
While I’m not the biggest fan of New Year’s Resolutions (who needs the extra pressure and stress of telling yourself what you’re going to totally give up or never do again?), something that I do think is a good idea to do, in the final weeks of the year, as you’ve hopefully got a little downtime, is to sit and think of what you need to do in order “restart” or “reset” in your life — you know, things that you can — and should — put on your to-do list that will help you to put your best foot forward into a brand spanking new year.
The following eight items are merely suggestions. What I will say, though, is I came to the conclusion that these are essential after years of working with clients who seemed to struggle the most when these things were not in place. Oh, and while I definitely recommend booking these appointments, this is not something that you have to “check off” before January 1. I’m just saying that you should get these things on the books before December 31, so that you can know how to prioritize your time and invest your money…into something that is so deserving, chile. YOURSELF.
1. A Massage Appointment
I’m weird because while I thoroughly enjoy reflexology, a full-body massage sometimes makes me a bit squeamish. I mean, you’ve really got to trust your massage therapist in order to get all of the benefits of it, right? That doesn’t mean I’m not aware of the many things that come with getting one, though. Massages are able to de-stress you, make you more flexible, detox your system, reduce PMS-related symptoms, improve your quality of sleep, decrease pain-related issues, boost your immunity, and oh so much more.
As far as how often you should get one, believe it or not, a lot of health experts recommend that you do it on a bi-weekly basis. Whether that fits into your budget and schedule or not, if you’ve never gotten a massage before or you can’t recall the last time you’ve gotten on a massage table, book an appointment for the top of the year. It’s one of those things that your mind, body, and spirit will ultimately thank you for. (If you need a little help with figuring out which kind of massage you should get, check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.” It can help to point you in the right direction.)
2. A Hairstylist Appointment
One thing that the lockdown of 2020 did was teach us how to “fend for ourselves” when it came to daily beauty maintenance, right? And while, on some levels, learning new hacks was beneficial, what a lot of women have shared with me is that it kind of put them in a bit of a rut in 2021 in the sense that they didn’t really make, what used to be standing appointments, a top priority like they did before the pandemic. Listen, it doesn’t look like COVID is going away any time soon, so if that’s what you’re waiting for before stepping into a salon, you’re probably going to be waiting a really LONG time.
Besides, one of the best things about the coming of a new year is you can feel extra motivated to take a fresh approach to things. So yeah, schedule a professional hair appointment. Whether it’s to get a cut and color, learn how to install a wig or weave, or to get a trendy protective style, it’s always worth it to relax in a chair and let a trained person hook you up from time to time.
3. A Life Coach Appointment
While this might seem like a shameless plug, it’s not. Although I am a marriage life coach, what I’m speaking of, more specifically here, is getting a life coach who can help you to organize your time, goals, and plans better, whether you’re in a relationship or not. There is plenty of data to support the fact that a reputable life coach can help to bring clarity, boost self-confidence, heighten self-awareness, manifest your purpose, get you to better understand your strengths and weaknesses, and significantly increase your communication skills too.
A really cool thing about life coaching is sometimes you can get the answers that you seek after a couple of sessions or, if you realize you need more assistance and accountability, you can go for as long as you need to. That said, if there is one thing that I really think that everyone should try, at least once, it’s talking to a life coach. Even just an hour chat can provide some light bulb moments like a mug.
If you need help with how to even begin searching for one, Life Coach Spotter is a pretty good resource. You can also hit up my friend who was featured in one of my articles earlier this year, “A Male Relationship Coach Shares 7 Questions Women Should Ask Men On The Third Date.” He can help to point you in the right direction too. For general coaching, email him at jay@relationshipstrategiesintl.com.
4. A Nutritionist Appointment
To this day, one of the most common New Year’s Resolutions is to lose weight; it’s also a top one that people break within the first month. And yes, while a licensed nutritionist can certainly assist with weight loss (or weight management) goals, that is not the only thing that they are good for. Nutritionists are beneficial because they can help you to figure out if you have any food sensitivities or allergies; why you may have ongoing fatigue issues; if certain foods are causing underlying health issues to make things worse; what you can do, diet-wise, to increase your chances of fertility and what you can do to eat healthier and have a better relationship with food, in general.
People who have been to a nutritionist (or dietician) oftentimes sing their praises because it has gotten them off of an emotional roller coaster ride when it comes to how they should approach food. If what I just said resonates with you, then you definitely should book an appointment with a nutritionist — sooner than later. NoBidan.org is the site for the National Organization of Black Dietetics and Nutrition. If you need some assistance in looking for a Black nutritionist, they should be able to help you out.
5. A Financial Consultant Appointment
We know that this country is rigged to make things more difficult for us (SMDH). That’s a part of the reason why it’s really important to be vigilant when it comes to getting — and keeping — your finances in order. Shoot, the mere fact that Black women are 22 percent more in debt when it comes to their education than white women are and it’s been cited that we will make around one million dollars less than white men over the course of our lifetime, having a financially savvy person who can help you to budget, plan for retirement, avoid paying more in taxes than you should, learn about investments, prepare for big purchases and save money — there is no “con” when it comes to setting aside some cash to have someone help you out as far as your finances are concerned. The Association of African American Financial Advisors is a good resource. Check it out here.
