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Behind The Scenes With xoMan Jay Ellis
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<p>You know that you're click-tight with someone when, you are able to openly and honestly express that their spouse isn't your favorite person on the planet and, still, you and your friend can make your relationship work—and last (check out "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/dont-like-my-friends-husband/" target="_blank">I'm Not A Fan Of My BFF's Man - This Is How I Make Our Friendship Work</a>"). When it comes to a particular friend of mine, while her husband does have some good qualities, if there's one thing that drives me, his wife, most of her other friends and even their therapist totally up the wall is her man has a severe case of I'm-absolutely-never-ever-wrong-itis. I mean, it's so bad sometimes, you can't have a normal conversation without him feeling the need to Google articles and data to prove the most moot and irrelevant of points. And because he's so adamant on being right all of the time, it has actually caused my friend to consider separating, more than once. That's just how uncomfortable—and sometimes even excruciating—being in a relationship with a bona fide know-it-all can be.</p><p>Y'all, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/5-things-being-a-never-been-married-before-marriage-life-coach-has-taught-me-about-marriage/" target="_blank">I've sat in way too many counseling sessions</a>, and listened to way too many of my other married friends vent about their own partner to know that I'm not the only one who has up-close-and-very-personal encounters with husbands and/or wives who act as if they are never <em>ever</em> wrong. If you can relate because you are that person and/or you are married to one, I'm hoping that this article will offer up some tips that can help you to get, at least, a little bit of relief, so that your marriage can get a little bit more peace.</p>
Accept That the Root of That Is Pride. Or Insecurity.
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjk0MS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMTg5ODAxMn0.wIqUbNUDshE7or5D8dm-aOSNKk4auTZk_JWkOx8BbkI/img.gif?width=980" id="26e4c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="afac1faaf751796e24c9a5b3336ad496" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>When you really stop to think about it, it takes a lot of self-confidence and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/these-are-the-things-self-aware-people-do-daily/" target="_blank">self-awareness</a> to be able to 1) admit when you're wrong, 2) be corrected, and/or 3) hear out an opposing point of view. When someone is able to do these types of things, it means that they are humble, willing to learn and they don't feel threatened by those who may not always or totally agree with them. What this boils down to is, when people can't pull these types of feats off, it's usually an indication that they are the opposite of confident and self-aware. They either function from a space of pure pride or deep-rooted insecurity (which oftentimes are one and the same).</p><p>When you really let this reality sink in, it can actually make you feel sorry for someone who acts as if they are never wrong because, at the end of the day, it's not about them being right so much as them fearing being wrong. And Lord, can you just imagine how <em>exhausting</em> it is to function that way? You love your spouse, right? A part of what comes with loving someone is trying to understand where they are coming from. Getting that there is nothing healthy or even beneficial about trying to always be right can bring about a feeling of compassion for them that you probably wouldn't have if you didn't see things from this perspective. Try and look from this scope, if you can.</p>Avoid Personalizing Their Pride. Or Insecurity.
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjk0My9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwNjMxMDY1OX0.j9V4TsvZla2o8aCEnSsNAeOTwqG3G4H_g_DIJtVsIiE/img.gif?width=980" id="890e8" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a0f7cb6e40ddbdd90b4760979e4cefc7" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>I work with married couples…<em>a lot.</em> </p><h5>Something that makes me tip my hat to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/signs-of-a-healthy-marriage/" target="_blank">functional marriages</a> is how they are able to find the balance between becoming one as a union (Genesis 2:24-25) and still maintaining their individuality in the process (Psalm 33:15). A good example of what I mean by that is, it's always dope when a spouse can know when not to own something about their partner that isn't their responsibility and/or when they don't personalize stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with them. </h5><p>Chances are, if you are married to a know-it-all, it transpired years before you came along. I know some people who are that way because of <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-if-its-your-parents-who-happen-to-be-the-narcissists-for-review/" target="_blank">how they were raised</a>. I know some people who are that way because they are <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/signs-youre-in-love-with-narcissist/" target="_blank">narcissists-in-denial</a>. I know some people who are that way because their job requires that they always be in authority, with little room for error, and so they don't know how to "turn that side of them off" once they step into their own house.</p><p>If you're married to someone who believes that they are never wrong, it can only benefit you to do a little pondering about how the "root" created that kind of "tree". Once you can get a better grasp on where all of that stems from, it can help you to better filter how to respond to your partner when they act like they are always right; especially when you know—that you know that you know—that they are not. Plus, it can help you to not feel quite so attacked because you get that when it comes to their pride and/or insecurity, while you're there to help them evolve from it, is not your responsibility to fix. It's <em>totally </em>theirs.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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Try to Deactivate Your “Need to Have the Last Word” Trigger
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjk0OC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NTIwODMzM30.K_i29f56wG4taPzz8-Sk65z668dsPd6aKwUXGhaDaxg/img.gif?width=980" id="c5caf" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="dcce77e941a33d14b40dc1f33c91eca9" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>While I'm not a big fan of the ever passive aggressive "OK" that some people like to use whenever they are in a conversation that they feel like they can't win (or they're sick of participating in), I will say that, when you're dealing with someone who feels like they are never wrong, it is important to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-to-handle-folks-who-trigger-you/" target="_blank">deactivate a critical trigger</a>—the need to always get the last word in. It reminds me of the quote that is oftentimes credited to Mahatma Gandhi. He once said, "Speak only if it improves upon the silence." While it's important to make your points known, to have your thoughts heard and for your feelings to be conveyed, unfortunately, people who always want to be right tend to care more about talking than listening; they are more into monologues than actual dialogues. This means that, no matter what you say, they are going to try and find something else to say after you. Let them wear themselves out if they want, but after you've "stated your case", use the self-discipline and maturity to be done with the topic. Why? Because, I'm telling you, if there's one thing that people who are never wrong are oftentimes totally stumped by, it's when the person they are trying to prove something to, stops talking—<em>unless they can improve upon the silence.</em></p>Present Things in Question Form
