Something that is so dope about you, our readers, is that you're all so different. So many different perspectives, insights and opinions regularly hop onto our platform to help spice things up. We dig that. We really do. We also like the moments when everyone is on the same page; like when it comes to red wine. Chile, if there's one thing that at least 95.6 percent of you seem to have in your possession, it's a bottle of that.
As I was thinking about how I could finesse that reality into a "drink and be merry" piece for the holiday season, I happened upon a few articles that discussed the benefits of consuming alcoholic drinks that are gluten-free. Gluten-free alcohol? I never really thought about that before. And of course, being the inquisitive researcher that I am, the notion sent me down the rabbit hole of looking for other health benefits that come from having a drink or two—or few.
If stopping by your local liquor store is most definitely on your to-do list during the last leg of the holiday season, here are some of the alcoholic drinks that will do more than keep you toasty and get you tipsy. These picks are actually pretty damn good for you, too. But first, let's address a few health-related questions you might have had about alcohol but never got around to getting answers to.
What Kind of Alcohol Is Gluten-Free?
Let's start with this: "Gluten-free" is a popular term in the health-food community. If you've ever wondered exactly what gluten is, it's basically the two proteins—prolamins and glutelins—that give cereal grains (especially wheat) its elastic texture. Consuming it is definitely a no-no for people who have celiac disease, however, if you've been eating things such as cereal grains, soy sauce, chicken broth, condiments, or those veggie burgers that everyone's been raving about, and you immediately feel icky afterwards, you should probably take an allergy test. You may be allergic to gluten.
And what about liquors that contain gluten? Beer is a big one, however, if you decide to look for the kind of alcoholic drinks that are made from pure distilled liquor, you should be all good. (Yes, even when it comes to beer.) Alcoholic drinks that are gluten-free after distillation include whiskey, tequila, bourbon, gin, vodka, scotch, and brandy.
What Are the Health “Pros” of Consuming Alcohol?
When it comes to consuming alcohol, I'm pretty sure you already know that moderation is key. If you're careful about how much you toss back, having a drink can actually prove to be pretty beneficial on the health tip. Beer is rich in B vitamins, and both beer and wine can lower your risk of getting kidney stones. Hard apple cider is packed with antioxidants. Moderate consumption of alcohol overall can lower your risk of heart disease, stroke, even diabetes.
The key is to have no more than a couple of glasses of your favorite drink a week (unless it's red wine; you can have a glass of that daily) and to try and drink the higher quality stuff as often as possible. If you stick to those two rules (and don't drive right after consuming alcohol, of course), you should be able to enjoy your favorite liquor without any worry or guilt.
What Are the Health “Cons” of Consuming Alcohol?
Almost anything in life that has its pros also has its cons. As far as the downside of alcohol goes, a read that you might want to check out is "Here's What Happens to Your Brain When You Drink Alcohol". It mentions effects from a spike in dopamine levels and potential memory loss to insomnia and brain-cell deterioration. As for us women, we've got to be even more cautious because our bodies do not naturally produce what is known as the alcohol dehydrogenase enzyme, an enzyme that helps to break down alcohol when it hits our stomach and liver.
Knowing all of this won't stop me from consuming alcohol from time to time. What it will do is prevent a sista from becoming a lush. Again, alcohol isn't the devil by any stretch, but it can become your worst enemy if you're not responsible with your drinking.
So, Just What Are the Healthiest Alcoholic Drinks?
Red Wine
Red wine is good for you on so many different levels. It's got a ton of antioxidants to keep your immune system in good condition, silicon to help increase bone density, and properties to keep cancer cells at bay. The resveratrol that's in red wine also triggers an anti-aging protein in your system that can help to keep you looking younger for longer while also increasing your longevity in the process. Some other wonderful benefits when it comes to red wine consumption is it reduces stress, helps ward off depression, and can remove bacteria-causing tooth decay. It's also been shown to be a libido booster in women, which is always a big benefit.
Vodka
The fermented grains in vodka actually make it a disinfectant and antitoxin drink that is as great on your body as it is inside of it. For example, if you dab a cotton ball into vodka and put it on your pimples, it can kill the bacteria and reduce inflammation. If you use it as a hair rinse on your shampoo days, it can fight the bacteria that causes dandruff and even promote hair growth. You can also rub a little vodka on your chest to reduce a fever fairly quickly. Internally, vodka contains no sugar and can contribute to lowering cholesterol levels too.
