Knowing Your Partner’s Love Language Can Transform Your Relationship
How do you really know you're a good lover? Not sexually, but in your relationship as a whole. I thought I had my husband all figured out before we got married. That is, until I realized I was loving him the way I needed to be loved, not the way he needed to be loved. I find it funny how in relationships we can often put our needs onto our partner, and think we're doing a stand up job in loving them; when in reality, they're still yearning to be loved the way they've always wanted.
There was a moment of awakening after readingThe 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman that helped us both love one another in a way that speaks to each of our souls.
Sometimes I wonder how far we would have gotten without it. Knowing and recognizing your partner's love language (quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts and/or physical touch) can make your relationship, and not knowing it can break it. Check out the wonders knowing your partner's love language can do for you both:
Knowing Your Partner's Love Language Will Help You Connect Better
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Before reading the book, my husband and I consistently had misunderstandings and while we clicked in some ways, it was difficult to get on the same page with others. He thought it was perfectly normal to go all day without talking and even texting while I would be sending sweet text messages and songs with no response, wondering if he was even interested.
Lo and behold, words of affirmation is my love language (along with good old quality time). At the same time, because I was looking for reassurance and certain things from him, I gave him what I wanted thinking it was just what he needed. Nah. His love language is acts of service. So, sending a text message is nice and all, but it was more for me to get a response, and not what made him feel loved.
Once we discovered this, it was like an aha moment and we were able to connect at an even deeper level as he understood why I need affirmations, and I understood why he wasn't responding the way I wanted. Knowing your partner's love language can improve your relationship and help you connect on a new level. There's just something about you being loved how you want and need to be, and your partner feeling the same way, that makes a relationship flourish and actually enjoyable to be in as you love each other together.
Knowing Your Partner's Love Language Will Make You Feel More Appreciated
Once you realize what your partner's love language is and act on it, you won't be able to deny the new heights of appreciation you both experience. It feels amazing for someone to take the time and make the effort to love you the way that you need, and for you to do the same for someone else.
A lot of times, we love people by giving them what we need because we want them to feel good. We know it's something that we would love to happen for us, so why wouldn't they want it for themselves? But this is where we learn that love isn't about us. It's about them and what they need.
Chances are, once they see the energy you're putting in to love them properly, they'll step up their own efforts too and you both win. I mean, think about how much better things could be if you both feel good because your partner feels loved the way they desire, not just because you did something you wanted them to love. Knowing that it takes effort on your part to love you in a way that connects with them and vice versa can cause both of you to appreciate one another in a way that you might not have before.
Knowing Your Partner's Love Language Will Help You Love Who They Are
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Our love languages are a major part of how we're wired. I'm not enabling or OK-ing things that are toxic and unhealthy, but in reality, we really can't help how we need to be loved. It's probably been this way since before we had any control over it, or were even aware it existed. The sooner we acknowledge our partner's love language (and even our own if we don't know it), the sooner we can understand them as a person. This is just who they are. It's all included in the good, the bad and the ugly of all things humane. Whether it's a spouse or a new relationship, going from knowing how they are (like their personality) to understanding the ins and outs of how they're built and wired can make this type of love a lifelong one.
There's beauty in being able to accept your partner for what they need and what they want, and not trying to change or coerce it into something that's easier for us. Once we're able to reach the stance that we're going to love our special someone unconditionally and how they need, our relationships can stand the test of time and anything else.
I'm not saying that knowing the love language of your significant other is all that you need in a relationship, but it can definitely help make it last.
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Featured image by Getty Images.
Originally published on February 28, 2019
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Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
In a time where the term “relationship goal” has seemed to have lost its spark, there’s one couple that we continue to root for whether they’re together or apart and that’s Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers.
Powers, 30, and Destiny, 27, first met in 2015 while attending a Teen Vogue party in 2015 but it wasn’t until 2019 that confirmation of their relationship surfaced in the digital cover of WeTheUrban digital cover in July of the same year.
While there was an immediate attraction, the now-exes said sparks really flew once they connected over Instagram. "For a minute we tried to hide it for numerous reasons, but as human beings sometimes you want to just shout to the world 'I love this person and I'm happy!'” Destiny expressed in the interview. "We try to find a balance. I'm already a private person and very career driven so reminding people that I am my own person is important."
With “are they, aren’t they” rumors swirling about the two’s aspirational relationship, it is clear that they both hold their privacy in high regard, while not keeping their love for each other a secret.
