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Why Women Should Follow The Gospel According To RiRi
The recent news of Cassie and Diddy breaking up has been triggering the internet and putting everyone in their feelings. One would think it was their eleven-year relationship has suddenly ended. Most feel as though Cassie "wasted" her time. While Cassie's only comment has been a resounding, "F*ck These Hoes".
Cassie was with Diddy 11 years........ bye.twitter.com
If I could have just a few words with Cassie, I would give her a word from the Book of Rihanna. I would tell Cassie all about the great Gospel of Rihanna. I would focus the lesson around the Book of ANTI, Song Number 7. My centering thought will be the chorus for "Needed Me". The reading of the word goes as follows:
Don't get it twisted.
You was just another n*gga on the hit list,
Tryna fix your inner issues with a bad bitch.
Didn't they tell you that I was a savage?
F*ck ya white horse and ya carriage.
As we read these words out loud, may they not just hit your ears but also penetrate your heart. The title of today's lesson is, "F*ck Ya White Horse and Ya Carriage." I bring this message to you, not to disrespect the union of marriage, or to further divide the sexes. Instead, I bring this message to offer a new stance on the idea of marriage. Since the beginning of time, women, more specifically, black women have been taught to be the head of the family. We have been conditioned that it is our love and nurturing nature that allows black families to flourish. Since the dawn of time, black women have taken our task seriously.
Yet, with every disadvantage against our black families, women still measure their worthiness in society by whether or not if they are married or have kids. As the infamous lines go in the great Book of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, "We women are expected to make life choices, always keeping in mind that marriage is most important."
But, it's a new day, sis!
Now, we are in a transitional period. Mother Earth, the Great Divine Feminine, is asking us to remember our power. This doesn't happen by lowering, disrespecting, or casting out men. No, in fact, it is the exact opposite. It is empowering, uplifting, and holding men accountable. Only when the male and female can hold mutual space, does the world return to its rightful place. But because we are stuck in this illusion that marriage is most important, i.e. pleasing a man is most important, we continue to give away our power. We are willing to put up with anything from a man for the sake of getting down the aisle, or simply just to say we have a man. Then we wonder why our marriages don't last. We are not taught to aspire to healthy, mutually respectful marriages, we're just taught to get there by any means necessary. F*ck ya white horse and ya carriage.
I use the great apostle Rihanna because despite her being worth $260 million and being one of the richest singers of all time, I remind you that Rihanna is just like us. In light of her break up, I ask Cassie to simply look to Rihanna. Think about it. We love Rihanna so much because she doesn't mind being both a sweetheart and a savage.
We embrace her because she embraces all herself (thick thighs and all), which makes me wonder, why are we are trying so hard to be perfect for these men? We should accept all parts of ourselves: the good, the bad, the bitchiness, and the flaws. Conversely, we should require our men do the same. Not shrink ourselves. That's the Gospel According to RiRi!
Expand yourself to the height of a giant, then mandate that your man meets you there! Or get the fuck out the way.
We have to learn to recognize when the men in our lives don't deserve our love, let alone our presence. That's what we, as women, have forgotten. We are the ones who makes the man better. Not the other way around. It says it in the Bible (a man who finds a wife finds a good thing). We elevate the man! We are the life-givers of the world, both literally and figuratively. Yet, we have weakened our place in society to keep our families afloat. For decades, women have molded and changed themselves for the acceptance of men, but where has that gotten us?
If he can't respect the fact that you don't want to have sex until your married, he's not the one for you. If he can't live with the fact that you like to shake your ass every Tuesday and Thursday, then guess what? He's not the one. If you have been with a man, say for, eleven years and you're still having year two problems, it's time to let it go. If you have given this man chance after chance and he's still doing the same shit - sis, it's time to let it go. Allow these moments of denial and incompatibility be your doorway to the person for you.
If you're constantly trying to morph and shape yourself into the wishes of every man you meet, how would you ever find the man for you?
And I get it, we as woman can be prideful, we want a return on our investment. But at what cost? The heartbreak is going to be so temporary compared to the constant heartbreak you will experience "trying to make it work". If Rihanna can walk away from the hottest pop star, baseball player, the greatest rappers of our generation, and a billionaire, why can't you walk away from Tyrone at Taco Bell? Why are you holding onto Harold from Howard because you two went to middle school together?
I know that society wants to us to feel like we're an endangered, undesirable species but that's bullshit. We deserve love too. Real love. Love without exception. We deserve to be in love with someone who makes us feel good. Love is supposed to inspire you. It's not supposed to feel like you're compromising yourself or losing bits and pieces of your soul. That's not love. Love is not going to make you feel like you're betraying yourself. It's not enough to just have a man.
