While you were excitedly unwrapping presents, posting blurry Christmas Day dinner pics, and extending holiday cheers to “friends” on your Twitter timeline, there were hundreds of others hopping on a rare travel glitch deal that enabled them to take a trip of a lifetime to Abu Dhabi for $200.
Last December, social media channels and GroupMe chats were in an uproar as travel lovers quickly discovering a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity enthusiastically shared their ticket confirmations for future flights to the Middle East.
“Some people were just like that’s not real; I don’t believe it. Other people were like I don’t have $200 just to be dropping on Abu Dhabi,” says Imani Muhammad, a Chicago native who found out about the deal from the Chicago Young Black Professionals GroupMe.
I was among the many who saw the comments and let them slide down and disappear from my timeline. Like many others, I had a hundred different excuses as to why I couldn’t go: I already had a trip to Australia planned for May that I still needed to pay towards, and I didn’t have $200 to spare without having to add to my ever-growing credit card debt; I didn’t even know what city I’d be in months from now (I was planning on leaving my job, but hadn’t decided on a date or where I’d be off too next); I didn’t have anyone to go with.
I thought about the fact that yeah the flight may be $200, but then I’d have to factor in hotels, food, and activities. In short, I let a deal of a lifetime slip by while wasting time worrying about how I was going to make it work. You know, the usual thoughts that keep people from going after their heart’s desires.
But there were many who didn’t stress the details and jumped on the flight deal without hesitation. Months later we saw amazing photos of opulent mosques, warm desert sands, and extravagant architectural structures on our Instagram feeds. If you didn’t have anti-buyer’s remorse before, you probably regretted ignoring that text message that you received months before promising a memorable experience.
For those who didn’t get a chance to jetset to Abu Dhabi and Dubai, don’t worry. We’ve got all the details for you! We sat down with a few women who eagerly shared how they got the deal, planned the trip, and had an all-around amazing time soaking up the sun in another country, all for just a $200 flight away.
Meet the Globetrotters:
How did you find out about the $200 travel glitch deal to Abu Dhabi?
Imani: I’m in this GroupMe called Chicago Young Black Professionals, it’s just a GroupMe though, not an official organization or anything. I went in on Christmas morning and everybody in the chat was talking about this deal. And I’m like, what are ya’ll talking about? And they were like yo you can go to Abu Dhabi, this is what you got to search on Google in order for the flights to come up at this price.
Alicia: I love to travel; I travel a lot. I follow The Flight Deal and I get alerts from them. Every time they send out a Tweet I get an alert directly to my phone. Christmas Eve, I got an alert at two or three in the morning and I looked at it and it said $187 to Abu Dhabi from JFK. So I booked two flights right then and there. I live in Washington D.C., but I figured I could take Amtrak to New York. But then later in the day I kept getting these emails and I also follow Travel Noire on Instagram, and there were people saying you can get a flight out of DC and other locations, so I went and checked the locations, cancelled the JFK flight and purchased the one from D.C.
Ashley: Well it was Christmas Day, and Alicia came to my house at probably about 6AM and she was like open up your gift. I was just like Alicia, I’m sleeping still. And she was like no open it up now. So I opened it up and it was like a passport location and the plane ticket confirmation that she printed off. I always said that I was going to get my passport but I was just procrastinated to get it so she was like well now you have to get it because we’re going for our birthday.
Tiffany: I woke up Christmas morning and saw that one of my IG friends had booked the trip. And she had posted that she was going to Abu Dhabi in January for $187. So I Google’d what she said and it was coming up in the search, but it wasn’t allowing me to purchase the ticket. So I just assumed that I missed whatever sale that she had. It wasn’t until about 10AM where one of my college friends if you’re trying to get the tickets you’d have to go through Expedia. So that’s how I ended up booking my tickets. I went in February for Valentine’s Day weekend. So it was the best experience ever.
Jonise: I follow The Flight Deal, which is an account on Twitter because I love to travel so I like finding these good airfares there. So I follow them, and I just happened to be on Twitter late night Christmas Eve. I was coming from a party so it had to be late night like 1 or 2 in the morning so I was going on Twitter and I saw it and I was like what, this must be a typo. Because they were advertising as $189 round trip from JFK to Abu Dhabi, so I clicked on the link and so I was like let me just go ahead and put some dates in there and see if it’s true. And sure enough I found a roundtrip from JFK to Abu Dhabi, straight flight and it was $211.
So once you booked the trip, how did you go about actually planning it as far as booking hotels, activities, etc.?
Imani: So part of the way that I planned the trip was just researching in terms of some of the key things travel sites said that you should visit while in Dubai and Abu Dhabi since I was flying into Abu Dhabi. And then since I knew others were going I organized with them even though I was going with my family, I just wanted to see what other people were doing while visiting.
Alicia: I did a lot of Google searching and I follow a lot of travel blogs, and I talk to a lot of people who travel as well. So for example, with Travel Noire so with them one of the things that they posted about was where you should stay and these are accommodations, I used TripAdvisor a lot just to find out things that are popular and things to do. So I use that as my main site. From there, I go and do a lot more research into how to get the cheapest deal. For this trip I was a part of a group. We went memorial day weekend and a lot of black people our age were going so I was apart of a GroupMe group called 150 Black Professionals who were going to Dubai and Abu Dhabi Memorial Day Weekend and they would share their deals in the group. So it was just idea generation and ideas constantly being talked about and that’s how I found most of them.
Tiffany: I’m a Star Rewards member so in Abu Dhabi we stayed at the St. Regis hotel on Saadiyat Island and we thought there was nothing better. There was nothing that could top where we were, the scenery, everything was just perfect there. So we figured if we go to Dubai nothing is going to top that. But it actually did. We stayed right across from Jumeirah Beach. There was a strip mall across from the hotel with American restaurants and shops, and it was just really nice. And the sidewalks are made of marble. That was one thing that got us, we couldn’t believe it.
Jonise: I’m a part of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. and we have a lot of sorority sisters that live there and teach there, so it was nothing to just hit them up. They had a Facebook group, so we told them that we were going to be in town and would like to link up. And it just so happen that same weekend, that was around Memorial Day, they were hosting an all-white yacht party. The other events were like people that we would run into, the ones that were more Americanized would let us know oh there’s this event going on and you should come by here and stuff like that. It was pretty much word-of-mouth.
What were your first thoughts when you arrived in Abu Dhabi and Dubai?
Imani: Abu Dhabi still has a city feel it’s just a lot more traditional in a sense. One of the main mosques is in Abu Dhabi and it’s absolutely gorgeous. So it’s a lot more traditional, you see more people in traditional garments there.
Alicia: I was surprised by the amount of wealth that they have because everything there is grand and over-the-top. Everything in the country is bigger, better, faster. I think that’s their motto. When we went to Safari World we got on the fastest roller coaster. In Dubai we went to the Burj Khalifa, which is the world’s tallest building. We were in the world’s largest mall. It’s just definitely like, wow.
Ashley: We found out that trying to FaceTime on wifi, they don’t allow you to do video communication; you can only use iMessages and emails over there. So trying to show people on FaceTime where we were, we couldn’t do that.
Jonise: I was very surprised that people spoke English. Everything was translated to English. Even the road signs would be in Arabic but they’re also in English. So that made it very easy to get around and everybody speaks English, and that’s because they think so highly of different cultures, especially the American culture and our language.
Jonise in desert in Al Ain with my Sorority Sisters
Did you get a chance to eat any of the local food?
Imani: The thing about Dubai is that they have a lot of restaurants that aren’t authentic cuisine there. We went to a Mexican restaurant one time, but we went to an Iranian/Persian restaurant in old Dubai. They had a restaurant in the hotel as well, so we visited that. They had an Outback at the mall. Honestly, my experience in Dubai was like, I really don’t feel like I’m that far from the U.S. Going to Abu Dhabi was a little different.
Ashley: We stayed at Shangri-La Hotel and Alicia got our hotel on a glitch as well, so with our hotel stay we got breakfast included. We ended up going to the Cheesecake Factory even though we can get that in America because they had the shortest wait. They even had Red Lobster in the mall. We were like that’s crazy. We came all the way here and they have the same places to eat as we have in America.
Tiffany: We did try the food because you get a lot of the food on the flight because they serve their food. They had a lot of curry type things or Lebanese food. And we also did a dinner in the desert where we got to taste a lot of their foods there.
Tiffany and friend, Trinette, Desert Safari riding a Camel in Dubai
What’s one experience that you'll always remember about Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
Imani: I think everyone should go to the Sheikh Zayed mosque in Abu Dhabi because it was the most beautiful place I’ve ever been. I was just in amazement. The amount of marble, encrusted stone, and gold that is in this place is just like this can’t be real. And the thing is, when you ask how much money it was they were like we don’t know, it was all donations and stuff.
Ashley: Our last night there we went to a club called The Circus Club of Dubai. There’s like a real live circus going on in there and they had like freak shows with their faces painted, midgets and people in costumes walking around in there. We met these African guys and since it was the day after our birthday they just started buying us bottles of Don Perignon.
Tiffany: In Dubai at the Jumeriah Beach there was a water park in the middle of the water. We didn’t get to go but it was pretty awesome. And at the tallest building we went to the 148th floor. That was beautiful. And don’t forget the largest mall, they had everything in there. From an Aquarium to all of the restaurants, all the stores. That was very memorable as well.
Jonise: My favorite excursion was the sand dunes we were like in a SUV going through the dessert. That was an amazing experience because I’m from South Florida and we don’t have like the desert, and just to be out there and it felt like we were in a movie. I kept saying that the whole time, I feel like I’m in a movie.
Did going to Abu Dhabi and Dubai make you want to travel more?
Imani: It was for the most part my first time abroad; the only other place that I’ve been was like Mexico. I think it’s definitely encouraged me to go more international. I feel like I had a completely different idea of Dubai. I knew it was wealthy and that it was somewhat advanced, but it completely blew my mind. My boyfriend is Nigerian, and him and his friends are planning a West African tour trip for 2016 so I’ll probably try to do that with him where we go to Ghana, Nigeria, and some other Western African countries. I’m kind of excited about that.
Ashley: Yes, I think I do want to travel more. But I want to get settled in more and finish school so that I can actually start seeing more and traveling more. I do want to travel and see the world more, but after I finish with school.
Tiffany: Ever since that travel glitch I joined three or four different sites that monitor sites just so I can see if I can get another glitch like that. So I definitely plan on traveling more—glitch or no glitch.
Jonise: Yeah I’m already a traveler so I’m already open to different cultures so I’m always excited about just experiencing a new place, new culture, meeting the people, even picking up on their language and learning new words.
I'm not going to lie, I'm super jealous! It sounds like these ladies had an amazing time. Check out more of their memorable moments below!
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
From their perspective, their friend should simply know what they should and shouldn’t do. Yeah, one day, I’m going to write an article about how a lot of relationships could be spared so much drama if we all stopped automatically expecting others to think, act, and even love like we do. Anyway, my client did pause for a moment; then she shared that there was one thing, in particular, that she had told her friend that she didn’t appreciate and her friend just kept on doing it — so much to the point where it was starting to feel not only intentional but disrespectful too. In response to that, here’s how the rest of the dialogue between us went down:
Me: “Did she apologize?”
Her: “I mean, after I about lost it and told her that I was sick of her sh-t, she did. I don’t know if I can trust it, though.”
Me: “Has the action happened again since?”
Her: “The last time was only a few weeks ago. It’s too soon to tell. I know I’m starting to put distance between us, though. I’m not sure if I want to be friends with her anymore at this point.”
*le sigh* What to do, what to freakin’ do, when you’ve got a friend in your life who does something that bothers, offends, hurts, or harms you (because those are all different things, y’all), they apologize and you’re not exactly sure what to do with their apology. That is something that I’m pretty sure that all of us have gone through, probably more than once. If you definitely have, and there have been times when it’s left you feeling stumped, let’s unpack it all a bit — just so you’ll know how to move, with complete peace of mind, for the sake of your friendship and, most importantly, your peace of mind.
People with Regrets Apologize (and Every Self-Aware Human Should Have Regrets)
GiphySometime last year, I was talking to a friend of mine about his spouse. As he was raving about all of the things that he adores about her, something that he said caused my eyes to get semi-big: “I mean, she doesn’t believe in apologizing which can get on my nerves but that’s about it.” Whew, chile. Also, another article for another time: It’s very hard for a marriage to function, in a healthy way, if both people aren’t willing to apologize and forgive because there are going to be countless times when doing one or the other is going to be extremely necessary. Why?
Because we all make mistakes and sometimes poor decisions (and no, those two things aren’t the same either) must be corrected with an apology. Not only that but we all also experience times when someone needs to apologize to us and, because of the first thing that I said, we should forgive them and LET. IT. GO.
Yeah, those “I don’t apologize” people? Talk about folks who I don’t trust because that typically either means that they have way too much pride going on or they suck and taking personal accountability for their actions — and neither of those things makes it easy when it comes to trying to have a solid relationship with someone else. Honestly, the only kind of folks who “cause me to pause” more are the ones who claim that they don’t have any regrets in life. Truly…what in the world are you talking about?
If you’ve been rocking with me on this platform for a while now, you already know that I totally and completely loathe the saying, “I don’t regret anything” (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”). SMDH. Some statements, I just think that they have been popular for so long that people repeat them without really thinking about what they actually mean.
When it comes to regret, if you look up its definition, you should see the word “remorse” somewhere in there and remorse means “deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction” — and if you NEVER feel this way, that low-key sounds like either you think that you never do anything wrong (which is a completely delusional mindset) or you don’t care to “right your wrongs” whenever you do them (which makes you a pretty unsafe individual to be around).
And why am I laying down all of this foundation? Because, before getting into how to discern someone’s apology, it’s important to first surround yourself with individuals who even get that they should apologize from time to time in the first place — not because you think so but because they think so. I’m telling you, it can spare you a ton of time and potential heartbreak to follow this tip.
I say that because I ended a relationship about six years ago, mostly because the person reached out to me to help them out with something, and when I wrote out a full email about something they did that was highly offensive and would result in my not obliging them — not only did they not apologize, they didn’t even acknowledge what I said. What kind of makes it “comically worse” (utter audacity-wise) is the few times that I’ve seen them since, they’ve acted like nothing even happened. Then I had to think back to other times when I’ve brought hurt feelings or offenses to their attention and how they would deflect, play the victim, or change the subject (bookmark that).
Hmph. We talk about narcissism a lot both on and offline — uh-huh, be careful about those narcissistic friends out here. They always want to be the center of attention. They constantly put their own needs first. They have a hard time forgiving and yet think that you should dismiss whatever they do that’s wrong (or damaging). I could go on and on about those jokers. For now, I’ll just bring this point to a close by saying that if you want to trust someone’s apology, you need to trust that they care enough to apologize in the first place. And lawd, won’t that preach?
Next point.
Karma Is Attached to Apologies
GiphyOne day, I’m also going to write an article about how much forgiveness tends to be weaponized — and how absolutely insane that is. Meaning, so many people think that they deserve an apology for all of the things that they do while others don’t — and that’s not really how forgiveness works. If you’re looking at it from a Scriptural standpoint, the Good Book tells us that if you want to be right with God, you’ve got to forgive other people (Matthew 6:14-15). Science says that if you want to be healthy, it’s wise to forgive as well. Adding to both of these things, since karma (which is basically just reaping what you sow) doesn’t discriminate, if you want to be forgiven in the future, you should forgive others in the present.
And that’s what I mean when I say that karma is attached to apologies. When it comes to some completely bold and If-I-were-a-different-type-of-person-things-would’ve-gone-very-differently things that have happened to me throughout the years — what has kept things peaceful and put me on a faster track to healing is choosing to forgive others; especially when they make a point to apologize (check out “How I Learned To Forgive People In My Life Who Weren't Sorry”).
Honestly, a part of the reason why I can do closure so well is because I can accept an apology. What I mean by that is I think a lot of times, we stay in “hamster wheel relationships” (same problems, no new solutions) or we’re so super devastated (because we’re not just sad, we also beat ourselves up with guilt and yes, regret) if something should happen to someone who we used to be in relationship with and it’s partly because we don’t accept apologies.
Me? I never want to be so high and mighty in my mindset that I think I can gamble my relationship with God or my health simply because I want someone to think that what they do and ask forgiveness doesn’t deserve mercy while I’m somewhere thinking that I should be pardoned for all of my mess. I don’t know about y’all but I need God’s forgiveness, plus, it feels good — cleansing even — whenever people who I’ve hurt or harmed have forgiven me and so I give forgiveness in order to receive it — because every single human needs to receive it.
Next point.
A Sincere Apology Doesn't Deflect, Justify or Play the Victim. It Takes Full Ownership.
GiphyNow that we’ve talked about why you should only befriend people who forgive and apologize and how you shouldn’t be in relationships if you don’t know how to forgive (and apologize) — let’s talk about what a sincere apology should even look like.
Years ago, I had a friend who violated a very clear boundary of mine. She kept trying to push something on me that I didn’t want to do until one day, she did it anyway. And boy, was I pissed. When she saw how angry I was, she called me crying and, although she did say that she was sorry, she also went into all kinds of reasons why she thought that she was the bigger victim. The more that I listened, it was like she wanted me to apologize to her for violating me (whew, chile). Yeah, don’t trust those kinds of apologies because they are chocked full of manipulation.
And this is where we start to tiptoe into the difference between accepting an apology and trusting one.
Since she literally said, “I’m so sorry,” I accepted her apology because, although I think that my discernment is pretty keen and she was trying to manipulate matters, at the end of the day, who am I to brush off her efforts to acknowledge what she did? Did I trust her apology, though? Absolutely not because to trust something, you’ve gotta be confident in it, and anyone who decides to make what they did to you totally about them? They don’t really get what an apology is all about.
