I like themes. When it comes to sex specifically, I think it's a way to tap into your creative side and surprise your partner with new approaches to copulating. Well, since spring is officially here and summer is on its way, I figured that this would be a great time to share 15 ways where you can bring this time of year into your boudoir in ways that you may have not ever considered before.
Because, after all, the only thing better than sex is the kind that's got plenty of "Whoa. Where did that come from?" energy added to it.
1. Break Out Your Bikini
I know. Typically, when we talk about sex and the art of seduction, it's lingerie that's mentioned. Yet I was surprised that, when I asked some men to describe to me the look that turns them on, a lot of them said that they really enjoy seeing their partner in swimwear. And you know, when I really sit and think about it, I guess that makes sense because the styles of a lot of swimsuits are really sexy. So, in the spirit of spring and summer (which is when we all get into the pool and ocean the most), why not put on your (or his) favorite bathing suit? He probably won't see it coming, it's definitely on-theme and how could he not enjoy taking in the kinds of sights that only happen around this time of the year?
2. DIY Some Lavender Massage Oil
When folks are out on the beach, what's something that they commonly do? Rub sunscreen on their bodies—or each other—right? If you've got on your swimwear, switch it up a bit and swap out sunscreen for massage oil. Massages are beneficial because they relax you, improve blood circulation, increase flexibility, reduce cortisol (stress) levels and can definitely make you feel closer to your partner.
So, whether he's rubbing some oil all over your sex pressure points (check out "Feelin' On These Pressure Points Will Give You The Best Sex Of Your Life") or you're out to give him a tantric massage (check out "Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage"), you definitely can't go wrong by warming up some DIY massage oil first. Hands down, out of all of the essential oils that can help to put you into a mental state of tranquility, lavender would be it. And since it's also a popular summer flower, I'm pretty sure you can see why I went with giving it a massage-scented shout-out. If you want to go this route, a couple of easy recipes for lavender massage oil is located here and here.
3. Buy Some Cooling Sheets
Personally, I'm someone who likes to go to sleep when my bedroom is really cool. I'll turn down my thermostat and, don't put it past me to turn a portable fan on too. Still, I can't tell you how many times I have awakened in the middle of the night to try and figure out why I'm so hot. A few years back, I did some research and discovered that it's usually because our bodies change temperatures throughout the evening.
A way to combat that? Buy some cooling bedsheets. They're specifically designed to allow cool air to surround your body while wicking away moisture that can cause you to feel overheated. On the sex tip, this can really come in handy because most of us get a little hot 'n bothered (in the best way possible, of course) while we're doing-the-do. Anyway, if cooling sheets is something that you'd like to look into, The Sleep Foundation has a list of some of the best ones that are currently on the market. You can check their list out here.
4. Add Some Greenery
One of my favorite things about my bedroom is the tall fake tree that's in one of its corners. It being there just makes the entire space feel more comfortable. There are local arts and craft stores that sell them for a fair price. Shoot, if you put a couple of those in your bedroom and turn the fan on? You could easily find yourself feeling like you're straight up in the middle of a jungle or forest. It's like having outdoor sex without all of the outdoor drama.
5. DIY a Sex Piñata
Most of us know that piñatas are a Mexican-based tradition where a big container is filled with goodies. Usually, they are made out of something like papier-mâché, people are blindfolded and they try and hit it until something falls out. I don't recall ever seeing a piñata at any indoors party which is why I thought it would be cool to mention for this particular article.
Instead of putting candy inside of a piñata, why not put some sex-themed goodies in it instead? Flavored condoms. Small tubes of lube. Adult dice or sex tokens. Dark chocolate (since it is an aphrodisiac). Edible panties. Anything that is sex-focused that can fit into a piñata and won't hurt once it falls out. Go into your backyard, hang the piñata up, have you and your partner blindfold each other, take turns taking a whack at it and have some sort of sex-related "prize" for the one who is able to break it open.
Now tell me that's not creative and festive AF. Places like Party City, Michael's and the Oriental Trading Company typically carry them.
6. Make Your Own Lemonade Lubricant
Speaking of lubricants, the best thing about them is they make things wetter, right? And since we're talking about spring- and summer-themed sex, is there anything more refreshing that a tall glass of homemade lemonade? Why not merge the two things together by making your own lemonade-flavored lubricant? All you need to do is combine one-fourth cup of aloe vera gel with one-fourth cup of flaxseed gel. Then add 3-5 drops of natural lemon flavoring (which is the oil of the lemon not the juice) and BAM—a natural lubricant! While it's more for external use (oral sex) than intercourse, it can still be a real treat. Try it and report back.
