

After the exhausting start of the decade that was last year, 2021 revealed itself to be yet another trying year for our patience with everyone and the audacity they held. Though, instead of wallowing in the uncertainty created by all of the unexpected, like we did last year, this year we were given a soundtrack that challenged how we'd interpret our world.
Last year, the best songs were the ones that distracted us from the tragedy outside. This year, the best songs came from artist who embraced themselves and found peace with the tragedies within. These artist gave us songs that taught us how to love the world we are in, but most importantly, they gave us songs that taught us how to love ourselves within this world.
Below, check out the list of artists that made this year memorable, and brought a wondrous soundtrack to the chaotic second year of what's sure to be an inevitably chaotic decade.
1.Megan Thee Stallion
Megan Thee Stallion
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There are some people that you don't have to meet to know that they are good people and should, at all times, be rooted for. For example, Barack and Michelle Obama. I don't need to know them to know that they are probably the nicest people in the world. Don't get me wrong. I know that they aren't perfect, but so do they, and that only makes them that much more desirable to root for. Amongst them, I would count Megan Thee Stallion. Yes, I know she is not in the exact same category as the Obamas. She is not a huge activist or civil worker as they are, but her genuineness and her ambition place her among their ranks.
Whether it's Megan judging ballroom on HBO Max's Legendary, her three Grammy wins, her promotion of "The Hottie Sauce" for her partnership with Popeyes, her collaborations with Ariana Grande, BTS, Maroon 5, Lil Nas X, her Sports Illustrated cover, her Met Gala appearance, or even graduating college with a degree in health administration, Megan Thee Stallion has made this year her own. And don't we love to see it!
Unlike the other artists on this list, Megan Thee Stallion has managed to succeed in every aspect of her life this year. While being in school, she managed to bring her music and artistry to other artists and to her own stage. Her performances have been entertaining, her features have been awe-inspiring, and her relentless body positivity has been a mirror for all Black women to unapologetically love themselves.
She has been a great artist, but most importantly, she has been a great reflection of how someone can succeed despite all of the odds stacked against them.
2.Silk Sonic
Silk Sonic
John Esparza via Getty Images
Before the announcement of their collaboration, the idea of Anderson .Paak and Bruno Mars teaming up was ludicrous to me. Like a shot out of nowhere, I remember finding myself thinking, What a strange occurrence. Don't get me wrong, I had known them to have toured together before, but I never imagined them making an album together. My greatest bewilderment of the pairing had been everyone else's selling point: Bruno Mars. My mind just could never wrap its head around Bruno Mars truly being an R&B singer. (In hindsight, I attribute this to my once insistent belief--which I know now to be wishful thinking-- that Bruno Mars' singing funk and R&B was just a phase.) Nevertheless, my concerns were quickly assuaged from the moment the duo released "Leave the Door Open" under the name Silk Sonic.
Recreating R&B of the 60s and 70s, Silk Sonic easily reminded audiences of the once bold, vibrant, and adorned music of our past.
From "Leave the Door Open" to "Smoking Out the Window," Silk Sonic has made "come through" messages, insistent flirting, and unforeseeable heartbreak soulful, passionate, and, at times, downright silly. Their music is as smooth as it is nostalgically fun. Even listening toAn Evening With Silk Sonic album felt like a Friday after a long week, with a warm, inviting fire and cold beer. The album isn't perfect, but its playfulness and fervent delivery are worth a listen. With "Leave the Door Open" still on repeat on the radio (and in my car) twenty times a day nine months later, there is no doubt that Silk Sonic remains powerful artists of this year.
3.Doja Cat
Doja Cat
Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for iHeartMedia
I am by no means a Doja Cat fan. Between her endless antics--her use of anti-gay slurs, her mockery of COVID (just to get it months later), alleged association with white supremacists--and constant evasion of cancellation, I find it hard to root for her. With this in mind, I reluctantly listened to Doja Cat's Planet Her album after not being able to escape one damn single from the radio. After listening, I find myself coming to a stunning realization: Planet Her is a damn good album, and the marketing behind its promotion was exceptional.
