

One scroll on Instagram or a bad hair day can make our self-confidence take a nosedive.
It happens more than we would like it to, but we all have moments when we don't feel like ourselves. Yes, we're the first ones to talk about self-love, but a lack of self-confidence can be just one of the fun (insert sarcasm here) things about being a woman. We all have our Monica moments where it's just one of them days and we just want to be all alone.
The key though, is to not stay down. Here are a few ideas to get your mojo back when your confidence is slipping.
Say Something…
While it might seem like this method is a little overrated, they really do help. And they never get old. I've had times where I was really coming down on myself from my image to my career, but in those moments, we can be our worst critic or our number one cheerleader. The difference is what we say about ourselves. Who cares what anyone else thinks? When you speak out of your mouth that you're amazing, powerful, and a bad mama jama, you'll start to feel the shero within you rise once again. And the best part is that it might take a lot of energy in those moments where it's tempting to have a pity party, but those seemingly little words can make a major difference. You'll be milly rocking in the mirror again before you know it.
Retail Therapy
If you're as frugal as I am, this one might be a difficult one. But it's definitely worth it. I'm not saying you have to splurge on something major. It can be as small as a pair of shoes you've been eyeing or a jacket. Don't get me wrong, I don't think the foundation of our confidence should be the clothes we wear. BUT I'm also a strong believer that when we look our best, we feel good about ourselves, and can at times be even more productive. Besides, it can even be something like purchasing the LLC for your business; anything that will help you feel like you're the amazing woman that you truly are. Whatever you choose, just know that you deserve a good spoiling every once in a while.
Music Is The Move
Okay, so… This might sound really crazy (or not), but it's no secret that music can determine our entire mood. I feel like we all have that one song from Rihanna to Cardi B to Kirk Franklin that helps boost how we feel about ourselves. Whatever song you have, blast it in the car while you sing along or belt it out in the shower and get ready to conquer whatever funk you might be in at the time. We all know that music can create memories, good or bad ones. Something about it has the power to uplift us in a unique way. So use it to your advantage and make new memories with songs that help you get back to feeling the superwoman you really are.
Pamper Yourself
Have you ever noticed what a day at the spa can do for your inner and outer self? Wonders, sis… wonders. Again, you don't have to break the bank. I'm basically the president of all things balling on a budget. From a manicure less than $30 to a pedicure or even a staycation at home for the free-free with your favorite meal, there are certainly ways to pamper yourself to help you get back your mojo. If you still need more suggestions, consider taking a nice, warm bath, or just asking our significant other to rub your feet. Sometimes it's the little things that make a huge difference. Ultimately, you're important enough to take time and not only woosah but also get pampered to help level up your confidence.
Show Off Your Pearly Whites
I always remember reading that it takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 muscles to smile. Still, when we want to be in our own mood and just have a moment, it might seem like spreading our mouth into a smile will take all of our energy; especially if we're forced to interact with the wrong person at the wrong time. Still, it's turning that frown upside down that will help us get our mojo back. Even when we don't feel like it, it can at least put us in a better mood when we're intentional about being happy and getting our confidence on track.
Think Happy Thoughts
This one might not be as tangible, but it's arguably the most powerful. Most of the time (if not all), our insecurity starts within our minds. When you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else or trying to convince yourself that you're not good enough to live the life of your dreams, shut down those thoughts with positive ones. It's been said that you can't fight fire with fire, so the solution might be to say an affirmation out loud or listen to something positive (Sarah Jakes Roberts is always a win for me) that will help you get your bounce back. You can also try reading an inspiring book, or like the point above, listen to music that will encourage you to tap into your best self. 'Cause you're the bomb, sis.
Featured image via GIFs
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Self-Validation, No Meals After 5 P.M. & The Wellness Rituals That Helped Lizzo Take Her Power Back
Don't let the "weight release" fool you, Lizzo's transformation wasn't just physical. It was spiritual, emotional, and deeply personal. In her Women's Health cover story, the "Good As Hell" artist opened up about the low point that became the catalyst for radical change in her life, inside and out.
In the summer of 2023, Lizzo found herself at the center of what she calls painful allegations when some of her former dancers filed a lawsuit against her. The 37-year-old singer has denied their claims, and though she has experienced "backlash my entire career," going through such legal woes coupled with public scrutiny proved to be detrimental to her mental health, leading her to one of the darkest periods of her life.
She told Women's Health, "I got very paranoid and isolated. I wasn’t even talking to my therapist. I wasn’t present. I wasn’t open. I wasn’t myself anymore."
After spending months in isolation, Lizzo, whose real name is Melissa Viviane Jefferson, decided to go to a tour stop on the Renaissance World Tour. She was nervous that the public would shun her, boo her, or reject her, but instead, she was embraced. It shifted something in her and after feeling so in the dark, she saw the light again. "It made me feel like, wow, maybe I don’t want to die," she shared with Women's Health.
"That was the kick-starter to me being like, ‘Okay, Melissa, get your ass in gear and take your f*cking life back.’"
Her first step in Operation Get Your Life Back? Cutting out the external noise. She gave her team total control of her social media and stopped looking at comments. "My validation was from external sources, people telling me they loved me, or that I look good, and accepting me," she explained. "But if that’s all I’m getting my validation from, when it changes—and it will, because people are not always going to like you—what happens? Where are you going to get your love from?"
Lizzo continued, "I can convince myself that I’m beautiful, my body fine, no matter how big or small. But reminding myself that you can’t let others tell you who you are—that was hard work."
Lizzo started going to therapy again, she started practicing quigong meditation, reading books, journaling, and doing sound baths. She released unhealthy relationships, drank echinacea tea, and began incorporating Pilates as a means to "feel sacred" and "be gentle" with herself.
But what many have interpreted as a "weight loss transformation" after she popped out sharing she met her "weight release" goal earlier this year, Lizzo has clarified that it has been something deeper for her than the aesthetic of a smaller body. "I wanted to be big-girl skinny," she told the mag. "Every big girl knows what I’m talking about. Big-girl skinny is 250 pounds." According to her, it was her back issues that inspired her to take the physical part of her wellness journey seriously.
I DID IT! #weightrelease
@lizzo I DID IT! #weightrelease
Through her friend Kelly Rowland, she linked up with her now-trainer Marvin Telp and developed a fitness regimen that prioritized strength and intention. Her weekly schedule now includes moves like single-leg deadlifts, reverse flies, and lateral lunges, along with infrared sauna sessions and cardio. Add to that a change in eating habits after realizing her vegan diet no longer served her (to be fair, she wasn't doing the vegan thing the "healthiest" way).
All the meat substitutes, bread, cashew cheese, and soy left her bloated and lightheaded, so now she's switched things up a bit to fill the nutritional gaps. When it comes to diet, it's heavy on the protein and vegetables for Lizzo. A typical day eating looks like scrambled eggs and cauliflower hash browns for breakfast, Thai chicken salad or lettuce wraps for lunch, and turkey meatloaf with greens for dinner.
She also has a strict cutoff of no meals after 5 p.m. to support her GERD and give her body the time it needs before bed to digest her food sans the acid reflux. Of her relationship with food and wellness, she told Women's Health, "There's a balance. I think that's what true health is."
Read Lizzo's full cover story with Women's Health here.
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Featured image by Stephen Lovekin/Shutterstock