Quantcast

Why Women Should Follow The Gospel According To RiRi

Rihanna

The recent news of Cassie and Diddy breaking up has been triggering the internet and putting everyone in their feelings. One would think it was their eleven-year relationship has suddenly ended. Most feel as though Cassie "wasted" her time. While Cassie's only comment has been a resounding, "F*ck These Hoes".


Cassie was with Diddy 11 years........ bye. twitter.com

If I could have just a few words with Cassie, I would give her a word from the Book of Rihanna. I would tell Cassie all about the great Gospel of Rihanna. I would focus the lesson around the Book of ANTI, Song Number 7. My centering thought will be the chorus for "Needed Me". The reading of the word goes as follows:

Don't get it twisted.

You was just another n*gga on the hit list,

Tryna fix your inner issues with a bad bitch.

Didn't they tell you that I was a savage?

F*ck ya white horse and ya carriage.

As we read these words out loud, may they not just hit your ears but also penetrate your heart. The title of today's lesson is, "F*ck Ya White Horse and Ya Carriage." I bring this message to you, not to disrespect the union of marriage, or to further divide the sexes. Instead, I bring this message to offer a new stance on the idea of marriage. Since the beginning of time, women, more specifically, black women have been taught to be the head of the family. We have been conditioned that it is our love and nurturing nature that allows black families to flourish. Since the dawn of time, black women have taken our task seriously.

Yet, with every disadvantage against our black families, women still measure their worthiness in society by whether or not if they are married or have kids. As the infamous lines go in the great Book of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, "We women are expected to make life choices, always keeping in mind that marriage is most important."

But, it's a new day, sis!

Now, we are in a transitional period. Mother Earth, the Great Divine Feminine, is asking us to remember our power. This doesn't happen by lowering, disrespecting, or casting out men. No, in fact, it is the exact opposite. It is empowering, uplifting, and holding men accountable. Only when the male and female can hold mutual space, does the world return to its rightful place. But because we are stuck in this illusion that marriage is most important, i.e. pleasing a man is most important, we continue to give away our power. We are willing to put up with anything from a man for the sake of getting down the aisle, or simply just to say we have a man. Then we wonder why our marriages don't last. We are not taught to aspire to healthy, mutually respectful marriages, we're just taught to get there by any means necessary. F*ck ya white horse and ya carriage.

I use the great apostle Rihanna because despite her being worth $260 million and being one of the richest singers of all time, I remind you that Rihanna is just like us. In light of her break up, I ask Cassie to simply look to Rihanna. Think about it. We love Rihanna so much because she doesn't mind being both a sweetheart and a savage.

We embrace her because she embraces all herself (thick thighs and all), which makes me wonder, why are we are trying so hard to be perfect for these men? We should accept all parts of ourselves: the good, the bad, the bitchiness, and the flaws. Conversely, we should require our men do the same. Not shrink ourselves. That's the Gospel According to RiRi!

Expand yourself to the height of a giant, then mandate that your man meets you there! Or get the fuck out the way.

We have to learn to recognize when the men in our lives don't deserve our love, let alone our presence. That's what we, as women, have forgotten. We are the ones who makes the man better. Not the other way around. It says it in the Bible (a man who finds a wife finds a good thing). We elevate the man! We are the life-givers of the world, both literally and figuratively. Yet, we have weakened our place in society to keep our families afloat. For decades, women have molded and changed themselves for the acceptance of men, but where has that gotten us?

If he can't respect the fact that you don't want to have sex until your married, he's not the one for you. If he can't live with the fact that you like to shake your ass every Tuesday and Thursday, then guess what? He's not the one. If you have been with a man, say for, eleven years and you're still having year two problems, it's time to let it go. If you have given this man chance after chance and he's still doing the same shit - sis, it's time to let it go. Allow these moments of denial and incompatibility be your doorway to the person for you.

If you're constantly trying to morph and shape yourself into the wishes of every man you meet, how would you ever find the man for you?