With a star-studded collaboration set, Planet Her is an infectious pop album that is quirky, insouciant, and quippy. While remaining pop, Doja Cat cleverly takes on melodies and beats of other genres, incorporating musical elements such as afrobeat, reggaeton, pop-rap, funk, trap, amongst others, to tell a compelling story. Which, in turn, makes songs that would have been typical and redundant into something new, worth enjoying. The album comes across as strong due to its intentionality. Nevertheless, this intentionality does not seem forced, or contrived, but instead cleverly crafted.
Some songs embrace womanhood and feminine diversity, such as "Woman," other songs explore the anxiety that one receives from the idea of intimacy, "Naked." Some aren't as thought-provoking and are made to only seduce or show one's desire to be seduced ("Need to Know" and "You Right").
Though there is no chance that Doja Cat will be seeing me at a concert any time soon nor paying any amount of money towards her empire, I must admit, with this album it is understandable why she is considered one of this year's guilty pleasure artists.
4.Lil Nas X
Lil Nas X
Rich Fury/Getty Images
Truth be told, I thought "Old Town Road" would be the first and last time we'd ever see Lil Nas X. Damn, I have never been happier to have been so wrong. At this point, I am elated that the world has not turned its backs on this beautifully, proudly open Black queer man. I am happy that the public is allowing his music to speak for itself and that Lil Nas X does not have to hide in a shadow of shame like so many queer Black men are forced to do in the music industry.
Every single released this year from Lil Nas showed that he has always been more than just some cheap gimmick, but an artist and businessman worth respecting. The visuals of his videos have been staggeringly artistic. His debut album Montero played with different genres and sounds, while the artist remained completely and unapologetically himself.
The album also reveals the loneliness that comes when one is a lone force to be reckoned with. It is catchy, yes, it is entertaining, but underneath all of the drums, the pop hooks, and melodious tunes, it is clear that happiness is a journey for the young artist. He is happy being himself, but with the price of that happiness, he seems to be sacrificing it everywhere else. Nevertheless, this year has been Lil Nas X's for the taking.
5.H.E.R.
H.E.R.
Rich Fury/Getty Images for dcp
Despite only being around for five years, it feels like there has never been a time without H.E.R. and her music. With her EP H.E.R. Volume 1 and compilation albums H.E.R. and I Used to Know Her, the artist made a name for herself amongst the public and the music industry. As if overnight, H.E.R. songs became known for their soulful flare, beautifully elegant arrangements, and powerful messages.
In 2021, she won a Grammy for Song of Year for the single "I Can't Breathe," a song about the anger, frustration, and pain of witnessing the death of another black innocent man, George Floyd. That same night, she won another for her moving ballad "Fight for You." Later this year, she followed up her wins with her first full-length album Back of My Mind. This album received acclaim for its maturity, ballads, and messages on success. Heavily leaning towards ballads, Back of My Mind is an R&B album that showcases H.E.R.'s vocal talents, but most importantly her songwriting skills.
By placing a contemporary spin onto the R&B genre, H.E.R. released an album that is as soulful as it is political, romantic, and unremorsefully honest.
6.Jazmine Sullivan
Jazmine Sullivan
Johnny Nunez/Getty Images for BET
It has always been my biggest grievance (and if you've read any of my other music reviews you'd see that I have not hidden it well) that the world does not give Jazmine Sullivan the recognition she has always been due. Despite being an artist since 2003, and known to many, she always seemed to be a best-kept secret in the industry. There were moments when she would go mainstream ("Bust the Windows Out Your Car" is what mainly comes to mind), but those moments were few and rare in between.
Luckily, this year, the world showed Jazmine Sullivan that it is better to show up late to the party than to never come at all. And instead of turning her back to those who are finally looking, Jazmine Sullivan has made it her mission to step out and give us a show.
With the exceptional, empowering EP Heaux Tales, Jazmine Sullivan discusses the themes of feminism, sexuality, classism, body-shaming and positivity, and other moving topics with interludes in between. The EP is art and her live renditions of the album's songs, especially "Pick Up Your Feelings," only highlight the show-stopping talent that Sullivan has always been.
During her well-deserved SoulTrain Award for Album of the Year acceptance speech, Jazmine Sullivan mentioned being "uncomfortable being seen," and that after some time, she made a "promise to [herself] to not hide anymore." And thank goodness for that because the music scene and the Black community are much better for such deserving representation.