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjk1MS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NjU5NzkxM30.n0pxlie0Tfzlk807XWeN86R3LUApBEYXw0bFSbhJs8A/img.gif?width=980" id="30224" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="3b354404117b7696c1120b19e30ab483" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Wanna know something that tends to be a signature trait of all know-it-alls? They are defensive AF. There have actually been former clients that I've had to be like, "Yeeeeeah, I'm good. Let's end these sessions" because, no matter what I tried to make them see, they acted like they were in a courtroom rather than a counseling call. Off topic, but not really, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-a-supportive-friend-does/" target="_blank">if you're a fan of <em>Insecure</em></a>, that's something that would drive me up the wall about Molly. Because she's a lawyer, she wanted to even argue—or at least take on a defensive tone—with her own therapist. It's exhausting, and ridiculous because, if things were "all good", you wouldn't be sitting on a therapist/counselor/life coach couch in the first place. SMDH.</p><p>Rome isn't built in a day. Neither is getting people who think that they are never wrong to a point and place of being able to see that character flaw about themselves. That's why, something that I've learned to do, is present certain things to them in question form more often. Like rather than saying, "You are really disrespectful in the way that you speak to your partner", I'll say something along the lines of, "Do you think how you just said that is disrespectful?" or "What you just said, how would you feel if your partner said it in the same way to you?" By approaching your know-it-all spouse with questions rather than direct statements, that can sometimes help them to lower their guard, be less defensive, and become more open to hearing just where you are coming from.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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Get Off of the Eggshells
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjk1Mi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MjI3MDQ0MX0.kmbIpRMuzgu4wjQ0ZiTxv2lW6_CYByP803p2hwkwWsQ/img.gif?width=980" id="21b4e" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="2b8a999035ed8f90d6072d35a680cf9a" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <h5>If you're the spouse who thinks you are never wrong, while this might be hard for you to hear and accept, when it's to the extreme (or you never seem to let up), it's actually a form of bullying. Bullies are aggressive. Bullies don't care to empathize with someone else's feelings, needs or opinions. Bullies try and make the person they are bullying either feel less than or like they must always concede. Yep. A lot of married people are straight-up bullies.</h5><p>Now, if you're the person who happens to be married to the know-it-all bully, it's also important to keep in mind that you are an adult and they are not your teacher or your parent. While you do love them, there are still certain strategies that you must apply, so that you can remain sane and your marriage can remain stable. First, it's important that even in marriage, you <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/setting-boundaries-with-family-members-mental-health/" data-linked-post="2645975040" target="_blank">set boundaries</a>. Boundaries are limits. You need to figure out how much of your partner's "never-wrong-ness" you can handle and what you need in order for there to be harmony within the relationship. For instance, when your spouse is wrong, do you need them to apologize? Or, when they want to get on their high horse, do you need them to wait until the two of you get home rather than them choosing to have an all-out debate in public? Maybe what you need is to avoid "never wrong conversations" in the bedroom (so that it doesn't infect your intimacy), or you need to feel like discussions don't have to turn into arguments; that your know-it-all spouse can learn to let things go.</p><p>People who are never wrong in their own minds, they automatically function on the side of the extreme because, the reality is that, all of us are wrong at some point or another. And since they are so extreme, if you resolve to constantly walk on eggshells when you're in their presence, not only can that cause you to become super resentful, but it can make them think more and more that they are right—when conclusion is actually dead ass wrong. You deserve to feel at peace in your own house and in your own marriage. Tip-toeing around your know-it-all partner isn't the way to deal with them. Creating and expressing what your boundaries are is. Make sure that you do.</p>Create a Safe Haven for Them to Be Wrong
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjk1NC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwODgwMzg0OX0._d0exj7uLgke7M1qoOPhyRigJIyXkkQza0JSY5eS1so/img.gif?width=980" id="f00d8" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5c2f995e9e13d745421d345bdd9bb86a" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>This article is actually about to come full circle because, anyone who is so stressed about being right all of the time, that is someone who has to feel vulnerable. A LOT. I say often to my clients that I'm not big on the word "vulnerable" being used in a marital union. Since it means "open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.", that is <em>the last thing</em> that I think a husband and wife should feel in each other's presence. I'm more in the lane of the word "dependent" because it means "relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc.". And you know what? In order for your know-it-all spouse to be able to work through their pride and insecurity issues, they need to feel safe in admitting when they are wrong. This is where you can help them with that. </p><h5>By assuring them, from time to time, that they don't have to perform for you, "win" a debate, or feel more valued only if they are always right, believe it or not, it can actually start to calm them down and become more open to error—and correction.</h5><p><a href="https://www.xonecole.com/feel-emotionally-safe-in-relationship/" target="_blank">Emotional safety</a> is critical for the life and longevity of a healthy marriage. Make sure to convey to your partner that them suffocating you with their need to be right is unsafe. At the same time, also let them know that they are in a safe place to be wrong. If the love is real and mutual, in time, the know-it-all can learn how to be more humble and human. They can see that a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/things-marriages-need-daily/" target="_blank">good marriage</a> doesn't need someone who is never wrong. It requires two people who are willing to do, whatever is needed, to get things right. Which means being wrong sometimes. Hmph. Funny how that works, huh?</p><h4>Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/st/SignUp" target="_blank">here</a> to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.</h4><div class="ad-tag">
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<p>Money doesn't grow on trees and generational wealth isn't built overnight but after being catapulted into the spotlight and becoming a millionaire at only 20-years-old, this is a lesson that <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/kelly-rowland-you-cant-allow-the-world-to-tell-you-who-you-are/" target="_blank">Kelly Rowland</a> says that she had to learn the hard way. </p><p>Blowing a bag is all good until you start spending more than you save and in a recent interview with her pastor on <a href="https://pagesix.com/2020/07/03/kelly-rowland-says-she-almost-lost-everything-went-rich-broke/#:~:text=Kelly%20Rowland%20said%20that%20in,lavish%20wardrobe%2C%20car%20and%20home." target="_blank">YouTube Live</a>, the "Coffee" singer opened up about how a lifestyle flex gone wrong almost caused her to lose everything. Kelly revealed:</p><blockquote>"Even going through my own time where there was a lot of–no one will believe this and it'll actually be the first time I talk about it–where I almost lost everything because I was so busy trying to keep up. Whether it was the look, whether it was the wardrobe, whether it was the car, whether it was the place, whether it was the–you know what I mean? All that silliness."</blockquote><h5>"I was 'rich broke,' and I will never forget having this moment … I called my best friend and I said, 'I just don't know what to do.'"</h5><div id="da56f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="c494d0b98ccebc263446451b4c4090de"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0;
