The most ironic part about Black women being called Gold Diggers is that if that's the truth, then we aren't doing a very good job at it. Either we don't know how to dig for this gold or we've confused fool's gold for the real thing.
Despite leading the way in advanced degrees, college-educated Black women still make less money than other groups, including college-educated Black men, suffer from having disproportionate rates of poverty, access to quality healthcare, sexual assault, and sexually transmitted diseases (even though Black women are NOT any more likely to be promiscuous than any other woman).
So where is this pot of gold that we seem to be digging for?
A woman's desire to seek out the best provider for herself and her offspring is deeply embedded in our genetic coding. It is our feminine instinct to want a man with resources. It's one of the things that makes us feel secure in a relationship. However, Black women are continuously told that seeking out such a man makes her a despicable user.
Truthfully, most educated Black women do marry men less educated than them (mostly because the pool of college-educated Black men is small), and many of these marriages end in divorce.
"Degree-holding Black wives put their education to use. In Black families, college-educated wives often assume the conventional economic role of the husband. According to one study, married, college-educated Black women earn more than 60 percent of their household income, approximately the same percentage earned by the average White husband. College-educated Black women are sometimes the sole earners in their family, as more than one out of ten married, college-educated Black women have a husband who is unemployed." (Is Marriage for White People? Ralph Richard Banks, pg.85).
So, again I ask, where is this pot of gold we are supposedly digging from?
The Black community has done a good job at gaslighting Black women into going against their own feminine instincts by encouraging them to carry on the legacy of helping Black men out to fight against White "Supremacy," as though Black men are so impotent that they cannot do what men from other communities have done and are doing for their women, and that is BUILD! Building sustainable communities in which women and children can truly thrive.
The other irony is that nearly every other group of women on our planet practices hypergamy (the practice of marrying up to improve one's financial and/or social status) in some way, shape, or form, but simultaneously look to Black women to be the poster children for the "Strong Independent" woman who doesn't need a man to accomplish anything in life. These women will "Go Girl" you into making relationship choices they themselves would never make or encourage their daughters to make.
Related: Why Are Women Accepting Bare Minimum As Bae Material?
Take Peggy Drexler for example, who recently wrote an article for the Wall Street Journal entitled "Single Ladies, It's Time to Pony Up When the Check Comes" encouraging women to split and pay for the check on dates. After some digging, I found out that Peggy Drexler was married (last time I checked) to a man worth over two hundred million dollars. She is a NYC Research Psychologist, and I highly suspect she doesn't foot half the bills for her current lifestyle, but she wants you to.
What Peggy Drexler, and many other men and women, fail to understand is that the entire purpose for a man paying for dates on most of the dates during the courtship period is to demonstrate that he is both willing and capable of financially providing for a woman and any children should the courtship lead to marriage. So, men who cannot meet the bare minimum of affording dates (and they needn't be very expensive dates) should be eliminated from the pool of potential suitors altogether.
I strongly encourage Black women to raise the bar for overall standard of treatment in both courtship/dating and marriage and require men to build a table for you to bring something to.
Related: I Have A Perfect Response To "What Do You Bring To The Table?"
Men will live up to the standards we set. The same man who will bash women about being gold diggers, split bills on dates, and present himself as a mediocre package, will get himself together for the woman whose culture requires him to man up and be at a certain level to marry her. It's mating psychology, and our hardwired genetic mating psychology doesn't care about the latest new age dating trends.
Before I close, I'll leave you with a word about men and potentiality. There is nothing wrong with being with a man who is going places and has the potential to be very successful in the future.
The difference between a man with potential and a pipe dreamer is that a man with potential will be actively making moves to realize his set goals. He will also NOT require you to foot the bills for him to reach his goals during this time.
Black women desiring a man that will help her financially is a natural one (even if you can make your own money), and Black women wanting to practice hypergamy shouldn't feel ashamed.
Wanting a partner who can elevate your life in every possible way is so important, and it's not Gold Digging when the woman in question is kind, loving, nurturing, intelligent, and focused on building a family legacy.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- Why Don't Successful Black Men Date Black Women? | WRNB 100.3 ... ›
- Dating tips for the black alpha woman ›
- Grown-ish Explores the Truths of Dating as a Black Woman ›
- Hypergamy - Why Are MGTOW Men Angry that Women Opt to Marry ... ›
- Hypergamy Culture is Destroying Black America ›
- Black Women, It's Time to START Practicing Hypergamy - YouTube ›
- Black Women, It's Time to START Practicing Hypergamy. In Force ... ›
Candice Adewole is a feminine arts educator, and certified life/relationship coach. She is passionate about helping Black women tap into the power of their authentic feminine essence in order to live truly magical lives. In addition to writing The Black Girl's Guide to being Blissfully Feminine, she has also authored A Girl's Guide to being a Lady in Waiting.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Ananda Lewis Clarifies Why She Didn't Get A Mastectomy & Says She's Doing 'Better' After Stage IV Breast Cancer Diagnosis
Former MTV VJ Ananda Lewis received a lot of backlash from online critics after sharing she decided to forgo a double mastectomy. But there's more to the story.
Ananda was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer in 2019, and during a recent round table discussion with CNN's Stephanie Elam and Sara Sidner, she revealed that she decided not to get a double mastectomy and, now, she has stage IV cancer.
Following that interview, she clarified why she did not get the surgery. “The circumstances were not conducive to surgery because my tumor wasn’t aggressively growing at the time, and then COVID hit,” Ananda told The Epoch Times.
She opted for a cryoablation treatment instead, which uses extreme cold to destroy the cancer cells.
Another thing the 51-year-old wanted to clarify was whether she was dying. She said she is not. “Nothing happened. Today, I am fantastic. I may have felt like I was dying in February, but I’m not dying, and I’m definitely doing better than I was last October,” she said.
She is focused on taking care of herself and getting a "good 20 more years out of this body." She follows a keto diet and avoids alcohol, white flour and white sugar.
During the CNN roundtable discussion, the mother of one shared that she had an integrative approach to her treatment, which included traditional medicine and homeopathy methods such as red light therapy.
“My plan at first was to get out excessive toxins in my body. I felt like my body is intelligent, I know that to be true. Our bodies are brilliantly made,” she said.
“I decided to keep my tumor and try to work it out of my body a different way,” she continued. “Looking back on that, I go, ‘You know what? Maybe I should have.’
Ananda also admitted that she wasn't prioritizing early detection, such as getting mammograms. The former talk show host's mom also had breast cancer and chose to go the conventional route, which influenced her to go a non-traditional route.
As a content creator, Ananda uses her social media to inform others on the things she's learned about obtaining good health such as toxic items to through out of your pantry and the many benefits of water.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Paul Archuleta/Getty Images