7.The Weeknd
The Weeknd
Leon Bennett/WireImage
After his big showdown with the Recording Academy and lackluster halftime show at the Superbowl earlier this year, one expected The Weeknd to take some time off and focus on his artistry away from the public eye. However, this was not the case. Instead, every month, we found The Weeknd releasing something new. Whether it was a single that could, "Blinding Lights" dethroning "The Twist" for the all-time No. 1 Billboard single, or another collaboration with a fellow pop artist, Doja Cat or Post Malone, The Weekend managed to stay in the spotlight all of 2021. So much so, Apple Music named him the "Global Artist of the Year."
No longer known as the pop-synth guy, The Weeknd revealed himself as a true artist with his creation of After Hours. His ability to receive Grammy nominations, despite his boycott, shows just how truly an amazing artist the Weeknd is.
8.SZA
SZA
Phillip Faraone/Getty Images for REVOLT
SZA has been everywhere and, strangely, nowhere at all this year. Here, let me explain. With SZA's December release of "Good Days," it was inevitable that the single would climb the charts in the new year. After the release, SZA recorded live sessions from her home singing the single amongst others. In March, she released a video for "Good Days" and a month later "Kiss Me More," by Doja Cat featured the alt-R&B singer.
In later months, she would continue to release live performances, a mini fall tour, a single for Dear Evan Hansen's terribly acclaimed film, Summer Walker's "No Love," and another single titled "I Hate U." So, it's clear that SZA has been everywhere. Yet, in between all of these releases, she had managed to disappear from the limelight, for weeks to months at a time. So much so, that you would often have to go to her Twitter or Instagram profile to see what was going on with the singer.
Small clips of potential videos would be released, but when it came to the video--I'm looking at you, "Shirt"--and other projects, it all just felt like a tease. We know the work is out there, we can even see it. We just can't quite touch it. Still, I believe this "tease" is what has made SZA one of the artists of the year. She was never too much, always just enough.
She would release songs when the time was right and when it wasn't she would be off doing whatever she wanted while we shouted for another album. And honestly, despite desperately wanting that album, I find myself eager to wait because this year alone says it will be worth it. There are glimpses of her continuous indecisive behavior in her singles, that reflect the acclaimed CTRL. However, it is clear that the SZA that stands before us is one that is a little more whole than the one four years ago.
As if she's playing chess, SZA's ability to be in within and far out of one's reach this year, made it easily hers for the taking.
9.Tyler, the Creator
Tyler, the Creator
Derek White/WireImage
Who would have thought that the teenager eating cockroaches and singing about killing other artists to a demon in his head would, or even could, come so far?
Now, over the last ten years, Tyler, the Creator has released six albums, each one better than the formidable one before. Especially the newest release, Call Me If You Get Lost, which is the most cohesive and artistic album to date. Talking about the blessing and curse of growing up in the public eye, Call Me If You Get Lost takes us into the world of Tyler, the Creator under the guidance of DJ Drama. In this album, he confronts his success and the rollercoaster it has created. Tyler talks about love and its haunting. He talks about becoming wealthier and wiser, but in the end, the album seems a little more broken than before, but not unsalvageable.
The album is masterful, and in addition to his features this year, Tyler, the Creator himself is the same. He shows what beauty can be created when a person is given time to grow, instead of immediately calling for one's cancellation. He is more refined here, more mature, but he is still himself as audacious as ever.
Now, it's just a little more purposeful and controlled.
10.Cardi B
Cardi B
Amy Sussman/Getty Images
Cardi B hosted the American Music Awards. She recently earned her third diamond single certification with the song, "I Like It." She starred in Normani's heavily praised "Wild Side" video while pregnant. She set February on fire with "UP" single, video, and TikToks. She collaborated with Lizzo, gave inspiration to Summer Walker, and became one of the most lucrative female rappers in 2021.
Cardi took the year for her own in the early part of the year, had a baby, took a two-month break, and came back to dominate the fall.
Just like H.E.R. and Meg Thee Stallion, Cardi B made her career off being 100% authentic and cultivated her career in knowing just when to be so. She could have released a full-length album this year, and in the spirit of rappers, it is honestly surprising that Cardi hasn't released more albums between now and her first. Instead, this year we found Cardi stepping into the role of product promoter, host, collaborator, and businesswoman.
