If there’s one thing that I’ve pretty much become an expert in without really wanting to be, it’s how to get through certain things when it comes to learning more about natural hair. Take that wretched growing-out phase, for instance. When you’re ready to go from uber short to something that’s, say, past your chin, getting from Point A to Point B can feel like your own personal hell — if you don’t know what you’re doing.
If you’re looking at the monitor (or phone screen) and are aggressively nodding your head up and down because that is exactly where you find yourself these days, help is on the way. I’ve got 12 things that you can do to make growing out your hair not feel like pure torture; things that I can personally vouch for because I’ve tried it and succeeded with each and every one of ‘em.
1. Stop Watching the “Stove”
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Pretty much all of us have heard some elder in our family say that a watched pot never boils water. With the kind of personality I have, I’ve tested that theory (LOL). For me, it’s not watching water heat up that drives me up the wall, it’s opening the oven over and over again while baking something that drives me batty. And here’s the thing — how counterproductive is it to do that anyway, since opening the oven lets heat out, making it even more challenging for whatever is trying to bake…finish?
I’m pretty sure you can see where I am going with this, right? Listen, the reality is that your hair is pretty much only going to grow between ¼” – ½” a month. That’s it. The goal is to do all that you can to retain the length as it comes in. So, if you’re about to embark on growing your hair out and you think that playing a game of stare-down with it is going to accomplish something — all that’s gonna do is piss you off, and stress does nothing helpful when you’re trying to have healthy hair. Stop watching the stove, sis. Stop watching the freakin’ stove.
2. Do Consistent Scalp Massages
The reason why I’ve pitched and written articles about scalp care (check out “10 Things Your Scalp Has BEEN Waiting For You To Do” and “Treat Your Scalp To A Little Bit Of Detoxing This Weekend”) is because, I basically had to learn the hard way that, since my scalp is my hair’s foundation, I need to be uber proactive about taking good care of it. One way to do that is by giving it weekly massages.
Scalp massages increase blood flow to your hair follicles, help to strengthen and even thicken your hair strands, and lower stress and anxiety levels (including stressing over growing out your hair). And since stress is directly linked to hair loss and gray hair, the more scalp massages, the better, chile.
Some quick tips on how to massage your scalp properly and effectively here.
3. Enjoy Protective Styles. Don’t (Solely) Rely on Them, Tho.
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One of my favorite quotes is, “The excess of a virtue is a vice;” I believe that Aristotle originated it. That said, you’ve already peeped the header for this tip, so you already know where I’m going with it, right? As much as I’m a fan of protective hairstyles (check out “This Is Your Summertime Protective Style Cheat Sheet,” “This Is How To Know Your Protective Style Ain't Workin'”) — and wigs qualify, by the way (check out “This Is The Way To Properly Care For Your Hair While Rockin' A Wig”) — I also know that they weren’t supposed to be in our hair for more than 6-8 weeks at a time (tops).
Between the tension of tight braids and twists, our scalp needing some TLC, ends needing to be trimmed, and hair simply needing to REST — whether it’s box braids, crown braids, lace fronts, sew-ins, passion twists, faux locs…whatever you’ve got goin’ on, chile, if your ultimate goal is growth, you can’t be living in a protective style 365 days out of the year. It’s counterproductive at best and damaging at worst. So yeah, find ways to enjoy your hair without constantly relying on protective styling. Sometimes wearing them? Cool. All the time? Not cool.
4. Master How to Naturally Stretch Your Tresses
If your hair is 4-type, congrats! The reason why I say that is because, although you have the tightest curls (which can make it feel like your hair is never growing), you also have the most versatility; especially when it comes to getting through the growing-out phases. Don’t believe me? When you get a chance, go to YouTube and put “stretch 4-type hair” in the search field to have your mind blown (some examples are here, here, and here)!
It really is amazing how many of us can think that, just because our curls aren’t loose, we’re not gaining inches when that typically couldn’t be further from the truth. So, while it really is a good idea to keep hair manipulation down to a minimum, if you want to stretch out your tresses in order to stay motivated, get into braiding, banding, or stretching out your wash ‘n gos AFTER they are dry.
