We all know that our health is important. What I’m not sure all of us are on the same page about, though, is just how important it is to stay up on signs that our hormone levels may be a little off.
For instance, were you aware of the fact that if your hair has gone through drastic changes in thickness or texture, you’re suddenly experiencing breakouts like you did during puberty, you’re feeling sluggish (with no real explanation why), out of nowhere, your muscles and/or joints are in pain or stiff; you’re always hungry and/or thirsty; you’ve been unsuccessful at conceiving a child after a year of consistently trying; your vision is blurry and/or you’re constantly feeling anxious and/or nervous — all of this could be due to some of your hormone levels being not where they are supposed to be?
If your immediate thought was, “Damn. That is a lot of stuff that I’ve just chalked up to stress,” while that could be an underlying cause, more than anything, it’s a heads up to make an appointment to see your doctor.
Okay, but what about your estrogen levels specifically? Even though both men and women have estrogen and testosterone flowing through their bodies, most of us learned in school that men produce higher levels of testosterone while we produce greater levels of estrogen. And since estrogen plays such a pivotal role in our sexual and reproductive health, it’s super important to be aware of some telling signs of when your estrogen levels may be too high or when they could be too low.
That’s why I’m going to take a moment to share some indications of both, along with some things that you can try from the comfort and convenience of your own home to either make things more bearable or possibly even level things back out — at least until you can get in to see your doctor (which you absolutely should do if none of these things subside after a couple of weeks or so). Let’s hit it.
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1. Signs of High Estrogen Levels: Sore Breasts
I don’t know about y’all, but something that I can set my watch to, about a week before my period begins, is my breasts feeling tight and sore. If you’ve always wondered why that is the case, it’s due to the fact that right before your cycle, your estrogen levels naturally increase, and that leads to some breast discomfort. What you need to watch out for here is if they remain uncomfortable for weeks on end. Based on your age, that could be a sign that you are in a later phase of perimenopause or that your estrogen levels are high, and your doctor needs to get to the root of why that is the case.
What can you do? Ibuprofen can help. So can reducing your caffeine and salt intake and going up a cup size on your bras (since your breasts are probably going to be slightly larger then).
1. Signs of Low Estrogen Levels: Dry Skin
Menopause, boy. If you don’t know a lot about it, it can be a RIDE. For instance, as your body is shifting from a season of being able to get pregnant to one of not (which also means not having a period, so everything has its perks!), your hormones are going to go up and down quite a bit. As far as your estrogen levels go, look out for super dry skin that seems to not be able to be quenched no matter what you do; this means that your estrogen is low.
What can you do? Try using a cleanser that is milder; consuming foods that contain fatty acids (like salmon, walnuts, flaxseed oil, olive oil, and chia seeds); sealing your skin (which simply means applying something to it while it’s still wet or damp) with a carrier oil like sweet almond, avocado or grapeseed after bathing, and sleeping with a humidifier at night.
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2. Signs of High Estrogen Levels: Weight Gain
This one right here is a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand, while it’s not so black and white that high levels of estrogen will automatically lead to weight gain, what it can do is increase your appetite and shift how your body stores up fat (especially when it comes to your waist, hips, and thighs). That’s why it’s not uncommon for women who are in the later stages of perimenopause or menopause to say that they feel like their figure has changed — due to the estrogen shifts, it very well may have.
What can you do? The main thing to keep in mind with this one is diet plays a big role in not just managing weight but keeping estrogen levels balanced too. For instance, phytoestrogens are plant-based estrogen foods (like soy, carrots, apples, berries, nuts, and seeds). If your estrogen levels are high, you need to keep the consumption of those down to a minimum. So, what should you eat more of instead? According to many health experts, a high-fiber diet, less processed foods, and a Mediterranean-style diet are all a super wise move.
