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What You Need To Know About Having Children With Unworthy People
Many of my peers from high school went on to have children with the people they deemed "the one" during that period of time. While some of them lucked up, the rest of them soon discovered what so many of us already knew: staying with your high school sweetheart is as rare as a unicorn sighting.
When I first left for college, that was when my millennial peers began booming babies faster than the OGs, or at least that's what it felt like at the time given just how many of them bombarded my timeline with ultrasounds and baby bumps. It was also the first time I felt the words of disdained adults before my time branded into my young mind, "I'm not mad at you. I'm just disappointed."
Their naivety baffled me.
You see, they had the babies but I had the firsthand insight. I had been their baby, and I was wary of building a life with someone you tagged your high school sweetheart upon witnessing what happens when two people mature in different ways. At different paces.
This was my parents who had me while my mother was 17 and my father was 21.
While their struggles are heartfelt, I also felt the impact of them choosing to bring me into this world based on temporary feelings of lasting love, poor judgement, and their individual searches for worth and esteem.
For my mom, and so many other teen moms, having me meant securing the unconditional love that was never felt and in some cases love they truly never had during their childhood. She did this despite what I'm certain was feelings of uncertainty in a subpar relationship.
Because of this, I was fated to a tumultuous world and stuck in between, as the byproduct of my parents' poor choices. This was the fate I saw for many of my high school friends who deemed their highschool sweethearts worthy of 18 years...minimally. Sadly, this truly was the result of many of those love-lust encounters yielding in children.
I wouldn't dare make this out to be some type of lip service for any and everyone who dares to have children before their prime and full development -- cognitively and otherwise. But, we've seen it all too often to ignore the dangers.
While couples end their relationship and part ways, how do you part ways with the shitty parent you had the misfortune of being dumped with? You don't because you can't.
In a nutshell, my father is the worst case scenario when it comes to toxic masculinity. I grew up watching him abuse the women in his life, refer to the mother of his children as b*tches both directly and indirectly to his children, and he's taught us young to keep our mouths shut about his extramarital affairs.
You may shrug this off, I did the same. I mean I had basic daddy issues, but no big deal. Or at least that's what I thought, up until an event in recent months allowed me to see the PTSD that I had developed as a result of my father. I woke up to a new group chat that included my father and mother. In this thread, he threatened my mother -- referring to her as every b*tch in the book. With immediate anxiety kicking in, an anxiety that sent me into hyperventilation, I was reminded of the fear that I felt all those years ago and the panic I spun into with every weekend spent with my father.
This is what I've dealt with all of my life, and I'm sure you can imagine all of the ways this has affected me as a woman, and even more so, as a person.
My mom is not without fault, not in her complicitness of creating me with a less than acceptable father figure in countless ways, and certainly not in her own toxicity that I've inherited. And I won't go into a victim blaming spiral saying she should've noticed the signs, but I will stress that at any given age, it's imperative to engage in sex with caution.
Every case is not as extreme and conversely, it would be naive of me if I didn't acknowledge that carefully selecting a co-parent for your child is easier said than done. After all, we're talking affairs of the heart here. Nonetheless, it's a responsibility that you have the minute you deem yourself responsible enough to have sex.
Ensure that your child is set up with a parent who they can be proud of; a parent who instills them with the type of love that sets the bar for their relationships to come and the one with themselves.
Although this is something to consider at any age, it seems more likely that, with personalities and brains still developing, this is more likely amongst young folks looking to defy the odds.
But let my hurt, disappointment, and trauma serve as a lifelong cautionary tale that our decisions to recklessly choose love can have consequences. Be careful of who you decide to make a baby with because while it will impact you, the damage done to the children is irreparable.
Never forget, broken people break people.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Summer Travel Guide: 9 Safest Vacation Spots For Black Women
When it comes to planning and choosing our international travels, there’s one question that is bound to come up: “Is it safe for Black women?”
At times, our travel plans can be halted by whether or not our desired destination is safe not only for solo travel but for overall protection as women of color. We want to have fun, go on excursions, taste the food, and let our hair down, so the last thing we need on our minds is navigating microaggressions and worrying about our safety.
According to a report by The Mandala Research Firm, 17% of Black Americans take one or more international trips and travel locally more than six times per year. Even more exciting, 42% of Black Americans said they would spend more in 2020 on travel than in 2019 (pre-Covid), and 50% of Black adults (16% more than the general population) are more likely to travel to locations associated with their ethnic or cultural heritage. All of this goes to show that we’re not afraid to pack our bags and book flights to our heart's desire.
Our passion for travel and exploration highlights a growing desire to connect with a wide range of cultures while discovering new fresh locales. By choosing destinations with positive reputations for safety and belonging, you can enjoy your next adventure with peace of mind. And to help, we’ve provided a list of the best vacation spots to add to our travel bucket list.
1.Havana, Cuba
Known for its vibrant culture and welcoming locals, Havana offers a unique travel experience for you and your girlfriends. Stroll through the historic streets of Old Havana and immerse yourself in the lively music and dance scenes that make this city unforgettable.
2.Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famous for its Carnival, stunning beaches, and warm hospitality, Rio de Janeiro is a lively and safe city to explore all year long. Don't miss a visit to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue and the bustling Copacabana Beach for a true taste of Rio's energetic spirit.
3.Belize
With its beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and laid-back Caribbean vibe, Belize is a safe and adventurous destination for travelers. Discover the underwater wonders of the Belize Barrier Reef and explore ancient Lamanai Maya Ruins.
4.Paris, France
Who doesn’t have Paris, the city of lights, on their travel list? Renowned for its art, fashion, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Paris offers a blend of romance and safety for travelers. Wander through the charming neighborhoods of Montmartre and Le Marais, explore the Louvre, and indulge in the city's exquisite culinary delights.
5.Lisbon, Portugal
Portugal's capital city, Lisbon, charms visitors with its historic architecture, delicious cuisine, and welcoming atmosphere. Enjoy breathtaking views from São Jorge Castle and savor traditional pastries at the famous Pastéis de Belém bakery.
6.Bali, Indonesia
We’ve all seen the viral photos off the Bali coast and Gates of Heaven, so why not make it a reality? Famous for its lush landscapes, vibrant culture, and serene temples, Bali offers a safe and enriching travel experience in Southeast Asia.
7.Tokyo, Japan
Recently, the value of the Japanese Yen has seen a significant drop, making it the lowest it has been against the dollar since 1986, which also means that there’s no better time than now to make your travel plans to the renowned cultural hub.
8.Accra, Ghana
There’s no FOMO like the kind felt from seeing all the beautiful faces enjoying their holiday at Ghana’s Afrochella Festival, so let this be your sign to start planning the trip now. Often referred to as a welcoming home for the African diaspora, Ghana offers rich cultural experiences and a sense of belonging. Explore the vibrant markets of Accra and visit the historic Cape Coast Castle to connect with the nation's poignant past.
9.Seoul, South Korea
You may be surprised to find this city on the list, but for Black travelers, Seoul is said to be one of the safest and most exciting cities to travel to. There will be plenty to eat, buy, and experience from this city’s rich history and culture.
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Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images