Bloody Mary
A Bloody Mary is most definitely an acquired taste. I mean, just think about what's in it—tomato juice, tabasco sauce, pepper, vodka, salt, and lemon juice. Still, if a crunk V-8 is your thing, the antioxidants in tomato juice (as well as the lemon juice that's in a Bloody Mary) can fight off free radicals, the fiber can keep you regular, and the vitamins C and E, lycopene and beta-carotene can keep your heart healthy. For detoxification of your system, it has chlorine and sulfur and the Vitamin K that's in it can keep your bones nice and strong.
Rum
Rum is what's left after distilled sugarcane molasses or juice ferments. The liquid ages in oak barrels and there you have it—rum! As far as health benefits, if you consume around 1 ½ oz, rum can help reduce anxiety, relieve muscle aches and pain, boost your immune system, make arthritis less uncomfortable and, some studies even say, can reduce your chances of having a heart attack (due to it being a blood thinner) or being diagnosed with dementia.
Whiskey
If your grandma is constantly trying to get you to drink a hot toddy when you're sick, it's not an old wives' tale. The reason why it's so effective is, in part, due to the whiskey that's in it. Whiskey serves as a decongestant because alcohol is able to dilate your blood vessels so that your mucus membranes can help to heal your infection. That's not all that whiskey is able to do. It's the kind of drink that can help to regulate your blood sugar levels, reduce stress and, because it's a low-calorie drink, a moderate amount of whiskey consumption won't cause you to pack on the pounds either.
Tequila
If you're gonna do a few tequila (which is made from blue agave) shots, it's best to stick to no more than 1-2 shots at a time. If you do, it can increase your metabolism and even help you to get a sounder night's sleep. Two other awesome benefits of tequila are it's a prebiotic (which means that it supports healthy gut bacteria) and, if you drink the high-end kind, it's highly unlikely that you'll wake up with a hangover. Pretty cool, huh?
Champagne
If you're looking for an alcoholic drink that is proven to be a real libido booster, a tall glass of champagne is exactly what you're looking for. A real plus that comes with champagne is it can increase blood circulation to your nether regions without zapping your energy levels in the process.
Some other good things about champagne is, like red wine, it's got antioxidants in it that are good for your heart; it contains proteins that can help to keep your short-term memory sharp and, the magnesium, potassium and zinc that it contains can keep you feeling really happy and upbeat.
So, what are you waiting for? Pick up a bottle on your way home; it should make for a really good time (especially if you're not alone) over the holiday season. #drinkup
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
5 Black-Owned Wines You Should Be Sipping Right Now
12 Cocktails You Have To Try Before The Summer Ends
I Took A Sip & Paint Class Full Of Naked Men - This Is What Happened
The Case For Drunk Dialing & Holding On
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- Alcohol to Drink on a Gluten-Free Diet ›
- 10 Myths And Facts About Celiac Disease - Food Republic ›
- Gluten Free Alcohol Guide - Glutagen ›
- Gluten-Free Alcohol – Gluten-Free Survival Guide ›
- The Best Gluten-Free Liquor and Alcohol Brands | Tequila, Bourbon ... ›
- All The Alcohol You Can Drink On A Gluten-Free Diet - Gluten-Free ... ›
- Is alcohol gluten-free? - UChicago Medicine ›
- Gluten Free Beer, Alcohol and Wine - Gluten free recipes - gfJules ... ›
- Gluten Free Alcohol List - Ultimate Guide to Liquor, Beer, and Cider ... ›
- Is Liquor Gluten-Free? | BeyondCeliac.org ›
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Not to mention the fact that so many folks literally don’t read (you know, past skimming) anymore — and yes, I have stats to prove it. I recently read that back in 2022, reportedly, a little over 48 percent of people read one book over the course of that entire year (that is not a good thing and proves that book reading is on a steady decline). Meanwhile, the amount of time that is spent on social media: 2.5 hours on a daily basis. That’s 150 minutes of listening to folks just say…whatever. And if you listen to it long enough, you could actually start believing it as gospel.
