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How To Come Out At Work
We all know that advocacy for inclusion and equality should be year-round since we all have to be our fullest selves all day every day. Identity is a key element of doing that, and for LGBTQ+ professionals, this can include the question of coming out at work. Some may wonder whether their personal business is, well, anybody's business at work, while others might want to feel safe in the office being out, loud, and proud. Either way, coming out in the workplace is indeed an issue that not only must be addressed but addressed appropriately.
"We conducted some research on this and found that 1 in 4 members of the LGBTQ+ community were hiding their identity at work and were worried that if they did come out, they might be treated differently," said Leonna Spilman, a senior corporate communications manager at LinkedIn. "It's important to note that this is in the context of national and federal regulations that make it illegal to fire employees based on their identities."
Spilman added that companies must ensure that all employees have the opportunity to feel safe, confident, and embraced, and it starts with having protocols and resources that put equity and inclusion at the forefront.
"I'm a queer Black woman, and I was fortunate to find a community of other queer women. I got to see, from them, how to casually mention partners during meetings or talk about weekend plans. And so it really felt natural. I think it's important to recognize that coming out at work is really an ongoing part of our professional journey, and it can happen at a lot of different points."
While coming out is a very personal decision, Spilman added, "It's not something you have to do. Should you choose to do so, it's important that you feel comfortable and confident sharing it at whatever stage you're at in your professional journey."
We talked more with Spilman about best practices, finding your tribe, and making the decision:
What reasons do professionals cite for coming out at work?
If you think about what it takes to hide a big part of your identity, it's a lot of work. It takes a lot of mental and emotional energy, so when you do have spaces that are safe and rooted in inclusion and belonging, it can feel like a lifted weight. In addition to not having to carry that, it's fantastic for networking, for connecting with peers for support, and for building a diverse network.
Courtesy of LinkedIn/Leonna Spilman
Many people are still trying to figure out how to appropriately approach identity topics in the office. How can these conversations be responsibly initiated?
Having a culture that has inclusion as a foundation and equity is a journey. It's a journey as much for individuals as it is for companies and brands. With HR professionals, there's a lot to being in an HR function or even being in a social function within your organization as a leader.
Establishing clear anti-discrimination and anti-harassment protocols is a great start, and committing to inclusive hiring processes is vital. We have data that shows that nearly 80% of LGBTQ professionals said it was important for companies to express a commitment to supporting the community and to have inclusive practices and goals.
"I think it's important to recognize that coming out at work is really an ongoing part of our professional journey and can happen at a lot of different points."
And third, [it's about] looking for opportunities to host discussions and create safe spaces for the community where they can talk about their experiences they're having at work. As an ally as well, we must really be open to sharing feedback—whether that's with an individual or some outcome of work that's being done—and value that feedback.
Always keep in mind that coming out doesn't necessarily have to be your defining moment.
How should someone go about finding an advocate or support in the workplace?
A great place to start is professional groups, called employee resource groups (ERGs), where you can connect with LGBTQ+ leaders and peers. LinkedIn has an ERG called Out@In, and it's a fantastic space that looks to support the community here and elevate those voices at the company. We also launched a "Conversations for Change" campaign, an ongoing program that focuses on conversations that intersect life and work.
Try connecting with someone, for instance, you went to college with or someone who is part of other LGBTQ+ organizations, like Lesbians Who Tech, for example.
There are also things you can do if you're looking for a company that has that built-in community already. As you're interviewing, look to see if they have an ERG and what organizations they support. Look on their LinkedIn page or via another online [platform] to see if they've made outward commitments to supporting the community. Try to get a sense from the hiring manager and ask what inclusion looks like for teams.
