Although it personally baffles me that people like this exist—half kidding, half not—I've got a few girlfriends who pretty close to loathe oral sex. I don't mean giving it (fellatio), I mean receiving it (cunnilingus). Most of them are wives too.
When I ask them "why?", the answers tend to vary. Some say it feels really awkward, almost to the point of feeling gross. Others say that they love what else their man has to offer; so much so that they'd rather bypass the oral and get to the "main" event instead. A couple of 'em have told me that cunnilingus is "alright", but their partner takes entirely too long to finish up. (Wow. Is that even a thing? What in the world?!)
Personally, I can't relate to any of this. Back in my sexually active days, not receiving oral sex would've been an automatic deal breaker. Plus, the more of it I could get, the better. But I must admit that these kinds of women do pique my curiosity. Are they an anomaly or are there others who feel the same way as they do? (Feel free to chime in with your own comments.) I don't just mean when it comes to oral sex overall, but how many ladies feel as if a timer should be set the very moment cunnilingus begins. Or even when they start blessing their man with fellatio.
It really is a bit of a rabbit hole, I must say, but I'm up for the task. If you are also an inquiring mind that would like to know, here's some of what cyberspace had to say on the issue(s).
How Common Is Oral Sex?
Everything has a first time; even oral sex. When it comes to when that first time should actually happen, I'm sure it's no shocker that 4 out of 10 men don't mind it happening on the first date vs. 1 out of 10 women feeling the same way. As far as if men and women are both "generous" in this area, interestingly enough, it changes with age. Younger women are more down to perform fellatio (74 percent) while older men are more open to performing cunnilingus (69 percent), although women are twice as likely to give it than men are (SMDH).
Of the individuals who get this kind of action, do they all enjoy it? Apparently not. In another survey, while most participants agreed that oral sex is more enjoyable when it's not with a casual partner, 52 percent of men really like going down (good for you, fellas; you get an extra dose of oxytocin and DHEA when you do) while only 28 percent of women do (y'all who don't, check out "Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits of Sperm"; however, wait until you get off of work; some of the content may be NSFW for your lunch break).
And what about married folks specifically? Another survey that I read revealed that mostly all husbands like to give oral sex while one-third of all wives could take it or leave it. 19 percent of wives said they are not able to orgasm from cunnilingus while seven percent of men said that they couldn't (interesting). 54 percent of wives said that they allow their husbands to "finish" in their mouths and 47 percent of husbands said that was an important factor although only 29 percent cared about whether she swallowed or not. In an extension of this same survey, 9.0% of women and 12.6% of men professed to perform oral sex every time, with husbands preferring to perform oral sex on their wives (get this) twice as much as they currently do. I was also happy to hear that 32 percent of wives wouldn't mind "blessing their husband" more often as well.
But out of all of the info that I checked out, you can tell by the title of this post that what blew my mind the most was the fact that oral sex seems to have a semi-official time limit. What is it? Let's go with ladies first.
How Long “Should” Cunnilingus Last?
I'm pretty sure it comes as no surprise—maybe low-key disgust but certainly no surprise—that it was much harder (legions worth) to find data on cunnilingus as opposed to fellatio. Although I must say that one study that said a lot of men do it because they feel it is a way to "affair-proof" their relationship was kind of fascinating. Another cool thing about this form of oral sex is female ejaculate contains a protein known as prostatic acid phosphatase which helps to protect a man's prostate. Also, cunnilingus can't get you pregnant so, there's that win/win for anyone who doesn't want a baby—ever or yet.
But as far as how long it should last? I can't tell you how long I spent looking for actual data on the subject (again SMDH). While there are plenty of articles on technique, the time limit was extremely difficult to nail down. Quora had some semi-enlightening answers, with the average time being around 30 minutes, but that was via seven responses only. After checking out about 10-12 sites, the general consensus was a man should do the deed until his partner climaxes, however long that takes because, unlike a blow job (a lot of men said they would take a couple of minutes even if they couldn't get the whole shebang), quitting before she totally finishes qualifies as being a pretty wack experience.
I took this info to some people who I personally know. What the women who enjoy receiving oral sex told me is, so long as their partner knows what he is doing, they don't keep up with the time much at all. If he doesn't seem to have a clue, two minutes is too long. The guys? Most told me that their tongue typically gets tired after what they gauge to be 15 minutes or so. After that, they will either switch things up (initiate penetration) or get creative with their fingers, etc. in order to "buy" a little time. But does it get boring for them? No. Just a little tiresome, at times. Understood.
How Long “Should” Fellatio Last?
Now for the fellas. So, there's this "study" that has received quite a bit of traction, right? I get it because the name alone is rather catching—The Blowjob Resume. It consists of 1100 Americans and Europeans who were asked about, well, the title of the study pretty much gives it away.
Anyway, it covered a myriad of things like how important a blow job is to people (35 percent of men said "somewhat important" while 25 percent of women felt the same way; 30 percent of men would prefer fellatio over intercourse, by the way), how many Americans swallow (29.6 never do while 23.9 always do…we do it A LOT more than Europeans do), and the fact that 72 percent of men prefer eye contact during the act while 58 percent of women would prefer to look any and everywhere but into the windows of their man's soul (that, or it's extremely taxing to multi-task in that fashion).
But again—and I promise that this will be my last time saying it—what really tripped me out was the fact that men think that a good blowjob should last…guess how long? A little under 10 minutes. And the woman giving them one? She's cool with 11 minutes.
Hmm…only a minute apart. Why is this the magic window?
The study itself said that while some were down with much longer, 10 minutes is far more realistic. When I did some of my own unofficial polling, the men in my life said that they agree with that timeframe. Actually, what most of them said was if it took more than 10 minutes, their partner could probably stand to brush up on her techniques because when it's a great performance, it will take a fraction of that time. The reason why they don't mind it going with a shorter timeframe is because while they could sleep as soundly as a baby afterwards, usually fellatio only revs their partner up; therefore, they would rather have a shorter amount of time on the receiving end, so that they can muster up enough energy for intercourse. Again, understood.
I guess when you stop to think about the fact that a man needs only five minutes of intercourse to have an orgasm while a woman requires around 25 minutes (foreplay included), these findings make sense. Again, it's just that I never even factored in that oral sex needed a clock. Shoot, I still don't.
Still, this was some interesting data to share so that y'all can sound off—or go off. Clearly, oral sex has layers just like everything else, chile. Duly noted.
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Featured image by Giphy.