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Behind The Scenes With xoMan Jay Ellis
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<p>I'm somewhat of a pop culture head. I'm pretty sure that's why, whenever I hear the phrase, "perfect match", the first thing that comes to my mind—well, it might surprise you. Ready? It's the song from <em><a data-linked-post="2645582447" href="https://www.xonecole.com/whats-new-netflix-april-2020/" target="_blank">School Daze</a></em>. Some of y'all might remember when Jane (<a data-linked-post="2641480052" href="https://www.xonecole.com/tisha-campbell-fear-dating/" target="_blank">Tisha Campbell</a>) licked the scalp of Julian (Giancarlo Esposito) while the song, "Perfect Match" played in the background (couldn't find the actual movie footage but you can listen to the song itself<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avu0Mab5Nyk" target="_blank"> here</a>). Yeah, it's kinda one of those things that you can't un-see once you've seen it. Along these same lines, the next thing that usually comes to mind is the movie<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf4GJAY4n1I" target="_blank"> <em>The Perfect Match</em></a> starring <a data-linked-post="2500799859" href="https://www.xonecole.com/from-106-park-to-hollywood-how-terrence-j-turned-his-dream-into-reality-why-hes-choosing-his-career-over-dating/" target="_blank">Terrence J</a> and <a data-linked-post="2640608220" href="https://www.xonecole.com/cassie-alex-fine-are-married/" target="_blank">Cassie</a>. If you didn't catch it when it came out in 2016, basically the premise of it has something in common with the characters in <em>School Daze</em>—both couples idealized one another, so much, that they initially thought they were "perfect" for each other. Yet, once more layers started to get pulled back and reality started to really set in, they ended up having to accept that, when it came to being the so-called perfect couple, nothing could be further from the truth.</p><p>Yes, I intro'd this point by referring to two fictionalized accounts. But y'all, in real life, I sit in counseling sessions all of the time that consist of two people who are either extremely disappointed or flat-out pissed off that their partner, <em>the one who they initially thought was perfect for them</em>, has turned out to be any and everything but. And because they are so hurt by that, almost to the point of believing they've been betrayed, they figure that the appropriate response is to the <a data-linked-post="2638916536" href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-classy-way-to-end-a-relationship/" target="_blank">end of the relationship</a> so that they can make room to find true perfection.</p><p>Hmph. I'm hoping that I don't need to tell you that anyone who's looking for the perfect person is going to be on that quest, for the rest of their life. But what about the ever-so-romantic—and I'm rolling my eyes, even as I'm typing this, by the way—phrase, "They might not be perfect, but they are perfect for me"? Is that worth looking for? Eh. It depends on how you look at the word "perfect". </p><h4>And that's actually what we're going to dive into today—figuring out if there is such a thing as a perfect match when it comes to romantic relationships. Let's look deeper by addressing five main points.</h4>
<p class=""><em>Featured image by Shutterstock</em></p>
Perfection Is Hella Overrated
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU4NzEwOS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNDc2NjM3NH0.tOxLFMViYjEnlj1f6b63GNLlvlb1jSyKcu3UibMqu_Q/img.gif?width=980" id="3b55a" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="6b835c94ebdc5f621a422b957c73ca06" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>If you're out here looking for your perfect match, take a moment to ponder a particular definition of the word. To be perfect is to be "excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement". Aside from this being an impossibility for any human being (short of Christ himself), this definition alone is why I encourage people to desire a relationship that is <em>healthy</em> (functioning well), not <em>perfect</em>. Why? Because one of the most beautiful things about a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/three-c-s-of-healthy-relationships/" data-linked-post="2646415441" target="_blank">healthy relationship</a> is it consists of two people who are invested in helping the other to grow, evolve and mature into a better version of themselves. If the relationship was already "perfect", where would there be a need for any of this, since there is nothing that needs to be improved upon?</p><p>If that sounds absolutely crazy to you, let me try and approach it from another pop culture reference standpoint. Any of you who are old school <em>Sex & the City</em> fans will probably remember the episode when Carrie kept trying to create drama with Aiden when they first started dating (there's a clip of it<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6738DN4I3s" target="_blank"> here</a>). Why was she being a relational drama queen? Because—get this—things were going <em>too well</em> for her (Carrie really was a pretty neurotic mess in hindsight, y'all). While that might sound dysfunctional AF (and it is), there are a lot of people who are a lot like this, just on a lower and more <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/these-are-the-things-self-aware-people-do-daily/" data-linked-post="2637101930" target="_blank">self-aware</a> scale. </p><h5>"This" in the sense that they don't want to be bored in their relationship. They want a few challenges. They look forward to a-ha moments and emotional roller coaster rides. Smooth sailing freaks them out. Perfection seems suffocating.</h5><p>So yeah, let's start with one reason why a perfect match is a ridiculous notion is because most of us don't want something that doesn't require any improvement on some level. We merely want something that isn't toxic or counterproductive. And when it comes to that resolve, being in something that is <em>healthy</em> will suit us just fine. Next point.</p>Know What Else Perfection Is? SELFISH.