Featured image via Getty Images
These Newlyweds Found Love Thanks To A Friend Playing Matchmaker
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Jason and Elise Robinson’s union is a reminder that kind people still get their happily ever after. The pair had their first date in October of 2021 and tied the knot on June 15, 2024. Both of them have dedicated their lives to celebrating and supporting Black culture so it was only fitting they get married in what's considered the Black Hollywood of America during the Juneteenth celebration weekend. From the florists to Elise and Jason's gown and suit designers to the table signage and so much more, everything was Black-owned. It's no wonder their love for Black culture was the jumping-off point for their love story.
When they met, Jason had just moved to Atlanta for a new job opportunity, and Elise was living happily in her career and had put dating on the backburner. But luckily, a mutual connection saw something in both of them and thanks to a yoga-themed baby shower and a chance text message, they found their forever. Check out their beautiful How We Met story below.
I’ll start with the easiest question. Can you both tell me a little bit about yourself and your background?
Elise: Sure, my name is Elise. I’m actually from Atlanta, GA – not a transplant. I grew up here and left right after college to pursue my career. Now I’ve been back going on eight years, and I’m in my early 40s.
Jason: And I’m Jason. I’m originally from Racine, Wisconsin. I went to school at Florida A&M University, so I am a rattler. I went back to the Midwest for a period of time, in Indianapolis. Now, I’ve been in the Atlanta area for a little over two and a half years.
Jason and Elise Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Wow, that’s nice because Atlanta gets a bad rap when it comes to relationships. So you have to give us the deets. How did you two find each other?
Elise: So I work in TV and I was on-air for a number of years and then transitioned into being a producer and then a manager. As a producer, I’d always have guests on. And there was a woman who came on frequently named Rosalynn (@Rosalynndaniels, often referred to as The Black Martha Stewart), and we connected instantly. Anyway, she got pregnant right before COVID and invited me to a “modern-day yoga baby shower.” I came to support, but was also just curious about that theme.
I had an amazing time. And when it was over a few of us stuck around and convos got personal. She ended up asking me the infamous ‘Are you dating’ question. When I told her no, she decided to set me up. So I should tell you, in both of my only two serious relationships, I was set up – so I was like no.
But she pointed at her husband, who was folding up chairs, and said that another friend set her up with him. Sometimes, it takes people outside of us to see what we need. A few months later, she reached out and said she had family relocating and thought I’d really like him. So she gave him my number, and I reached out with a text. He responded with a call, and that night, we talked for about 2-3 hours. So that’s how we met. I was a little nervous because me and Rosalynn were starting a friendship, and here I was, talking to her family!
Jason: It was new for me too. Remember, I was new to the area, and I had heard so many “stories” about how people have been done wrong in the dating world. Whether it’s by theft or scamming (laughs). Plus, I had just got a new job and wanted to focus on that. But I did want to be able to date someone in a more personal way and see where it led. I felt like who better than someone who I trust to connect me. Rosalynn knows I’m private, about business life, and my personal life is important to me.
So let’s get into your courtship. What was your first date like?
Elise: We had our first convo on a Monday, and he asked me out the next day. I didn’t have any plans, but I still said no. I was just playing hard to get (laughs). But we were talking every day, and he told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been. And I’m like, you’re in my city! But he sends me three options, and sure enough, two of the places I hadn’t gone to. So, our first date was October 1, 2021, and somebody was 45 minutes late.
Now Jason, why were you 45 minutes late?
Elise: It was me – in my own city. I just got turned around, and the traffic was horrible. I kept calling him and giving him permission to leave. Full transparency: I probably wouldn’t have waited if the shoe was on the other foot. But this was my first sign of what I now know and love the most about him. It’s his patience. When I got there, I was frazzled and everything, but he was just super calm. It ended up being a great first date.
Jason: I remember just waiting and being concerned for her well-being. Because I know how traffic can be, especially when someone is rushing. I was just scrolling through my phone and looking through the menu. It was cool.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Courtesy
That’s beautiful. Now let’s talk about the “what are we” convo? Did you have one of those and if so, who initiated it and how was it?
