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So You Want To Have A Threesome? Read This First.
Have you ever thought about just how far we've come as a society when it comes to sex? You can log onto just about any website and see some form of porn, whether you want it or not. Yet, for some reason, women are still not comfortable talking about "taboo" subjects, including but not limited to threesomes.
Everything about our sexual experience as women is geared towards a man and his pleasure. It's as though our sexual liberation is only okay under the approval of male standards. That's a problem for me. It makes me wonder: Do people think that women are incapable of being sexually attracted to another woman without the approval of a man?
And I'm not speaking in terms of lesbians; I'm speaking in terms of women who are bisexual, women who want to experience sex with both sexes, because it's just something she wants to do. If you're considering having a threesome, but still feel a little skeptical, here's a few words of advice that will help you through your first time:
Have No Shame
I'm on a mission to live my life for me, this was a part of that. I didn't have to tell my Mom this information. I've been in a committed hetero-relationship for seven years. I felt that it was important to reveal this information, because my Mom, like many other older women of color, has a problem with the gays (and has no problem vocalizing it.) This was part of my reasoning for coming out to her this summer.
I felt like a hypocrite, allowing her to speak about that community when I'm secretly a part of it. It's so easy as a "bisexual" woman to live a life completely in the closet and under the radar. I could have kept this fantasy to be with women to myself and end up pulling a Glennon Doyle. But why deny a part of myself? Why build shame inside of myself? So, in my office on-call room, I told my Mom that I was bisexual.
If you're thinking about indulging in a three-way, make sure it's something you're not ashamed of to avoid a sea of regret from flooding in later on.
Ask Yourself If This Is Something You Want
Threesomes, like all sexual activities, are best when everyone involved wants to be there. If there is an issue of cheating or trust, you shouldn't be thinking about having a threesome. Sis, the threesome is not an experience you can give to your man to "make him stay". Or to keep him happy. If you don't trust him, then you damn sure won't trust him with another party involved. So why purposely put yourself through that? You don't want to be the only one in the room, counting the number of times he had sex with her versus you. (That's not fun for anyone).
When considering a threesome, the last thing you should be thinking about is pleasing him. This is about you! Do you want to know what it's like to have another woman down there? Maybe, you want to know what it would be like to be with two men at the same time (no judgment here). This is all about who you want to bring inside of your bedroom. You are the one who has to sit through it, don't you want to be enjoying it, and not watching the clock?
Be Specific In Your Choices
When you think about who you want to bring into your bedroom, it should be someone who fits into your couple style. If you can, you should be the one to pick the girl (or guy). If you don't, at least have a conversation with the person. Remember, this is your bedroom your opening up. It shouldn't be something done lightly. It shouldn't just be something you do to check off a box. A threesome is still a form of sex, which means it's still an exchange of energy, so why not make it count?
One day, I was watching Claws and Uncle Daddy was getting ready to celebrate his 30th anniversary with his wife. He said the key to a happy marriage, is to marry the right woman. He kissed his wife and then his boyfriend walked up next to him. As ridiculous as that scene was, it's true. When you're picking your mate, it must go beyond the surface level sh*t. Your relationship should be the ultimate safe zone, you shouldn't be "hiding" parts of yourself from your mate, so if you want a girlfriend or boyfriend, you shouldn't be afraid to bring up that subject.
The Ball(s) Are In Your Court
It's your bedroom, your man, your vagina, you get to make the rules. Only you can decide if a threesome is good company or a crowd. When you make the decision, do it from a place of curiosity, not out fear or from "the disease to please". YOU make the choice (or not).
I want us as black women to embrace our sexual complexities. To know that our body is not just for male consumption, gaze, or approval. We should feel confident in not only telling our partners what we want, but demanding that all our sexual needs are met. If that can only be done with more than one partner, then sis, it just is what it is! That doesn't make you a "freak" or a "hoe", it just makes you a fully realized woman, who knows what the f*ck she wants!
