If you've never discovered your love language through The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, I highly recommend that you do – whether single or married. It provides a lot of great, useful, and quality insight when it comes to how we love, or show love, in different ways. By knowing your love language, as well as your partner's, you're more astutely aware of each other's wants and needs…which, ultimately, can help prevent someone from turning a "mountain into a molehill".
When Eric and I got married, I remember all too well some of our first Christmases and birthdays together. During the early years, unfortunately, my husband -- and he will tell you -- just couldn't seem to get it right when it came time to exchange gifts (based on my expectations). Eric would wait until the very last minute, only to present me with something that wasn't even remotely close to what I wanted, let alone, what I specifically told him to get. Let's just say, I was frustrated and annoyed and I had to use the return policy on more than one occasion.
I, on the other hand, would spend months planning the perfect gift or surprise for him, only to receive what I considered a mediocre response from him…compared to how I thought he would react. Hence, I used to feel as if he didn't appreciate what I did for him because his reaction wasn't exactly what I expected it to be.
Needless to say, we were both trying to communicate our love based on what we wanted for each other versus what the other person truly wanted or cared about. We quickly discovered that we spoke two different love languages. Obviously, my primary love language was gift giving, whereas Eric's was quality time and physical touch.
In an episode of Black Love, appropriately titled "Mountains and Molehills", the theme of love languages, amongst other topics, is discussed throughout, including with Ricky Bell (member of the legendary group, New Edition) and his wife Amy.
Kevin Fredericks (also known as "KevOnStage") also shares a similar experience to explain the differences between him and his wife, Melissa (Mrs. KevOnStage), and how they showcase their love towards each other.
"We [give] what we want people to have but not what they want, and then get mad when they don't like it. You have to love someone in a way that they understand as love, and what they feel like is love to them as opposed to doing things for them that you want."
Whether it's different love languages, backgrounds and experiences, or different communication styles, this episode of Black Love is sure to provide some perspective and insight on how couples have handled, and are still learning how to handle, their differences in order to make it work in their relationships.
Be sure to tune in to Black Love on OWN on Saturday at 9/8c.
Kevin Says "You Have to Love Someone in a Way They Understand" | Black Love | Oprah Winfrey Network www.youtube.com
Featured image courtesy of OWN.