Due to her ability to put on multiple hats--and wear them nicely--Cardi has shown all audiences and fans alike why she will always be "up" and "stuck."
Featured image by Arturo Holmes/Getty Images for Whipshots
Taysha Robinson is a writer and high school English teacher, based in metro-Atlanta. A self described philomath, you can find her reading books and articles of every genre, attending educational conferences, and hiking wherever the terrain will allow.
Your May 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Blooming Softly & Trusting Divine Timing
May is about being patient, nurturing your dreams, and creating beauty in your world. This is a more stable and generous month than the chaos that April brought, and we get an opportunity for closure, healing, and rejuvenation this month. We are still amid some important retrograde transits, but these are ones we can navigate better by grounding our energy in the present moment, and not allowing ourselves to stress over the what-ifs.
With the Sun in Taurus for most of the month, May reminds us that there is beauty in finding your peace and not allowing anyone to disrupt that.
Pluto goes retrograde in Aquarius from May 4 until October 13, and this will be a time of remembering your power when it comes to your purpose, innovations, and the ability to attract support into your life. Mercury moves into Taurus on May 10, making this a good time for negotiations, creating new plans financially, and sticking to your word on something that holds value to you. The Full Moon of the month occurs in Scorpio on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year, signifying growth and seeing the beauty in your life.
This Full Moon is all about letting go of what doesn’t feel authentic or resonate with you emotionally, and about experiencing more closure and healing within relationship matters.
Your May 2025: A Monthly Overview
Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and we enter air sign energy, which is good for communication, business, and coming up with inspiring and new ideas. On May 24, Saturn enters Aries, beginning its new transit where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn in Aries is bold, direct, and straightforward, but so are its lessons. There is a gift in resilience and finding your strength during this time, and this transit will show you where your power is, but it may challenge you to confront self-limiting behavior in the process.
Mercury enters Gemini on May 25, and Mercury loves being here. Mercury in Gemini is the creative genius, and this is a month of aligning yourself with this energy. On May 26, we have a New Moon in Gemini, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want a communication breakthrough in your life, and what new ideas you want to start planting the seeds for. This is a good New Moon for networking, exchanging ideas, having more fun, and getting inspired.
Article continues after the jump.
May 2025 Horoscopes for Every Zodiac Sign
Keep reading for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what May has in store for you.
ARIES
The impact from April is finally behind you, and you get to move forward this month, Aries. After a month of retrogrades and Eclipses, you are starting to see the progress of what you have been working towards financially this year. The Sun is in your 2nd house of abundance, self-confidence, and values this month, and you are putting your dreams here first.
With Venus also in Aries for the entire month of May, you are feeling the support within and without this month, and this is a beautiful month unfolding.
On May 24, Saturn enters your sign, beginning its transit in Aries, which will last for the next few years. Saturn is the master of tough love, and you are going to be learning a lot about yourself during his time and going through a growth spurt. The New Moon of May is at the end of the month on May 26 and will be giving you the answers and clarity you have been looking for, highlighting open communication in your life. Overall, this is your month of fewer obstacles and more progress.
TAURUS
Taurus Season is officially underway, and you are the main character right now, Taurus. Remember that. This month is about trusting your intuition and the timing of things, and knowing that things are working in your favor. With Venus, your ruling planet, in your 12th house for the month, you are seeking a lot of closure and culmination right now and are healing what was. Mercury enters your sign from May 10 until May 25, and it’s all about the perspectives you are gaining right now.
Don’t be afraid to ask the important questions and get down to the bottom of things that have been worrying you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of partnership, and you are closing the door on what has not been working for you in love. You are seeing the clarity of what you need within your emotional world and how you want to navigate the changes you have been through here now.
GEMINI
May is a new beginning for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy and vitality with you this month, and you are ready to accomplish some personal goals and intentions of yours. For most of the month, the Sun is in your house of closure and healing, and you are finding yourself rejuvenated from the transformations you have been through. Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and with the Sun in your sign, nothing is holding you back from shining and living in your truth right now.
On May 25, Mercury enters Gemini until June 8, and Mercury loves being in your sign, as this is your planetary ruler.