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU4NzEyOS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwNzAwMjczM30.sOiGtJCrcg1mqo3jvplaqvfuAby3gr1KrLZJMd6XSPg/img.gif?width=980" id="ce7e8" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="080e1ee3b8706669a531026c5b4dcf00" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Something that is needed, for any relationship to flourish, is maturity. And a part of what comes with being mature is having the kind of <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/emotional-intelligence-leveling-up-career/" data-linked-post="2646899094" target="_blank">emotional intelligence</a> that portrays a healthy level of <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-to-deal-with-white-friends-racism/" data-linked-post="2647423948" target="_blank">empathy</a>. When a person is empathetic, not only does it mean that they can identify with the thoughts and feelings of another person, but they are intentional about doing it. When someone expects perfection, whether it be from their partner or their relationship, it means that, whenever their partner makes a mistake (or sometimes even just a poor choice because that is not always or necessarily one and the same), <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/are-you-a-bad-forgiver-read-this-and-see/" target="_blank">the person leaves no room for forgiveness</a> or even hearing their partner out because wanting perfection is wanting no room for improvement, remember?</p><h5>Not only that, but desiring perfection means you are only caught up in what <em>you </em>expect rather than what the reality of something is. Well, that is until <em>you are the individual</em> who is needing the forgiveness, a listening ear or a shoulder of support.</h5><p>Example. It's been more than a dozen times when I've helped a couple work through <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/kehlani-candid-infidelity-yg-relationship/" data-linked-post="2645975980" target="_blank">infidelity</a>. The person who initially gets cheated on is always like "this is the unpardonable sin" (yeah, if you're a Christian, you don't want to get into how the Word says that husbands should love their wives like Christ loved the Church and the Church are people who are unfaithful to the godhead on a regular basis—Ephesians 5). But sometimes, I'm able to encourage the one on the receiving end of the cheating to stay, only for them to do the exact same thing later up the pike. Suddenly, when they are the offender, now there are explanations, justifications and the longing for compassion.</p><p>That's the thing about perfection. It can have you out here being so focused on how much it can benefit you that you don't realize the painful boomerang that it creates when you fail to meet perfection's expectations. And that's why I say that it's a selfish way of thinking. You're not always going to do things perfectly, so don't expect your partner to.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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Perfection Is Also Fleeting, Temporary and Non-Committal
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU4NzE0OS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyNTUzNzcxMn0.9A3fKRXNknvGL1wsWD2Ahwd75T9figV_sXCpI4AUn9A/img.gif?width=980" id="11c50" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a30a487630be75e49341ff40b662e095" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Everyone's love journey is different. I'll be the first one to say that. But whenever a person tells me that they're considering marrying someone who they've only known for a short period of time (by that I mean, they met them in six months or less), I am always—and I do mean, <em>always</em>—encouraging them to pump their brakes. Now I will say that although<a href="https://www.tlcme.com/life---relationships/here_s-how-long-scientists-say-it-takes-to-decide-you-want-to-ma" target="_blank"> some scientific research</a> says that six months is all that it takes in order for a person to know if someone else is marriage material, and I've even written an article on here that says many think that 13 months is how long you should (seriously) date before getting married (check out "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/date-this-long-before-getting-married/" target="_blank">Experts Say You Should Date This Long Before Getting Married</a>"), I really believe that all of this needs to have the disclaimer of it only applying if you previously knew the person before you actually got into a relationship with them.</p><p>While there are some of us who reveal a lot of who we are (perhaps too much; that's what my peeps tell me about myself—LOL), straight outta the gate, more folks lean towards only revealing their good side, for at least 3-4 months or so. Some call that side a person's representative. And so, if that's all that you know, it can be very easy to think someone is perfect for you, when all that they're showing is, well, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/truth-perfect-man-hint-nothing-checklist/" data-linked-post="2513037502" target="_blank">perfection</a>. Then, you jump fully in—only to find out about a year later that they've got all kinds of bullshishery going on. Not necessarily vile, dangerous or even "bad" stuff; just things that don't <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/if-hes-right-for-you-he-will-complement-your-life/" data-linked-post="2639141637" target="_blank">complement you well</a> or things that you don't want to deal with long-term. I actually have someone close to me who is going through the regret of marrying their partner in under two years, realizing that they didn't really know them very well at all.