Related Stories:
What I Learned From My Night At A Swinger's Club -Read More
My First One Night Stand Changed How I Feel About Sex - Read More
I Fulfilled My Trois Fantasy...And This Is What I Learned - Read More
So, I'm Definitely Not A Lesbian After This... - Read More
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Honest Am is a Detroit-based writer and podcaster. She co-hosts Dear Showrunners and is the creator of the Honestly, Sis newsletter. She prides herself on her knack for finding life lessons in television, movies and celebrity drama. Jay-Z is her godfather and Kanye West is her spirit animal.
Keep up with her on social @AmBee and join the Honesty Circle here!
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Summer Travel Guide: 9 Safest Vacation Spots For Black Women
When it comes to planning and choosing our international travels, there’s one question that is bound to come up: “Is it safe for Black women?”
At times, our travel plans can be halted by whether or not our desired destination is safe not only for solo travel but for overall protection as women of color. We want to have fun, go on excursions, taste the food, and let our hair down, so the last thing we need on our minds is navigating microaggressions and worrying about our safety.
According to a report by The Mandala Research Firm, 17% of Black Americans take one or more international trips and travel locally more than six times per year. Even more exciting, 42% of Black Americans said they would spend more in 2020 on travel than in 2019 (pre-Covid), and 50% of Black adults (16% more than the general population) are more likely to travel to locations associated with their ethnic or cultural heritage. All of this goes to show that we’re not afraid to pack our bags and book flights to our heart's desire.
Our passion for travel and exploration highlights a growing desire to connect with a wide range of cultures while discovering new fresh locales. By choosing destinations with positive reputations for safety and belonging, you can enjoy your next adventure with peace of mind. And to help, we’ve provided a list of the best vacation spots to add to our travel bucket list.
1.Havana, Cuba
Known for its vibrant culture and welcoming locals, Havana offers a unique travel experience for you and your girlfriends. Stroll through the historic streets of Old Havana and immerse yourself in the lively music and dance scenes that make this city unforgettable.
2.Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famous for its Carnival, stunning beaches, and warm hospitality, Rio de Janeiro is a lively and safe city to explore all year long. Don't miss a visit to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue and the bustling Copacabana Beach for a true taste of Rio's energetic spirit.
3.Belize
With its beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and laid-back Caribbean vibe, Belize is a safe and adventurous destination for travelers. Discover the underwater wonders of the Belize Barrier Reef and explore ancient Lamanai Maya Ruins.
4.Paris, France
Who doesn’t have Paris, the city of lights, on their travel list? Renowned for its art, fashion, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Paris offers a blend of romance and safety for travelers. Wander through the charming neighborhoods of Montmartre and Le Marais, explore the Louvre, and indulge in the city's exquisite culinary delights.
5.Lisbon, Portugal
Portugal's capital city, Lisbon, charms visitors with its historic architecture, delicious cuisine, and welcoming atmosphere. Enjoy breathtaking views from São Jorge Castle and savor traditional pastries at the famous Pastéis de Belém bakery.
6.Bali, Indonesia
We’ve all seen the viral photos off the Bali coast and Gates of Heaven, so why not make it a reality? Famous for its lush landscapes, vibrant culture, and serene temples, Bali offers a safe and enriching travel experience in Southeast Asia.
7.Tokyo, Japan
Recently, the value of the Japanese Yen has seen a significant drop, making it the lowest it has been against the dollar since 1986, which also means that there’s no better time than now to make your travel plans to the renowned cultural hub.
8.Accra, Ghana
There’s no FOMO like the kind felt from seeing all the beautiful faces enjoying their holiday at Ghana’s Afrochella Festival, so let this be your sign to start planning the trip now. Often referred to as a welcoming home for the African diaspora, Ghana offers rich cultural experiences and a sense of belonging. Explore the vibrant markets of Accra and visit the historic Cape Coast Castle to connect with the nation's poignant past.
9.Seoul, South Korea
You may be surprised to find this city on the list, but for Black travelers, Seoul is said to be one of the safest and most exciting cities to travel to. There will be plenty to eat, buy, and experience from this city’s rich history and culture.
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Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images