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</div></blockquote></div><p>In a previous <a href="https://www.instyle.com/news/kelly-rowland-spent-30000-dollars-bergdorf-goodman-money-talks" target="_blank">interview with <em>InStyle</em></a><u><em>, </em></u>the singer explained that although she was <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/7-types-of-investments-all-girl-bosses-should-know-about/" target="_blank">advised to invest</a> early-on in her career, she was focused on spending a coin on the things that would give her immediate satisfaction:</p><blockquote><span></span>"I remember so many people telling me that I needed to save my money and invest — but I didn't listen. When I got one of my first paychecks, I went to the grocery store and bought almost everything that my mom used to tell me was too expensive. I bought all of that shit, had a party at my house, and everybody ate up everything. I'll never forget it, because it was fun and it was something I was able to fund myself."</blockquote><p>The singer explained that because she <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/raven-symone-og-hustler/" target="_blank">secured so many bags</a> at such a young age, she made a number of uninformed decisions that in hindsight, she can now see were superfluous AF. </p><h5>"I was a millionaire by the age of 20. It's insane when you think about a 20-year-old having all this money and not knowing what the eff do do with it. When it was time for the big purchase, I bought myself a house that was way too big. I was, like, 21 years old with five bedrooms and 5,000 square feet to myself. I was way too young to buy a home like that."</h5><div id="36af0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="d8c03d948e66c97f6d386991a0278db4"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0;
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</div></blockquote></div><p>In the interview, Kelly also recalled the time she spent $30,000 in 30 minutes on an impromptu shopping trip and I cannot relate:</p><blockquote><span></span>"I lost my mind—when it came to extra hair, fashion, I had to have everything. I remember just going completely nuts on trips to Paris and Italy, blowing like 30 grand in 30 minutes at Bergdorf Goodman. It was ridiculous. Eventually, I started to realize that my AmEx bill was really, really high and I needed to chill out."<br></blockquote><h4>To see Kelly's full interview with Pastor Erwin McManus on how Kelly switched up her spending habits and got her financial health all the way together, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiIIs-wfqlI" target="_blank">click below!</a> </h4><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-youtube">
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<small class="image-media media-caption" placeholder="Add Photo Caption...">TEAM NIGHT | A Conversation with Kelly Rowland & Erwin McManus</small>
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</p><p><em>Featured image by Instagram/@kellyrowland.</em><br></p>
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<p>If I were to poll a group of women, I'm sure many of us would agree that we live and work in a <a data-linked-post="2641308427" href="https://www.xonecole.com/sports-agent-nicole-lynn-interview/" target="_blank">male-dominated society</a>. At times, it can be challenging to make our voices heard, but for Megan Thomas - on-air host and producer at <a href="https://www.alldefdigital.com/" target="_blank">All Def</a>, and podcast creator - she's found a way to successfully push through the "no's", pursue her dreams, and represent for the ladies. </p><p>For those who may not be familiar, All Def is a black-owned, multi-platform media company that gained its strength and popularity through the cultural power of hip-hop, comedy, and social justice. Since its inception, they have amassed millions of followers as well as partnerships with brands like HBO, MTV, and Spotify. While it's common to hear about some of their other great comedic talent like <a data-linked-post="2628014744" href="https://www.xonecole.com/build-a-successful-business-with-your-partner/" target="_blank">KevOnStage</a> or Patrick Cloud, Megan has definitely represented for the ladies even when there were no other female hosts on the All Def platform. With shows like <em>The Drop</em>, <em>Great Taste</em>, and <em>Squadd Cast</em>, she continues to hold it down as one of the primary female voices and producers.</p><h4>We recently had the opportunity to talk with Megan about what it takes to be successful in the industry, as well as what self-care looks like for her as a professional working mom. </h4>
xoNecole: Megan, tell me how you first got involved with All Def?
<p><strong></strong><strong>Megan Thomas:</strong> I auditioned for a sports show back in 2015 for KevOnStage. They asked me, "Who are your top linebackers?" And I said, "I don't know." Needless to say, they never moved forward with the sports show. Then, around the end of 2015 they held auditions for the daily show, and instantly, in my heart I was like, "I got this." So, I auditioned again, and a week later they asked me to be the female host. So, I started hosting <em>The Drop </em>around early 2016, and after a month, they were like, "Hey, can you also produce <em>The Drop</em>?" I have a background in radio and producing, so I was like, "Yeah, of course." From there, I started appearing in and producing other types of content as well. </p>xoNecole: They went from asking you to host and then produce. What helped push you to say "yes" to these new roles and opportunities?
<p><strong></strong><strong>Megan: </strong>I said "yes" because of "the spirit of yes" I have inside of me. Since I was a kid, I've always had it because I didn't want to be bored. I felt like if I had more stuff to do, then I would feel important. Plus, I believe everything you do in your life builds upon the next thing. If I hadn't been a producer in radio or produced all of this free stuff for years that I never got paid [for] while living in LA, I wouldn't have been prepared. Saying "yes", however, can cause issues because I will say "yes" to stuff even when I don't have the time. Now, I'm practicing how to say "no". </p><img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzM4MDI1My9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMjQ1MzMxMn0.DGBqEHDE0SrIuIRbfXRbgdDUSELDJ4ggEPfdmpKYjM0/img.jpg?width=980" id="75819" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="39befb27db17c27e831b4d1c322e20d0" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Photo courtesy of Megan Thomas
<h5>"I believe everything you do in your life builds upon the next thing. If I hadn't been a producer in radio or produced all of this free stuff for years that I never got paid [for] while living in LA, I wouldn't have been prepared."</h5><div class="ad-tag">
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xoNecole: Many of us as women, regardless of the industry or profession, can relate to being the only or one of few women of color in a male-dominated environment and how challenging it can be. How do you hold it down being one of few, and in some instances the only female, in your field?