</p><p>That's why I say that, when it comes to romantic relationships, more times than not, if two people claim they are with someone who is perfect, they are also signing themselves up for a situation that is gonna have a shorter expiration date than what they actually bargained for or emotionally prepared for. Because until "the representative" goes away, oftentimes all you're seeing is a grand illusion. And once that bubble pops and reality sets in, it can cause you to see that you wanted someone…<em>totally different.</em></p>Besides, Two Imperfect People Cannot Create a Perfect Match
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU4NzE2Mi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwNDc5ODk2NX0.L2fRFcPk2DZQZniUjoVhGAtfO80gzjjlC7ydvWkjNN8/img.gif?width=980" id="ff1c3" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="b75f354fcbb4091778304e6e403c4393" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>I'm just gonna go ahead and put it out there. A lot of people are relational hypocrites. What I mean by that is, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/pros-cons-ideal-man-list/" data-linked-post="2645443625" target="_blank">they want the kind of partner that they themselves are not</a>. As I said earlier, this reveals itself, most often, in those who seem to think they should be forgiven for all of the things they do wrong while they tend to take on the "one and done" approach when their partner messes up. I really do say it all of the time in my sessions—if you're not good at forgiving others, you're someone who doesn't need to be in a relationship because, the reality—no matter how ugly, uncomfortable or not preferred it might be—is no one is perfect and everyone ends up disappointing us, at one point or another. That said, you're not perfect, by any stretch, so it would be ridiculous for your partner to expect you to be that way. By the same token, why would you put that kind of "perfection pressure" on him? </p><h5>A healthy and thriving relationship isn't about looking for someone who is perfect. Emotional intelligence and maturity teach us that it's more about looking for the kind of person whose strengths serve to be a good complement for us and whose weaknesses are ones that we can truly handle.</h5><p>I will die on the hill that, a perfect match leans on the side of being totally ridiculous because, how does that even happen when the two folks in the relationship aren't perfect themselves? Since they need to consistently improve, how could the connection not require the same mercy and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/moms-balance-family-work/" data-linked-post="2644929663" target="_blank">grace</a>? Anyone who declares they are a "perfect match" should revisit the word "perfect" often. Because again, if you are professing that your relationship cannot stand to improve, you are just fooling yourself. Everything and everyone needs improvement. That's not a bad thing. That's just the truth.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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A Wonderful Complement Is a Far More Realistic Goal
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU4NzIwNC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMzg4NzM3OX0.xFaZxljCF-FKoJMIBj0crG6Ygmq6ktlrjV2XMKSQ3u0/img.gif?width=980" id="e3784" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="4793e1d2f25848833f41986c626aa210" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Now that perfection has been broken down, all the way to the floor, does that mean that absolutely beautiful examples of love don't exist? I am absolutely NOT saying that. I know some people who, while I don't refer to them as being a "perfect match", it is extremely evident that they complement each other exceptionally well. I'll even go so far as to call them "soulmates" because I don't romanticize that term. </p><h5>The Hebrew word for soulmate is "beshert" which translates into meaning things like "destined", "inevitable" or "meant to be". And yes, some people, I believe, when they allow God to lead them in their lives, they are brought to the mate who best suits them. That doesn't mean their soulmate is their perfect match, though. Actually, from the way I see it, it means God has brought them to someone who will <em>best improve </em>them as they do the same for their partner. A soulmate or bashert is about an amazing complement (check out "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/if-hes-right-for-you-he-will-complement-your-life/" target="_blank">If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life</a>") NOT a perfect match.</h5><p>So, while this might've burst some Disney and chick flick bubbles, I actually think that is a good thing. Perfection may be a goal, but, at the end of the day, it's an impossible one. Don't waste your very precious time looking for a man who is perfect when you aren't. Open yourself up to the possibility of connecting with someone who is good, who is holistically healthy, who strives for improvement and will complement you best. That guy? He's better than perfection because that guy…<em>is real.</em></p><h4><a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank">Join our xoTribe</a>, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.</h4>