2. Signs of Low Estrogen Levels: Moodiness
Contrary to the popular assumption of some, no one is really moody for no reason. Although it may sound “typical” to say, the reality is that when we as women are kind of “all over the place” with our feelings, our hormones can play a direct role. As far as low estrogen levels go, it can make you especially moody because it can make it hard for you to get a good night’s rest — and listen, the only thing worse than being hangry (hungry and angry) is being sleep-deprived.
What can you do? I’m not saying that sleep will automatically get you in the right headspace. What I am saying, though, is if you are constantly getting less than six hours of sleep a night, you are definitely not helping matters. So, check out “These Sleep Hacks Will Make Getting A Good Night’s Rest So Much Easier,” apply some of the tips, and see if that helps matters at all (here’s hoping so!). You also might want to do your own research on red clover tea, and black cohosh and increasing your intake of vitamins B, D, and E. All are connected to naturally raising estrogen levels, too.
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3. Signs of High Estrogen Levels: Low Sex Drive
When it comes to sex, estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone all play a role in your libido. And yes, when estrogen is slightly higher (like when you’re ovulating), it’s normal to feel hornier. However, if your estrogen is so elevated that it overpowers your other sex hormones, that can have a reverse effect to where your libido ends up being on the lower side.
3. Signs of Low Estrogen Levels: Low Sex Drive
Interestingly enough, if your estrogen levels are low, that can also create a ho-hum attitude towards sex. If you add to that the fact that decreased estrogen can cause vaginal dryness (more on that in a bit) and uncomfortable intercourse, it would make sense that women with low estrogen would rather binge-watch a show than get some.
What can you do? For this one, since both high and low estrogen levels can basically produce the same result on your sex drive, you really need to make a doctor’s appointment to confirm what the deal is. What I will say is there are things that you can do to increase your sex drive altogether — exercise (to reduce stress and increase blood flow) including to your genital region); lower your alcohol intake; get more rest; maintain a healthy weight; communicate effectively with your partner and extend your foreplay sessions (to give you more time to get into the mood).
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4. Signs of High Estrogen Levels: Heavy Period Flow
One thing that estrogen does is help to build up the uterine lining that supports a baby’s development should you happen to conceive. From month to month, if that doesn’t happen, you shed that lining which is what your period is (basically) all about. Okay, but if your estrogen levels are high, that can cause you to have a thicker lining than you should and that can lead to a much higher period flow; quite possibly even a condition known as menorrhagia.
What can you do? When it comes to menorrhagia, you need to be tested by your doctor for an official diagnosis. For the record, though, if are at the age when perimenopause or menopause is on the horizon, that could also lead to heavy cycles.
Eating foods that are high in iron (since you are losing more blood which means more iron) like red meat, turkey, lentils, wheat, and potatoes, and progesterone (like cruciferous veggies, beans, kale, and spinach); drinking hormone-leveling teas such as raspberry leaf and licorice, and taking over the counter anti-inflammatory meds during your cycle can help to lessen your flow — at least, a little bit.
4. Signs of Low Estrogen Levels: Irregular Cycles
I guess it kind of makes sense that if high estrogen causes heavy bleeding that low estrogen would either result in irregular/unpredictable cycles or no period at all. That would also explain why it can be hard for perimenopausal women to schedule their period (like they used to) because one month, their estrogen may be high while the next one, may be low (chile).
What can you do? With this one, there could be so many health issue causes (especially if you’re not in your 40s and heading towards menopause) that if you’re not sexually active (because an irregular or skipped period could mean that you are pregnant) and you’re younger, you really should see your physician.
For now, what I will say is if you’ve been under a high amount of stress as of late or your weight has substantially increased or decreased, that might be what has triggered your period to be erratic or MIA.
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5. Signs of High Estrogen Levels: Fatigue
While stumbling upon an article that said that high estrogen can cause leg fatigue in young women (interesting), it reminded me to add fatigue, overall, to the list of what increased estrogen can show itself to do in your body. This happens because, since estrogen helps to regulate things like serotonin (a natural chemical that sends certain messages to your brain regarding things like your appetite, moods, and sleep patterns) in your system when estrogen is too high, that can cause your serotonin to somewhat malfunction. That can cause mild symptoms like insomnia and fatigue to creep up.
