Is it just me — or is it kind of wild that the conversation of perimenopause (and menopause and post-menopause) seems to be coming up more than it ever has? I thought about that when I read about a team-up that Queen Latifah and Weight Watchers are currently doing to bring perimenopause awareness to as many people as possible.
Good. Glad to hear it because, if you’re a woman who is blessed enough to reach the average age of menopause (the day when you’ve gone 12 months without a cycle), which is 51, you definitely need to know what you are in for during the seasons that are leading up to it. And boy — can it be quite the ride.
Perimenopause (the years of physical and even mental and emotional transitions that you tend to experience before menopause) is something that I have discussed quite a bit on this platform (check out “Perimenopause Has Your Period Being All Over The Place? Here's What To Do.," “Perimenopause Shifting Your Shape? 7 Ways to Deal,” and “5 Signs Your Estrogen Is Too High. 5 Signs It's Too Low.”) However, it wasn’t until I happened upon an article on Hello! entitled, “Perimenopause made me hate autumn,” that it even occurred to me that perimenopause would cause some similar issues that my favorite time of the year does. Wow.
So, as the temperature is dropping and leaves are changing — if you are also “going through some changes,” take a moment to read what perimenopause and autumn have in common…so that you know how to handle what is actually happening to you…either way.
Autumn Cultivates Drier Skin
GiphyAlthough hot flashes and brain fog haven’t really been my personal perimenopause issues, two things that did rise up in my life are dry skin and waking up at 3 a.m. like clockwork — and yes, dry skin is something that can also be an issue during the autumn season. As far as perimenopause goes, if your skin can’t seem to get enough moisture, it’s probably because of the combination of your estrogen levels dropping along with your skin becoming thinner (which makes it harder for it to retain moisture) over time.
Then, if you add to this the fact that autumn weather has less humidity, you’re usually wearing fabrics like wool, taking hot showers and then turning on the heat in your home which results in dry, hot air blowing on you for hours on end — definitely make sure to have a humidifier on in your bedroom at night, to take warm instead of hot showers and that you seal your skin once you get out of it.
Oh, and eat the kind of foods that will moisturize your skin from the inside out. Check out “These Foods Will Give Your Skin & Hair The Moisture They Crave” for a list of some of those.
Autumn Can Impact Your Moods
GiphyWhile reading an article on menopause rage, I thought about the fact that it really is underestimated, all that a woman’s hormones go through during perimenopause. One of the things that the piece stated (that is quite legit) is, as your estrogen levels start to drop, that can do a number on your serotonin levels (a brain chemical that affects moods, sleep and your sex drive) too — and boy, when that happens, it can have you on a real emotional roller coaster ride (sometimes).
Know what else can do that? Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) which is a pretty big deal for some during the fall. Since (with the help of time change) the days are shorter and there is less natural light that people are able to receive, that can trigger depression (or depression-related symptoms) in some individuals. Not to mention the fact that your system naturally produces more melatonin when it’s dark which can cause you to drag and feel more fatigued.
As far as the perimenopausal side of this, plant-based, estrogen-enriched foods (known as phytoestrogens) can help to bring more estrogen into your body. Some of those foods include carrots, oranges, red clover tea, broccoli and coffee. As far as SAD is concerned, you can combat that with the help of an official diagnosis by a licensed professional.
Beyond that, spend as much time in natural light as much as you possibly can; consider investing in what is known as a SAD light therapy lamp; take a vitamin D supplement (it’s an all-natural mood regulator); create and/or maintain a consistent exercise regimen, and do your best to keep stress at a minimum (especially during the holiday season).
Autumn Will Probably “Adjust” Your Libido
GiphyAnyone who told you that you have to kiss your sex life (or even the quality of your sex life) goodbye after menopause is someone who should see their doctor (to check on their physical health) and/or a sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). Listen, the reason why I’ve written articles for the platform like “What Having Sex After Menopause Is Like, According To 10 Women” is because there are PLENTY of women out here who are having AMAZING sex post-menopause.
Still, that doesn’t mean that the transition within the perimenopause period doesn’t come with a few bumps in the road. That’s because a drop in sex hormones can sometimes result in less (natural) lubrication, a harder time getting aroused and less (genital) sensitivity in some women while it can actually cause the sex drive to skyrocket in others (if their estrogen and progesterone levels end up fluctuating on the higher end).
For similar reasons, autumn can alter your libido a bit too. That’s because it’s been proven that testosterone levels typically increase in both men and women during the fall season. Not to mention the fact that certain fall-themed foods (like pumpkin, pears and butternut squash) are aphrodisiacs and the cooler it is outdoors, the better a man’s sperm tends to be.
Autumn Can Cause Hair Loss
GiphyI’m telling you — estrogen plays such a pivotal role in a woman’s overall health and well-being. Take your hair, for example. If you’ve been noticing that your locks are shedding more than usual or that they are thinning out in some areas, it could be because a drop in estrogen has shortened your hair growth phase.
And how in the world could the autumn season play a role in hair loss? Actually, I wrote an article on this very thing last year. If you read “We Shed More Hair During The Fall. Here's What To Do About It.,” you’ll peep that autumn can trigger hair loss due to the fact that your hair goes through more shedding in the fall so that, hopefully, you will grow more hair in the winter (in order to protect your hair from winter’s cold).
Problem is, if you’re going through perimenopause and the fall season at the same time, you could see way more shedding than usual. Some hacks for this? Reduce the amount of heat that you apply to your hair (including hot oil treatments). Limit the hairstyles that cause tension (like ponytails that are always in the same spot on your head or tight braids; especially around your edges).
Try to keep harsh chemical usage to a minimum including relaxers and hair dyes. And definitely give yourself scalp massages and use a volumizing shampoo.
Autumn Might Jack Up Your Sleep Patterns
GiphyEstrogen, progesterone and testosterone are all hormones that are influx during perimenopause. Unfortunately, since they also tend to send conflicting messages to the neurotransmitters in your brain during this time, that’s why they can disrupt your sleep whenever you’re going through this season of your life. Not to mention the fact that few folks find it easy to stay asleep when they feel like they are burning up and hot flashes are a very common symptom of perimenopause (especially the latter stages of it).
Interestingly enough, trying to sleep during the autumn season poses to be a challenge for many people too. From the potential for feeling depressed and your melatonin levels being all over the place (due to you being exposed to less sunlight) to your immune system being challenged by flu bugs and viruses (sleep quality is virtually shot when you’re sick) and even consuming more comfort food which can make you prone to napping which can make it challenging to sleep throughout the night — all of this can have you tossing and turning all night long, if you’re not careful.
As far as what you can do to make sleeping easier during perimenopause, creating a consistent exercise routine is always a good idea. So is setting your thermostat to around 68 degrees so that you don’t find yourself experiencing hot sweats quite so much. And what about combating autumn-related sleep issues? Spend more time outdoors (when the sun is out) so that you can naturally set your circadian rhythm (which is your body’s internal clock). Be intentional about keeping your immune system strong, so that you don’t have to try to fall asleep while you have a cold or the flu.
Keep a sleep schedule, so that you don’t nap too much during the day or oversleep at night (since it does get darker quicker; especially once time “falls back” an hour).
Autumn May Increase Your Appetite
GiphyIf it seems like you are gaining weight faster than ever (or it’s harder for you to lose weight than it used to be), it’s probably not in your head. The reality is that, during perimenopause, as your estrogen and progesterone decline, that can do a real number on your metabolism which can make it easier to pack on the pounds; especially if you work a job that keeps you seated most of the time and you don’t work out regularly (because perimenopause can also cause you to lose muscle mass as well). And all of this doesn’t even touch on the fact that your mood swings may cause you to want to emotionally comfort yourself with food while the shifts in your hormones may trigger certain cravings as well.
Autumn? Remember how we talked about SAD (seasonal affective disorder) earlier? If it starts to affect you on some levels, it can also bring about cravings and increase your appetite. And since it’s colder outside and you may not be moving around and about as much, well, from the junk food that may bring you joy, the late-night snacking that might be your thing and/or all of the holiday food that you might be consuming — some health experts say that most people will gain anywhere between 1-7 pounds during this time of the year.
Whether your appetite has increased due to perimenopause and/or autumn — drink water and infused water to help to quell your desire for food (and detox your system); snack on foods that are healthy and full of water like cucumber, zucchini, celery, peaches, yogurt, broccoli, grapefruit, apples and grapes. Studies show that essential oils like bergamot, mint and cinnamon can help to suppress your appetite while eating more protein can help you to feel fuller for a longer period of time and fiber can clean out your system quicker.
Autumn Could Make You Less Motivated
GiphyFluctuating hormones can lead to a lack of sleep and a lack of sleep can uptick your stress levels — and when that happens during perimenopause, you could end up with what is known as brain fog. Brain fog is what happens when you find yourself forgetting things, you have trouble concentrating and/or you don’t feel very motivated or inspired to do much. A part of what is causing all of this to happen is because estrogen and testosterone are essential when it comes to cognitive function and when their levels drop, your mind isn’t working at an optimal pace.
Interestingly enough, changes in weather during the fall and wintertime can lead to fatigue, headaches, irritability, a lack of concentration and the ability to make the best decisions (which might be why cuffing season is so “big” during the autumn season).
As far as perimenopause goes — exercise, meditation and consuming more antioxidants are all things that can help your brain to get back on track. If your brain fog is more about the cooler weather — getting more rest, reducing your stress and, believe it or not, drinking more water (because water contains oxygen and that is something that your brain thrives on) can help to bring about some immediate relief.
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I know, right? Who would’ve thought that perimenopause and autumn would be out here mimicking each other (as far as certain symptoms go). Now that you know how they do, prepare.
That way, you can enjoy all of what the fall season has to offer — without letting what I just mentioned get in your way. Perimenopause or weather-wise.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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1. Create a Budget. Stick to It.
GiphyBudgets, boy. I recently read that one of the reasons why they don’t work for a lot of people is because many folks don’t have a clue about how much money they spend on a monthly basis to begin with. SMDH. That said, at the end of the day, it’s important to remember that a budget is simply setting boundaries/limits on your spending — and being intentional about moving in this fashion is always a wise move; especially when it comes to this time of the year…especially being that it’s typical for half of all Americans to take on some type of holiday season debt with 17 percent needing six (or more) months to pay it off.
Know what can prevent this kind of financial chaos? A SPENDING BUDGET. Tips for how to create one of your own this year can be found here.
2. Never Shop When You’re Stressed or Pressed
GiphyYou know how they say that it’s not a good idea to go grocery shopping when you’re hungry? Although the holiday season can be a stressful time, avoid shopping for gifts (or décor or food for recipes) when you are feeling stressed out or pressed for time. More times than not, that cultivates anxiety which could cause you to either purchase things that you don’t really want or to spend money that you don’t really have (P.S. If you’re relying on credit cards, that qualifies as money that you don’t really have. Just sayin’).
3. Don’t Keep Up with the Joneses
GiphyKnow something else that can stress you out: trying to keep up with the Joneses. And y’all, now that we have social media, the reality is that envy is at an all-time high. That’s because it can be really easy to watch holiday engagements, holiday trips and folks bragging about the things that they’ve received in times past, only for you to find yourself wishing that you were them — or putting pressure on yourself and those in your world to keep up.
Listen, it is King Solomon who once said, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners” (Proverbs 1:19 — NKJV) and “A sound heart is life to the body, but envy is rottenness to the bones” (Proverbs 14:30 — NKJV) and he’s considered to be the wisest man who ever lived (during his time — I Kings 4:30). Yeah, both of these verses are a spiritual reminder that whatever you are planning to do or give, do it out of the goodness of your heart — not so that you can low-key “outdo” the next guy.
4. No Need to “Tit-for-Tat”
GiphyThis one might be a bit controversial yet I’m totally okay with that. I don’t care what the occasion is, no one is OWED a present. A gift is a voluntary token of one’s appreciation or affection. That said, if you decide to give someone a present this year, don’t automatically expect something in return. If you get something, cool. If not, if you were giving for the right reasons, it really shouldn’t matter (RIGHT?). On the flip side, if someone decides to get you something and you don’t have something to offer in return, also cool.
Other than going to someone’s home for a holiday dinner or party, for anyone to feel like they should have something in hand because someone else does…that’s not giving, that’s competing — and that absolutely should not be the spirit that you are in (or around) during this time of year.
Again, a gift is not an obligatory thing. If you’ve always thought otherwise, it’s time to do some serious reprogramming.
5. Avoid the Pressure to Buy for Lots of Adults
GiphyLast month, Newsweek published an article that said it’s wise to not spend a ton of money purchasing gifts for adults. A financial expert in the piece said that it’s best to buy for kids because, more times than not, you’re going to get adults something that they already have a lot of, they don’t really need or they’re not going to use (beyond maybe regifting) anyway.
If you’re not feeling that insight, my take would be to exchange names and set a price cap for the grown folks. I say that because, I don’t think that people ever outgrow wanting something over Christmas. It’s just that the over-the-top energy should be reserved for the kiddies — and even then, the “4-gift rule” (want, need, read, experience) is probably your best bet for them…financially and otherwise.
6. Go for Thoughtful over Expensive
GiphyIt’s kind of wild how much close-to-torture folks send themselves through to purchase gifts that, a good 6-8 months now, most folks aren’t even going to remember. That’s why it’s also a good idea to purpose in your mind to get something thoughtful over expensive.
Honestly, that’s a big part of the reason why Etsy continues to be a go-to for gifts (for every occasion) for me. It’s because you can oftentimes get things customized/personalized which ends up meaning so much more to people than something that you bought at a generic department store that might have a high price tag yet still lacks in sentimentality and deep meaning.
7. Use Coupons and Promo Codes
GiphyCoupons (and promo codes) are a slippery slope in the sense that…they remind me of when I used to go overboard while thrift store shopping. I say that because, just because I might find several bomb dresses for under $20, what am I going to do with 50 of ‘em (over time)? It’s just as much of a waste of money as buying couture if neither option gets much use.
And that’s kind of the thing about coupons and promo codes. Some people end up overspending because they rationalize that so long as there are discounts attached, it’s all good. At the same time, this doesn’t mean that you should forego coupons and promo codes altogether. The key is to put together your shopping list (and budget) and then use discounts specifically for those items. If you do this, you could save well over $1,000 annually (at least, depending on what you decide to buy).
8. Avoid Add-Ons
GiphyYeah. Dodge add-on expenses. Add-ons like what? The first thing that comes to my mind is a warranty. What’s the chance that someone is actually going to need that? Another example is paying for things to be “professionally” gift wrapped. Chile, throw that stuff in a gift bag with some tissue paper and go on about your day. All good.
9. Rethink Gift Cards
GiphyIf there is any time of the year when there is a noticeable hike in gift card purchases, now would be it. And although they are a convenient approach to gift giving, at the same time, many come with hidden fees, the full amount oftentimes goes unused (which ends up being a waste of money) and they do come with expiration dates that are oftentimes forgotten.
So, if you’re someone who likes to wait until the last minute to do your holiday shopping, resist the urge to impulsively pick up a handful of gift cards. Unless it’s to a place that you know someone is going to use within the next few months, they could end up in somebody’s kitchen drawer for the next couple of years. And what a waste that would be.
10. They’ll Get It When They Do. And That’s Okay.
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GiphyOne more. Although it is super thoughtful and proactive to get people their gifts in time for whatever occasion you purchased them for, if trying to reach that goal is going to require paying for rush shipping that is damn near as high as the price of gift or spending a lot of gas money that you don’t have at the moment to drive miles and miles away — take the pressure off to spend a ton of cash just to make sure that something arrives at December 25. Listen, through doing business with Etsy, I have learned that through this administration, there are all sorts of tariff issues going on and the USPS is slower than ever too, so paying more may not guarantee much.
The hack? Send a message that something special is coming…soon enough. The thought really is what counts (more times than not); plus, it builds anticipation of something good coming, even if it’s after all of the Christmas Day hoopla. And no one (with sense) is going to have a problem with that.
Now don’t you feel better? Happy Holiday Shopping, sis.
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