Hmph. I grew up with people who would apologize and also deflect (shift blame, gaslight, go into semi-denial mode), justify poor behavior (make excuses, follow their apology with some long ass story) and/or play the victim (act like they are more hurt than you are) in the midst of their apologies and those types of individuals typically only apologize in order to “move on” from what they’ve done — not to really make sure that you are okay about what had transpired.
And those people? Whether they are too selfish, not self-aware enough or they’re simply ignorant about what a sincere apology looks like, if those three factors come into play, their apology can be accepted yet not really trusted in the sense of you believing that they will do their best to not repeat the action again. How could you TRUST it if they don’t fully OWN it? Make sense?
Next point.
Accepting Apologies and Actually Trusting Them Are Quite Different
GiphyIf you know that someday, you will need to apologize to someone, you will get again why I say that none of us should really refuse someone else’s apology. Another way of looking at this is if someone apologizes and you don’t accept it, it’s basically saying, “I don’t acknowledge that you acknowledge what you did that you are trying to take responsibility for” — and honestly, what kind of sense does that make?
Because while you are thinking that not accepting their apology is harming them, it’s really only hurting you because you are choosing to hold onto what their apology has actually released them from. Plus, y’all know that I am pretty word-literal and, at the end of the day, accepting an apology simply means that 1) you are responding to what they are saying and 2) you are receiving the effort. Over and out.
Now TRUSTING an apology? Again, that is something entirely different. I’ll give you another example. Everyone who knows me (check out “5 Signs You Really Know A Person”) knows that if I come out to a big function, that’s love — DEEP LOVE. Back when I was an entertainment journalist, I had my fill of stuff like that; these days, low-key is how I get down. Anyway, one time, a friend invited me out to a crowded and pretty important function. After a bit of convincing, I made the personal request of not wanting to go along with someone else in their world who I am not fond of (who they are now not even friends with because they discovered on their own just how shady the person can be).
My friend assured me that it wouldn’t be an issue — only for me to get to the place where we were meeting up and my friend then telling me on the way to the venue that the person would be joining us. When I tell you that we literally had the conversation about that not happening just a few hours before? Chile. My response? I left before we headed there and went back home. I am BIG on my boundaries being respected and I’m not going to be set up to be put in a position to somehow be the bad guy if I’m not kee-keeing with someone who I didn’t want to be around, intimately, in the first place. Plus, my friend needed to fully enjoy her night without worrying about what the energy was going to be like.
My friend owned that it was “bad business” to even move like that — that it was thoughtless and a bit manipulative on her part because a part of her thought that if I was pushed to the wall on the matter, I would just get over it. She apologized. I accepted it. However, I didn’t just accept it, I trusted it because, a few weeks later, she invited me to another event, out of state, all expenses paid.
Listen, if you know me, you know that it wasn’t the free trip that “moved me” because my favorite place is always gonna be at home. LOL. It’s that my friend didn’t just acknowledge what she did, she also took it upon herself to make amends — and that’s what a real apology should always include.
And what is amends? It’s “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense.” That said, when we really get the weight and magnitude of something that we’ve done to another person, it’s never enough to just toss a flippant “My bad” in their direction — it’s important to put forth the effort to set things right.
I got that my friend understood how much effort it took for me to do the initial outing with her in the first place because she took a few steps up from that and turned another event into a girls' trip — just us. That was a couple of years ago now. We’ve not had an issue in that lane since.
Your friend who hurt you and apologized? One way to know if you can trust the apology to the point where you know that it’s okay to move on fully from the matter is if they are willing, on their own, to make amends. If, in their own way, they ask you, “How can I make this right?” If you get that from them, I really recommend that you give them a chance because not only does it seem like their apology is heartfelt, but they also want to help you to heal from what they did — and at the end of the day, because none of us can change the past, just “own” our part in it, there’s not much more that a human can do.
Plus, people who go so far as to make amends, they typically also put forth the effort to try and change their behavior (or not repeat the action). And again, what more can you really ask for from any fallible individual (and we are all that)…right?
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No one is perfect. We’re all going to mess up. If you really get that, when a friend apologizes to you, let both of yourselves off of the hook and accept it. And during the apology, if they take full ownership which includes making amends, trust your friend enough to have faith that they will try to not hurt you, in that way, again.
Accept is about recognizing.
Trusting is about putting your confidence in something.
When it comes to apologies, specifically, I hope it’s easier to now know the difference.
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