Cassie Is Out Here Living Her Best Life & We Love It
Looking at Cassie's recent Instagram post of herself, her mother, and apparently her new beau, Alex Fine, I am not entirely sure what is going on, but I know I like it.
By the looks of it, Cassie Ventura, who is known for a few hits and her long-term relationship with music mogul Sean "Diddy" Combs, has made some major moves in her life, and it seems as though they have been for the best.
Cassie/Instagram
There is a lot of commentary swirling around the breakup of her and Diddy's decade-long relationship; some even formed around the idea that Cassie has wasted the best years of her life with a man without having a marriage or children. My question is: Why does it have to be all of that? And most importantly, why are we assuming that every woman's objective when dating is to get married and have children?
Back in 2017, in a candid conversation with Ebro In The Morning, Cassie let it be known that she wasn't quite ready for the picket-fenced endgame that many of us have imagined for her:
"We have a certain type of relationship and it just works the way it is...I believe in marriage if it's with the right situation, but I feel like, I've seen a lot of people get married and break up in the time that I've been in my relationship. I feel like you can't really put a tag on it. Everybody looks at marriage as something very solid and important, but we have a solid relationship."
"My lifestyle is so different from everyone else's that I don't know if the marriage would be conducive to me sitting here with you right now and having my own stuff. But I do believe in marriage. I do believe in love."
As Iyanla Vanzant said, people are in your life for a reason or a season, and who are we to judge the reasons or seasons pertaining to their relationship? What is heartwarming and snap-worthy is that when Cassie decided that it was time for something new (or a cute somebody new), she had the confidence to execute. Though her execution led to many of our heads spinning, she is dating who she wants to date without needing the permission of any of us to do so, which is precisely what dating is about (although some of us forget).
Through dating other people, we learn more about ourselves, our goals, and our desires for ourselves long-term. Unfortunately, during your evolution, you may look upon the face of someone whom you love dearly and used to be a representation of all you thought you wanted, only to realize they are no longer your cup of tea. There is no shame in that, and it's a better realization to come to if you two are not married.
Evidently, Cassie knew when it was time to move on to someone who was more aligned with what she wants in her life currently.
Alex Fine/Instagram
Given Diddy's notorious past of not walking down the aisle, if marriage is truly something that she wants for her future, then yo-yo-ing with him would not be the best investment of her time.
If we learn nothing else, there is good in every goodbye if you are brave enough to extend.
In this case, the good looks like a pretty sexy trainer in his mid-twenties. But there are going to be many people, places, and things that you are going to have to let go of in hopes of finding something that serves you. The key is trusting the process and knowing that, in time, the universe will provide you with what you need to live your best life. Whatever that means to you.
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New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
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Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images