Mercury in Gemini is forward-thinking, quick, and intelligent. You are coming up with solutions to previous challenges or obstacles, and overcoming something that has felt restrictive mentally. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 26, and this New Moon is one of the best times of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest your dreams. Remember you are worthy of what you are setting out to accomplish this month, Gemini.
CANCER
Cancer, this month requires you to slow down, take care of your health, and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There is a chance you could be overthinking more than usual this month, and you are being reminded that there is only so much that is in your control, and to give yourself some more grace. The Full Moon in Scorpio on May 12 will help you gain a little more clarity of the heart and is going to be a time of feeling the love and appreciation in your life.
Saturn enters your 10th house of career on May 24, remaining here over the next few years, and you are getting an opportunity to grow and discover where you may have been limiting yourself professionally, socially, or within your aspirations in life. This time is all about reminding yourself that you deserve recognition for the work you do, but that you must also be the one believing in yourself as well. On May 12, there is a New Moon in your house of emotional healing, and you are seeing the gifts of alone time, safe spaces, and tending to your creative inklings at the end of the month.
LEO
This month is an opportunity for a new beginning in love and progress within your emotional world, Leo. You are learning to trust your intuition more, and you are putting more of your energy into your heart’s desires. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of the month, you are shining in your truth and remaining confident in your goals in life.
Venus is in your house of adventure for the entire month, and this is a good time for experiencing romance while traveling or getting out of your comfort zone a little.
Saturn makes a significant move from Pisces into Aries at the end of the month and enters your 9th house. With Saturn here, you will be learning more about what mental growth and clarity mean to you, and this is a good time to dedicate yourself to higher education, traveling, gaining a new perspective, and honoring your integrity and values. The New Moon of the month is on May 26, creating magic within your friendships and community.
You are leaving this month with hope in your heart and new plans for the future.
VIRGO
May is a month of abundance and fruition for you, Virgo. Your dreams and intentions are coming to fruition, and you are owning that which you have created for yourself. With Venus in Aries, this is a good time for seeing support in your life financially, dedicating yourself to your commitments and responsibilities, and seeing the gifts in that. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and this is an intuitive time for you, giving you the strength needed to close the chapter on what you don’t resonate with anymore.
On May 24, Saturn enters your house of shared finances, rebirth, intimacy, and resources, and over the next few years, you will be learning the importance of connecting with people who truly have your best interest at heart, and not committing to what feels unstable. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your house of career, and this is a good time to manifest and set your intentions for where you want to see professional growth in your life.
Overall, May is about embracing your freedom while honoring the people and connections that help you grow and make you feel more secure in life.
LIBRA
This is a month of feeling empowered and ready to take on anything that comes your way, Libra. You are inspired by the progress you are making in your life right now, and with Venus in your 7th house of love, you are being well-received. This is a month of finding your balance between your path and the growth of your relationships, and there is a sense of support, harmony, and love in your life in May.
You are owning your authenticity and living in your truth fully, and this energy is magnetic.
However, Saturn also enters your 7th house of love this month, where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn empowers and helps you grow, but you can also feel a little more challenged within your relationships during this time. The more you can own your wants and needs, the more you can find vulnerability and support within your relationships. On May 26, a New Moon in a fellow air sign occurs and happens in your 9th house, creating a chance at a new adventure and an opportunity to discover some new inspiration.
SCORPIO
May is about believing in the impossible, Scorpio. It’s time to take a leap of faith in yourself and to remember your power. You are seeking a new beginning in your life, and with the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month, you are being supported and encouraged in the process. Pluto, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde in your house of home and family from May 4 until October, and you are gaining clarity on the people and support systems you can rely on more.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year. You are in full bloom and ready for whatever is next for you, and this is beautiful. Previous intentions and goals come to fruition for you overall in mid-May, and there is a lot to look forward to right now as you are getting excited about it all. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your 8th house, creating a sense of empowerment through what you are looking to change and transform in your life right now.
This month is about not being afraid to take more risks and doing things your own way.
SAGITTARIUS
May is a beautiful month of magic, success, and good fortune, Sagittarius. You are feeling lucky this month and are attracting success to you in many different areas of your life. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and you are enjoying your life, feeling the love within your heart, and expressing yourself freely in May. You are a magnet for your manifestations, and dreams are coming true for you this month, Sag.