7. Adjust the Lights
When it comes to setting up the overall atmosphere of your bedroom, overhead lighting is too harsh and complete darkness can sometimes impede the ambiance of it all. In walks, colored light bulbs. In honor of all things spring and summer, go with green or blue ones. As far as green goes, it represents nature, freshness, prosperity, fertility and harmony (I've always liked that there is a Scripture in the Bible that simply says "our bed is green"—Song of Solomon 1:16). Plus, did you know that green light helps to reduce migraine discomfort in some people? As far as blue goes, it's the color of water—and calm, serenity, inspiration, peace and trust. Y'all, when two naked bodies are moving around in dim green or blue lighting in the middle of the night? There is something about it that visually takes sexual arousal up a couple of notches—and then some.
8. Incorporate Citrus Scents
Smell is one of our five senses (the others are sight, taste, touch and sound). Whether you decide to go with an oil diffuser, a soy candle, a spray for your bedding or even a plug-in, consider using some citrus scents in your bedroom. Orange and lemon scents are signature spring and summer ones. They're also great because they improve your mood, give you more energy and relieve anxiety. Try 'em.
9. Try Some Strawberry-Flavored Deep Throat Numbing Spray
Speaking of oral sex, if something that you want to get better at is performing fellatio, have you ever heard of throat numbing spray? If you happen to have a sensitive gag reflex, spraying this on your throat can make being a "giver" easier. Although the brand GoodHead™ Deep Throat Spray comes in a few different flavors, since strawberries are a fruit that are at their peak around mid-May, why not go with that one? If you want to give it a shot, you can purchase a bottle of the spray (for under $14; the reviews are pretty good too) here.
10. Incorporate Some Wine Ice Cubes
Because red wine increases blood circulation, including to the genital region, it has long had the reputation of being an aphrodisiac. That said, the lead GIF for this? It comes from the movie Do the Right Thing when Mookie and Tina were enjoying some summer foreplay of their own.
Anyway, drastically changing the temperatures on your body from hot to cold can definitely heighten sexual arousal. So, rather than going with some regular ole' ice cubes, pour some red wine into your ice trays. Then, once they're frozen, rub them all over each other. It will feel and taste amazing. It will help to put you into the mood too.
If you're not a wine fan, another approach is to make some fruit cubes. All you're literally doing is putting tiny pieces of fruit and fruit juice or water into the ice trays instead of just water alone. Pineapple is great because it contains the enzyme bromelain which can naturally increase testosterone levels. Cucumbers work because the Vitamin C in them can improve bodily blood flow. Apples are another good idea because the polyphenols and antioxidants in them also increase blood circulation. Plus, fruit cubes taste really good.
11. Put Popsicles (or Frozen Berries) into Your Sex-Themed Cocktails
Back to Mookie. Something that he did to Tina while rubbing ice cubes all over her body was tell her the different things that he found to be sexy about her. If you're not someone who is stellar at dirty talk, a way to ease into it is to follow Mookie's lead. A less self-conscious approach would be to toast your partner (something that I'm naturally big on anyway). How?
Last summer, I wrote an article for the platform that featured summer-themed cocktails that can help to stir things up (check out "8 Summer-Themed Alcoholic Drinks That Can Boost Your Libido"). Put a couple of popsicles or a handful of frozen raspberries or blueberries into your glass. With each lick of the popsicle or each berry that you put into each other's mouths, take turns talking about what turns you on about each other. The words of affirmation combined with the licking visuals and the buzz of the alcohol can turn things into quite a special night.
12. Snack on Some Slices of Watermelon
Here's a food-related point that never gets old. Another fruit that is best eaten during the summertime (July thru August) is watermelon. And whew boy, if there's one fruit that has one of the best reputations around for being an aphrodisiac, this would be it. So much, in fact, that it has earned the nickname "natural Viagra". Watermelon is a sexy fruit because it contains a great amount of the amino acid citrulline. When it's consumed, it has a tendency to dilate blood vessels which is awesome when it comes to men who want to maintain their erection. As a bonus, since watermelon is 92 percent water, it's a natural way to keep you lubricated. And that's always a good thing.