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<p>Superfoods. What exactly are they? I'm gonna be real with you—the term itself is one that is used in marketing. Basically, it's a word to let you know when a particular food is so high in nutrients that it's basically off the charts. Well today, I'm gonna take out a moment to share with you 10 foods that make the superfood list. All of them are rich in vitamins and minerals. All of them come with loads of health benefits. And all of them are pretty damn good, both to and for you, from the very moment you put them into your mouth.</p><p>If something that you really want to focus more on right through here is being more proactive when it comes to your overall health and well-being, here are some of the foods that will totally have your back. (Oh, and the specific food dishes that I recommend in this? Click on the hyperlinks because they are connected to actual recipes. You can thank me later, chile.)</p>
1. Mushrooms
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU2ODU5OS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MDg4NTY5NH0.ob_7oahZFkcP9eyJvFxhpg1f73mKTzGOpb0R2d9nQbw/img.jpg?width=980" id="cfa61" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="6afa6f899e02a2e65f901f574951e6cb" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>Here's something that I'll share from personal experience. While my health is actually pretty good, something that I've had for years is a fungal infection. It's resulted in me having more <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/howtobattleayeastinfection/" target="_blank">yeast infections</a> back in the day than I would like and even a couple of bouts of tinea versicolor (by the way, I read that a Black woman has recently invented a cream that combats this particular fungal infection; you can get more info on that<a href="https://www.blacknews.com/news/mizell-mais-black-mom-solves-fungal-skin-infection-problem-called-tinea-versicolor/" target="_blank"> here</a>). Anyway, what does all of this have to do with this list? Well, while mushrooms are considered to be a superfood, they are also a fungus. Sooooo…if you're also sensitive to fungi, you might wanna pass on (or at least eat less of) 'em.</p><p>For everyone else, mushrooms contain all sorts of health benefits. They are packed with antioxidants including selenium. Selenium is dope because it decreases your chances of developing certain cancer cells, helps to prevent heart disease, reduces mental decline, promotes thyroid health and helps to boost your immune system. Some other awesome things about mushrooms is they contain a good amount of vitamins B and D, copper and potassium and the soluble fiber beta glucan which helps to reduce the risk of type 2 diabetes. If you've got inflammatory issues, mushrooms also have the antioxidant ergothioneine which helps to lower inflammation and, as a bonus, ergothioneine can also <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-can-crack-prevent-signs-of-aging/" target="_blank">slow down aging signs</a> from the inside out. All of these are solid reasons to make yourself some<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0mwGDb6fa4&ab_channel=GabrielleMcBay" target="_blank"> homemade stuffed mushrooms</a> tonight, don't cha think?</p>2. Sweet Potatoes
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU2ODYwMC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MDgwMDc5Nn0.478s0kQak4_TCyiMhPupHcxphHpkHwN9a_W6l77iR9w/img.jpg?width=980" id="22788" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="fb6f175e4e534ac36f8b60647656095d" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>Sweet potatoes are considered to be a "perfect food" because, so much of what our bodies need, on a daily basis, is found in one. For starters, sweet potatoes contain an incredible amount of vitamins A, B, C and E, along with iron, calcium, selenium, choline, magnesium and antioxidants. Every time you eat a sweet potato, you are taking proactive measures to manage your blood sugar, reduce your stress levels, fight bodily inflammation, prevent ulcers and, thanks to the antimicrobial properties that are also in sweet potatoes, they can help to protect your body from the bacteria that can ultimately lead to pneumonia. Not to mention the fact that the Vitamin C in this vegetable can help to produce collagen to give your skin a healthy glow while its Vitamin E can help to keep your skin and hair moisturized. All of this is a good enough reason to make yourself a baked sweet potato or some<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjyBo5OCkbU&ab_channel=DivasCanCook" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> sweet potato fries</a> ASAP.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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3. Pomegranates