We need to build families from a place of wholeness. Not from a place of lack or fear.
I'm asking that we as Black Women take on the attitude of Rihanna and say, "F*ck ya white horse and ya carriage."
We deserve full, all-encompassing, all-committed love. Anything else must go. We are challenging men to love us how we deserve to be loved, or to hit the curb. I'm happy for Cassie because she chooses herself.
She didn't allow the length of time to determine the price of her happiness and that's something to admire. After all, it's a new day, sis!
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xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissons@xonecole.com
Honest Am is a Detroit-based writer and podcaster. She co-hosts Dear Showrunners and is the creator of the Honestly, Sis newsletter. She prides herself on her knack for finding life lessons in television, movies and celebrity drama. Jay-Z is her godfather and Kanye West is her spirit animal.
Keep up with her on social @AmBee and join the Honesty Circle here!
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Summer Travel Guide: 9 Safest Vacation Spots For Black Women
When it comes to planning and choosing our international travels, there’s one question that is bound to come up: “Is it safe for Black women?”
At times, our travel plans can be halted by whether or not our desired destination is safe not only for solo travel but for overall protection as women of color. We want to have fun, go on excursions, taste the food, and let our hair down, so the last thing we need on our minds is navigating microaggressions and worrying about our safety.
According to a report by The Mandala Research Firm, 17% of Black Americans take one or more international trips and travel locally more than six times per year. Even more exciting, 42% of Black Americans said they would spend more in 2020 on travel than in 2019 (pre-Covid), and 50% of Black adults (16% more than the general population) are more likely to travel to locations associated with their ethnic or cultural heritage. All of this goes to show that we’re not afraid to pack our bags and book flights to our heart's desire.
Our passion for travel and exploration highlights a growing desire to connect with a wide range of cultures while discovering new fresh locales. By choosing destinations with positive reputations for safety and belonging, you can enjoy your next adventure with peace of mind. And to help, we’ve provided a list of the best vacation spots to add to our travel bucket list.
1.Havana, Cuba
Known for its vibrant culture and welcoming locals, Havana offers a unique travel experience for you and your girlfriends. Stroll through the historic streets of Old Havana and immerse yourself in the lively music and dance scenes that make this city unforgettable.
2.Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famous for its Carnival, stunning beaches, and warm hospitality, Rio de Janeiro is a lively and safe city to explore all year long. Don't miss a visit to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue and the bustling Copacabana Beach for a true taste of Rio's energetic spirit.
3.Belize
With its beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and laid-back Caribbean vibe, Belize is a safe and adventurous destination for travelers. Discover the underwater wonders of the Belize Barrier Reef and explore ancient Lamanai Maya Ruins.
4.Paris, France
Who doesn’t have Paris, the city of lights, on their travel list? Renowned for its art, fashion, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Paris offers a blend of romance and safety for travelers. Wander through the charming neighborhoods of Montmartre and Le Marais, explore the Louvre, and indulge in the city's exquisite culinary delights.
5.Lisbon, Portugal
Portugal's capital city, Lisbon, charms visitors with its historic architecture, delicious cuisine, and welcoming atmosphere. Enjoy breathtaking views from São Jorge Castle and savor traditional pastries at the famous Pastéis de Belém bakery.
6.Bali, Indonesia
We’ve all seen the viral photos off the Bali coast and Gates of Heaven, so why not make it a reality? Famous for its lush landscapes, vibrant culture, and serene temples, Bali offers a safe and enriching travel experience in Southeast Asia.
7.Tokyo, Japan
Recently, the value of the Japanese Yen has seen a significant drop, making it the lowest it has been against the dollar since 1986, which also means that there’s no better time than now to make your travel plans to the renowned cultural hub.
8.Accra, Ghana
There’s no FOMO like the kind felt from seeing all the beautiful faces enjoying their holiday at Ghana’s Afrochella Festival, so let this be your sign to start planning the trip now. Often referred to as a welcoming home for the African diaspora, Ghana offers rich cultural experiences and a sense of belonging. Explore the vibrant markets of Accra and visit the historic Cape Coast Castle to connect with the nation's poignant past.
9.Seoul, South Korea
You may be surprised to find this city on the list, but for Black travelers, Seoul is said to be one of the safest and most exciting cities to travel to. There will be plenty to eat, buy, and experience from this city’s rich history and culture.
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Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images