<p><strong></strong><strong>Megan:</strong> It's tough, because by nature, men don't always listen to women. So, you have to demand respect as a woman and do everything in your power to make sure they respect you. I know the guys that I work with are really good-natured men. They love women and they're kind to women, but there are times when they talk over me. I'll even say a joke and no one will hear it, but someone else will say the same exact joke and get all the laughs in the room and I'll be like, "Yo, I said the same exact joke verbatim."</p><p>They're my brothers for sure, but as a woman it can feel isolating because there are times when I want to talk about certain stuff and they're like, "No, only guy stuff." On the flip side, I bring a perspective that they don't have insight into because none of them are women. They may have daughters, girlfriends, and wives, but they've never been a woman so their perspective may be one-sided. </p><p>That's why I'm working on doing something that's more geared to women on the channel. I'm not sure what that looks like just yet, but I know women love funny stuff too. We like shows like <em>Roast Me</em>, and there are good female roasters out there. Our demographic is mainly black, urban males, but a lot of women watch the channel as well. </p>xoNecole: What’s the most enjoyable thing about working with a team comprised of mostly men?
<p><strong></strong><strong>Megan: </strong>The laughter and the jokes. I've had corporate jobs and there's code-switching you have to do, but not with this group. They're just funny, and I can be myself. I'm so blessed that I get paid to work with people who are funny, and we get to make other people laugh. </p>xoNecole: I know the ADD followers love a good roast. Has anyone ever said anything that really cut deep, or is it pretty much no holds barred?
<p><strong>Megan:</strong> You have to have tough skin. There have been times when things hit deep, but I also understand that I'm in the public. Growing up as a chubby kid, I had to be smarter, have [a] quicker wit…I just had to be better. So, that helps with rolling stuff off my back. </p><div class="ad-tag">
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xoNecole: Besides helping a group of funny, talented men stay on-task, how’s it going with managing life as a mom as well?
<p><strong>Megan:</strong> Honestly, I'm learning as I go through this process. Communication is key – it's absolutely necessary to communicate things especially when it comes to scheduling. Preparation is also very important. If I know I'm going to be out of town, I'm a stickler about what my son eats. I take responsibility for preparing everything so that his dad [Megan's fiancé] knows what to do while I'm gone. If God blesses us with another one, I'm sure I'll be more relaxed about that. </p>xoNecole: What does self-care look like for you as a working mom?
<p><strong>Megan: </strong>Mommy time – sometimes, it's a playdate and other times it's my fiancé staying at home with our son so that I can have some alone time. As moms, we just need to get away sometimes. I have to have time to just be me.</p><p>Asking for help – whether that's from my village, professionals, etc. For instance, I know I had <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20376617" target="_blank">postpartum [depression]</a> the first year after giving birth. I would read the symptoms and knew that I had it, but I didn't seek help because I thought asking for help meant failure. When the truth was, had I asked for the help, a lot of the burdens would've been alleviated.</p><p>Grace – I have to give myself grace, and remind myself that everything isn't going to get done. I used to beat myself up if I didn't finish everything on my task list. I used to carry that burden, but Jesus said, "His burden is light." So, I give it to Him. All of it helps with self-care because it helps me be kinder to myself. </p><img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzM4MDI1NC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMTYyNDY1NX0.mbmyf3pn_OhTBkxby6a3jE8Kf9jEws67DlzpiuLVeKw/img.jpg?width=980" id="4fcc0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="cd430771f5d0d81aa6e37b45f4997d2a" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Photo courtesy of Megan Thomas
<h5>"I have to give myself grace, and remind myself that everything isn't going to get done. I used to beat myself up if I didn't finish everything on my task list. I used to carry that burden, but Jesus said, 'His burden is light.' So, I give it to Him. All of it helps with self-care because it helps me be kinder to myself."</h5><div class="ad-tag">
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xoNecole: I know you have your podcast, “Mommy Needs A Break”, which I’m sure so many women can relate to. Is that part of your self-care routine as well?
<p><strong>Megan:</strong> Yes, I knew the day after my son was born that I needed something. I remember looking at him in awe and praying that he made it to tomorrow…every single day. I immediately gravitated to the idea that I needed an outlet because being a mom consumed my mind, my life, and everything beyond the norm. For example, my baby would be sleeping, but I would be on the internet researching all kinds of stuff. Needless to say, that can drive you crazy. So, I told myself, "I need a break from this." I knew my co-host, Marisa Johnson, was going through the same thing. So, we started the "Mommy Needs a Break" podcast for mommies who just need a break.</p>xoNecole: I love hearing about your successes as a producer, host, and mom, but tell us about a time when you had to navigate through a season of “no’s.”
<p><strong>Megan:</strong> I've had years and years and years of no's. Only recently did I start to have some yes's. There are a lot more no's than yes's. I've been in this industry since 2006, so it's been 14 years, and just within the last four years I've been able to get a gig to support myself.</p><p>Even during all those years of no's, one thing I used to tell myself after all those auditions was: "Megan, you are enough! God gave you what He gave you. Nobody else can be you and you can't be anybody else, so just do what you do and do what you do best." I've learned that when it's your time, it will be your time, and nobody will be able to take that away from you. </p>xoNecole: What advice would you share with ladies who, like you, are pursuing their goals and dreams, or who aspire to get into the media/entertainment industry?