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU2ODYwMS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1ODkwMjUxNX0.RJgZla9H_5CmC3BYY6DdsSTfAXjNne3gc6bF5A5QtF8/img.jpg?width=980" id="8f746" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="d0717f13e8ece6d68e11a05ece87a074" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><h5>Pomegranates are the kind of fruit that you have to get on in the fall, if you want to gain all of the nutrients that it has to offer. That's because pomegranates are at their peak between September thru November (although sometimes you can catch a good batch well into January). Personally, one of my favorite things about them is, in Jewish culture, one of the things that they represent is love and fertility. </h5><p>However, as far as health benefits go, pomegranates are high in Vitamin C, fatty acids and antioxidants (three times the amount of red wine, in fact). They also contain vitamins E and K, fiber, folate and potassium. Eating pomegranates will help to reduce chronic inflammation, properties that help to prevent breast (and prostate) cancer, arthritis and blood pressure. There are even studies to support that pomegranates can<a href="https://www.hindawi.com/journals/ecam/2013/946298/" target="_blank"> help to improve your memory</a> and<a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/1477-7827-10-49" target="_blank"> reduce oxidative stress</a>, so that it's easier to conceive. All that from a fruit that contains approximately 613 tiny little seeds in them. A great way to get pomegranate power into your system is to drink pomegranate juice (not drink; pure organic juice) which you can usually find in your local grocery store.</p>4. Bone Broth
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU2ODYwNS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NTc3NDIyMH0.dIpCr0UuXEC4AL2MBLLq2Ow6_yimTOFhEHSsfmhna98/img.jpg?width=980" id="0bf08" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="724937b5bcf6e4e6cb9276446d6b45dd" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>As a doula, if there's one thing that I recommend the moms that I work with consume, it's bone broth. Basically, it's the stock that comes from the meaty bones and connective tissue that are left over after doing things like boiling ribs (before baking or grilling) or preparing some homemade chicken soup. The health benefits of bone broth are numerous. The amino acids in bone broth will boost your immune system and help to increase muscle mass. The L-glutamine in it will reduce gut inflammation. The calcium, Vitamin D, zinc and iron will help to keep your bones nice and strong. Also, on the nutrient tip, bone broth contains vitamins A, B, C, K and copper and boron. <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/signs-that-you-re-dehydrated/" target="_blank">If you're dehydrated</a>, bone broth's got plenty of electrolytes. Other properties in it can help to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-simple-effective-ways-to-improve-your-quality-of-sleep/" target="_blank">improve your quality of sleep</a>, build stronger nails, provide arthritic and joint pain relief and, help to lighten <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-of-the-absolute-best-period-hacks/" target="_blank">heavy menstrual cycles</a> too.</p><p>If you're not a vegetarian or vegan, you can get an easy-to-make recipe for bone broth<a href="https://wholefully.com/bone-broth/" target="_blank"> here</a>. If you happen to not eat meat, there are meat-free alternatives. Click<a href="https://helloglow.co/vegetarian-bone-broth/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> here</a> to make vegetarian bone broth and <a href="https://www.simplyquinoa.com/instant-pot-vegan-bone-broth/" target="_blank">here</a> to make vegan bone broth.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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5. Cauliflower
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU2ODYwNi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMjgzNDY4NH0.TiZ8w_0wbwO-Q_8VIVOZHt37vS5iL9n8ViYpyzELFWk/img.jpg?width=980" id="bd342" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a2ca7c3d83e3d0d1ff9cc7defeae19ad" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>Often considered to be the "white half-sibling" of broccoli (LOL), cauliflower contains all kinds of great goodness! It's rich in vitamins B, C and K, magnesium, manganese, potassium, fiber and phosphorus. Some valid perks that come with consuming cauliflower is it's the kind of veggie that is low in carbs and gluten-free (which is why so many people enjoy<a href="https://minimalistbaker.com/how-to-make-cauliflower-rice/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> cauliflower rice</a>). Also, it's got antioxidants in it to help fight off free radicals, promote healthy gut bacteria (remember that 80 percent of your immunity is within your gut) and, along with the flavonoids and carotenoids in this veggie, it can also help to keep cancer cells at bay. Cauliflower also contains choline to boost brain health while the iron in it can help your body to better absorb iron if you happen to be anemic or borderline anemic. Plus, the Vitamin K in cauliflower supports long-term bone health. So, how about making a pizza with some<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qdy2U5EpsBw&ab_channel=FitMenCook" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> cauliflower crust</a> soon?</p>6. Arugula