What can you do? If sleeplessness is what you have going on, putting yourself on a sleep schedule, keeping your bedroom on the cooler side (like around 68 degrees or so), meditating before bedtime and applying some lavender oil to your feet and bedding are helpful. As far as fatigue goes, exercise, drinking lots of water, and eating foods like avocados, sweet potatoes, dark chocolate, oatmeal, and even popcorn that will give you more energy, while putting you in a better mood, are all pretty effective.
5. Signs of Low Estrogen Levels: Vaginal Dryness
A common sign of being postmenopausal is experiencing vaginal dryness. That’s because, when your body is not producing as much estrogen as it used to, it’s more challenging for your vaginal walls to remain as thick or your vagina to be as moist (for the record, this is not for ALL women). That said, it should also go on record that anxiety, stress, and smoking can lower your estrogen levels and cause dryness that doesn’t just affect sex. Vaginal dryness can also cause vaginal irritation and a burning sensation when you urinate.
What can you do? As life would have it, I’ve actually written an article on this topic before. Check out “Here's How To Increase Vaginal Lubrication. Naturally.” whenever you get a chance.
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Hormones make up a lot of what makes our body tick, especially estrogen. So please make sure to be intentional and proactive about learning all that you can about your hormones and asking your doctor to get them checked should any concerns arise. Better to bring it up and it be all good than remain quiet and go through some or all of what we just talked about. Take care of yourselves, y’all.
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A big part of the clarity that is coming through this month is due to Neptune going direct in Pisces on December 10, after being retrograde here since July. With Neptune now direct, we are able to see our inspiration and creativity a little more clearly, providing the perfect energy for dreams and manifestation to be built upon. The smoke is clearing, and it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with this newfound clarity that this transit is bringing. Mercury also moves back into Sagittarius on December 11, which is great for communication and clarity, and the adventures you were trying to see through at the beginning of November come around for you again with greater purpose and support.
On December 15, Mars enters Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and this is the extra push we need to make important changes and to be on the path towards greater abundance, stability, and prosperity. Mars in Capricorn takes care of business, and we have extra energy at our disposal during this time to do so. This transit is an ideal time to focus on your career or financial goals for next year and to start putting some of these plans into motion now. A few days later, we have the New Moon of the month, which will be in Sagittarius on December 19, and this is the perfect New Moon to manifest.
The energy is high, magic is in the air, and it’s all about moving forward with the new beginnings that are inspiring you and bringing you joy to think about right now.
Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21, and this earth sign energy is how we heal, gain closure, and build new foundations in our world. With Venus also moving into a Capricorn a few days later, there is something about peace, prosperity, and security that we are gaining in life and in love as we close out the year, and this is what we need right now. This month is about reflecting on what was, letting go of old hurt, and renewing. December is an ending and a new beginning in one, and there is magic in this space to be created.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what December 2025 has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
December is a full-circle moment for you, Aries. You are seeing the gifts in your world and have a lot of gratitude for the way things have come about for you as of late. There are culminations in your world that are providing you with more abundance, stability, and community, and you are exactly where you are meant to be this month. With the Sun in a fellow fire sign and in your 9th house of travel for most of the month, December is a good time to get out of your comfort zone, explore the world around you, and get your body moving.
Mars, your ruling planet, also makes a change and moves into Capricorn on December 15, which will fuel your inspiration and power in your career space. You are making a lot of professional progress as we close out the year; however, make sure to be more mindful of your competitive drive right now. The New Moon on December 19 is the perfect opportunity for you to create some new plans and goals when it comes to traveling, education, and where you want to gain some new inspiration in your world. Overall, this is a month of things coming together for you serendipitously.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
December is about trusting your intuition, Taurus. You have a lot on your mind this month, and it’s best to delegate, communicate, and allow yourself some relief by opening up to someone and not feeling like you have to hold everything in. As we begin the month, we have a Supermoon in Gemini happening in your house of income, and the plans and projects you have been building here come to fruition for you now. This is the time to gain clarity on your financial world and to take a look at what spending habits you want to let go of here as well.
