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Cassie Is Out Here Living Her Best Life & We Love It

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Looking at Cassie's recent Instagram post of herself, her mother, and apparently her new beau, Alex Fine, I am not entirely sure what is going on, but I know I like it.


By the looks of it, Cassie Ventura, who is known for a few hits and her long-term relationship with music mogul Sean "Diddy" Combs, has made some major moves in her life, and it seems as though they have been for the best.

Cassie/Instagram

There is a lot of commentary swirling around the breakup of her and Diddy's decade-long relationship; some even formed around the idea that Cassie has wasted the best years of her life with a man without having a marriage or children. My question is: Why does it have to be all of that? And most importantly, why are we assuming that every woman's objective when dating is to get married and have children?

Back in 2017, in a candid conversation with Ebro In The Morning, Cassie let it be known that she wasn't quite ready for the picket-fenced endgame that many of us have imagined for her:

"We have a certain type of relationship and it just works the way it is...I believe in marriage if it's with the right situation, but I feel like, I've seen a lot of people get married and break up in the time that I've been in my relationship. I feel like you can't really put a tag on it. Everybody looks at marriage as something very solid and important, but we have a solid relationship."
"My lifestyle is so different from everyone else's that I don't know if the marriage would be conducive to me sitting here with you right now and having my own stuff. But I do believe in marriage. I do believe in love."

As Iyanla Vanzant said, people are in your life for a reason or a season, and who are we to judge the reasons or seasons pertaining to their relationship? What is heartwarming and snap-worthy is that when Cassie decided that it was time for something new (or a cute somebody new), she had the confidence to execute. Though her execution led to many of our heads spinning, she is dating who she wants to date without needing the permission of any of us to do so, which is precisely what dating is about (although some of us forget).

Through dating other people, we learn more about ourselves, our goals, and our desires for ourselves long-term. Unfortunately, during your evolution, you may look upon the face of someone whom you love dearly and used to be a representation of all you thought you wanted, only to realize they are no longer your cup of tea. There is no shame in that, and it's a better realization to come to if you two are not married.

Evidently, Cassie knew when it was time to move on to someone who was more aligned with what she wants in her life currently.

Alex Fine/Instagram

Given Diddy's notorious past of not walking down the aisle, if marriage is truly something that she wants for her future, then yo-yo-ing with him would not be the best investment of her time.

If we learn nothing else, there is good in every goodbye if you are brave enough to extend.

In this case, the good looks like a pretty sexy trainer in his mid-twenties. But there are going to be many people, places, and things that you are going to have to let go of in hopes of finding something that serves you. The key is trusting the process and knowing that, in time, the universe will provide you with what you need to live your best life. Whatever that means to you.

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How To Reclaim Your Time After A Bad Breakup – Read More

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When I was ten, my Sunday school teacher put on a brief performance in class that included some of the boys standing in front of the classroom while she stood in front of them holding a heart shaped box of chocolate. One by one, she tells each boy to come and bite a piece of candy and then place the remainder back into the box. After the last boy, she gave the box of now mangled chocolate over to the other Sunday school teacher — who happened to be her real husband — who made a comically puzzled face. She told us that the lesson to be gleaned from this was that if you give your heart away to too many people, once you find “the one,” that your heart would be too damaged. The lesson wasn’t explicitly about sex but the implication was clearly present.

That memory came back to me after a flier went viral last week, advertising an abstinence event titled The Close Your Legs Tour with the specific target demo of teen girls came across my Twitter timeline. The event was met with derision online. Writer, artist, and professor Ashon Crawley said: “We have to refuse shame. it is not yours to hold. legs open or not.” Writer and theologian Candice Marie Benbow said on her Twitter: “Any event where 12-17-year-old girls are being told to ‘keep their legs closed’ is a space where purity culture is being reinforced.”

“Purity culture,” as Benbow referenced, is a culture that teaches primarily girls and women that their value is to be found in their ability to stay chaste and “pure”–as in, non-sexual–for both God and their future husbands.

I grew up in an explicitly evangelical house and church, where I was taught virginity was the best gift a girl can hold on to until she got married. I fortunately never wore a purity ring or had a ceremony where I promised my father I wouldn’t have pre-marital sex. I certainly never even thought of having my hymen examined and the certificate handed over to my father on my wedding day as “proof” that I kept my promise. But the culture was always present. A few years after that chocolate-flavored indoctrination, I was introduced to the fabled car anecdote. “Boys don’t like girls who have been test-driven,” as it goes.

And I believed it for a long time. That to be loved and to be desired by men, it was only right for me to deny myself my own basic human desires, in the hopes of one day meeting a man that would fill all of my fantasies — romantically and sexually. Even if it meant denying my queerness, or even if it meant ignoring how being the only Black and fat girl in a predominantly white Christian space often had me watch all the white girls have their first boyfriends while I didn’t. Something they don’t tell you about purity culture – and that it took me years to learn and unlearn myself – is that there are bodies that are deemed inherently sinful and vulgar. That purity is about the desire to see girls and women shrink themselves, make themselves meek for men.

Purity culture isn’t unlike rape culture which tells young girls in so many ways that their worth can only be found through their bodies. Whether it be through promiscuity or chastity, young girls are instructed on what to do with their bodies before they’ve had time to figure themselves out, separate from a patriarchal lens. That their needs are secondary to that of the men and boys in their lives.

It took me a while —after leaving the church and unlearning the toxic ideals around purity culture rooted in anti-Blackness, fatphobia, heteropatriarchy, and queerphobia — to embrace my body, my sexuality, and my queerness as something that was not only not sinful or dirty, but actually in line with the vision God has over my life. Our bodies don't stop being our temples depending on who we do or who we don’t let in, and our worth isn’t dependent on the width of our legs at any given point.

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