On May 12, we have a Full Moon happening in your house of endings and closure, and you are closing out a big chapter in your life this month.
You are letting go of old pain or emotional experiences and choosing not to repeat a pattern that left you feeling hopeless before. On May 26, we have a New Moon in your sister sign, Gemini, enhancing your need for love, connection, and relationship development this month. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for what partnerships you want to see grow, heal, and come to fruition for you. Overall, May is your month of fruition, balance, and believing in the magic in your life.
CAPRICORN
May is about slowing down and allowing yourself to find the answers you have been looking for, Capricorn. This isn’t the time to rush your progress or doubt where you are in life. The Sun is in your 5th house, and this is good for finding more time for fun, pleasure, self-care, and asking your heart what it needs. With Pluto going retrograde in your 2nd house of values and income, you are being reminded to hold yourself with integrity and to know that you are worthy of the things you are asking for.
The Full Moon on May 12 is a beautiful time to connect with loved ones or those who inspire you. The universe wants to show you that you are not alone this month and that you deserve to live a life where you can enjoy yourself more and manifest your dreams, rather than believing everything needs to be a challenge to be worthy. Saturn, your ruling planet, then enters your 4th house of home and family, and over the next few years, you are going to be rediscovering what home means to you.
AQUARIUS
Your guidance for May is to trust that what is falling from your life or changing for you is doing so for your benefit, Aquarius. Trust that what is happening is happening for you and not to you, and don’t doubt that you will rebuild from this. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign from May 4 until October 13, you need a break from some of the confusion you have been feeling in your personal life, and you are getting a chance to gain a new perspective this month.
Use this time to get inspired by change rather than let it bring you down, and ground yourself in the present moment more.
Saturn enters Aries in May, where it will remain for the next few years, helping you grow in the areas of your life that have to do with communication, networking, transportation, siblings, and education. You will be learning a lot during this time and will be finding new outlets for self-expression and communication. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini occurring in your 5th house of romance, pleasure, hobbies, and entertainment, and after a month of navigating endings, changes, and closures, you are ready for a fresh start and are receiving one in love now.
PISCES
Allow what is to be, be, Pisces. May is a month of allowing yourself to trust the timing of the universe and not giving up hope that things are going to turn out beautifully for you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and this is a time to get inspired and see the benefits of closure. This Full Moon is about gaining a new perspective and not doubting what is clearer to you now, that you are worthy of a new beginning.
On May 24, Saturn moves into your 2nd house of income, and you are going to be moving through a journey of developing financially, and working on maintaining stability while building new foundations in your life. The New Moon in Gemini at the end of the month is about setting your intentions for your home and family life and creating some new energy here. Overall, May is your month of breaking ground on the things you want to create for yourself and trusting the timing of how things are unfolding.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
How To Stop Worrying So Much About Your Life & Start Living It
There are people in my family who are worry addicts in denial. If they have a sore throat, they talk about the possibility of it being cancer. If they are short on cash for rent, they already see themselves out on the street. If their significant other doesn't pick up before the third ring, they've resigned that they are being cheated on. Ugh. These people are extremely exhausting to be around, so I can only imagine what it's like to actually be them. Oh, wait. I've got a clue.
It's listed right there in the definition of worry—"to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret." Did you catch it? When you make the choice to worry—because it is always a decision; it's not something that "just happens"—you have chosen to torment yourself. What in the world?
If, despite what the dictionary says, you don't believe that "to worry" is an ultimate form of self-torment, check out some points from WebMD's "How Worrying Affects the Body" article. Worrying has a way of affecting your appetite, your sleep patterns, your moods, and your relationships. Some physical results of worrying include headaches, nausea, muscle tension, the inability to concentrate, and bouts of anxiety. In a nutshell, worrying can make you feel like crap, stress out the people around you, and ultimately paralyze you with doubt, fear, and angst.
And here's the thing—once you're done worrying, not only is the thing that you're worrying about still lingering around, but your worrying has probably made it that much worse. Basically, worrying does what the late newspaper columnist Emma Bombeck once said—"Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere."
Another thing that I've concluded about worry is a lot of people who do it are in denial about something else that it reveals, that they are a control freak. Think about it. When it comes to most of the things that we worry about, aren't they usually connected to things that we want to control, but are totally out of our hands?