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU2ODYwOC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMzk4NDM1NH0.YwOEt4UAJQjN-bPZExU982vY5XWBwq-Xmjpi2Az8RHQ/img.jpg?width=980" id="f6bf9" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="161fb20d433be15c93edba7b2e0f5fc2" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>Arugula is a green that comes from the Mediterranean region. If you've never tasted it before, it has an acquired light peppery taste. Arugula is loaded with calcium, potassium, folate, zinc, iron, phosphorus and vitamins A, C and K. And, while all greens are really good for you, arugula makes the superfood list because it helps to strengthen your heart; keeps free radicals from attacking sensitive areas like your eyes; controls your blood pressure; aids in digestion; speeds up the healing process of skin ailments such as eczema and acne; enhances your athletic performance and, it's an excellent detoxifier. Honestly, that's just the tip of the iceberg (no pun intended) of this green vegetable. Yet if you're someone who enjoys fresh salads, add some arugula to them. You'll literally be eating a multi-vitamin, every time you do it.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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7. Ginger
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU2ODYxMi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NzE2NzIzOH0.ODuTDW4n_a1bM3_b_DrzpnxfDxavBOSCuw7E2VTpSB0/img.jpg?width=980" id="efc6a" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="58d5584b3e6cb5060ceceb27eafaf80c" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>Ginger is a spice that, I'd actually be pretty shocked if you didn't know that it's wonderful at treating nausea (or morning sickness, if you're pregnant). Oh, but it does a whole lot more than that. The gingerol that's in it contains powerful medicinal properties. Because of this, ginger can reduce muscular pain and discomfort, lower blood sugar levels, soothe the discomfort that's associated with chronic indigestion and help to relieve menstrual cramps too. As if that's not awesome enough, ginger also helps to hinder the growth of abnormal cells (that could lead to cancer), helps to improve cognitive health and, it can even<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3609356/" target="_blank"> inhibit the growth</a> of certain bacteria. So, why not treat your body by making yourself a<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcqZ_UtL3C0&ab_channel=JamilaNia" target="_blank"> cup of ginger tea</a>? With some <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-great-reasons-manuka-honey-is-the-ultimate-beauty-find/" target="_blank">honey</a> and lemon, while it's pretty spicy, it's also pretty damn good too.</p>8. Pears
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDAwODk0Ni9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMDU0NDAxNn0.lpLdqHB7kwuEszA7e0kPJJoXNQI7oox_JmjGeE0VR1M/img.jpg?width=980" id="ac623" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="7b56fe6d5cb92a09d08b6d2fce0ee248" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><h5>Pears are another one of those fruits that are best bought and eaten in the fall; that's because they are in season from August thru October. They top the list of being one of the healthiest foods in the world because they are high in fiber, plus they've got a good amount of Vitamin C and copper in them as well. </h5><p>Thanks to the fiber, they help to promote <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/natural-remedies-travel-tummy-motion-sickness/" data-linked-post="2622509236" target="_blank">good gut health</a>. Pears also have plant compounds in them; ones that will help to keep your skin glowing and your vision clear. Since they're also rich in the flavonoid antioxidant, pears can reduce bodily inflammation and help to fight the development of cancer cells. Also, the procyanidin antioxidants in this fruit can improve heart health while the nutrients zeaxanthin and lutein will keep your hair and skin looking and feeling healthy. A pear right out of your fruit bowl is good all on its own, but something that tastes absolutely amazing is fresh<a href="https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/53839/grandmas-pear-preserves/" target="_blank"> pear preserves</a>.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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9. Buckwheat
