In xoNecole's Our First Year series, we take an in-depth look at love and relationships between couples with an emphasis on what their first year of marriage was like.
You might know LaToya and Adam Ali from YouTube where the couple share their life and love alongside their two adorable children, Samia and Zayn.
And if you watched any of their videos on their hit family channel LaToya's Life, it won't take long for you to label these two "relationship goals." With their obvious love for one another, coupled with their strong friendship, LaToya and Adam give us a look into a modern day life of black family and all its realness. But regardless of how much they personify "relationship goals" and all we may seek in our own love lives, the Ali's want us all to know, they are just like any other couple.
LaToya, best known as LaToya Forever, is a YouTube personality, author, and founder of health and wellness site ShesTough.com. Her husband, Adam best known as @AdamWontLose, is a YouTube personality, fitness professional, and brand marketer. Within the last 8 years, these two have gotten married, expanded their YouTube brands LaToya's Life and LaToya Forever, started a family, and have been involved with multiple business ventures together.
But before their success as a couple, it all started down in the DMs.
Back in 2011, Adam reached out to Latoya in hopes of collaborating on a fitness video. At the time, he was expanding his own fitness brand and reached out to LaToya, hoping to build a team of influencers that support one another. She obliged and before the collab could even officially take place, they met up and had an instant connection. Although their initial meeting was completely professional and they then went on to shoot the first of many video collaborations, the connection between these two was quite obvious. Soon after, they began dating, fell in love, got married, and started their family.
But what makes their love story so admirable, is their authenticity. These two aren't trying to be some perfect fairytale love story, nor do they wish for you to idolize their relationship, they are simply showing their own life and love with all the chaos and realness that comes with it. "Don't look at us as perfection, yes we may do some things that you can aspire to want in your relationship but just focus on your relationship and how you can improve individually and together with your partner," Adam expressed.
While other social media couples may aim for perfection, likes, or subscribers, these two focus on the authenticity of their life, love, and their family.
It may have all started unintentionally with a DM, but their relationship has since grew into a loving marriage, a family of four, and a YouTube brand of positive black love. And by the looks of it, the Alis are just getting started.
Here's their story.
The One
LaToya: I knew that Adam was the one for me because he never let me walk all over him like my ex boyfriends. He's super manly, super business oriented, and he puts me in my place and I needed that at that time in my life because I was like crazy, wild, super energetic, kinda lost and he knew how to get me to become a better version of myself.
Now, we play so many roles together, we do business together, we're parents, we're lovers, we're best friends.
Adam: I felt like we complemented one another and we were both looking to build and that's what was important to me, someone that I could build with so that's what showed me she was the one.
Building Together
LaToya: Before marriage, we had already been living together so we knew each other's habits and what irritated each of us. Now, if you want to talk about how was life after purchasing our first home, that's a whole other ball game! We had to be smarter with our money, especially with a newborn. We had to figure out how to keep this place in order, especially because we worked from home. We hired a cook because we had no time to prepare all these meals because we had to film. Adam took it upon himself to manage our finances because if I were to do so, I would be serving Louis Vuitton bags for dinner.
Love Work
LaToya: One thing that makes our relationship work, would be love. Putting love first makes it work! I'm at my best when he shows me he loves me, shows me he appreciate me, shows me that I'm worthy. I'm an emotional person so love, love is the answer (laughs).
Adam: Communication! I think we're at our best when we communicate with each other.
Learning Each Other's Love Language
LaToya: It takes a lot to be mindful to showcase a love language that you're not too accustomed to do. Again, it requires intent, eqo dropping, and emotional investment to make love work. It's been a process of reading and learning.
We both come from different cultures, which means we [have] seen love displayed in different ways.
The Real Behind Relationship Goals
LaToya: Don't compare your relationship to other peoples' relationship that you see on social media because that's not even half of their story. There is so much people go through off of the pictures, off of the videos. So, just put your best selves out there every single day and do your best.
Nobody's perfect and we show that in our videos.
That's why a lot of the times if I do something crazy in our videos, it's expected because I put myself out there in a real way. Just keeping it real, you know! (laughs)
Adam: Whenever you look at a screen, it's so natural to typically look for perfection. Whether it's TV, or a movie, anything that's a tube, your expectations typically are that it should be perfect and that's not reality, this is not the movies and they can't come look at our content expecting that everything is lovely and dandy, that's just not how real relationships go. And then you guys want to be surprised when you look at these other couples you adore, all of a sudden are no longer together or they divorce or stuff like that, you know they can't fake it forever. I would say don't look at us as perfection, yes we may do some things that you can aspire to want in your relationship but just focus on your relationship and how you can improve individually and together with your partner.
For more on their journey be sure to subscribe to their YouTube channels LaToya Forever and LaToya's Life as well as follow them at @LaToyaForever and @AdamWontLose.
Why can’t (more) singles just be single and be okay with that? Good Lord. Why does there need to be some sort of relational play-on-words to make it sound like we’re with someone — even if we’re not?
Now masturdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masturdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masturdating All About?
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Masturdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masturdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masturdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masturdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masturdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masturdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masturdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masturdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masturdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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