With Venus in your 8th house of shared resources for most of the month, you are doing a cleanse on your commitments, partnerships, and business ventures. You are taking a look at what you want to dedicate yourself to in the future, and what commitments you may need to let go of now in order to be in the space you truly want to be, both financially and within some of your relationship dynamics. Before we end the month, we have a New Moon in this same area of your chart, and it’s time to look at the opportunities that are presenting themselves and to trust your internal guidance system to lead you forward.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
You are moving forward fearlessly this month, Gemini. December is your month of love, passion, and dignity, and you are owning the light that you shine. We begin the month with the last Supermoon of the year, happening in your sign, and you are stepping up to the plate. You are showing up, owning how much you have grown this year, and allowing yourself to heal while also acknowledging that you have done your best and you deserve to have fun in the midst of the changes you are creating.
Mercury, your ruling planet, is officially out of retrograde, and you can use this energy to the fullest potential now. With Mercury in your 7th house of love, it’s time to speak from the heart and to talk about the things that matter and that are inspiring you right now to your loved ones. You never know what kind of epiphanies you may have when you open up the conversation to others. Before the month ends, you have a New Moon in this same love area of your chart, and this New Moon is all about manifesting romance, commitment, and abundance in your world.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
December is an opening for more love, more joy, and more freedom in your life, Cancer. You have come to a place where you hold so much gratitude in your heart for where you are today and where your heart is shining, and things come together for you with more ease right now. With the Sun in your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines for most of the month, you are getting your ducks in a row while also putting more energy and effort into taking care of yourself, your priorities, and your well-being. This month surprises you in many ways, and it’s because you are showing up.
Mars and Venus both move into your house of love, relationships, marriage, and abundance this month, and you are making strides in your love life. You have both of these opposing forces on your side and are being recognized for the love you are while also receiving the love you want. This month, overall, is about focusing more on the positives in your world and letting your heart have its joy. Before December comes to an end, there is a New Moon in Sagittarius, and this is the perfect opportunity to create the plans you want to see through next year, especially when it comes to your work life, colleagues, business ventures, and health.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
The scales of karma are balancing, and they are balancing in your favor this month, Leo. December is your month of truth, and of seeing it clearly in your world. The Sun is in your house of romance, pleasure, and happiness for most of the month, and it’s time to relax, be in the present moment, and allow what is meant to be, to be. With a Supermoon in your 11th house of manifestation as December begins, this is a powerful month for seeing your dreams come to fruition, and for feeling like the intentions you have set this year are finally here for you now.
Mars also moves into your 6th house mid-month, and this is the perfect energy to have to move into the new year. You have extra energy at your disposal right now and are feeling fearless with what is possible for you and your daily routine. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in a fellow fire sign, Sagittarius, and this is a breakthrough moment for you and your heart. December, overall, wants to show you how loved and supported you are and will be doing so in magical, unexpected, and concrete ways.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
December is a month of victory, Virgo. You are showing up and experiencing some new successes in your world that move you forward on your path in life. With a Supermoon in your 10th house of career as we begin the month, the effort and intentions you have made this year come into full bloom, and you are being recognized for who you are and the good work you have done. This month is all about showing up and allowing yourself to be seen and loved, knowing that you deserve the support and opportunities you are receiving.
Mars moves into Capricorn on December 15, which brings the passion and excitement into your love life, hobbies, and little pleasures in life that light you up. You want to have fun this month and are going to be walking into the new year with this fearless, happy, and spontaneous energy within you. Before the month ends, Venus also enters Capricorn, and in this same area of your chart, you have a lot to look forward to and believe in right now. Overall, December wants you to be happy and will be doing everything possible to make that happen for you. This is your month to shine, Virgo.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
December is a month of opportunity for you, Libra. New doors open, and you are financially making breakthroughs this month because of it. December begins with a Supermoon in your 9th house, and you are getting a clearer view of where you have been making strides in your life and how it has all brought you here to this present moment of freedom. This month is showing you what happens when you are fearless with your purpose and when you believe in yourself and what you are worthy of.