Knowing that there are heatless (meaning less damaging) ways to have longer hair? How liberating is that?
5. Take Wash ‘n Gos Up a Notch
While I was watching a video by a YouTuber by the name of Tiana Michelle talk about how she does her own wash ‘n gos, it reminded me that I need to get more into that (once the weather warms up a bit). If you happen to be on a natural hair journey, wash ‘n goes are great because, not only do they not require a ton of work or upkeep, but they can also teach you how to embrace your hair’s natural curl pattern.
The key is to use the best products — ones that complement your own hair texture. And yes, that can take a bit of trial and error, but it’s ultimately worth it to discover what they are. Some that I know naturalistas are fond of include Camille Rose Naturals Curl Maker, Mielle Organics Pomegranate & Honey Coil Sculpting Custard, tgin Honey Whip Hydrating Mousse, Uncle Funky's Daughter Curly Magic Curl Stimulator, and The Doux Bee Girl Honey Curl Custard.
6. Don’t Let Up on Leave-In Conditioning
You’ve probably heard that one of the reasons why it’s easier for other ethnicities to retain length is because it’s easier for their hair to keep moisture in it. Why? Because when strands are straighter, the natural sebum that flows from our scalp is better able to coat our strands from root to tip.
This means that since our hair has a curlier texture, we have to put a bit more effort into keeping it hydrated; one way to do that is by applying a leave-in conditioner.
What I tend to do is apply one as the final move on wash day and then apply more on the ends of my hair before braiding it up; I will also put some on the tips when I’m wearing my hair out. I’ll admit that it’s also a bit of trial and error to figure out which leave-in works best for you. Two that I like a lot are Mielle’s Pomegranate & Honey Leave-In Conditioner (it’s super light and deeply penetrating at the same time) and a chebe powder butter that I found on Etsy (you can cop it here).
Chebe is an article all on its own. What I’ll say for now is, that if you’re looking for something that will strengthen your hair and help to reduce split ends, it totally has you covered.
7. Use Gentle Color Options ONLY
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Listen, I know from personal experience that while you’re waiting for your hair to reach ear, chin, or shoulder length, it can be super tempting to switch up the color often in order to keep you patient and distracted. While, in theory, that strategy makes a ton of sense, the challenge is that you can end up drying out your hair, which leads to damage that results in breakage or having to cut it — and since your goal right now is to grow your hair out…how counterproductive would that be?
Honestly, the less color that’s in your hair, the better. However, if you must, go with gentle color options ONLY, like henna, hair color wax, or semi or demi-permanent brands. Bottom line, ammonia is never your hair’s friend yet it’s definitely not when you find yourself smack dab and in the middle of the growing out phase.
8. Be Consistent with Bond Building and Thermal Heat Protectant
I’m someone who doesn’t have any chemicals in my hair; however, I do like to wear my tresses stretched out, and so, on wash days, I will blow my hair out and then keep it stretched by braiding it until the next wash day rolls around (which is every 2-3 weeks for me personally). When I’m sure to apply a protein treatment, deep condition, add a bond builder, and a cream-based thermal heat protectant before applying any heat, it’s all good in the hood. When I skip any of this (well, protein treatments get rotated about every 2-3 wash days), all hell breaks loose — quite literally, too. SMDH.
Protein keeps hair stronger. Deep conditioning adds moisture. Okay, but what gets overlooked a lot is the fact that bond building products are great at “filling in the holes” when it comes to the cuticles of your hair. I’ve been using Marc Anthony’s Repairing Leave In Conditioner Treatment, Repair Bond +Rescuplex, for a little over a year now, and it’s one of the best investments that I’ve made for my hair to date.
9. Stay Up on Hair Accessory Trends
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Camouflage. If there’s one thing that has gotten me through my own growing-out phase journey, it’s literal hair camouflage that is otherwise known as hair accessories. That’s actually why hair bonnets in public (yep, I’m THAT girl) irk the mess outta me because there are way too many options out here that look less like “I just rolled outta bed” than that. Turbans, hair wraps, hats, skull caps — the list goes on and on. All of ‘em are super cute and a great way to get through a bad hair day or a day when you’re so sick of waiting on some extra inches that you’re tempted to cut it all off (or all off AGAIN) and start over.