<p><strong>Megan:</strong> Do it your way. You don't have to wait for somebody to give you the green light. You have a phone with a camera and YouTube. There's no reason why you can't do this within your own capacity.</p><p>Be authentic. I am Black and Korean, and when you grow up Black, what you do affects other people. So, I do this for my people. I'm glad that things are changing in this industry, but you have to be yourself. It should be OK to see me on camera with my big, curly hair. That's why I'm OK with not working in old Hollywood if that means I have to look a certain way, because being authentic is important. </p><p>Be ready and willing, and let God guide the path. I feel like God gives us nuggets and glimpses. That's why we have certain passions and things in our heart that we feel like we're drawn to. It's God's way of showing you the path that you're going to be on. I didn't necessarily put in my heart that I wanted to be in comedy (even though I saw the vision for it). That was God-given, but I still had to be open and ready for when it happened.</p><p>Do it consistently. Set a schedule for yourself. Whatever that schedule is, keep to it and eventually people will notice what you do. </p><p>You are enough. While you can admire other people and observe the things they've done as research or inspiration, don't think that it's going to be your story or your journey. God has something specifically for you. You are unique and special, and your story will look different. So, embrace that. Otherwise, you will succumb to the feeling of not being enough. </p><p>The road is long, but success is at the end of it. I worked in LA for four years before I could finally afford to support myself with one paying job. I had three jobs at any given moment and worked tirelessly for free just because I wanted to break into this industry. There were a lot of times when I wanted to give up. I was tired and worn out, but I wish someone had told me to keep going and that there is success at the end of it. You can't give up, because tomorrow might be the day that you hit your goals. </p><h4>For more of Megan, follow her on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/megscoop/?hl=en" target="_blank">Instagram</a>.</h4><div class="ad-tag">
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<p class=""><em>Featured image courtesy of Megan Thomas</em></p>
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<p>OK. Who remembers India.Arie's song "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xZPMlCkDY8" target="_blank">Little Things</a>" from back in the day? If you do, you probably can recall the line in it that says, "In the quest for fortune and fame, don't forget about the simple things". Indeed. Sometimes, in the quest to live out our absolute best life ever, we forget that it really is the little moves that make up the big impressions along the way.</p><p>That's the inspiration for this article today. No matter what it is that you want to improve upon or make better in your world, if you apply small habits like these to your life, you might be blown by how BIG of a difference they can make—to you and ultimately, to those around you too.</p>
1. Pull an “Issa” in Your Mirror Every Day
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjQxMC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwMzYwMzM4N30.HDzK96RaoCaO0fN_waG_0d1VyCOXZUHZpr8S80Qseas/img.gif?width=980" id="09e7f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="24e25d76ba2f148dfeac4aeeb48d0775" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Anyone who's an avid watcher of <em><a href="https://www.xonecole.com/insecure-season-4-finale-issa-lawrence/" target="_blank">Insecure</a> </em>knows that a signature scene that has been happening, ever since season one, is<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkWqDYmLE9o" target="_blank"> Issa looking into the mirror and talking</a>—sometimes in the form of rapping—to herself. While it is funny to watch, if you look deeper, she is oftentimes doing it in order to gain clarity, hype herself up or to make a big decision.<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/smarter-living/benefits-of-talking-to-yourself-self-talk.html" target="_blank" extln_redirecting="true"> </a></p><h5><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/smarter-living/benefits-of-talking-to-yourself-self-talk.html" target="_blank">In the psychology world</a>, a technical term for this is "external self-talk". The reason why you shouldn't "feel crazy" for doing it is because talking to yourself can be a practice in <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/say-it-loud-10-self-affirmations-to-start-your-day/" data-linked-post="2617461643" target="_blank">self-affirmation</a>. It can help you to blow off stress and steam. Talking to yourself is also a cool way to hold an impromptu forensics debate between your feelings and your common sense (which aren't always one and the same), if you're trying to look at the pros and cons of a particular situation. The list of benefits really does go on and on. </h5><p>So yeah, when you get up every morning, encourage yourself to talk to yourself. You might get the confidence and/or answers that you seek, if you do.</p>2. Tell Someone What You Like/Love/Appreciate About Them
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjQxMS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NTY1ODE5Nn0.Z2STbe_6FwgqLtlQMQ3DBppsGIpGKxv_iytuF5yQCsY/img.gif?width=980" id="e2f73" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5d23ad6f79380b7721cc4828557b1c54" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>I used to find myself in the position of <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/relationships-taking-me-for-granted/" target="_blank">feeling taken for granted</a>…<em>a lot</em>. Some of it had to do with codependency. Some of it had to do with poor <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/these-are-the-type-of-relationships-that-definitely-need-boundaries/" target="_blank">boundaries</a>. Some of it had to do with <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/allow-these-things-to-happen-before-calling-someone-friend/" target="_blank">putting people into the "friend" category</a> long before they deserved it or moving them into a level that they weren't worthy of (check out "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/friendships-have-levels-to-them/" target="_blank">Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them</a>"; you might wanna read "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/signs-someone-isnt-really-your-friend/" target="_blank">7 Signs Your Friendship...Actually Isn't One</a>" too). So, what broke me out of the pattern? Some <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-to-truly-love-yourself/" target="_blank">self-love</a>. Some <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/i-did-a-30-day-prayer-challenge-this-is-what-happened/" target="_blank">prayer</a> and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/tips-make-meditation-less-boring/" target="_blank">meditation</a>. Some <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/i-challenged-myself-to-use-the-journals-i-bought-didnt-use-in-2018-for-two-weeks/" target="_blank">journaling</a>. Oh, and also becoming <em>totally unapologetic</em> about my primary <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/this-is-how-to-apply-love-languages-to-your-friendships/" target="_blank">love language</a> (words of affirmation) and accepting the fact that people who truly value me will not only show appreciation because "words are my thing", but because they want to keep me around; they don't want me to feel taken for granted. <em>Ever.</em></p><p>Making sure that others feel appreciated has levels to it, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/friendships-have-levels-to-them/" data-linked-post="2643010435" target="_blank">just like friendships do</a>. But I can promise you that, when you take a moment to tell someone what you like, love or appreciate about them, not only will it do wonders when it comes to (further) establishing confidence and trust in their connection with you, it can make them feel good about looking out for you in return. Besides, a wise person once said, "If you don't show appreciation to those who deserve it, they'll learn to stop doing things that you appreciate." There are a lot of people in my relational rearview window who can probably attest to that, chile. For real, for real.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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3. Do Something Nice. Anonymously.