Moving further into December, Mars moves into your 4th house of home and family mid-month, and you are closing out the year in your safe spaces. You are spending more time with your loved ones and taking the time to quiet your mind and listen to what your heart has been telling you. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, happening in an area of your life that deals with communication. This is a great time for getting the answers you have been looking for and for feeling more clear-headed and confident about the decisions you are making as you move into the new year.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
Patience is a virtue this month, Scorpio. December is all about remaining patient and vigilant with what you are creating in your world, and knowing that the universe has your back. It’s time to be reminded of the power of hope, and this month is an opening to greater clarity in your life. There is a lot of energy in your financial zones right now, and this is providing you with new opportunities and new insight; however, the speed at which things come about for you may feel daunting. Keep your head up and eyes focused on what you want and know that you are more than worthy of receiving it.
With Mercury in your 2nd house of income this month, December is a good time to plant new seeds and to think about where you want to be financially a month from now or even a year. This month is asking you to think bigger and to think more long-term so that you can set the appropriate plans into motion now. We also have a New Moon in your house of income before the month ends, and this is when you will see more of your dreams come to fruition in this area of your life, and have more opportunities to build. Overall, December will be teaching you a lot, Scorpio.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius Season is here, and there is a lot in store for you this month, Sag. December is all about what you are dedicating yourself to. It’s about setting your intentions and putting the work in to back up your dreams, and about getting things in order so that when the new beginnings come, you are ready for them. The Sun and Venus are in your sign for most of this month, and there are a lot of eyes on you right now. You have the potential to create a new beginning for yourself, and it’s time to invest in yourself, your love life, and your dreams.
Mercury moves into Sagittarius on December 11, and this is giving you another opportunity to see through some of the plans that you had initiated in November. Mercury was retrograde in your sign last month, and there may have been some disruptions to your vision and plans for the future, and now this energy is turning around for you. Before the month ends, we also have a New Moon in Sagittarius, and you are walking through new doors fearlessly. You are catching others by surprise by your growth this month, and you are thinking a lot about your purpose, future, and plans for the new year.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
December is all about the vision, Capricorn. You are moving through a lot of changes and transformations this month, yet they are giving you a chance at a new beginning in the process. You are focused more on the future and what goals you want to manifest for yourself right now, and are ready to let go of what hasn’t been working for you. With the Sun in your 12th house of closure for most of December, this is your time for healing, but remember, healing doesn’t have to be isolating or boring; you can thrive while you renew, and you are this month.
Mid-month, the excitement picks up for you, and you are feeling more energized than you have in a while. Mars moves into Capricorn until the end of January 2026, and you are being proactive with your goals, intentions, and passions. You are a force to be reckoned with this month, and you are making things happen for yourself with confidence. Capricorn Season officially begins on December 21 this year, and this is definitely speeding up your healing process. You are breaking free from what was, and with Venus also moving into Capricorn before the month ends, you are leaving this year in high spirits and with love opening a new door for you.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
December is all about community, creativity, and manifestation, Aquarius. This is the month to work together with others to help bring your dreams to life. You are in a space of inspiration, empowerment, and beauty, and are creating more of this energy around you and in your world. Look out for what support comes your way this month and know that you don’t have to do everything alone to succeed. With the Sun in your 11th house of manifestation and friendship, your intentions are coming to fruition, and it’s time to celebrate with the people you love and to own how far you have come this year.
