My Friendships Taught Me Loving Women Is Good For The Soul

My Friendships Taught Me Loving Women Is Good For The Soul

What About Your Friends?

Miki Howard sang, "Experience is a good teacher, takes someone like me to know."

She understood the ups and downs of love and the need for a mindset upgrade. More than a mere bystander, her lyrics were life-tested and time-approved. Thus, she was a 'knower'. True statement: What is known in one season may need rejecting in the next.

It takes a mature 'knower' to admit when an original point of view is skewed. Maturity compels us to evaluate, eliminate, and realign our thoughts and values to ensure that life is being lived to its fullest potential. Times change; seasons shift. I thought I knew what was best for me until my plan went out the window. My vision recalibrated and my faith blossomed. As the landscape of my life changed, so did the narrative. With the transformation of me came an evolution of my needs.

It's a man's world, but it would be nothing without a woman or a girl.

The contentment of my younger years was found being nestled in a man's world. Both platonic and intimately, I LOVED the fellas! Quite honestly, I still do. My first ever best friend was a boy and even now entering my thirty-third year of life, some of my most valued friendships are with men. But a man cannot meet all of my relational needs.

The lesson of experience has taught me that men will listen to my words and present solutions, but women will listen intently to my life to discover and meet the needs of the inner me.

My paradigm has shifted. Once upon a time, my view was that girls could not be loyal to one another. From playground quarrels to middle school fallouts to high school blow ups, observation taught me that females, more often than not, were foes against which my heart should be guarded. Girls. Females. Anatomy vs. Actuality. Facts vs. Truth. Girls will be girls but, truthfully, women will be what the moment necessitates. It has been I – the very one convinced that my maid of honor would be a "man of honor" – who now cherishes the firsthand experience of having strong, faith-fueled women to rally around me.

What happened? Life happened.

In choosing to exchange my self-centered aspirations for a more purposeful plan, I have come to realize that control is not always in my grasp. I am still navigating the waters of having shifted from dreams of a career in dentistry to now creating life-giving content for women of faith. Women? Me? But I'm a guys' kind of girl! "Not so," says the One who created me for the task at hand. I am truly destined to help tear down the very lies that my early years reinforced. Not only can women be loyal friends to one another, we must befriend one another. We need each other.

A man cannot love you like a woman can because he cannot fully assess the heaviness of the load you bear.

That's no shade to the men I love or those whom you love – they have their place and we have ours. The nurturing needed to pull out the greatest pieces of you and me come from those who were divinely fashioned to function like you and me.

Loving women works because being loved by women pours life into our lives.

At times, it is the weight of the call to which I am summoned that causes my knees to buckle. Being pulled by this person and tugged by that person daily would have left me depleted if it had not been for the women (and the Lord, of course) who were on my side. As I pour into others, my tribe pours into me. As I build up others, they build me. If my flesh kicks in and I need to ride out, one or two in my crew are down for that too! We live, laugh, cry, and battle… together.

Eddie and Chris are constants in my corner, always willing to offer the male perspective. My dad, as he puts it, would kill a rock for me. Of that I have no doubt. However, it is ShaRonda that will ask the hard questions that force an introspective look at my heart.

Brittany is my listening ear and sounding board. Lindsey intercedes on my behalf. Ariel and Audrey walk with me daily. It was my grandmother who taught me to walk by faith rather than sight. Proudly, I declare I am her legacy. My mom has sown support time and time again, even when she didn't fully understand how things would unfold. For that I am forever grateful. Ms. Treva's calm, steady voice speaks peace into my every storm. I love these women with no hesitation, and they love me back.

I thought I had it all figured out only to conclude that my vision was clouded. My assessment was faulty. I had no idea how much I needed these ladies until I needed these ladies. I love my guys, but the 'knower' in me is fully persuaded that the love of these women continues to empower me to be the woman I am.

What will loving and being loved by women do for you?

xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.

Featured image by Getty Images

KevOnStage And His Wife Melissa Don’t Want To Be “Relationship Goals”

Being married or in any type of long-term relationship takes intention and diligence. No one could tell you that better than comedian and social media personality KevOnStage (Kevin Fredericks) and his wife and partner Melissa.

Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.
From Love & Basketball to The Woman King, The Evolution of Gina Prince-Bythewood

Of all the joys that came from my recent viewing of The Woman King in theaters, my favorite was simply watching another one of Gina Prince Bythewood’s visions brought to life. Since 2000 when she came on to the scene with her sports romantic drama Love and Basketball, Bythewood has built a diverse filmography that centers Black women.

Keep reading...Show less
Bags Secured: How Tia Mowry Continues To Make Money Moves Outside Of Acting

After 25 + years in the entertainment industry, Tia Mowry has remained a mainstay in many of our lives. Tia and her twin sister Tamera garnered fame after starring in their own TV series Sister, Sister, which premiered in 1994 and since then we have seen them venture into solo endeavors. Tia, specifically, went on to act in the film Baggage Claim, Netflix’s series Family Reunion, and who can forget her role as Melanie Barnett in The Game?

Keep reading...Show less
5 Ways To Keep It Together On A Stressful Work Day

Stress is a common part of living, especially when it comes to work. For women, the impact can be felt even more due to workplace issues including unequal pay, gender discrimination, and race-related aggressions. In fact, research shows that professional women experience more stress than men, with a 46% prevalence for those employed full-time (versus 42% for men).

Keep reading...Show less
What 14 People Say 'Great Sex' Means To Them

What is the difference between bad, average, and great sex? If I ask thirty people this question, I would get thirty different answers. As someone who's had their fair share of both good and not-so-good sex, I understand that there is no one size fits all answer to this question. "Great sex" can mean different things to different people. Case in point, I once had an amazing sexual experience with a guy that a mutual “friend” had a horrible experience with. Great sex is subjective AF! According to the mutual friend his sex was subpar at best. One person’s trash is another one’s treasure. Great sex boils down to what is good for you and your partner at the moment. No two people are the same so no two sexual experiences will be the same either.

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive Interviews
Latest Posts