In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on the daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
For the past two years, I've been at xoNecole telling y'all all of my business and I don't regret any of it because you are my good sisters and I love you. You've never known me to not keep it real with you, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't admit that I've been keeping a secret: I just got out of a toxic relationship.
No matter how hard I tried, how much time I invested, or how much money I spent, my skin has relentlessly been disrespecting me and it was upsetting me and my homegirls. My trouble began about six months after relocating from Louisiana to Colorado, and soon, my acne got so bad that I was too embarrassed to be seen in public without makeup.
Pretty Honore/xoNecole
Holidays, birthday parties, and congratulatory gatherings all took a backseat to my cystic acne, which seemed to only get worse by the day, and after spending hundreds of dollars on products that I read about online that didn't work, I felt hopeless, insecure, and alone. It wasn't until this year when I decided to visit an aesthetician for the first time, who gave me all the tea on exactly how I was sabotaging my own face.
According to her, along with using products with pore-clogging ingredients, my fabric softener and B12 pills may have also been the culprits of my cystic conundrum. Together, we formulated a skincare routine that has helped keep my cystic acne all the way under control and my self-esteem on 10.
I could sit here and tell you that the secret to true beauty is confidence, but it's hard to have that when you have a skincare routine that's working against you.
Scroll below for the skincare routine that is helping me say goodbye to cystic acne and kick hyperpigmentation's ass one day at a time:
My earliest beauty memory...
"My late, maternal grandmother from Baton Rouge is responsible for my earliest beauty memory. I remember getting ready for bed with her at night as a child, and after we changed into our silky pajamas, she would always sprinkle Estée Lauder Beautiful Perfumed Body Powder on her chest and the bedsheets."
"At the time, I didn't grasp that the special bra that she removed before bed was the result of a mastectomy, but she had a quiet confidence about her that confirmed that she was special and her scented bed sheets made me feel special, too."
"I also remember applying liquid eyeliner to my bottom eyelid at one point and… yikes."
For my skincare routine in the AM...
Pretty Honore/xoNecole
"For my cleanser, I use Face Reality Mandelic Face and Body Wash, or Nolaskinsential Clarifying Cleansing Foam if I'm feeling extra dry, and rinse with cold water. I tone using Face Reality Sal-C Toner, which also works as a great exfoliant, and Thayers Witch Hazel. I hydrate and moisturize using Nolaskinsentials Hyaluronic H2O Creme, which seems to be getting my hyperpigmentation all the way together. For my serums, I'm currently using Face Reality Mandelic Serum and Nolaskinsentials Brightening C Serum. Last but certainly not least, I add a layer of Black Girl Sunscreen for the ultimate UV protection. While some skin experts say it's best to stick to one skincare system, I've found that my skin responds best to a special mix of products from two or three brands."
My morning routine looks like...
"For the most part, I depend on the SAVERS morning routine to keep me focused and grounded throughout the day, but things don't always go as planned. If I oversleep or just feel 'off' in the mornings, I call my mom, listen to a sermon, or watch a Ted Talk to get my mind right. I've struggled with IBS since I was 16 and have major anxiety in the mornings but I found that switching out my caramel machiatto for peppermint tea has been effective AF."
For my skincare routine in the PM...
Pretty Honore/xoNecole
"My skincare routine at night is the same except I eliminate sunscreen and add in Face Reality Acne Med 2.5% three to four times a week. I rarely wear makeup, but when I do, I make sure it's completely removed before bed using Garnier SkinActive Micellar Cleansing Water All-in-1 and Equate Sensitive Skin Face Wipes from Walmart (they are the only ones I've found that don't make my skin feel sticky). When I'm in the mood for masking, I use vinegar to create a DIY Aztec Clay Mask or take a few minutes to apply Nolaskinsential Pumpkin Enzyme Mask."
How the seasons change my skin and routine...
"Living in Denver has been extremely taxing on my skin and my bank account. I frequently switch up my skincare routine to coordinate with the weather, which can be difficult when you experience all four seasons in a day. During the summer, I lighten up on the oils and serums and amp up my cleanser game. During the winter, I spend all of my coins on moisturizers and serums that cater to my combination skin type."
My go-to makeup look consists of...
"While learning to manage my fussy skin, I've discovered that less is more when developing a makeup routine. While I used to spend hours blending a full-face, I later found that a low-maintenance, easily removable beat is perfect for hiding blemishes and adding a natural glow. When I do use foundation, Fenty Beauty Pro Filt'r Soft Matte Longwear Foundation is the only product I can count on to give me full coverage, but I feel like Bareminerals BarePro Performance Wear Liquid Foundation is lighter and better for my skin.
"I usually opt-out of foundation altogether and apply Fenty Beauty Pro Filt'r Instant Retouch Concealer to my dark spots and under my eyes, using Tarte Cosmetics Rainforest Of The Sea 4-in-1 Primer and Setting Spray to keep it in place and Fenty Beauty Killawatt Highlighter in Trophy Wife for a shimmery glow. Before I begin my brows, I set them with Benefit Cosmetics 24-Hour Brow Setter. I bought Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Pencil during Ulta's 21 Days Of Beauty Sale and although I'm normally a pomade girl, I can totally believe the hype. As for my eyeshadow, I love Tarte Cosmetics Rainforest of The Sea Limited Edition Palette (which I also use for highlight and blush), but I recently ordered The Matte Book from The Crayon Case and it's slowly but surely becoming a personal favorite."
What self-care looks like to me...
"Alexa, play 'Mary Jane' by Rick James. As a workaholic, self-care can feel like a chore, but I know that it's necessary, so nevertheless, I persist. Binge-watching a sappy sitcom and playing The Sims while masking my ass off sounds like a perfect day to me."
How I approach beauty from the inside-out...
"My mom always told me, 'Pretty is as pretty does,' and I've carried that with me. I look good when I feel good and I feel good when I'm being kind––both to myself and others. Along with being mindful of the way I treat others, I approach beauty from the inside-out by managing my gut health. Living with chronic stomach issues is a pain, but as much as I want to eat junk food and cheese all day, my digestive system isn't having any of it. The way I eat affects my mood, my energy level, and even my skin, so I have to be intentional about my choices."
How my beauty routine changes when I travel...
"#MarieKondoTaughtMe that one woman's trash is another woman's travel container and I felt that in my spirit. I save old bottles from sample-sized skincare products to meet all of my skincare needs on-the-go."
To keep up with me, follow me on Instagram @PrettyHonore!
Shop Pretty Honore's Beauty Staples:
Featured image by @PrettyHonore for xoNecole.com.
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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