This includes what I am going to touch on today: the belief that if someone really cares about you, they should constantly reassure you. Y’all damn near are gonna have me join the world of social media again, just to address this one fallacy. For now, though, I’ll settle for making some points via this article — because as you can see from the title, I don’t agree with that conclusion at all.
In fact, I personally believe that thinking this way is a pretty big relational orange — if not red — flag.
Reassurance. And What It Does for a Child.
GiphyIf you’ve read enough of my content, you know that I am big on word definitions — and when it comes to the word “reassurance,” the meaning alone explains why this article has the title that it does:
Reassurance: something, such as information, praise, or an action or gesture, that soothes, comforts, or restores to confidence
Reassurance restores confidence. Bookmark that, please. I will certainly circle back to that point before I am done.
Okay, so when it comes to, say a child, there is absolutely a place for reassurance. That’s because they are still in the process of significant self-development and so they need reassurance in order to feel safe, secure and loved. It’s also a way for them to establish trust in others.
However, did you know that many mental health experts say that if a child deals with, say anxiety, constant reassurance can actually be counterproductive because they can start to rely on external validation to emotionally stabilize them instead of learning how to remain calm and relaxed on their own (yeah, bookmark that too)? Some other ways that constant reassurance can become potentially problematic is it can cause kids to create problems that don’t exist, to overthink and to jump to the wrong conclusions (hmm…very interesting).
And so, already, we’re seeing something pretty interesting, right? Although reassurance has its place, too much of it, even for kids, typically ends up doing more harm than good.
Let’s keep building.
How 'Lack' As a Child Can Manifest As an Adult
GiphyOkay, so we just touched on how constant reassurance can be counterproductive for an anxious child. Now what about when that child grows up? If they never learned how to properly and effectively deal with their anxiety, what then? Well, this is where attachment styles can very easily come into play — especially since one of them is literally called “anxious attachment style.”
Anxious attachment style is rooted in insecurity. It typically stems from experiencing the type of dysfunctional upbringing that resulted in one or both parents being unpredictable or inconsistent in their caregiving approach and techniques. As a result, the child deals with things like fear of abandonment or rejection and, without healing from that, they become an adult who is pretty much the exact same way.
In relationships, it can manifest in them being extra clingy, codependent, super jealous, controlling or — catch it — someone who is always looking for validation and reassurance.
Hmph. Did you catch that? Did you really catch that? Needing constant reassurance in a relationship IS NOT something that should automatically come with a relationship. In fact, if you’re someone who has this type of need or even expectation, there’s a really good chance that what you actually need is therapy — not for your partner to work harder to make you feel better about yourself or the relationship.
Which brings me to my next point.
Relationships Can Be Therapeutic. They Aren’t Therapy, Though.
GiphySomething that some of my clients will tell you that they’ve heard me say, more than once I might add is, “PARENT and PARTNER are not palindromes.” A palindrome is a word (line, sentence, etc.) that is the same whether it is spelled backwards or forwards — and while, of course, parent and partner couldn’t qualify as being that, what I mean is there are far too many people who think that partners should pick up where parents left off and/or dropped the ball — and that is a super unhealthy approach to relationships. Come to think of it, not only is it unhealthy but really unfair as well.
This is exactly why I’m not big on phrases like “the princess treatment” in adult relationships. A princess is the daughter of a king while a queen is the wife of one. For a grown woman to expect a man to do what a father did for her as a child without accepting that as an adult, there are far more responsibilities as a wife that comes into play? Yep, that is toxic thinking.
And you know what? So is expecting your partner to overcompensate for where your father and/or mother didn’t show up in the way that they should have. That is not your partner’s fault, their role or their assignment while dating you. If you feel otherwise, it really is time to speak with a professional who can help you to do a bit of “reprogramming” in your thinking because, for you to feel and/or assume that since your parents didn’t make you feel confident and secure or teach you how to value yourself, your partner should work overtime to make up for it? There is not one thing that is healthy, mature or emotionally solid about having that type of mindset.