Elise: I initiated it. Jason was dating me – and still does. But by this time, we had been on a number of dates. We were on our way to a winery, and we had a bit of a drive. So I decided to state my intention. We were just a few weeks in, but we were spending a lot of time together and we are people of a particular age. So I told him, I know Atlanta can be a Black man’s playground. There’s so many beautiful professional women here. But I’m dating with intention. I don’t want to kick it or hang with a good guy even though he’s not my person. I was done with all of that. So I’m “laying down the law” in my eyes, and he didn’t flinch. He let me finish and basically let me know we were on the same page. He was not trying to sow his royal oats.
Jason: Yeah, I was not trying to be Prince Akeem. But also, it was more so about setting a tone and goal for myself. My mama always told me to set my goals. And having a family was always one of mine. I think the biggest thing of it all, was I felt blessed – in terms of moving for work and meeting Elise, now being married. There’s victories being placed in my life.
I love that you both shared that because sometimes I get feedback on these stories and it seems like sometimes we’re afraid to really voice what we desire, no matter what that looks like.
Elise: Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
Jason: I think her sharing those values resonated with me, and hearing her “lay down the law” was fine because I was there, too. I would say to millennial women, don’t be afraid to tell a mate what you want. You never know what that would lead to. Time is a precious commodity. Elise saying that early on showed me that she values both of our time. It showed her heart, character, and integrity, and I was drawn to that and the mature conversation. In the social media world, we don’t have those pointed conversations face-to-face. I would challenge readers to have those conversations in person, and you would get more from that convo than any post or reel. Because you see body language reactions and have deeper communication.
Yeah, I think sometimes women feel like they don’t want to put pressure on their partner. But it’s not pressure. Look, Jason and I are based in faith, and what is for us is for us. Being upfront and honest is best – and early makes sense. You don’t have to convince someone to be your person.
You both have mentioned time, family, and integrity. I’m curious what other core values do you both share?
Elise: Early on, our faith. Not just do you believe in God. It had to be deeper in that. I needed someone who would lead me, our home, and our family. I didn’t want to be in a push-and-pull relationship about prayer, church, or have conversations about being better people. Also, we discussed finances. That doesn’t just mean going to work. We chatted about ownership and what it looks like for us. How do we support each other individually and together? I know I like having my hands in a few different pots, and I needed someone who was supportive of that and likewise.
Jason: My background is that I was raised in the church. My father is a deacon and my mom is a deaconess. They've been married for 55 years. Faith was very important to me and it was crucial that my wife have that relationship as well.
Elise and Jason Robinson
Photo by FotosbyFola
Can we talk about challenges? Big or small, what are some things you had to grow through together?
Elise: I have never lived with anyone – not a roommate, a sister, friend, boyfriend or anything. Now, I’m in my 40s and I'm living with someone. When you’ve been by yourself for so long that was a challenge for both of us. We weren’t pulling each other's hair out but I’m a bit extreme. Things are color-coded in my closet. For me, working in news is chaotic so I want my home to be peaceful and organized.
Jason: I’m a man, and she’s a woman. That dynamic alone adds a flair to it. She wants things a certain way. She’s a Capricorn. But just in terms of how she wants to keep a home was a big adjustment for me. It took time.
On a smaller level, what are some of the things you disagree about day-to-day?
Elise: Cleanliness and systems. Like, he recycles and I do not. But sometimes I just have to decide if it really needs to be a thing or if I can just take care of it.
Jason: This is where my organization takes over (laughs).
What are your love languages? Do you know?
Elise: Jason’s is an act of service which works because I love cooking for him. It doesn’t feel like a chore to me. I love when I’m out, picking up his favorite juice. The other day I saw he needed t-shirts while folding clothes. So I just like doing small things for him that he doesn’t expect. He’s very much that guy that will ask to help so it doesn’t bother me.
Jason: I’d say Elise is all of them, but physical touch would probably be the biggest one. I had to get used to that. She’s taught me it in a number of ways. I remember we actually talked about love languages, and I sent her this song called “More Than Words” by Extreme. That explained to her how I felt.