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjQxMi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MTczMzkyNH0.Lzz84PWFapjiC7oXXIQTz1iSz1NLKO84nLtD1k_zx5I/img.gif?width=980" id="3266a" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="1f03fce873f98423747a473c1fda967c" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Motives. I'm big on motives (the Bible is too: "<em>We justify our actions by appearances; God examines our motives.</em>"—Proverbs 2:12[Message]). That said, it's one thing to do something nice for someone and then post it for all of the world to see. But if you really want to know if you're doing something, and that it is totally for the right reasons, without it having absolutely anything to do with you, do it anonymously. You know, there's a verse in Scripture that basically says that if we do things for applause, applause is all that we will get. But if we decide to do things "secretly", it will be God who rewards us (Matthew 6:1-2). The something that you do doesn't have to be anything big. Maybe put your co-worker's favorite snack on their desk or mail your friend something from Etsy and ask for only a gift receipt with no name to be attached. Listen, no one said that playing Secret Santa had to be reserved for Christmas (although you might wanna call it something else). The seeds that you plant into someone's life, solely for benefit alone, are ones that you can feel the best about—and know that the Most High totally has your back on.</p>4. Eat Something Raw Every Meal
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjQxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwNDE3MDU3MX0.RgU2GpIr_qSNWRQnDUlQbAUNgFgVQiK9VJ8wHIyCU-A/img.gif?width=980" id="c9939" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="b8426dba275b3a66ceaf4f8454e7a223" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Eating fruits and vegetables when they are in their rawest form makes it possible for you to get an optimal level of nutrients from them. In fact, many nutritionists say that if you commit to eating at least one raw fruit or vegetable each meal, within a month's time, you will notice that your skin is clearer and you've got a lot more energy. As a bonus, you help to reduce the risk of heart disease (which is currently the<a href="https://www.cdc.gov/women/lcod/2016/nonhispanic-black/index.htm" target="_blank"> leading cause of death in Black women</a>) too. As far as what food qualifies, pretty much any fruit or veggie goes. Just remember that it needs to be cleaned with water and that's pretty much it. Anything "extra" is gonna take the food out of its purest form which means you will lose some of the potency of its vitamins and minerals as a direct result.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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5. Drink an Extra Glass of Water
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjQxNC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MDI4MDkwMH0.NaPlcF2U6n2u9EzLKkp_lbmhinZWKfy8pLJl_MEAjEM/img.gif?width=980" id="73121" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5f9d6d32b3b1a711194206940fc1503e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Here's something that's crazy. 75 percent of Americans are not only dehydrated but<a href="https://www.medicaldaily.com/75-americans-may-suffer-chronic-dehydration-according-doctors-247393" target="_blank"> <em>chronically dehydrated</em></a>. And since our bodies are made up of more than 60 percent water, I'm pretty sure you can see how that can cause real health issues. If you don't get enough fluids into your system, not only can it cause dry mouth, fatigue and dizziness but, over time, it can also lead to kidney problems, low blood volume and even seizures. If you're already intentional about drinking 8-10 glasses of water a day, that's awesome. But I'm pretty sure that more than a few of us fall into the "75 percent" category. You've got to crawl before you can walk so, do yourself a favor and ease into drinking more water by committing to a glass more a day for a week and then doubling that by the end of the month. I'd be shocked if your body doesn't feel a thousand times better after you do.</p>6. Read a Chapter of a Book Each Day
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjQxNS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwOTIxNzcwN30.TB6_iqzifKIw-SJvKWZoxoWTu1iGBu6gJNtqXm-cDdo/img.gif?width=980" id="20c91" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="bef4ef264c9aeaf94964bc40ea1b583e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>While you can't really go a day without reading something (because most of us are online all day long, in some capacity), what I'm referring to here is leisure reading (which can help to relax you) or checking out something that will truly benefit you like an educational or spiritual book or maybe even something that is self-help related. </p><h5>If you set aside 30 minutes a day to do a little bit of reading, not only can it help to calm you, it can also stimulate your mind, expand your vocabulary, make you a better writer (and all around communicator), improve your level of focus and concentration and, even make you a more empathetic individual (especially if it's<a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/novel-finding-reading-literary-fiction-improves-empathy/" target="_blank"> literary fiction</a>). </h5><p>I know life is hectic, but we've all got time for what we want to make a priority. For so many reasons, reading on a daily basis can only benefit you. Fit it into your schedule. It'll totally be worth your while.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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7. Take a Morning or Evening Walk Outdoors
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjQxNy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMDU1MzI2OH0.cVNC5XJzwhc_AkE7wzu77M6Xe2hDYM-NuTDI48qkKEo/img.gif?width=980" id="9db75" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="2c948f742b1401b2585ea613289b2645" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Aside from the fact that indoor air pollution is as much as<a href="https://www.mana.md/indoor-air-vs-outdoor-air/" target="_blank"> 2-5 times worse</a> than the pollution that is outside (especially if you rarely open up your windows), there are quite a few benefits that come from taking a stroll outdoors every day. If you walk outside in the daytime, it will help you to get more Vitamin D into your system (something that we, as Black women,<a href="https://www.cooperinstitute.org/2019/09/24/african-americans-at-greatest-risk-of-vitamin-d-deficiency#:~:text=The%20body%20naturally%20produces%20vitamin,ability%20to%20produce%20vitamin%20D." target="_blank"> are oftentimes deficient in</a>). Walking outside can also keep your joints and muscles from getting stiff, can release endorphins to improve your mood, can help to decrease health risk issues like type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure, can make it easier to digest your food and, it's also a great way to lower anxiety levels. So, whether you opt to do it alone, with your boo or maybe with a friend or neighbor, start or end your day by walking outdoors. Your health can only get better if/when you do.</p>8. Discuss/Debate in Question Form
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjQxOS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMjM3MDYwMn0.CD8Ch9h7diw_du3LYMRYtXdQwqbEXPkpoAni-evJFxk/img.gif?width=980" id="e4163" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f92a27c5f635bda98d8f905daaf5d0cf" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>People can be so freakin' defensive these days. Don't get me started on how I think that<a href="https://www.psychalive.org/is-social-media-to-blame-for-the-rise-in-narcissism/" target="_blank"> social media and the narcissism</a> of it all plays a direct role in that. It's like, unless you are feeding someone's ego, by constantly agreeing with them or telling them what they want to hear, they feel attacked. While that is certainly NOT your problem, interacting with individuals is pretty much unavoidable too. Something that I've learned to put into practice is, when I'm in a potentially challenging discussion or debate with someone, is I try and pose my responses in question form. For instance, rather than hearing something that I know is wrong (because I have data to back it up or because it's based on an assumption), instead of quipping, "You're wrong", I will say, "Why do you think that?". Not only does it take the edge off of my own tone and potential attitude but, more times than not, it prevents the other person from going on the defensive so that some progress can be made in communication. Sure, it's an extra mental step, but if you want to keep harmony with others, it can be worth the additional effort. <em>Trust me.</em></p><div class="ad-tag">