On December 19, we have a New Moon in Sagittarius, lighting up your life in all of the best ways possible. This is your New Moon of freedom, victory, and magic, and you are seeing new beginnings appear that you were once just hoping for. Before the month comes to an end, Venus moves into your 12th house of closure, and after an active and successful month, you are ready to relax, heal, and give your heart some of the attention it has been asking for. You are moving into the new year with the need to release and renew what hasn’t been working in your relationships, and you are finally ready to.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
December is a big month for you, Pisces. You are making some huge accomplishments this month, and are feeling like everything you have been through this year has been worth it for these moments that are coming to fruition for you now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month, and this is where a lot of your focus is right now. You are claiming your successes and putting yourself out there in ways that not only serve you, but that inspire others as well.
Neptune officially goes direct on December 10, after being retrograde in your sign since July, and you are finally seeing things a little more clearly. You are feeling renewed inspiration and passion in your life, and your intuition is your strongest asset right now. Before December comes to an end, we also have a New Moon in your 10th house of career, and what happens now not only changes things for you in the present, but it also opens new doors and what is possible for you in the new year as well. Overall, you are on top of your game this month and are owning the joy and empowerment you feel.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Oh, but there are plenty of people whose egos have them thinking that they can read someone else’s mind. Then there are others who have fantasies, which create unrealistic expectations that others in their lives actually should read their mind. And you know what — both of these things can cause unnecessary stress, drama, and trauma, if folks aren’t careful.
And that’s why I think it’s important that we unpack this a bit more. Because if you’re someone who thinks that if another person truly cares for you, they should be able to read your mind, it’s time to let that ridiculous yet semi-popular notion absolutely and completely go.
Here’s why.
It’s Scientifically Impossible for Someone to Read Your Mind
There are a couple of reasons why I am starting this off with R&B singer Avant. For one thing, I don’t think that he gets nearly enough flowers and secondly, clearly, this is a more-than-fitting song for today’s topic, wouldn’t you say? Because, lawd, there really is something that makes some of us feel all warm ‘n fuzzy about the mere thought of a man telling us that he is so in tuned with us that he can basically read our mind.
Hmph. Problem with that is, as I said in the intro, it is scientifically impossible (for us and for AI to do, praise the Lord!). And yet the fact that so many individuals think that they defy scientific data and research is oftentimes why there are so many breakdowns in communication — because if you run on assumption (that you can read someone’s mind) without clarification and confirmation, you can create issues that didn’t exist before you decided to fall for your own mind-reading theories.
Now to be fair, while science is still trying to figure out why we can’t read minds, what is sure is that we do have the capability to perceive the thoughts and actions of others if we’re willing to pay really close attention. However, do keep in mind that reading and perceiving are different. Reading? It’s about being able "to apprehend or interpret the meaning of" and "to anticipate, expect, or calculate by observation." Perceiving? It’s all about “to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses” and “to recognize, discern, envision, or understand.”
And already, do you see the differences? So much certainty comes with reading while perceiving is about humbling oneself (bookmark that) to not try to know everything but instead to try and understand what is transpiring. And since no one person (or their mind) is ever truly static, that is a huge part of the reason why believing that you can read someone’s mind — no matter how close you may be to them — is futile. You can change your mind on a dime. Others can do the same. Learning to perceive what is going on instead of assuming that you can “read” folks is far more beneficial.
Besides, you might be surprised by a particular demo who thinks that if you are truly who they need you to be, you will read their minds — and boy, once you know who they are, that may cure you of the whole “read your mind” ish…quick, fast and in a hurry.
The Expectation Is Oftentimes Rooted in Egomania
GiphyWhile doing a bit of research on this topic, I thought it was interesting that a particular type of person kept coming up. Can you guess which one? A NARCISSIST. What I kept noticing is a telling sign of a narcissistic individual is they expect others to read their mind.
I must admit that I was caught off guard by that at first because narcissists and their damn egos are so out of control (bookmark that) that it would seem like they would be more focused on acting like they know the thoughts of other people. Here’s the thing, though — the reason why narcissists want others to read their mind is because they want you to do things like guess what they want and need before they ask — and they want that to happen because they believe that they are so damn special that you should put in the extra blood, sweat and tears to figure it all out. Hmph. Now that tracks.