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU2ODYxMy9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NTEwMDkwNX0.jUQLe5YrF9ykffgUbceFGmbHl6Ib0-ywkxPqYnQ501U/img.jpg?width=980" id="df7ea" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="6e2091009063b130fc67601e59a4525e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>While growing up, something that my mother used to make, fairly often, was<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pKhCtvw82Y&ab_channel=HappyBellyfish" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> buckwheat pancakes</a>. I actually liked them a lot. If you're familiar with buckwheat but you're not exactly sure what it is, it's considered to be a superfood because it's on the whole grain list. It has a good amount of protein and fiber in it, along with a high amount of potassium, phosphorus and magnesium. Some other nutrients that are found in this particular grain include calcium, iron, various kinds of Vitamin B and some Vitamin K too. Because whole grains are linked to good heart health, that's one reason to add buckwheat to your diet. Also, the fiber in it helps to aid in digestion and support weight loss. If you've got diabetes and you want to help to keep it in check, this is a grain that is also a complex carb; complex carbs help to manage glucose levels. And, since buckwheat is gluten-free, you can enjoy it, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/unhealthy-workplace-habits/" data-linked-post="2625581593" target="_blank">stress-free</a>, if you happen to be allergic to wheat or barley. All good reasons to give this awesome whole grain a try.</p>10. Dark Chocolate
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU2ODYxNC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMDkxNjcxMH0.ndb9mf4pn52Pl1QbVmhlk9a8Svhtel5IpaANfZZzzWY/img.jpg?width=980" id="724b3" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="2f33a339d1fc3a4c1d8e4ac5e22cda04" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>There really is no tellin' how many times I've written a health-related article and dark chocolate has gotten a shout-out in it. That's because it's the kind of food that is just that bomb! It's really high in fiber, manganese, copper, iron and magnesium. Believe it or not, dark chocolate has some fatty acids and antioxidants in it too. All of these things work together to lower your cholesterol and blood sugar levels, boost your immunity, reduce your heart disease risk, protect your skin from damaging UV rays and improve your cognitive function. Not only that but the theobromine compound (which is found in the cacao plant) along with the chemical phenethylamine that's also in dark chocolate can help to prevent depression. </p><h5>Also, here's something that's a trip—theobromine has the ability to calm down your vagus nerve. Why does that matter? Your vagus nerve is what causes you to cough whenever your throat is irritated, so basically, dark chocolate serves as a cough suppressant too! </h5><p>Just make sure that you get the kind of dark chocolate that contains at least 60 percent cocoa because, in order to gain all of these benefits, you need to eat pure dark chocolate, not a Snickers candy bar. Oh, but if you do, you will be partaking in the kind of superfood that will be looking out for you and your overall health and well-being for years to come. So, get to a store and cop you some ASAP. That and the rest of what's on this superfood list, sis!</p><h4><a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank">Join our xoTribe</a>, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.<br></h4><div class="ad-tag">
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<p>I know that during this quarantine phase, everyone has taken on a love for <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/home-decor-finds-elevate-your-crib/" target="_blank">at-home DIY projec</a>t––including me and my husband. We first started with our patio and now our family room. We got it painted last year and to be honest, I don't know what I was thinking when I had my accent wall painted blue. Well, I take that back, I <em>do </em>know what I was thinking.</p><p>I was trying to bring the "beach" to my home by having my accent wall blue (like the sea), the outside walls grey, and my kitchen beige (the sand). But after some time passed, I wasn't fond of the idea. Plus, my husband started working on the floor and never finished. Hey, I give him his props he did start, but the floor hasn't been finished... and it's been a year!</p><p>With that in mind, I put on my creative cap and got to work on giving my <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/home-decor-hacks-love-your-home/" target="_blank">living room</a> a total makeover. </p><h4>This was my step-by-step process on elevating my home with a DIY accent wall:</h4>
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzYzNjU1MS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MDg4ODc5Nn0.O1IhzjZ3K3HsTNdl2yoOgZfsYuMkIzx7zxkD1aZ7bDs/img.jpg?width=980" id="c7b38" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f809e4335f24197dd8b998aff99a188b" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