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9. Review the “High” and “Low” of Your Day
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjQyMS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTU5NTY2Njk3MH0.Yflpk8LE_swrx_SHu2A-Uc1rTOakbOa0HT7iNgtN2fE/img.gif?width=980" id="67823" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="113633d936aea07d715e2a6a50acce60" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Back when I used to mentor teenage girls (and sometimes their boyfriends), something that I would ask them to do is to share the high and low that they experienced since the last time we saw each other. </p><h5>We live in a world that tends to lean so much on the side of negativity that, for one thing, it helps them to see the brighter side/silver linings in life. Plus, when you think about the best and worst things that have transpired, on a consistent basis, it helps you to see that life is quite the balancer. Not everything is bad. Not everything is good. But, if you really take a moment to put the best and worst into their proper perspective, it can be easier to see how they might be working together to make you a better person, in ways that you didn't quite expect until you actually thought them through.</h5><p>This is why I also incorporate this exercise with <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/5-things-being-a-never-been-married-before-marriage-life-coach-has-taught-me-about-marriage/" target="_blank">my clients</a>. If you take out a moment, every day, to think about your peak high and low, it can make that day make (more) sense. It can also make preparing for the next day, a lot easier to do.</p>10. Keep Your Phone Out of Your Bedroom at Night
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQwNjQyMi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwODAyNzM3MH0.rgkqRYeKAq9tPpcEyDPoNhyQR2wTQSdfWiQw3rPEcsU/img.gif?width=980" id="33739" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f0f433fd72b56a355ae915b1dd3f78c9" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Earlier last year, I wrote an article for the site entitled, "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/8-solid-reasons-to-put-your-phone-down-more-often/" target="_blank">8 Solid Reasons To Put. Your Phone. Down.</a>" If you take a few moments to check it out, you'll see why being plugged into the Matrix—I'm sorry, your smartphone—can actually do more harm than good, if you're not careful. This is especially the case <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-simple-effective-ways-to-improve-your-quality-of-sleep/" target="_blank">when it comes to bedtime</a>. Aside from the fact that your mind needs time to decompress from all of the information that it already received throughout the day, looking at the light on your phone's screen can make it very difficult to fall back to sleep once you look at it (like when you get up to pee, for instance). And sleep deprivation isn't good for you. Not by a long shot. I say it all of the time, because it will forever be relevant—your bedroom should be set aside for sex and sleep. No more, no less. So, do your mind, body and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/start-protecting-your-spirit/" target="_blank">spirit</a> a favor and either put your phone in another room or turn it off at night. Whatever is happening inside of it will be awaiting you in the morning. Tackle it all—then.</p><h4>Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/st/SignUp" target="_blank">here</a> to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.</h4><div class="ad-tag">
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<p class=""><em>Featured image by Shutterstock</em></p>From Your Site Articles
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<p>As we enter the latter half of 2020, it's safe to say that you made it, sis. </p><p>This year hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies but you've managed to block the bullshit with your head held high and if nobody has told you today, I'm proud of you. Amidst a pandemic and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/newlyweds-linked-up-protestors-love-conquers-all/" target="_blank">global protests</a>, you're still standing––but every now and then, you need to sit your ass down on your favorite piece of <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/home-decor-hacks-love-your-home/" target="_blank">lounge furniture</a> and catch up on the all of the new Black AF titles on Netflix and xoNecole has you all the way covered. </p><h4>For everything that's new and Black AF on Netflix this July, scroll below!</h4>
<p class=""><em>Featured image by Double Platinum.</em></p>
I Am Not Your Negro (July 1)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk2Ni9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzODA4MjE4MX0.-r2o3uszAm6TAV3oQFGiQO3Vb_6aGpaYi1ajpQYU9G0/img.jpg?width=980" id="536eb" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f96168bdb8f3b30bce04d24e81d1c9f1" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />I Am Not Your Negro
<p>I'ma let y'all finish, but James Baldwin was one of the greatest American orators of all time and in <em>I Am Not Your Negro,</em> director Raoul Peck takes an in-depth look at his last work before his death. </p>A Thousand Words (July 1)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk2NS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NjcxMzIwNX0.70jHJap8A8AXoIjAoc18NL6NgG9zYzX0zX-BOP6adz8/img.jpg?width=980" id="ed754" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="96dabe4d3b7cd0be67ad0ad664e12566" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />A Thousand Words
<p>We all have that friend who could stand to learn a thing or two about the solace that can be found in silence and if you don't, you're that friend. In this 2012 comedy co-starring <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/kerry-washington-american-son-netflix/?share_id=5031255" target="_blank">Kerry Washington,</a> we see Eddie Murphy as a new father, husband, and big-time industry exec who couldn't keep his mouth shut if his life depended on it.</p>Double Platinum (July 1)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk2My9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMTM3MDc3M30.p2KK7ShIjKziyL8Gh-_DwWJFo61bmz0wqWI9VoraYVM/img.jpg?width=980" id="7061f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="847bb270a4ce1316169fdee402f62b63" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Double Platinum
<p>As an early's 90s baby, I can admit that I was today-years-old when I learned that Brandy and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/20-photos-that-prove-diana-tracee-ellis-ross-are-the-queens-of-beauty-and-style/" target="_blank">Diana Ross</a> starred in a film together and now that it's made its way onto the streaming platform, I plan to get my entire life. </p><div class="ad-tag">
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Ali (July 1)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk1OC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNDY2MTQ2MX0.2lTu30ciufdQTGpHbd7v58b3vo_ZpXhy4BUhKXWwb24/img.jpg?width=980" id="57928" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="87b795dde953e97020a99881bc4b21db" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Ali
