Blogger Kyrzayda Rodriguez Lost Her Battle With Cancer & Left A Message For Us All
In the midst of this year's NYFW, the fashion world was rocked by the loss of one of its own.
Fashion and lifestyle blogger Kyrzayda Rodriguez lost her battle with stomach cancer on September 9th. She was just 40 years old. Having been featured everywhere from Vogue Italia to Refinery29, the blogger and mother definitely made her mark in the fashion world. But the way she handled her journey over the last year has made her more than just a fashion blogger: she was an beautiful example of what it means to truly have grace under fire.
When Kyrzayda announced her diagnosis to her nearly half a million followers on Instagram last November, the outpouring of support and love soon followed. As she continued to document her journey and battle with the various treatments, somehow Kyrzayda maintained the impeccable sense of style the world knew her for, but also remained optimistic, hopeful, and candid about her experience. With breathtaking photography and styling that at once seemed effortlessly elegant yet attainable, Kyrzayda documented her journey with her battle for her fans turned support system.
She was also very candid about her fears about undergoing treatment and the eventual hair loss that accompanies the process. Kyrzayda openly admitted her attachment to her hair, but when she did eventually lose her hair, instead of covering it up with a wig, she bravely used her baldness as one of her best accessories. She was able to take her loss and turn it into a positive, reminding her followers to live in the moment without being so distracted by the external. She said:
"Learn to embrace the little things in life like your sense to feel, see, and touch. We get so distracted by what we wear, we forget to love the skin. Spend a little more time each day loving every inch of YOU!!"
However, the chemo and radiation treatments weren't working well enough to stave off her stage 4 cancer diagnosis. In August, Kyrzayda revealed that she decided to discontinue the treatments she was receiving so that she could "enjoy the rest of my time with my friends and family and to be as pain free as possible." In a post to her followers on Instagram, she not only shared her reasons for forgoing any further treatment, she also reminds us that God makes no mistakes despite the fact that she would never stop fighting despite it all. She wrote:
"Everyone's journey is different, God does not make mistakes, what is supposed to happen will happen. I am not mad…I am grateful for all of the opportunities I have been blessed with. One of the best things you can do for someone going through something like this is to support their decision. I will never give up on my fight."
Cancer does not discriminate. It doesn't pick favorites, and it doesn't care who you are. And according to the American Cancer Society, African Americans have the highest death rate and shortest survival of any racial and ethnic group in the US for most cancers. Personally, I don't know anyone who hasn't been victimized by cancer: whether it be a friend or family member or their own journey, cancer affects us all.
Kyrzayda's story is an example that you can be fighting a battle, but you can do so with style, grace, and a grateful spirit. Even in her final hours, Kyrzayda was encouraging her followers to chase after their dreams. Despite the fact that she didn't have much strength left, she wanted her family, friends, and followers to know how grateful she was for the outpouring of support. She also left us with a final message that we all should be grateful to receive. In her last Instagram Live from her hospital bed, she urged:
"Go. Do it; don't wait for another day, another hour, or another time. Go and do it NOW!"
They say only the good die young, and from the outpouring of condolences from celebrities to her own followers, Kyrzayda was more than good at what she loved to do most. She has inspired her followers--and now many more through hearing her story--with her ability to remain optimistic despite battling stage 4 cancer. She slayed every time she posted on Instagram, regardless of how she may have looked or felt physically. But most of all, she was just so positive that it makes you realize that anyone can find a ray of light regardless of what we're going through.
Let Kyrzayda's example radiate as much as her personality did: go and do it! Whatever "it" is, go after it fearlessly. Share your journey, your struggles and triumphs, alike. But above all, never give up the fight!
RIP Queen.
Featured image by Andrew Toth/Getty Images for Simply Inc.
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images