, if you’re someone who takes the word “friend” and the responsibility that comes along with it very seriously and quite literally, as an adult, you can probably only maintain about five close friendships.
Why? Well, that brings in another article that I once wrote: “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient.'” Chile, I don’t know about y’all but my friends know that if I call you that, you can call me in the middle of the night, and you can have money towards your rent (I’m not your mama but we all have hard times sometimes) and I’m gonna have your back in a way where you’ll wonder where you stop and I start — and no, I don’t have a lot of bandwidth for a ton of those people.
Okay, but what if you’re someone who is like, “I know that I have more than 16 and definitely more than five friends, no question”? The next thing that I would encourage you to explore is a theory by Aristotle (check out “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends”). Without even realizing it, many of us have people who we use the word “friend” for when…it’s kind of like how social media apps say “friend”: we’re familiar with one another and enjoy some of the same things, we might even have some of the same goals; at the same time, though, we’re not “all-encompassing friends.” We just get along really well at work (utility friends) or like to go to brunch at the same spots sometimes (pleasure friends).
Taking all of this into account, are you sure that you have a ton of actual friends? Or do you just happen to know a lot of people and you use that word for the lack of having another?
And that brings me to my next point.
There’s A LOT of Space Between “Friend” and “Enemy”
GiphyIf you read a lot of my friendship content, something that you will notice me saying quite a bit is that there is quite a bit of space between friend and enemy. It needs to be mentioned, as often as possible, because there are some people who get offended if you don’t consider them to be a friend — and that is unfortunate. I say that because the conclusion shouldn’t automatically be that they are your enemy just because “friend” isn’t what immediately comes to your mind.
They can be an acquaintance. They can be “cool people.” There is someone in my life who, while we’re not friends in the traditional sense, we are each other’s confidant; years ago, we agreed that we would be the place to tell each other whatever and it would stay between us — that is the main purpose that we serve in each other’s lives. Some people, you may consider to be spiritual family in the sense that you care for them and have some deeply profound things in common and still, they are not exactly a friend (I mean, a lot of blood relatives aren’t “friends” with each other).
All I’m trying to say here is we’re all too old now to only put folks in two boxes when it comes to this particular relational dynamic: friend or enemy. So, take some time out to seriously reflect on what you consider the various people in your life to be. I can promise you from personal experience that the sooner you know and the clearer you are, the easier it will be on everybody — because needs and expectations will be clear to you (and them once you articulate them) too.
What Got Folks to Having Less Friends? The Pandemic Plays a Significant Part.
GiphySo finally on to what inspired this piece to begin with. A part of it was an article that was published last year by Big Think entitled, “Americans more than ever have no friends. Here are 5 steps to make more friends.” Another was something that The New Yorker published back in 2021; it’s entitled “What COVID did to friendship.” Y’all don’t have enough time and I don’t have enough space to get into the fact that, just because the media may be talking about it less, that doesn’t mean that we’re not still in a pandemic.
In fact,one article stated my thoughts on it quite well when it said, “The real question, then, is not whether COVID is still a pandemic, but how much COVID illness and death are we willing to accept?” SMDH. And one of the things that has come with experiencing COVID is an interesting type of PTSD: detachment. There are plenty of articles out here to support the fact that my saying that is not merely my opinion.
Even according to the American Psychological Association, loneliness damn near skyrocketed, especially during lockdown and, unfortunately, a lot of people have not recovered from it. That’s why it did not surprise me at all when I read that more than ever, many people do not consider anyone to be a best friend; fewer people are relying on friends for any type of real support, and there is a semi-steady decline in people having friends, especially quality friendships, overall.
In fact, as far as close friends go, currently, close to 50 percent of Americans say that they only have three or fewer, and a relevant contributor to that was what the pandemic revealed as far as people’s proactive participation in other individuals’ lives (I actually read that young women were the ones who lost touch with friends during the peak of the pandemic the most). I also thought it was interesting that some studies cite that 12 percent of Americans say that they don’t have any friends at all.
Is the pandemic the only cause? No. So are things like people working more hours and spending more time online than they probably should (which also increased due to the pandemic, though). To that, Teen Vogue once published, “Social Media Is Impacting IRL Friendships” and Healthline once published, “Social Media Is Killing Your Friendships.” Then we also have to factor in having families of our own which can also take up a lot of time, and that sometimes can cause us to forget to nurture our friendships; so, before you know it, they fade to black. Not due to a fallout or anything, just…life.
And all of this? Some people are saying that it has led to what is known as a “friendship recession.” A huge flag about that is there are reports that a drop in close friends can cultivate a type of loneliness that is just as health hazardous as smoking a whopping 15 cigarettes a day. Not good, y’all. Not. Good.
Quality over Quantity Is Key. Just Make Sure That You Have a Friend or Two.
GiphyOkay, so what is my overall point? That’s a fair question. Just like sometimes “life life-ing” can make us forget to tend to our friendships, if you don’t stumble across content like this, you might not even realize that you’re feeling mentally stressed, emotionally strained, or super isolated and it’s all because you need to prioritize your friendships — because your mind, body, and spirit need them. Again, science has proved it.
At the same time, if, like a client of mine, you find yourself getting a little bit paranoid because you have noticed that over the past several years, your close friend count has been far less than what it used to be, this article proves that you are absolutely not (pardon the pun) alone. Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with having a very small circle of friends because quality is gonna beat out quantity every time; you just need to assess when it happened and why so that you can be sure that you are choosing it to play out that way and it’s not due to some underlying cause that you hadn’t taken into consideration — until now.
An Italian priest by the name of Thomas Aquinas once said, “The happy man in this life needs friends.” Even if it’s just one or two people, please make sure that you have folks who aren’t just your friend but your very close friend. You need them. They need you.
Everyone else, figure out where they fall and nurture accordingly. Life is a lot. We all get by with the help of our friends. Real talk, y’all. Thank goodness for them.
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Featured image by jose carlos cerdeno martinez/Getty Images