The Case For Drunk Dialing & Holding On
"Sorry I called, I was drunk."
It's the embarrassing statement we make when our fingers have a mind of their own and drunkenly dial the one person you know you shouldn't be talking to, the ex-boyfriend, old "situation," or former fling.
10 times out of 10, the person knows you were tipsy then because the conversation usually goes 1 out of 4 ways:
- A. You have a mini breakdown,
- B. You cuss them out,
- C. You ask for them back, or
- D. You are completely incoherent.
Everyone processes heartbreak differently, but one thing we can all agree on is that sorrowful feelings erupt like an uncontrollable force after one too many gulps of wine. Once ending it with someone, you aren't over it right away, and moments of weakness happen, especially in a drunken stupor.
Drinking too much and picking up the phone to call or text a former flame happens to the best of us.
Alcohol seems to be the best solution when going through heartbreak. Sure, it's not the smartest idea, but it's what most people lean on to mend a broken heart. The first thing I did was go to the bar and down an insufferable amount of sugary cocktails. The next weekend, I mixed vodka in my wine (Who does that?) on a night out, only to wake up with not much memory of the couple hours before. I hesitantly looked at my phone to see that I called the person I was crying over all week.
A few months went by, and I would do it again. Another couple months later and ring, ring, it's me again, sloshed still. Every time, I'd promise myself never to do it again, but the cycle continued. So I started to put the glass, well bottle, down less and less. Admittedly, Bridget Jones may make look downing a bottle of wine and drowning in heartbroken sorrows fun, but it's far from it. Getting a grip on why I kept doing this told me I hadn't detached from my relationship as much as I thought.
First, I asked myself some questions:
- Why do I keep calling him?
- Why when I'm sober dealing with my emotions isn't this hard?
- What is drunk-dialing really doing for me?
- What am I deflecting?
Answering them honestly helped me to see that I was holding onto something I needed to let go of. I'd been playing a cruel joke on myself. After every call, I had to remind myself of why things are the way they are. I never feel as bad each time because my heart is mending, but a tinge of sadness still lingers. Calling this person was backpedaling the progress I had been trying to make to be happy on my own.
I couldn't be happy without him if I kept looking back.
Thus, I sought out healthy ways to detach. I wrote inspirational quotes on post-its and put them on my bedroom wall. I read poetry from the likes of Reyna Biddy, Alex Elle, and Ivan Nuru. I practiced yoga every day for 30 days, and then on a frequent basis. I journaled and reflected and spent a lot of time alone.
Most importantly, I quit drinking alcohol for one month.
I couldn't avoid my feelings and drunk-dial because it was doing nothing for my growth. On days that I felt the urge to, I would read the post-its on my wall over and over. Or I'd listen to "A Message From Women" by Reyna Biddy when I needed a pep talk. Her and Alex Elle's words about isolation, brokenness, letting go, healing, and self-love were a source of rejuvenation for my spirit. Constantly being reminded of my self-worth, and how holding on was diminishing it, allowed me to come to terms that is was really over.
Instead of masking my emotions, I remained honest with myself and how I was feeling.
Sadness, anger, and grief - I felt it, all of it. But I released those energies from my body by being consistent with the methods mentioned above.
Waking up without the heavy emotions I had months before and actually feeling happier was me finding my way back. Admittedly, I've slipped up since then but the impulse is fading away as my heart continues to heal, mend, and move on.
Concealing any emotions in the depths of your heart only for them to come out in an inebriated state is an indicator you have to address these feelings head-on. You need to learn the difference between being heartbroken and moving on. Alcohol is not going to help with the latter, but it will only keep you in a broken place.
Recognizing that you need to get out is the first step.
Doing what it takes to elevate and move forward is hard but it isn't impossible. There is no rulebook for letting go. Find what works for you and stay consistent.
Read These xoNecole Stories Next:
The Key To Healing And Being In A Place Of Wholeness
How Reyna Biddy Is Helping To Usher In A New Era Of Poets
Good Vibes Only: Alex Elle Teaches Us About Balance, Finding Peace, & Letting Go Of Negativity
Featured image by Shutterstock
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage