
If you read the title of this and felt like it might be some low-key clickbait, that is absolutely not the case. The reality is, according to quite a bit of extensive research, although orgasms can last anywhere from 10-60 seconds, if we were to break things down by gender, in general, men’s orgasms usually last somewhere around 22 seconds while women’s orgasms last somewhere around 13-15 seconds (for many). And since the average commercial is 30 seconds long — well, there ya go.
This is of the utmost importance to me because, at least in my humble opinion, one of the best experiences that life has to offer is a good ole’ orgasm. That is why I thought that this would be as good of a time as any to provide a few tips that can help you to get the most out of your own “climbing the wall” moments.
And so, are you ready to see if you can get at least 10-15 more seconds out of the climaxes you have? I just might have some things to hook you all the way up below.
So, the Technical Term for It Is an “Extended Orgasm”
GiphyAight, so let’s get right into it. When you want to achieve the kind of orgasm that lasts longer than the — or probably the more accurate way to put it, your — average one does, that is called an extended orgasm. It’s important to not confuse this with multiple orgasms which are what happens when you climax and then come to the fourth stage of an orgasm (which is called a resolution) only to pick back up and start the cycle of orgasming all over again.
Nah, an extended orgasm is one long(er) climax that never comes to a resolution; it just holds at the climax position for a longer period of time.
And what would be the purpose of wanting to have one of those? C’mon now. If you’ve had an orgasm before, you absolutely know the answer to that; especially if you’re someone who tends to have orgasms that only last for a few seconds, max.
Okay, but really — what can you actually do to “see the mountaintop” for more than just a fleeting moment in time…every time? Well, I have 10 tips that would be hella fun (at the very least) to give a shot.
Tips To Make Your Orgasms Last Longer
1. Figure Out What Your Clitoris Likes (and Needs)
GiphySince once upon a time, I used to watch porn and then I transitioned into working with an organization that dealt with sex and porn addiction (check out “Working For A Porn Ministry Got Me Over Watching Porn”), I can tell when people have learned a lot of their sex moves via some consistent porn engagement. Like back in the day when I was gettin’ it in — I used to damn near loathe whenever a guy would try to pat on my vagina. That is such a porn move.
For me, I prefer a… gentler and more creative approach. And that’s exactly my point: since a clitoris literally only exists to bring women sexual pleasure — figure out what touches work for you, both in foreplay and during sex. After reading Healthline’s “The Ultimate Guide to Clitoral Stimulation,” I came to appreciate just how many ways there actually are. Check the article out then experiment with which ones are bomb for you.
2. Make Sure Your Partner Can Access Your Clitoris As Much As Possible
GiphySpeaking of your clitoris, if you were to go to Google to check out the AI overview of it, as it relates to having an orgasm, you are probably going to see something along the lines of, “The clitoris is the primary source of arousal and orgasm for most women, with direct stimulation of the clitoris being the easiest and most effective way to achieve orgasm, according to a large sample of women.” (At least, this is what came up for me.)
What this does as serve as a solid reminder that, whether it’s during foreplay or intercourse, it’s important to remain in a position where your partner can easily access (in order to stimulate) your clitoris as much as possible. That way, he can “manipulate” (via stimulation) your clitoris with certain amounts of applied pressure, so that having an extended orgasm is easier for you.
Certain positions that can help with this include spooning, being penetrated while you are on the edge of the bed and having sex while you’re acting like a wheel barrel. Artistic visuals of all of this can be found here.
3. Incorporate Scents That Reduce Stress
GiphyIt’s going to be difficult to have an orgasm if you’re all stressed out. That’s because, although sex is proven to reduce stress and anxiety levels, when it comes to climaxing, if your stress hormone (which is known as your cortisol hormone) is elevated, that can lower your libido and also your sex hormones; you don’t want that to happen because they are essential for you to have an orgasm in the first place. That’s why it’s critical that you lower the stress that you may be experiencing via all of your senses (sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell).
One way to do that is by incorporating scents that help to keep your stress levels down. Whether it’s essential oil in a diffuser, lighting some soy candles or spraying one of the following scents on your bedding (or all three) — try some jasmine, mandarin, rose, patchouli, lavender, neroli or frankincense. All are alluring. All are proven to relax your mind, body and spirit too.
4. Sip on Some Infused Berry Water
GiphyIf you’re dehydrated, it’s going to be hard to cum. That’s not my opinion, that’s a scientific fact. The breakdown is water helps to keep you (naturally) lubricated, it balances your hormones out and it also provides you with an energy boost. And while you’re at it, throw some berries into your pitcher or glass.
Since they are packed with antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties, they are able to keep your blood flowing freely — which is definitely something that needs to happen if you want to have a long and satisfying orgasm (by the way, citrus fruits and pomegranates can do this for you too).
5. Try a Lil’ Yoga with Your Sex
GiphyBeing in a relaxed state and breathing properly are two things that definitely need to happen if you want to have a really good orgasm. That’s why yoga just had to come up — because it’s a form of exercise that incorporates both of these things. In fact, there are specific yoga poses that have a reputation for making copulation amazing including the Lizard, the Cat Cow and — surprise, surprise — the Downward Dog.