<p>Starring <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/august-alsina-jada-pinkett-smith-relationship/" target="_blank">Jada Pinkett and Will Smith</a>, this 2001 biopic about one of the greatest boxers to ever live is now streaming. </p>Shaft (July 1)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk0MC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxNjQyNTc3NH0.dkO41CJI-XL42PvfHXyGjTQ86bYJESa-XkZ5S1dcKmk/img.jpg?width=980" id="a8cda" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="612a02fdc057eb0af8af2d4474d78a0e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Shaft
<p>This 1970s blaxploitation classic starring a young Richard Roundtree will give you all the nostalgia and then some.</p>This Christmas (July 1)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk0My9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTU5NTUzMDcxOH0.fPrhcqfkptG7kp75ToiDXvZudxDX7RLkakrrfCHSxts/img.jpg?width=980" id="69746" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="4b50a5a9abe5dced5dcc611b4388f412" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />This Christmas
<p>Netflix just gave us Christmas in July with a 2007 romantic comedy featuring an all-star cast including but not limited to Chris Brown, Lauren London, Regina King, and Idris Elba that will put you all the way in the holiday spirit. </p><div class="ad-tag">
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Only (July 5)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk3Mi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MTI1NjcwM30.seBbka1HisSKIK-e_W3gs1FHxT4cRjnKiqtXyHdbLts/img.jpg?width=980" id="962e9" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="3e5194f21b16c5e134ea0addbb08b208" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Only
<p>When a viral disease kills every woman on the planet, a couple isn't far along on their quest for survival before they are met with unforeseeable danger.</p>A Kid From Coney Island (July 6)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk3My9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NzgwNDAwOX0.D4jUouBB6jwMg6th9jZdj4Ua-2S6a3nqt6jXigKiWB8/img.png?width=980" id="7b9b2" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="fed6cb821c8e7b8667aaf755a3ffa30a" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />A Kid From Coney Island
<p>I may not know much about sports, but I do know that Netflix does not come to play when it comes to their documentaries, and <em>A Kid From Coney Island</em> is no exception. Chronicling the rise and fall of former NBA hard-hitter, Stephon Marbury, this film is proof that men need mental self-care, too. </p>The Old Guard (July 10)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk3NC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxNjU1Njk1OX0.dJej-Yxlbss-yuSSUBzb8BOuNrtrGnZT3I8E8ohEMC0/img.jpg?width=980" id="3a99a" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="8205e7fbc4c242f2434c75f14c625f1e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />THE OLD GUARD (2020)
<p>Current circumstances have us all ready to open up a can of whoop-ass, and thanks to the latest Netflix Original superhero film <em>The Old Guard</em>, you can live vicariously through Charlize Theron and KiKi Layne as they do exactly that. </p><div class="ad-tag">
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Fatal Affair Starring (July 16)
<span style="display:block;position:relative;padding-top:56.25%;" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="61f0bd586a2ea49688c0e122d2aa1412"><iframe lazy-loadable="true" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bxWPPrDpqr8?rel=0" width="100%" height="auto" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;"></iframe></span><p>Think <em>Fatal Attraction.</em> But Black. And in reverse. In a thriller featuring <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/nia-long-forgiveness-father/" target="_blank">Nia Long</a> and Stephen Bishop, Omar Epps gives us big stalker energy when a regrettable one night stand turns into a living nightmare. </p>Cursed (July 17)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk3OS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MTA4NjA2NX0.Qn4akPLohdZpOG_z4XG7Q-qTx0plCbDeqTt7gNpwHKw/img.jpg?width=980" id="bf7fe" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5e0281b0b7ecb65a7eaf41dd3ea75936" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Netflix
<p>While this Netflix original series is only slightly melanated, the historical drama junkie in your life will live for this coming-of-age story starring Shalom Brune-Franklin and Devon Terrell (<em>Barry) </em>as a young King Arthur.</p>The Last Dance (July 19)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk4MC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NzgyMTAxM30.Ey6xfec16KNX0nDafOPs-9Q1dEP6W1wwsapXGbkIKYQ/img.jpg?width=980" id="ad31a" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="36262651ca253c8107cecfdeae334e58" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />ESPN
<p>The <em>ESPN</em> 10-part Michael Jordan-inspired documentary series that intimately detailed the ball player's professional journey and gave the internet memes for days is finally hitting the streaming service on July 19.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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The Remix: Hip Hop x Fashion (July 22)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk4My9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NTI0MzY4NX0.emi0bSrQkRG9XEck8EMfaO_7S8dMb28-4JB_Z-45RRY/img.jpg?width=980" id="29fe9" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="115b038ea4259518a2a192fba767281d" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />The Remix: Hip Hop x Fashion
<p>In a documentary detailing the impact of fashion pioneers Misa Hylton and April Walker,<em> The Remix: Hip Hop X Fashion </em>sheds light on the unsung story of how these women virtually created the art of streetwear and changed the industry forever. </p>Shameless: Season 10 (July 26)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk4Ny9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyODMyNTk3OH0.iSV4dSJKZWR6UvWzhVB6X_PrmHo-u7msEoit4yKk_2A/img.jpg?width=980" id="e8309" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="7e9b46bea5ee0b434400cff1c547d6e4" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Shameless
<p><em></em>If you need a break from the real-life drama and are ready to dive into some on-screen mess, I'd strongly recommend that you pull up to the Gallagher household. Returning for its second-to-last season, this dysfunctional family TV drama is guaranteed to make you feel helluva lot better about your own life.<span></span></p>Seriously Single (July 31)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMDk5My9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzODQ5NzE4NH0.xvtamsAcZJFKC9NzHFaBBMiScTVNs3znZDjqAYUCam8/img.jpg?width=980" id="d5a24" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="1220713cdf4174ba732e7ded063de824" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Seriously Single
<p>Being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely, just ask the South African stars of Netflix's latest comedy who, after a couple of rocky breakups, are seriously about that single life.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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The Umbrella Academy: Season 2 (July 31)
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzQzMTAzNi9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxOTE0ODM1OX0.19j6UjoWW58luafy3ztru_2vrsJ8DoioOGxiCjKFdmg/img.png?width=980" id="8cf6e" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a224a774f5f52acc2d315827bd6098f5" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Netflix
<p>Last year, the Netflix Original sci-fi drama series <em>The Umbrella Academy</em> took the internet by storm, and at the end of this month, our weird and dysfunctional family of teenaged superheroes are returning for a second season.</p>Related Articles Around the Web
- What's New on Netflix in July 2020 | Vanity Fair ›
- What's New on Netflix and What's Leaving in July 2020 | Digital Trends ›
- New on Netflix in July 2020 | what's coming next - Radio Times ›
- What's Coming to Netflix in July 2020 - What's on Netflix ›
- New on Netflix July 2020: Movies, TV, Original Series ›
- What's Coming to Netflix in July 2020 - What's on Netflix ›
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