So yeah, definitely see stacking up on some hair accessories as an investment into your long(er) hair goals. Some that will be in style over the next several months include hair ribbons, comb headbands, rhinestone-embellished items, 90s-style hair clips and hair pins, and beanies.
10. Handle Your Hair Like Silk
Silk is both strong and uber fragile at the same time — and that’s basically our hair in a nutshell. That’s why it’s so important to handle your tresses with extreme care, especially when it comes to the oldest parts of your hair, which are your ends. One way to do this is to make sure that you either use your fingers or a detangler brush to style it. Now, I have tried the UNbrush that TikTok was losing their minds about. It’s not half bad. Whatever you do, just don’t be out here ripping through your hair and then wondering why your ends are raggedy. Your hair is silk. Your hair is silk. Your hair, sis…is like fine silk.
11. Expand Your (Big) Earring Collection
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Hey, you think I’m playing, but I’m absolutely serious. Although I am totally Team Style-Your-Hair, I know from my own personal experience and looking at other women, both online and off, that when your earring game is on-point, and you’ve got a colorful lip happening, your hair is probably like the fifth thing (after your eyes, your smile and probably your outfit) that folks are gonna notice. So, if you’re a bit paranoid about how awkward the growing out phase may appear, ramp up your earring collection — the bigger, the better!
By the way, if you consider yourself to be a trendsetter, some popular earring looks for 2024 include chandelier styles, big-ass sparkle hoops, and mismatched earrings (they’re always a lot of fun!). Oh, and statement earrings that are only in one ear (think Janet Jackson when she used to wear one key in one earlobe).
12. LEAVE. THE. SHEARS. ALONE.
I’m pretty sure that a lot of y’all have heard that you should trim your hair every 6-8 weeks. Eh. I think the actual “rule” should be that you trim your ends whenever you need to — and you need to if you notice split ends, fairy knots, your hair tangles easily, you notice that your hair isn’t holding or keeping a style or your ends feel rougher than the rest of your locks do. Other than that, keep the shears out of your hair because if you spend a lot of time trying to make sure that your sides are perfectly even or that no strand is “unruly,” — I can tell you again from very up close and personal experience that you’re not going to see any real progress any time soon.
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Is the growing out phase easy? C’mon, you know better than that. Yet, can you get through it? If you apply these tips, keep your eyes on the prize, and RELAX…you most certainly can. Hit us back with some pics in the comments in six months to prove it, aight? Awesome.
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Then there were those who gave up their zip code altogether and found a permanent home in the skies. After years spent recruiting students for a university, Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare became a full-time travel influencer and founded her travel company, Shakespeare Agency. And she's not alone.
These stories mirror the experiences of women across the world. For millions, the pandemic induced a seismic shift in priorities and desires. Corporate careers that were once hailed as the ultimate “I made it” moment in one's career were pushed to the back burner as women quit their jobs in search of a more self-fulfilling purpose.
xoNecole spoke to these three Black women who used the pandemic as a springboard to make their wildest dreams a reality, the lessons they learned, and posed the question of whether they’ll ever return to cubicle life.
Answers have been edited for context and length.
xoNecole: How did the pandemic lead to you leaving the cubicle?
Randi: I was becoming stagnant. I was working in mortgage and banking but I felt like my personality was too big for that job! From there, I transitioned to radio but was laid off during the pandemic. That’s what made me go full throttle with entrepreneurship.
Gabrielle: I moved around a lot for work. Five times over a span of seven years. I knew I needed a break because I had experienced so much. So, I just quit one day. Effective immediately. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I just knew I needed a break and to just regroup.
Lisa-Gaye: I was working in recruiting at a university and my dream job just kind of fell into my lap! But, I never got to fully enjoy it before the world shut down in March [2020] and I was laid off. On top of that, I was stuck in Miami because Jamaica had closed its borders due to the pandemic before I was able to return.
Randi O
xoN: Tell us about your journey after leaving Corporate America.
Randi: I do it all now! I have a podcast, I’m an on-air talent, I act, and I own a public relations company that focuses on social media engagement. It’s all from my network. When you go out and start a business, you can’t just say, “Okay I’m done with Corporate America,” and “Let me do my own thing.” If you don’t build community, if you don’t build a network it's going to be very hard to sustain.
Gabrielle: I realized in New York, there was not a lot to do for Black lesbians and queer folks. We don’t really have dedicated bars and spaces so I started doing events and it took off. I started focusing on my brand, Raw Honey. I opened a co-working space, and I was able to host an NYC Pride event in front of 100,000 people. I hit the ground running with Raw Honey. My events were all women coming to find community and come together with other lesbians and queer folks. I found my purpose in that.
Lisa-Gaye: After being laid off, I wrote out all of my passions and that’s how I came up with [my company] Shakespeare Agency. It was all of the things that I loved to do under one umbrella. The pandemic pulled that out of me. I had a very large social media following, so I pitched to hotels that I would feature them on my blog and social media. This reignited my passion for travel. I took the rest of the year to refocus my brand to focus solely on being a content creator within the travel space.
Gabrielle
xoN: What have you learned about yourself during your time as an entrepreneur?
Randi: [I learned] the importance of my network and community that I created. When I was laid off I was still keeping those relationships with people that I used to work with. So it was easy for me to transition into social media management and I didn’t have to start from scratch.
Gabrielle: The biggest thing I learned about myself was my own personal identity as a Black lesbian and how much I had assimilated into straight and corporate culture and not being myself. Now, I feel comfortable and confident being my authentic self. Now, I'm not sacrificing anything else for my career. I have a full life. I have friends. I have a social life. And when you are happy and have a full quality of life, I feel like [I] can have more longevity in my career.
Lisa-Gaye: [I'm doing] the best that I've ever done. The discipline that I’m building within myself. Nobody is saying, ‘Oh you have to be at work at this time.’ There’s no boss saying, ‘Why are you late?’ But, if I’m laying in bed at 10 a.m. then it's me saying [to myself], 'Okay, Lisa, get up, it's time for you to start working!’ That’s all on me.
xoNecole: What mistakes do you want to help people avoid when leaving Corporate America?
Randi: You have to learn about the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. You have a fast season and a slow season and I started to learn that when you're self-employed the latter season hits hard. Don't get caught up on the lows, just keep going and don't stop. I’m glad I did.
Gabrielle: I think everyone should quit their job and just figure it out for a second. You will discover so much about yourself when you take a second to just focus on you. Your skill set will always be there. You can’t be afraid of what will happen when you bet on yourself.
Lisa-Gaye: When it comes to being an influencer the field is saturated and a lot of people suffer from imposter syndrome. There is nothing wrong with being an imposter but find out how to make it yours, how to make it better. If you go to the store, you see 10 million different brands of bread! But you are choosing the brand that you like because you like that particular flavor.
So be an imposter, but be the best imposter of yourself and add your own flair, your own flavor. Make the better bread. The bread that you want.
Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
xoNecole: Will you ever return to your 9 to 5?
Randi: I wouldn’t go back to Corporate America. But I don’t mind working under someone. A lot of people try to get into this business saying, “I can't work under anyone.” That’s not necessarily the reason to start a business because you're always going to answer to somebody. Clients, brands, there’s always someone else involved.
Gabrielle: I went back! I really needed a break and I gave myself that. But, I realized I’m a corporate girl, [and] I enjoy the work that I do. I’m good at it and I really missed that side of myself. I have different sides of me and my whole identity is not Raw Honey or my queerness. A big side of me is business and that’s why I love having my career. Now I feel like my best self.
Lisa-Gaye: I really don’t. For right now, I love working for myself. It's gratifying, it's challenging, it's exciting. It’s a big deal for me to say I own my own business. That I am my own boss, and I'm a Black woman doing it.
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Featured image courtesy of Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
Originally published on February 6, 2023