A lot of times, women are told that we must choose between having kids or having a successful career. If you're like me, a teen mom at 17 and a mom to a second child at 21, you've probably found out that many people, especially your close relatives, counted you out.
Defying the odds, stipulations, and limitations people placed on me due to my my circumstances, I have received a Bachelor's and Master's degree, taught middle school English for five years, become an adjunct professor, and built my entertainment brand: PacePoetry.
However, I've just scratched the surface of what God is calling me to do, and this journey is getting scarier by the day.
Beyond my understanding, God has called me to move from my home city of Houston, and start brand new in Atlanta. I've been accepted into Clark Atlanta's doctoral program for Africana Women's Studies (still trying to understand why He instructed me to apply for their program), and plan to extend my brand. I don't understand why I'm being pulled in that direction, but I have to be obedient.
With this transition, I have decided to allow my boys to stay back in Houston with my youngest son's dad (might as well say "their dad," but that's another article). To be honest, my 15-year-old came up with this plan. I was actually leaning towards them coming with me, but after much thought, his idea was the best for them because they will still be around all their family. Plus, I can focus heavily on my brand and school without having to make sure they're acclimating well to a foreign place.
We all know that when it comes to your life, everyone has opinions, and I've been catching hell for this decision.
Everyone is telling me that boys need to be with their mothers. While I believe this to be true to a degree, I also know that there is a ton of things that I won't be able to teach them when it comes to being a man. I don't have little babies; my boys are 15 and 11. I feel it is critical for them to get that consistent hands-on male guidance.
Also, I never wanted to be that mother who pushed her dreams on her kids. As much as we hate to admit it, as parents, our kids hear what we say, but they tend to emulate what we do. I want to show them how to pursue your dreams and believe the impossible.
I'm now teaching them that you should have no Plan B. God's plan is the only plan you need, and He has already provided you with the resources inside of you that you need to do what He has placed in you to do.
Yes, this lesson for them is coming as a huge sacrifice for all of us, but what am I supposed to do? Wait until they finish high school and try to pick things back up or spend the rest of my life wondering "what if" because people feel like I'm wrong?
Many times, I almost threw in the towel from everyone's opinions regarding my role as a mother, but this passion and drive God has grown inside of me won't let them break me to conform to what they feel I should do. This purpose is bigger than me and my kids, but it's also a blueprint to the legacy I am working to leave for my babies.
The word says to, "train a child", and training requires demonstration, not just those long parental speeches. And that's exactly what I intend to do.
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To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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