Another reason why narcissists want you to be able to read their mind is so they can manipulate and deflect. Meaning, if you say and do things based on what you thought they wanted you to, should everything crash and burn, they can dodge accountability and blame you for it. Hmm, does reading someone’s mind seem romantic and beautiful now? SMDH.
And again, all of this is tied to ego because, at the end of the day, mind-reading is a form of control and narcissists are definitely very controlling people. And honestly, mind-reading is as well because why do you even want to know someone’s private thoughts before they share them and, at the same time, why would you want someone to have that kind of power in your life either? “Eww” is what immediately comes to my mind. “Yuck” is what follows.
So, why is it that so many people think that it’s a good thing to have someone read their mind — I mean, the ones who don’t show narcissistic tendencies, that is? Good question.
5 Reasons Why Some People Wish Someone Would/Could Read Their Mind
GiphyOkay, so ego and pridefulness aside, what would be some other reasons why people think that it’s such a wonderful thing if someone who they are in some sort of intimate relationship with can read their mind.
1. They are caught up in Disney and rom-coms. One day, I am going to do an article on all of the ways that Disney and rom-coms have destroyed the reality of relationships. For now, I’ll just say that the scripted tales of both have caused a lot of people to think that if someone loves them, they should be able to read their mind. Nooo…if someone loves you, they should care to know what is on your mind. And that brings me to the second point.
2. They aren’t as good at communicating as they think. Are you a good communicator? One way to know if you are is you’re able to clearly articulate your wants and needs — because really, if you are able to do that, why should anyone even need to read your mind? Feel me? Let’s move on.
3. They want someone else to work harder at their relationships than they do. I say it in my sessions often — it’s beyond crazy to think that someone should work harder at figuring out what your wants, needs and expectations are than you are willing to express them. Hmph. It makes me think of a friend of mine who says that “should” is a dangerous word. What she means by that is saying that someone should do or not do something simply because YOU THINK that’s how it “should” go is a surefire way to stay disappointed and even be disillusioned. No, your man shouldn’t just know what you want every year for your birthday. Did you state it? If not, why aren’t you playing fair? Who has time for all of the guessing games and then getting penalized if they guess wrong? Stop it.
4. They think it’s the sign of a healthy relationship (it isn’t). Anyone who knows me knows that I am always and forever going to be Team Healthy over Team Happy and my reason why never changes. Only children expect to live in a world where they are happy all of the time — and yes, there are a lot of childish people out here. People who want their mind read? They tend to live in happy land. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship knows that clear communication, mutual respect, keen listening, patience and understanding that humans make mistakes are foundational to its success.
5. They are lazy. And yes y’all, some people want others to read their mind because they are lazy and it really is just as simple as that. Thing is, while they are being passive aggressive, dropping hints or giving the silent treatment so that you can figure out whatever it is that they…want you to figure out, that tends to take more effort than simply speaking up. Ridiculous, chile.
How to Let the Myth Go
GiphyGee, after reading all of this, suddenly reading minds just seems like a lot of silliness with a sprinkle of drama and potential trauma, doesn’t it? And it’s all because some people choose to treat something that is a myth like it’s a bona fide fact. SMDH.
And what if you happen to be one of those individuals? How do you break free? COMMUNICATE. Openly, clearly and maturely share what’s on your mind and heart because, the true tell of a solid relationship isn’t that someone can read your mind; it’s that they can retain what you’ve already stated.
Less reading. More perceiving. That’s the secret sauce.
And when you accept this for what it is, you will realize that it’s far better for you, your partner and your relationship to stop expecting the impossible and to accept what is actual: that learning your partner, as they strive to do the same thing with you, is better than you both assuming that you know what…maybe you do, maybe you don’t.
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Author Frank Sonnenberg once said, “People can’t hear what you don’t say. Thinking isn’t communicating” — and I think this is a perfect place to bring all of this to a close.
Find the kind of relationship(s) where intention is so strong that mind-reading isn’t even desired.
At the end of the day, it really is as simple as that.
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