And I get it, we as woman can be prideful, we want a return on our investment. But at what cost? The heartbreak is going to be so temporary compared to the constant heartbreak you will experience "trying to make it work". If Rihanna can walk away from the hottest pop star, baseball player, the greatest rappers of our generation, and a billionaire, why can't you walk away from Tyrone at Taco Bell? Why are you holding onto Harold from Howard because you two went to middle school together?

I know that society wants to us to feel like we're an endangered, undesirable species but that's bullshit. We deserve love too. Real love. Love without exception. We deserve to be in love with someone who makes us feel good. Love is supposed to inspire you. It's not supposed to feel like you're compromising yourself or losing bits and pieces of your soul. That's not love. Love is not going to make you feel like you're betraying yourself. It's not enough to just have a man.

We need to build families from a place of wholeness. Not from a place of lack or fear.

I'm asking that we as Black Women take on the attitude of Rihanna and say, "F*ck ya white horse and ya carriage."

We deserve full, all-encompassing, all-committed love. Anything else must go. We are challenging men to love us how we deserve to be loved, or to hit the curb. I'm happy for Cassie because she chooses herself.

She didn't allow the length of time to determine the price of her happiness and that's something to admire. After all, it's a new day, sis!

Related Stories:

I Have a Perfect Response to "What Do You Bring to the Table?" - Read More

Why Do We Confuse History With Chemistry? - Read More

5 Lessons In Love & Self That Rihanna's Taught Us Through Her Relationships - Read More

Why Are Women Accepting Bare Minimum As Bae-Material? - Read More

xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissons@xonecole.com

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.

Reparations

We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

Featured image by Shutterstock

As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.

This is Maya's story, written by Charmin Michelle.

I know this may come to a surprise so many, but here we are. Yes, I got a BBL. If you aren't aware, a BBL is a Brazilian Butt Lift, a cosmetic surgery process where the doctor uses a combination of liposuction and fat-grafting, transfers the fat into the butt, resulting in added volume, defined curves, and a lift. It is technically lipo and a fat transfer. But yeah girl, this has been on my to-do list for a while. And now that I am able to afford it, I went for it.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

The season I look forward to the most every year is Resort. Even if you haven't had an opportunity to enjoy a proper getaway this season, now is the time to get your last-minute plans in order as the final moments of summer quickly come to an end. While you can always find a sunny destination to travel any time of the year, this is the perfect time to take advantage of the final warm weather looks before fall inventory completely takes over.

Keep reading... Show less

It's still the early stages of this so-called post-pandemic life, and with graduates finally entering the workforce or taking their next steps toward true adulting, many might be wondering, "Where do I start?" True, life's been a roller coaster ride, but we're here to help with a list of best cities for millennials to work.

Keep reading... Show less

Black love deserves celebration. And it deserves celebration for multiple reasons. Because of our history, love for each other has been a necessity to survive. By choosing each other, we literally do it for the culture by continuing folklore and manifestations of our human intellectual achievements. Our genetic makeup has always been grounded in resilience — the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and toughness. Black love creates balance, space, growth, and change making for a fundamental part of our identities.

Keep reading... Show less

Adulting is hard but packing up and moving from one living space to the next is even harder. As a young adult, leaving home to attend college 300 miles away, I was yearning for a change of scenery so much so I couldn't wait to pack my belongings and head to sunny southern California. With each transition, it wasn't an easy task, however, nine years and 10 roommates later, I finally have a place to call my own. As liberating as it is to be in a space that's all mine, this move is unlike any other. As a single woman, the responsibility of uprooting myself has been more challenging than I ever imagined. More than just saving dreamy home decor inspiration via Pinterest, making "my house a home" has been a process that's easier said than done.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Exclusive: Find Confidence With This Summer Workout Created By A Black Woman For Black Women

Tone & Sculpt trainer Danyele Wilson makes fitness goals attainable.

Latest Posts