Finally, can we end with the proposal? Tell us everything!
Jason: It was at a restaurant. And again, I was trying to find somewhere she hadn’t been. Also, I didn’t want to do it on our anniversary because that would have been too obvious. I contacted one of the restaurant’s staff and decided to change up the dessert menu. Each item was something special to us.
Elise: We go on so many date nights, so I just thought it was a regular night. We had finished eating, and I had to go to the bathroom. They had a nice mirror, girl. So I’m in there taking videos and stuff.
Jason: While she’s in the restroom, I’m getting everything in place with the waitress.
Elise: So as I’m reading the menu, I realize it’s telling our story and he eventually proposed. It was so special; I actually had the menu framed! It was so beautiful and thoughtful.
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Feature image by FotosbyFola
Dry brushing has gained recent popularity as a simple yet effective technique for enhancing skin health and overall well-being. The ancient Ayurvedic medicine method has become the latest way to revitalize your skin’s health by brushing the skin with a dry, natural bristle brush, typically before showering. While the process may seem straightforward, you might be surprised by the benefits of dry brushing, which extend far beyond merely exfoliating the skin.
If you want to improve your skin’s appearance, give it a new glow, and boost your circulation, consider the following benefits of dry brushing.
Exfoliation and Skin Health
One of the primary benefits of dry brushing is its ability to exfoliate the skin. By gently removing dead skin cells, dry brushing helps to unclog pores and reveal a smoother, more radiant complexion. This process not only enhances the appearance of the skin but also promotes better absorption of moisturizers and other skincare products. Regular exfoliation through dry brushing can prevent the buildup of dead skin cells, reducing the likelihood of breakouts and ingrown hairs.
Improves Circulation
Dry brushing stimulates blood flow to the skin’s surface, which can improve overall circulation. The brushing motion helps to invigorate the skin, encouraging the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to the cells. Improved circulation can lead to a healthier, more vibrant appearance and may even contribute to the reduction of the appearance of cellulite by enhancing the removal of toxins and excess fluid from the tissues.
Supports Lymphatic System
The lymphatic system plays a crucial role in the body’s detoxification process, helping to remove waste and toxins from the tissues. Dry brushing is believed to support lymphatic drainage by stimulating the lymph vessels, which can enhance the body’s natural detoxification process. By promoting lymph flow, dry brushing may help to reduce swelling and improve immune function.
Promotes Detoxification
In addition to supporting the lymphatic system, dry brushing may also aid in the overall detoxification of the body. The stimulation of the skin and increased blood flow flush out toxins, contributing to improved organ function and overall health. Many proponents of dry brushing believe that this practice can help to purify the body from within, leading to clearer skin and a greater sense of well-being.
Stress Relief and Relaxation
The act of dry brushing can be a calming and meditative experience, providing a moment of self-care and relaxation. The repetitive, rhythmic motions can help reduce stress and promote a sense of calm. Additionally, the practice can leave the skin feeling invigorated and refreshed, contributing to an overall sense of vitality and well-being.
How to Dry Brush
To make the most of dry brushing and achieve glowing, radiant skin, follow these easy, step-by-step tips:
Choose the Right Brush: Select a brush with natural bristles and a comfortable handle.
Skin Gym Bamboo Dry Round Brush - $22
EcoTools Dry Body Brush - $6.99
Primally Pure Body Dry Brush - $16
Keys Soulcare Energizing Dry Body Brush - $22
Start at the Feet: Begin brushing at your feet and work your way up the body, using long, sweeping motions toward the heart.
Use Gentle Pressure: Apply gentle pressure, especially on sensitive areas, and avoid brushing over broken or irritated skin.
Brush Before Showering: Dry brushing is best done before showering to wash away the exfoliated skin cells.
Moisturize Afterwards: Follow up with a nourishing moisturizer or oil to keep the skin hydrated and smooth.
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