13. Cop Some Waterproof Sex Toys
If you're always down for a good sex toy and you do plan on spending some time in the water this spring and summer seasons, do you have any waterproof sex toys that are currently in your possession? Whether it's a clitoral massager, a finger vibrator or a pocket-sized oral sex stimulator, when your toy can go into water, the sky really is the limit when it comes to your sex options—and locations.
14. Have Sex Outside
If you are a little daring and you're down for having sex outside, think outside of the box a little bit. Wait until dark and have sex in your car (make sure to bring along some of those ice cubes). Stand behind a tree and do it in the standing doggy or—if you're super limber—wheelbarrow position. Drive to a dead-end road and get on the hood of your vehicle. Go to an amusement park, request a private cab on a Ferris wheel and have at it. Go hiking and get off of the path (if you know what I mean). These are just a few suggestions that can help to get your imagination going.
15. Don’t Forget About National Orgasm Day
How much do I support folks having as many orgasms as possible? For now, I'll just share seven articles on the topic that I've written for the site:
- "10 Hacks To Help You Climax More Consistently"
- "10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male And Female Orgasm"
- "How To Have Mind-Blowing Multiple Orgasms. Tonight, Chile."
- "What Is A Super Orgasm & How Can I Have One?"
- "10 Weird & Random Things That Can Prevent An Orgasm"
- "How About Having A 'Mindful Orgasm' Tonight?"
- "U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight"
Orgasms are about experiencing an ultimate high with your partner and that is something that most of us never grow tired of. Well, in honor of all things orgasmic-related, did you know that July 31 is officially National Orgasm Day? Yep, there's an entire day, in the summer, that's totally devoted to you getting your freak on, as much as you want to. Back when I found that out, it had me so hype that I wrote about that as well (check out "Whew, Chile. It's National Orgasm Day!"). You've still got some time to get ready for that day like it's your birthday or Christmas or something. Make sure that you did and watch this be one of the HOTTEST spring and summer seasons for you yet!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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'Throning' And 'Nanoships' Are Two Current Dating Trends That Get Major Side-Eye From Me
Y’all, if there is one thing that I don’t think will ever come to an end, it’s the always and ever-shifting list of dating trends. I guess it makes sense why when you stop to think about the fact that a trend is simply a new attitude or approach to something. And really, when you take in the fact that trends are based on things like celebrity worship — oops, I mean culture (LOL), social media influence, and even current events and the ages of the people we are talking about at any given time (that one is oh so key)…of course, trends are gonna change. Hell, sometimes on a dime.
2025 Dating Trends
And since this is the time of year when what seems like a ton of dating trends are being introduced into the atmosphere, I wanted to share two, in particular, that first caught my eye and then caused me to roll them. Here’s hoping that after you make the time to read this all the way through that you’ll get why they caused me to react the way that I did. And you know what? Here’s hoping even more that you’ll be cautious about falling for the first and/or merely settling for the second (here’s hoping, for real).
What’s Throning All About?
GiphyLet’s begin with throning. From what I’ve read and researched, this is a dating trend that Gen Z is taking to a whole ‘nother level. However, once you hear what it’s all about, I think you’ll get that this has pretty much been going on for as long as social media has been all the rage.
I say that because throning is basically seeking someone whose social media status is so impressive (at least to the individual) that they find themselves wanting to be connected to the person in order to improve how they are perceived online.
If you read various articles on throning, you’ll get that I find it to be shallow as hell because 1) many authors of the pieces say that it’s more about boosting one’s ego and 2) ignoring the actual qualities of an individual, so long as they appear to be on-point on Instagram (for example). In other words, throning is all about striving to obtain social validation in order to create some sense of elevated relevance.
In fact, as one article on the topic specifically stated, “…throning prioritizes influence and clout over shared interests and values, meaningful connection, and emotional intimacy”. Hmm-hmm. So, throning has nothing to do about cultivating something real with another individual; it’s mostly about finding who can make someone appear the way that they would like to online.
Aside from how, again, super shallow that sounds, if folks were willing to dive deeper, they’d get that throning is also counterproductive as all get out when you stop to consider the fact that, reportedly, 40 percent of individuals lie (or highly exaggerate) about the things that they present online and, as far as dating apps go, a whopping 81 percent of people misrepresent themselves on there. Hmph, not to mention the fact that it’s also been cited that most individuals lie to themselves as much as 200 times a day just to present some sort of (false) self-image.
If you also add to this the fact that the word “throning” also sounds a helluva lot like “pedestaling” — why would you want to seek out someone with a reputation that isn’t even real only to put them on some sort of “throne” in your mind, so that hopefully, people will elevate you in the same manner?