And that is why I am also good for saying that, although relationships can be therapeutic (healing), they should never EVER be seen as therapy. Therapists are trained to deal with the mental and emotional challenges that people have. On the other hand, no one should expect their partner to have the knowledge and expertise that professionals do — and while we’re here, partners also shouldn’t trust that someone who needs the assistance of a therapist to become whole (again) would know exactly what steps are required for that to happen.
So yeah, if you’re someone who thinks that being loved means that someone needs to constantly make you feel good about yourself or secure in the relationship — you probably do have an anxious attachment style. See a professional to get that confirmed, though. Because no one should have to make you feel valued or worthy. That is an inside job.
And this brings me to my final point.
It’s Not Fair to Want Someone to Love You More than You Do
GiphyFor this last point, something that Christ once said immediately comes to mind:
“No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment; for the patch pulls away from the garment, and the tear is made worse. Nor do they put new wine into old wineskins, or else the wineskins break, the wine is spilled, and the wineskins are ruined. But they put new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.” (Matthew 9:16-18 — NKJV)
A lot of times, Christ spoke in parables because it was easier for people to get where he was coming from (Matthew 13:13). Anyway, along these lines, what would be the point in pouring a liquid into a bottle that has a hole in it? It’s not built to contain and maintain the fluid and so, no matter how delicious the drink may be, no matter how many times it’s poured into the bottle, the bottle is never going to remain full — because it has cracks in it.
BOOKMARK THAT.
My fourth baby’s daddy (check out “Why I Named The Children I Aborted”), while we were in the process of our “exit interview” (which is what I choose to call it) of our dynamic, he said something that has always stayed with me: “Shellie, your biggest problem is you receive compliments are revelations when they should be seen as confirmations.” Hmph. The irony of HIM saying that is kind of a trip and yet, at the time when we were experiencing each other, he was exactly right. I should’ve never had such a low sense of self-worth that whatever a man said to me had me so in awe that I either felt extremely grateful or became super addicted to his validation.
And y’all, that is exactly what needing constant reassurance looks like — because why does someone need to keep telling you that you are beautiful, keep saying that you are wonderful, keep letting you know that they want to be with you — keep restoring your confidence in yourself and in your relationship with them?
In other words, why should they work harder at making you feel good about yourself and solid in your relationship than you are willing to? Isn’t that just like pouring liquid into a broken bottle?
There is someone in my family tree who I had to distance myself from because he kept venting to me about his marriage and the fact that his wife was just like this. Sadly, it was never (and I do mean NEVER) enough that he chose her — whenever she felt some type of way about herself, here she came looking for him to fill her voids. After a couple of years of the nonstop needs for reassurance, he was worn out from doing it and I was exhausted from hearing about it. He was too scared to call her out and she was too unaccountable to get the real help that she needed. Whew. Toxic on top of toxic.
So Shellie, what are you saying — that we shouldn’t expect compliments, affirmations, support and encouragement in our relationships? Chile, if that is what you got out of this, you are choosing to think that way because that couldn’t be further from where I am coming from.
Again, you’ve got to remember what reassurance means: it’s about restoring confidence. A compliment is “an expression of praise, commendation, or admiration” yet if you already know that you are pretty, smart, funny, whatever, someone telling you that isn’t “building your confidence;” it’s cosigning on something that you are already aware of. Encouragement is about inspiring or stimulating someone and so yes, of course, the right partner is going to want to see you win in life and so they are going to offer up influence and motivation to help you — but what if they aren’t there?
Shouldn’t you be able to encourage yourself? ABSOLUTELY. However, expecting them to restore your confidence due to things that have nothing to do with them or because you simply lack self-confidence? That is not how relationships are to go. If you aren’t sure of yourself (which is a foundational definition of confident), get to the root of why and then figure what you need to do to become sure — that way, your partner doesn’t have to constantly “fill you up;” actually, what they do will be surplus instead of void-filling because your “bottle” will be unbroken.
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I’m telling you, if you pay attention to the relationship side of socials, at least twice a day, someone will talk about how they think that a relationship should entail receiving constant reassurance. Lies on top of lies. No one should think that love means trying to make someone else feel sure about themselves because they don’t know how to do so on their own.
And this is why I say that expecting constant reassurance is an orange, if not red, flag.
Because when you already feel good about yourself, there is no need.
And if you don’t, figuring out how to is an inside job — FIRST.
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