What’s cool about all of these is you can do them in your bedroom or incorporate them into intercourse (to learn more about yoga sex and, what is somewhat similar, tantric sex, go here, here and here).
6. If It’s via Oral Sex, Have Your Partner “Edge” You (with His Tongue)
GiphyIf it’s easier for you to climax from cunnilingus than intercourse, please don’t stress yourself out about that — at the end of the day, an orgasm is an orgasm…right? And while he’s doing his thing down there, be open to him edging you with his tongue and lips. Although people often think about edging in the context of people getting to the point of climaxing during intercourse and then delaying it over and over again (in order for the orgasm to ultimately be that much stronger), the reality is that edging is about sexual stimulation, period, no matter how it — pardon the pun — comes.
So, while he’s using his mouth to “take you there,” use your words (dirty words, preferably) to let him know when you’re about to climax — and then have him slow down the pace (with his tongue and lips), so that your orgasms can be…further extended.
7. Apply Some Arousal Gel
GiphyQuestion: Have you ever tried arousal gel before? If not, please make the investment. Although there is nothing that can automatically guarantee that you’ll experience the type of orgasm that you’re looking for, arousal gel can certainly help with accomplishing the mission. That’s because it contains ingredients that help to stimulate blood flow to your genitalia — and that always increases the chances of you experiencing some pretty intense climaxing.
So, if you want to give this gel a shot, click here for a list of some favorite brands.
8. Have Your Partner Focus on Another Erogenous Zone As You’re Climaxing
GiphyLet me tell you a woman who I personally think STILL doesn’t get the props that she deserves for her singing chops: some freakin’ Tamia. And y’all, when that woman sang “Stranger in My House” on Apollo? Whew. Yeah, the real ones know how the bridge goes — Pop quiz: Tell me where we first kissed. Tell me where my spot is. Tell me if I liked it, loved it. LISTEN.
You wanna have a hellified orgasm, you (and your partner) better know where your spots are. And when you are at the point of cumming, have him, umm, indulge in one of those spots along with penetrating you. I’d be damn near shocked if your head didn’t almost explode if/when he does.
9. Do Some Tongue Sucking (Again, As You Are Climaxing)
GiphySpeaking of multitasking, a few years back, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “Wanna Climax More? KISS MORE.” Aside from the fact that some people are able to orgasm just from kissing alone, it can definitely take you to next levels of arousal during sex. That’s because kissing releases hormones like oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin that not only make you feel closer to your partner but it can help to sexually stimulate you too.
And if the two of you engage in tongue sucking while you’re kissing? GIRRRRRL…tongues have a ton of nerve endings which makes them super sensitive to touch or lick — let alone…suck. Try it and tell me that I’m wrong (you won’t).
10. Squeeze Your Thighs Together
GiphyPlease don’t tell me that I’m the only one who is literally shaking your damn head about the movie Waiting to Exhale being 30 years old this year (the book is even better, by the way). Geeze. And as I wrap this “You totally deserve to have an extended orgasm” cheat sheet up, I thought about the scene where Robin (Lela Rochon) and Michael (Wendell Pierce) were having sex and she said that when she squeezed her hips/thighs real tight, she exploded.
And this is my final tip when it comes to how to make your orgasms last longer. The technical term for it is syntribation (which basically means “hands-free masturbation”). Pretty much what happens is, when you squeeze your thighs together, it stimulates your clitoris — and when you’re doing this while a penis is already inside of you? NEED. I. SAY. MORE?
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Life is short. Have longer orgasms.
Hell, somebody needs to put that on a T-shirt — no, billboards all throughout the country! LOL.
With these tips, I’m thinking that you now can, so try them out and report back.
I can’t wait!
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This Is How To Keep 'Holiday Season Stress' From Infecting Your Relationship
Hmph. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is something really weird happening in the fall season air (because winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21) that cuddle season is in full swing while break-up season is as well. In fact, did you know that break-ups are so popular during the holiday season that December 11 is deemed Break-Up Day?
The reasons why relationships shift around this time vary; however, I did both roll my eyes and chuckle when I read that a very popular one is because it’s an easy way to get out of getting one’s significant other a Christmas present. SMDH.
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Sergio Hudson On Designing With Intention And Who Gets Left Out Of The Industry
Sergio Hudson dreamt big as a young South Carolina boy staring out of the window of his mom’s Volvo driving down the Ridgeway, South Carolina streets. Those dreams led him to design opulent tailoring that’s been worn by Beyoncé, Queen Latifah, former Vice President Kamala Harris and Forever First Lady Michelle Obama, just to name a few.
Those dreams have come full circle in a new way as he recently collaborated with Volvo for a mini capsule collection suitable for chic and stylish moments this fall. The 40-year-old designer follows a long legacy of fashion aficionados who’ve used their innovation to push the automotive industry forward, including Virgil Abloh, Eddie Bauer, Paul Smith and Jeremy Scott.
Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.

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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”

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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”

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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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