Absolutely nothing about that sounds good, healthy, or right. You’re basically saying, “Let me find someone who misrepresents who they are and connect myself to that, so that I can create a false narrative in hopes that it will make me more popular and, in turn, make me feel better about myself.”
Do you see a thriving relationship (including with yourself) coming out of that? Yeah, me neither. SMDH.
Why Are Nanoships So Popular These Days?
GiphyAnd then there’s nanoships (which some people spell this way: nano-ships). What are those? Well, on the surface, nanoships seem like they’re alright — that is, until you put a bit more thought into ‘em. Probably the easiest way to break down a nanoship is it’s like experiencing those moments you see on rom-coms when two people look at each other on a train or in a restaurant, some super dramatic music plays, you think something significant between the two of them is about to happen and then — BOOM! For whatever the reason, the moment is gone.
As crazy as that might sound, read virtually any article on nanoships, and it’s going to say something along the lines of it being about finding joy in fleeting moments with a person (one article calls it “micro-connections”) rather than desiring much else (at least with them). For instance, if a guy winks at you at your favorite coffee shop, that would be called a nanoship. Or if you go to a friend’s wedding and find yourself dancing the night away with someone tall, dark, and handsome, only to never exchange contact information — who cares? At least you have that memory, right?
Even if there is no chance of it evolving into a relationship — or hell, even situationship — you can at least say that you had a nanoship.
Lawd. Please tell me that you can see the flaw in this way of thinking. Again, while on the surface, it seems that a nanoship is teaching you how to be in the moment and find contentment with the simple things in life (which, yes, is good), let’s please go deeper. If something that transpires is so significant that it is able to create a “spark” of some sort, why didn’t it go any further? I mean, from what I’ve read, a nanoship isn’t about, say, a married person making eye contact with someone in a store and thinking, “If I were single, I would definitely get their number.”
No, a nanoship seems to be about two individuals who are actually available to take a little spark and turn it into a potential firework, and yet, they just…don’t.
Now, what one person who was interviewed on the topic said is nanoships can be a helpful thing because they can inspire hope — hope that if you’re tempted to become cynical about finding love or “the one,” those micro-connections can let you know that a relationship, somewhere out in the universe, is possible. Okay, but it’s not like you saw a fine man at a red light, and the light turned green before either of you could say anything.
Nanoships actually last long enough for something more to potentially happen — and so, if they don’t, one or both people don’t want it to. And why in the world does that deserve to be called much of anything, let alone a true dating trend?
I mean, just imagine folks out here being asked about the last time that they were in a relationship and them saying, “I can’t even recall. Oh, but I’ve been in a ton of nanoships lately.” Is it just me, or is that almost like saying that a one-night stand is a lasting emotional connection? To me, a nanoship isn’t a “ship” at all. And, on some levels, it can encourage delusional thinking because you can either find yourself making something more than what it actually is/was or romanticizing your way out of the reality that if something was so special, someone would’ve done something more about the moment — because that’s just how awesome the moment was.
Be Careful with These Dating Trends, Sis
GiphyAnd why did I find it so necessary to share these two trends? Well, because again of what a trend actually is: something that has the potential to heavily influence you. And since December and January are probably the times when new dating trends are discussed the most, I didn’t want you to think (even if it’s subconsciously) that just because something is popular that it’s right.
And when it comes to the two trends that I just mentioned, no one needs to put you on a throne, and you don’t need to settle for “a movie scene exchange” with someone who couldn’t — which is more like wouldn’t — put more effort in and simply…didn’t (which reminds me, click here to read about a similar dating trend known as “smutten”).
That said, is there a current dating trend that I actually can get behind? Well, apparently, stability is going to be brought into the chat more in 2025. Meaning that women are going to prioritize character traits like reliability and potential partners who have goals, budgets, and ambitions. To that, I will simply say, “Awesome” and then follow that up with, “Make sure that you are what you require.” Someone who wants stability should be intentional about being stable themselves, amen?
Other than that, though, please be careful out here — in some ways, now more than ever, because you know how some of y’all say that the dating pool has pee in it? Uh-huh, well, many of these dating trends do too.
Again, just because it’s popular, that doesn’t make it the best fit for you.
When it comes to dating, know the trends (for self-awareness’s sake), yet don’t blindly follow them.
You deserve better. No wiggle room on that. Ever.
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Feature image by Petri Oeschger/Getty Images