Oftentimes, sex is discussed in a way that's limited to relationships, drama, medical research, or shame. And we all know there's more to sex, especially when we're talking about something that is so important to not only the survival of mankind but to our thriving in existence as women.
And with something so important, there's certainly a need for more of us to serve as leaders in empowering ourselves and one another. We can use our voices, intelligence, and savvy for professional fulfillment in a way that informs, serves, and forges much-needed progress toward a more healthy, sex-positive world.
If you're down for all of that, here are a few career paths to consider in the realms of sex and intimacy:
Romance Writer
If you're great at storytelling and always wanted to write about sex and intimacy, romance writing might be the perfect job for you. And it doesn't have to be 2,000-page books. You could write freelance stories for publications, scripts for films and TV shows, or copy for brands. The salary can be as much as $100,000 a year depending on the nature of the writing and the project.
Intimacy Coach
Not to be confused with a sex therapist, this job is for people who want to coach others who seek to learn more about themselves or their partners when it comes to intimate connections (which go well beyond the physical act of sex). It explores issues including emotional connection and can involve activities and insights that focus more on the mental aspect of sexual attraction than the physical.
Being an intimacy coach can also include coverage of topics like self-awareness, self-love, self-pleasuring, and types of sexuality cues that can lead to healthy sex. Average yearly salaries start at $54,000, and can range based on experience, education, certifications, and training.
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Sex Therapist
This is a job that requires a master's degree and licensing. If you're into counseling and want to work with reputable organizations (or start your own practice), the educational route is the most ideal. You could serve single women and men, couples, families, or organizations through this job, and the average salary starts at about $84,000.
Pole Dance Fitness Instructor
This is sexy, sultry, and fun, all while ensuring your clients or participants stay fit. Whether you teach classes at a local YMCA or other gym franchise or teach your own classes from the comfort of your home or private gym, this is a great flex option where you could earn more than $60,000 a year. Not only has pole dance fitness been found to help women tap into intimacy and confidence, but it's a great precursor to spicing up anybody's time in the bedroom with their bae.
Relationship & Sex Columnist
Similar to the romance writer gig, this is something you could do if you already have experience writing or if you're a lover of all things sex education. Publications are always looking for fresh, intelligent, and unique voices on topics like sex and relationships, especially since that sort of content, while taboo in some circles, can be a huge draw (in the form of traffic and ad dollars) and can open up much-needed dialogue their audiences are craving. The average yearly salary for a relationship and sex columinist can start at $62,000 and goes up depending on your experience, the audience you can bring to the table, and the reach of the publication.
Human Sexuality Researcher
If you geek out when studying and observing all that encompasses sex, from the mind to the body, a role as a human sexuality researcher is your best shot. Researchers of this kind can find work within almost any company or organization in the areas of tech, healthcare, education, and nonprofits, and you can earn a starting annual salary of $57,000 and on up into six figures. This is a great opportunity for advocacy and balancing the scales with more solid, balanced, up-to-date, and reputable research to affect legislation, medical practices, medical theory, and consumer marketing, especially related to minority and underserved communities.
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Sexual Health Nurse
You can earn $72,000 a year or more as a sexual health nurse, and it's perfect for nurses who are passionate about advocating for patients and creating safe spaces when it comes to reproductive, maternal, and sexual health. (And as Black women, we need more of us in these spaces, especially with the unfair, biased, and discriminatory disparities we face in the healthcare system as it relates to our wombs and sex lives.)
Sex Education Professor
You'll need a master's degree or Ph.D. to be a sex education professor, and it's awesome if you're into molding and shaping minds when it comes to sexual health, theory, and research. You can also earn more than $62,000 a year at this gig, working for universities or private institutions. You could take this a bit further into consulting and offer your insights, training, or expertise to school systems and other large institutions.
Sex Toy Tester
This job seems like a wild card, but it does, indeed, exist. Salaries for testing vibrators, swings, and other sex toys have ranged from upwards of $36,000, and some pay by the hour. It might be more of a part-time or flex option, but if you can get multiple gigs, it's definitely something to consider, especially if you have quite a bit of downtime and are open to trying the latest gadgets.
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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When I came across a way to maximize the pleasure I receive from cunnilingus (already), I had no choice but to tap in. Who knew the key to taking oral sex to new heights was giving it a sideways twist? For those of you who might also be interested in ways to spice up the way you do oral, experience faster and stronger orgasms, or simply want to indulge in something new with your partner, the Kivin Method could definitely be the oral sex technique for you, too.
Keep reading to learn about the method that is sure to have you writhing in ecstasy in no time at all.
What Is The Kivin Method?
For the uninitiated, the Kivin Method is an oral sex technique that focuses on stimulating the clitoris from a different angle. Dubbed “sideways oral” by some, this method involves the action of giving head from a side-to-side movement as opposed to the up-and-down motion that people typically perform when giving head. (If you need a visual, this illustration is helpful.)
The difference in approach as you’re receiving head can be a game-changer in how you receive pleasure. Not only does the giving partner have access to the clitoris, but they can also access more easily the vulva and the labia, which are objectively a bigger focus in this version of cunnilingus. More access means wider coverage, and that, plus the new sensation of oral from a different angle, can heighten the way you experience oral sex that much more.
Where more pleasure flows, intense orgasms are sure to follow.
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How To Do The Kivin Method
If you want to know how to do the Kivin Method, it’s actually pretty straightforward. The receiver lays on their back while the giver positions themselves perpendicular to the receiver. Their head will be facing the vulva, but instead of vertical, their face will be horizontal to the vulva.
From there, the giver can get to business, ensuring that they keep their head perpendicular to the receiver’s vulva while working on their craft. Because this technique can be more intense for some receivers, start slowly by stroking the vulva and clitoris sideways with the tongue, and allow sensations and communication from the receiver to be a guide of what you need more or less of with the Kivin Method.
Ultimately, the Kivin Method allows experimentation and unlocking what pressure, rhythm, and tricks work best for the giver and the receiver. Try implementing a finger or two, or adding a sex toy to the mix to intensify the act even further.
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