6. A Travel Agent Appointment
If 2022 is the year that you’re all about earning some miles and getting stamps on your passport, while I know that Google makes us think that we don’t need to hire people for much of anything anymore, that is simply not the truth. If you can get your hands on a really good travel agent, aside from the fact that they can get you some pretty good deals, they’re also able to handle all of the details of your trips and get you access to perks that you probably wouldn’t know about otherwise.
Plus, going with a travel agent is super convenient because they can plan your vacations while you focus on other things. Travel + Leisure published an article last year entitled, “8 Amazing Black-owned Travel Companies to Know and Support”. If they can’t hook you up, they can probably locate someone who can.
7. A Matchmaking Appointment
Are you ready to meet your one this year? Hey, roll your eyes if you want to, but I actually used to write for a professional matchmaking company and their success rate was close to being off the charts. It’s because the good ones are really serious about properly vetting their clients so that no one is wasting their time (which is a huge risk when it comes to randomly meeting people on your own or trying to online date). As far as costs go, it’s pretty affordable to pay to get your profile into their database. Or, you can pay a few thousand for dates to be scheduled throughout the year.
If you’re down to at least have a conversation with a professional matchmaker, there’s a list of some of the most popular Black ones in the country that you can check out here. I mean, if nothing else has seemed to pan out, what can it hurt to give matchmaking a shot? Plus, you can keep it all pretty private which is more than what you can say for that friend of yours who keeps trying to set you on blind dates with guys whose Instagram profiles are less than impressive.
8. A Bestie Appointment
I’m big on taking relationship inventory (check out “10 Questions To Ask Your Close Friends Before The New Year Begins”); it has proven to work well for me. What I mean by “inventory” is, about once a year, my tribe and I (these are one-on-one chats, by the way) will discuss where we’re at personally and what we need from each other, friendship-wise, as a direct result. Then we’ll touch on some of our favorite things about each other and where we could stand to hold each other accountable a little bit more, moving forward.
Booking a “formal” appointment to have lunch or drinks with your closest friend, just to do this and this alone can help both of you to hear each other out so that you know how to be each other’s best support system in the new year. I’m telling you, when it comes to gearing up, mentally and emotionally for the new year, setting up a bestie appointment is always time well spent. Guaranteed.
Now, where’s your Google Calendar at? You’ve got some work to do, sis.
Featured image by Getty Images
This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Dreaming Of A White Christmas? These 7 Winter Wonderland Destinations Are Perfect For The Holidays
While most people opt for a tropical vacation during the winter months, there are still many people who want to fulfill their winter wonderland fantasies, which are more than likely centered on watching snow by the fireplace while sipping some hot cocoa.
With Thanksgiving vastly approaching and Christmas a little under a month away, there is still time to ditch the traditional Christmas home to visit family or friends.
Whether you’re looking to put a new stamp on your passport and keep things domestic with a destination in the States, xoNecole has you covered with a few hotspots for those itching to go somewhere cold (but with cozy vibes) this holiday season.
Aspen, Colorado
Our Christmas queen, Mariah Carey, has been taking an annual trip to this snowy destination since 1997, just three years after dropping the track that would make her the unofficial (but official to us) ambassador of the winter holiday.
Aside from being a key vacation spot for one of the culture’s greatest musicians, Aspen also offers travelers access to world-class skiing and snowboarding and four distinct mountains that provide the perfect backdrop for a winter vacation.
Whistler, British Columbia, Canada
Home to the largest ski resort in North America, Whistler Blackcomb, this destination is located in the Coast Mountain Range and is about 75 miles north of Vancouver.
From luxury spas like Scandinave Spa Whistler to Olympic Park, this is another top winter vacation spot that offers a unique experience for people who love snow and the thrill of a good adventure.
Western Massachusetts
Dubbed the place for a magical holiday escape, Springfield, Massachusetts, blends the warmth of small-town charm with unforgettable experiences like Grinchmas at Springfield Museums, Winterlights at Naumkeag in Stockbridge, Historic Deerfield’s Winter Frolic, and many others.
This destination offers something for all ages, and it’s close to home, making it all the more reason to place on your radar for a winter getaway.
Rovaniemi, Finland
If you want to really get into the Christmas spirit, this just may be the place for you. As the official home to Saint Nick himself, Rovaniemi, Finland offers reindeer sleigh rides, the opportunity to stay in a glass igloo, as well as an opportunity to experience the Santa Claus Village.
Lake Tahoe, California/Nevada
Who says that visits to the lake house are only reserved for summer vacation? A winter trip to Lake Tahoe is equipped with stunning lake views and top-notch ski resorts, including Heavenly and Northstar.
Chamonix, France
Sitting at the base of Mont Blanc, Chamonix, France, is known for its skiing and mountaineering. This destination is home to the Aiguille du Midi cable car, the charming Alpine village, and is also close to various other European ski destinations.
Northeastern Pennsylvania
This area of the U.S. state is home to the Poconos Mountains, whose renowned ski resorts include Camelback Mountain, Blue Mountain, and Jack Frost Big Boulder. Whether you’re a ski expert, a beginner, or just there for the vibes, this destination makes for a winter vacation that balances fun adventures and cozy getaways. Additionally, Pennsylvania is home to the Christmas Tree Capital of the world.
Feature image by Shutterstock
Originally published on November 23, 2024