Y'all, the more that I unpack this worry thing, the more I know that if there's one habit that all of us must rid ourselves of, it's worry. And chile, there's no time like the present to do just that!
Stop Creating So Many Hypothetical Storylines
I always think it's funny that, when topics like "drama queen" come up, automatically some folks get triggered. It really shouldn't bother any of us to hear the rundown of what a drama queen is (or does) unless it's a bit of a "hit dog will holler" kind of thing. Even then, if you see yourself as being one, there's no time like the present to make a change—if you want to, that is.
Anyway, although the typical definitions of a drama queen include things like mood swings, constant complaining, throwing temper tantrums, being a constant attention-seeker, and always stirring up trouble, I personally think that a totally underrated sign is someone who is always making mountains out of molehills. You know the kind—their man calls to say, "We need to talk" and, before he can call back, they've already decided that not only has he cheated, but he probably has a baby on the other side of town. Or, there's an impromptu staff meeting at work, and they walk into it in tears because they can already imagine themselves living in a cardboard box.
Your day-to-day life already comes with enough plots, twists, and characters. Significantly reduce your chances of becoming a worry wart by refusing to feed off of hypothetical storylines that your imagination is trying to freak you out with.
Do the Best That You Can. Consistently So.
Something that is mad freeing is knowing that, at the end of the day, you did the absolute best that you could. Not in some categories of your life—every single one of them. I can personally attest to this because, when I know that I've let the ball drop on something, it is a whole lot easier to get nervous, anxious, or worried than if I did all that I could. An example of this is a time when my rent got lost in the mail.
My landlord was telling me that if it wasn't found, I'd have to pay it again. Whatever. I had proof of payment. It was gonna be what it was gonna be. But back in the day, when I was an impulse shopper and writing checks all over the place, sometimes rent time would roll around and I'd be freaking out because I didn't know if I truly had enough in my account or not.
See the difference? When you know that you've done what is within your control, what else can you really do? It's when you have to face that you've been back-steppin' that worry is able to creep in. The good thing about this particular point is that it's a reminder that a lot of what we worry about ceases to be an issue if we simply operate in excellence and leave the rest to the Universe to figure out. (The check showed up, by the way. In case you were wondering.)
Avoid the Need to Get a Dozen Different Opinions
This is a gem of a point because, if you're someone who has wired yourself to have to speak with a billion people before making a decision, not only does that mean you don't trust yourself as much as you should, but it also explains why you may be prone to worrying a lot more than what is needed. Case in point. I recently found out that one of my main writing gigs was dissolving its company. When I shared this news with someone, they began to panic, seemingly on my behalf. "What are you going to do about your bills?", "Do you think it's time to get a full-time job?", "How can you handle this type of uncertainty?" Goodness, girl. I was actually doing just fine before I brought you into the mix. Lord.
When you're going through a challenge or trial, it's natural and, to a certain degree, even wise, to get another person's insight. Just make sure that you source out the kind of individual who will bring the kind of perspective that will make matters better, not worse; someone who will help to make things clearer, not more confusing. Oh, and try and keep the number of individuals that you consult with down to a minimum.
The more voices you hear, the harder it will be to listen to your own. And, the easier it will be to find more stuff to worry about—thanks (but no thanks) to all of the "extra" that they will bring into your psyche.
Stay Away from Negative Energy and People
On this site, we tend to talk about toxicity quite a bit—toxic family, toxic friends, toxic significant others…you name it. Well, a surefire sign that someone is a toxic individual is if they are negative most of the time. Negative people are the ones who always think that things are too good to be true.
Not only that but they blow small things totally out of proportion; they dwell on the bad circumstances in life; they thrive off of gossip; they tend to be self-deprecating; fear is always consuming them; they are stagnant because they rarely take risks; their moods are always leaning on the side of pessimism; they don't know how to forgive themselves or other people; they are chronic complainers; they dwell on the past—geeze. I could go on and on, but I don't want you to let the negative energy of even exploring all of this bring you down.
The interesting thing about worry, as it directly relates to negative people, is that negativity is what fuels them. And, fascinatingly enough, a lot of negative folks remain on the "glass half empty" side of life because negativity makes them, well, lazy. They would rather just assume that nothing is going to go right than worry about it or try and make things better.
