'Throning' And 'Nanoships' Are Two Current Dating Trends That Get Major Side-Eye From Me

What’s Throning All About?

Let’s begin with throning. From what I’ve read and researched, this is a dating trend that Gen Z is taking to a whole ‘nother level. However, once you hear what it’s all about, I think you’ll get that this has pretty much been going on for as long as social media has been all the rage.

I say that because throning is basically seeking someone whose social media status is so impressive (at least to the individual) that they find themselves wanting to be connected to the person in order to improve how they are perceived online.

If you read various articles on throning, you’ll get that I find it to be shallow as hell because 1) many authors of the pieces say that it’s more about boosting one’s ego and 2) ignoring the actual qualities of an individual, so long as they appear to be on-point on Instagram (for example). In other words, throning is all about striving to obtain social validation in order to create some sense of elevated relevance.

In fact, as one article on the topic specifically stated, “…throning prioritizes influence and clout over shared interests and values, meaningful connection, and emotional intimacy”. Hmm-hmm. So, throning has nothing to do about cultivating something real with another individual; it’s mostly about finding who can make someone appear the way that they would like to online.

Aside from how, again, super shallow that sounds, if folks were willing to dive deeper, they’d get that throning is also counterproductive as all get out when you stop to consider the fact that, reportedly, 40 percent of individuals lie (or highly exaggerate) about the things that they present online and, as far as dating apps go, a whopping 81 percent of people misrepresent themselves on there. Hmph, not to mention the fact that it’s also been cited that most individuals lie to themselves as much as 200 times a day just to present some sort of (false) self-image.

If you also add to this the fact that the word “throning” also sounds a helluva lot like “pedestaling” — why would you want to seek out someone with a reputation that isn’t even real only to put them on some sort of “throne” in your mind, so that hopefully, people will elevate you in the same manner?

Absolutely nothing about that sounds good, healthy, or right. You’re basically saying, “Let me find someone who misrepresents who they are and connect myself to that, so that I can create a false narrative in hopes that it will make me more popular and, in turn, make me feel better about myself.”

Do you see a thriving relationship (including with yourself) coming out of that? Yeah, me neither. SMDH.

Why Are Nanoships So Popular These Days?

And then there’s nanoships (which some people spell this way: nano-ships). What are those? Well, on the surface, nanoships seem like they’re alright — that is, until you put a bit more thought into ‘em. Probably the easiest way to break down a nanoship is it’s like experiencing those moments you see on rom-coms when two people look at each other on a train or in a restaurant, some super dramatic music plays, you think something significant between the two of them is about to happen and then — BOOM! For whatever the reason, the moment is gone.

As crazy as that might sound, read virtually any article on nanoships, and it’s going to say something along the lines of it being about finding joy in fleeting moments with a person (one article calls it “micro-connections”) rather than desiring much else (at least with them). For instance, if a guy winks at you at your favorite coffee shop, that would be called a nanoship. Or if you go to a friend’s wedding and find yourself dancing the night away with someone tall, dark, and handsome, only to never exchange contact information — who cares? At least you have that memory, right?

Even if there is no chance of it evolving into a relationship — or hell, even situationship — you can at least say that you had a nanoship.

Lawd. Please tell me that you can see the flaw in this way of thinking. Again, while on the surface, it seems that a nanoship is teaching you how to be in the moment and find contentment with the simple things in life (which, yes, is good), let’s please go deeper. If something that transpires is so significant that it is able to create a “spark” of some sort, why didn’t it go any further? I mean, from what I’ve read, a nanoship isn’t about, say, a married person making eye contact with someone in a store and thinking, “If I were single, I would definitely get their number.”

No, a nanoship seems to be about two individuals who are actually available to take a little spark and turn it into a potential firework, and yet, they just…don’t.

Now, what one person who was interviewed on the topic said is nanoships can be a helpful thing because they can inspire hope — hope that if you’re tempted to become cynical about finding love or “the one,” those micro-connections can let you know that a relationship, somewhere out in the universe, is possible. Okay, but it’s not like you saw a fine man at a red light, and the light turned green before either of you could say anything.

Nanoships actually last long enough for something more to potentially happen — and so, if they don’t, one or both people don’t want it to. And why in the world does that deserve to be called much of anything, let alone a true dating trend?

I mean, just imagine folks out here being asked about the last time that they were in a relationship and them saying, “I can’t even recall. Oh, but I’ve been in a ton of nanoships lately.” Is it just me, or is that almost like saying that a one-night stand is a lasting emotional connection? To me, a nanoship isn’t a “ship” at all. And, on some levels, it can encourage delusional thinking because you can either find yourself making something more than what it actually is/was or romanticizing your way out of the reality that if something was so special, someone would’ve done something more about the moment — because that’s just how awesome the moment was.

Be Careful with These Dating Trends, Sis

And why did I find it so necessary to share these two trends? Well, because again of what a trend actually is: something that has the potential to heavily influence you. And since December and January are probably the times when new dating trends are discussed the most, I didn’t want you to think (even if it’s subconsciously) that just because something is popular that it’s right.

And when it comes to the two trends that I just mentioned, no one needs to put you on a throne, and you don’t need to settle for “a movie scene exchange” with someone who couldn’t — which is more like wouldn’t — put more effort in and simply…didn’t (which reminds me, click here to read about a similar dating trend known as “smutten”).

That said, is there a current dating trend that I actually can get behind? Well, apparently, stability is going to be brought into the chat more in 2025. Meaning that women are going to prioritize character traits like reliability and potential partners who have goals, budgets, and ambitions. To that, I will simply say, “Awesome” and then follow that up with, “Make sure that you are what you require.” Someone who wants stability should be intentional about being stable themselves, amen?

Other than that, though, please be careful out here — in some ways, now more than ever, because you know how some of y’all say that the dating pool has pee in it? Uh-huh, well, many of these dating trends do too.

Again, just because it’s popular, that doesn’t make it the best fit for you.

When it comes to dating, know the trends (for self-awareness’s sake), yet don’t blindly follow them.

You deserve better. No wiggle room on that. Ever.

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