During the same interview, Powers shared how maintaining happiness in a relationship involves keeping aspects of one's life private. Especially considering the challenges of having a public relationship while navigating external perceptions that can lead to misinformation.
"The more you keep private the happier you'll be,” he shared. “It's not easy being in a public relationship, so you try to keep as much as you can private. Control your own narrative, don't give people too much because they make up stuff from the outside looking in."
In 2022, PEOPLE reported that the starlet couple had separated after a four-year relationship. And while a source confirmed that the two were, “taking time to focus on themselves and their emerging careers but are remaining close friends,” the LA-based actors have continued to be spotted together on red carpets, social functions, and public outings.
Although it hasn’t been confirmed whether the two are officially together again, us girls can dream, right? Let’s take a scroll through their relationship timeline together.
2015 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Meet
Destiny and Powers met in 2015 at a Teen Vogue party. From there, the two grew as friends and Powers quickly knew there was something special between them. "I realized I was in love when I knew my life would be extremely affected in a negative way if Ryan wasn't in it," he detailed for the digital cover of WeTheUrban in 2019. "I also felt myself growing as a person when Ryan came into my life, especially mentally. And I realized that I'm ready to deal with anything I have to deal with alongside Ryan. Once I felt that, I knew."
2017 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Attend LudaDay Weekend Topgolf Takeover
(L-R) Keith Powers, Ryan Destiny, Algee Smith, Luke James and Woody McClain.
Paras Griffin/Getty Images
Alongside Powers' New Edition castmates at the time, Powers and Destiny showed support at the LudaDay Weekend Topgolf Takeover in Midtown Atlanta.
2019 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Confirm Relationship
Bennett Raglin/Getty Images for BET
Keith Powers and Ryan Destiny made their red carpet debut as a couple in 2018 at the BET Awards. In doing so, they also seemingly confirmed their romantic relationship.
2019 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Go Public With Their Relationship
It’s safe to say that the couple has embraced privacy over the years, but in 2019, the two began to appear as a package deal in magazine shoots and advertising campaigns together.
The couple starred in a sultry Calvin Klein campaign, dished the details of the relationship to WeTheUrban, and even appeared on-screen in Big Sean’s "Single Again” which highlighted the ramifications of being in a public breakup.
January 2022 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Spilt
After four years of dating, Powers and Destiny end their relationship, but still “remain friends.”
August 2022 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Spend Time With His Family
If spotting the former couple here and there together shortly after their public split didn't create speculation of a possible rekindling, fans seeing the two together with his family for his birthday put romance rumors into overdrive.
October 2022 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Spotted Together All Smiles
Destiny and Powers were photographed together and shared in a mutual friend's Instagram Story.
March 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers’ First Public Outing Since Breakup
Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers posing together at the 2023 ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood Awards.
Arnold Turner/Getty Images for ESSENCE
The actors were spotted together while attending the Essence Black Women In Hollywood Awards.
April 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Pose At Coachella
In April, the two were seen at the Revolve Festival during this year’s Coachella Festival at the Empire Polo Club in Indio, California.
June 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers At “The Perfect Find” Premiere
(L-R) Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers attend 'The Perfect Find' world premiere.
Noam Galai/Getty Images for Netflix
Powers owned his leading role alongside Gabrielle Union in the Netflix rom-com, The Perfect Find. And in June, Destiny was his red carpet date at the movie’s premiere during the 2023 Tribeca Film Festival.
Related: xoMan: Keith Powers On His Growth As An Actor & What Qualifies As His 'Perfect Find'
August 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Show Support
Jerritt Clark/Getty Images for FWRD
Destiny and Powers were dressed to the nines at the Hall Of Fame Induction Celebration for Dwyane Wade hosted by FWRD at Chateau Marmont's Bar in Hollywood.
August 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Take a Getaway
In an August Instagram posting, Destiny and Powers shared nearly identical selfies and photos showcasing that they both took a cruise with Virgin Voyages across the Adriatic Sea around the actor's birthday. Coincidence? One user commented on Powers' post, "You and my girl Ry Ry think y’all slick! I love it tho."
August 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Dance The Night Away
The two attend the star-studded release party for Victoria Monét’s JAGUAR II album release party.
October 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers Celebrate Halloween
Destiny and Powers got in on the Halloween fun and hit the town in coordinating hamburger and hot dog costumes at a party in LA.
December 2023 — Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers On a Dinner Date
The stylish duo was seen together at the ‘Imaginary Dinner’ hosted by clothing brand Off-White and FARFETCH. Find more pictures of the couple here.
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Featured image by Jerritt Clark/Getty Images for FWRD