This means that negative people will not only feed seeds of worry and doubt, but if you stick around them long enough, you can transition from worrying to not caring about what once concerned you at all. And rarely is apathy ever beneficial or good. There is scientific evidence to support that negativity is not only really bad for your health, it's mad contagious too. If you want to quit worrying so much, but you're always around negative energy and people, yeah, good luck with that.
It's pretty much like trying to avoid the flu when you share a bed with someone who's got it. It's not impossible but at the same time, it's pretty probable that you'll come down with it. Eventually.
Think of the Worst Case Scenario. Then Let It Go.
No matter what you're going through in life, there is always going to be a worst-case scenario. But, as they say, 85 percent of what we worry about actually never happens. Still, I think a part of the reason why worrying wears a lot of us out is because we're expending so much time, effort, and energy trying to talk ourselves out of the worst-case scenario rather than considering and then letting it go. A good example of this that comes to mind is when I was a little girl, I actually missed a flight that ended up going down. As a child, I never gave it much thought. Oh, but as an adult, I have. I travel, but flying isn't my absolute favorite thing in the world to do. It's because I know that I could've crashed on one.
One time, while on the way to Alaska, one of the little planes that I was on felt like a piece of paper in a tornado. I hated every moment of it. But the man next to me looked at me and said, "If it's your time, it's your time. What can you do about it now? Calm down." Ever since then, I've applied that way of thinking to just about every issue that tempts me to worry. I think about the worst thing that could happen, I make peace with it, and then I let the thought go.
It might seem weird, but once I'm in the head space of "Whatever it is, I can face it because God's got me," there is a sense of calm and tranquility that makes me almost fearless. Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it.
Take Things One Day At a Time
Remember how I said earlier that most worriers have issues with control? I meant it. Think about the last thing you worried about. Did it have something to do with what was going on in the now or something that could possibly happen tomorrow, next week, or even six months later? There is a Scripture in the Bible that says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:34—NKJV) No matter what your personal spiritual beliefs may be, you've gotta admit that this is a real pearl of wisdom in these words.
One problem with worry is that it causes you to take the focus off of what is right in front of you. Instead, you tend to put your energy and emotions into something that may or may not happen in the future. As a result, it robs you of time and the ability to handle what's before you with excellence. Matthew 6:34 is right. Tomorrow will be here soon enough, and you can best believe that it will come with its own set of concerns. But since tomorrow isn't promised, why not concentrate on what you can be sure of? Right here and right now.
Quit Overwhelming Yourself
There's someone I know who's always telling multiple people all of their business. Then, once their business gets out, they're all stressed out because they don't know who leaked it. SMDH. This is what feeling overwhelmed can be like—you feel somewhat burned out, if not completely overcome, all because you've taken on so many things that you don't really know how to trace your own steps so that you can complete everything. And when you've got tons that need to be done, of course, it's going to cause you to worry.
I know a lot of us ladies think that we're the masters of multitasking, but there is plenty of research that proves otherwise. While we might do "okay" with trying to do five things at once, we'd be much better off doing one thing at a time. It will keep our stress levels down, so that we can concentrate on doing each task with excellence. And, as a wonderful bonus, we can learn the art of saying "no" more often.
Doing one thing at a time is just one more way to stop worrying as much as you probably do.
RELAX
No one is able to relax when they are worried all of the time. How do I know this to be true? Because some antonyms for worry include calm, trust, sureness, confidence, reassurance, contentment, and joy. In this world, we all are going to experience highs and lows. That's a part of life. But as the late Rep. Elijah Cummings once said that he always asked his children, it's important that when "the lows" come that we ask, not why is this happening to us, but why is it happening for us?
By taking on the second approach to our circumstances, we can settle our spirits down more. Then, by doing something along the lines of meditation, yoga, prayer, sleeping, or even just chilling out on the couch and watching something that will get our minds off of what's trying to stress us out, we'll be better equipped to take it on.
Worry hates it when we're relaxed because it knows that it can't really get to us whenever we do. Bottom line—do what you can, release the rest. In a nutshell, that's the key to training yourself to stop worrying so freakin' much.
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Originally published on November 9, 2019