<h4>Here's what you'll need:</h4><ul><li>1-gallon white paint</li><li>2 thick paint brushes</li><li>2 large paint rollers</li><li>2 small paint rollers</li><li>1 steady hand </li><li>2-3 rolls of frog painters tape (Lowes guy said it works better than the blue tape)</li><li>3 paint buckets</li><li>A couple of old blankets to cover the floor</li><li>1 ladder</li><li>1 measuring device</li><li>1 pencil</li></ul>
Step One: Planning
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU0MTQ1Mi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwODQ4ODM2OX0.HDOtEcwwaa1pSvmOqKdfPqH0FNYC_WkggtL9_wawMOQ/img.jpg?width=980" id="57981" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="1dc7713248183b193b9394f89963e134" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>Being home, I was able to allow my <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/balance-9-to-5-creative-projects/" data-linked-post="2645413086" target="_blank">creative juices</a> to flow thinking of how I wanted to change my family room. I wanted to keep the grey theme and didn't want to do a lot of work, if you know what I mean. So I started looking up different ideas for accent walls. I did toy with the idea of wallpaper but my husband wasn't down with that plan. I also was thinking about painting it just one solid grey color, but that would be too plain for the vibe I was going for.</p><p>I took to Pinterest and saw a chevron print and fell in love. Y'all, I looked high and low for a chevron print stencil and I've seen others do their walls with a stencil, but I couldn't find one large enough. The small ones would have taken days maybe even weeks to finish. My husband is an Architect Designer, so I asked him if he thought he would be able to do it with tape and he was like, "Oh yeah, I can do that!"</p>
Step Two: Painting
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU0MTQ1My9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MzY2OTcyNn0.6vZCnJmKJzq-GHIi3b_6C2AudNK-CeGq5EFkLVtpN7I/img.jpg?width=980" id="59451" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="fbde27166c68ae1153d85e37d445b294" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>We first had to paint the wall white. Thank God for my husband because I was going to do it all backwards. I was going to tape it then paint it white, my husband informed me that if we did it that way, we would be painting for days and then it wouldn't have looked right.</p>Step Three: Taping
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU0MTQ1NC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyODgwNjIyNX0.p3kvlhTDPxWyp1DDJbi3dIsDOKsd2g78cLqxfjE7ZkQ/img.jpg?width=980" id="03fbd" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="74ad0f1eb89cdd12705a27a710c3114f" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Next up is taping. I am going to be honest I didn't know that "math" was going to be involved. I seriously thought that all we had to do was put tape up in zigzags. Again I thank God for my husband who brought me back to reality real quick. </p><p>You need to measure your wall from top-to-bottom and side-to-side. It's important for you to have in mind how many patterns you want. I wanted six in total. So my husband measured and taped the wall according to his measurements. Keep in mind that everyone's measurements will be different because it's according to your wall size.</p><p>Now here is where the math comes into place again. To get the chevron print, you have to place the tape on the wall in a zigzag shape. My husband measured for each zigzag to be two-feet apart. And you follow this throughout the entire wall following the taped-off sections, moving from top to bottom.</p>
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU0MTQ1Ni9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NDkyOTM1OH0.CzfT02Rz4WPj9Vy9AIjkn0dBX7fK2KADQRots2QI_BE/img.jpg?width=980" id="a546f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="bbd94812a660dfcb838faa3cde6e6839" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU0MTQ1OC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxNjQ3NjExMn0.cZC1uDhoaFsezYPAOzmiePlXp4HsR761pLHh2sgRVrE/img.jpg?width=980" id="085a6" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="903c1f232f7ad59d1416637968cd293e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Step Four: Fill In The Blanks
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzU0MTQ2MS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MTA1Mzk2N30.Alsc-STYS20ZQgfu7TDKYlGFPB1E1U0zHQWx9YwPvXM/img.jpg?width=980" id="742cb" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="efe60f02f13581646fb53e5513d443b4" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Now, this is where the fun and intense part starts! You need to have your two colors picked out. I chose a light grey and a darker grey. Go over with a pencil in each zigzag and write in the color you want to paint in each zag. Use your roller to paint the color in each section. To make it easier, my husband had one color and I had another, that way we didn't get it mixed up. </p><p>Be careful and don't go too fast you can mess up easily if you're not paying attention! After you have done this, let it dry for a little bit. Then, you carefully take the paint off and boom! </p>The Final Reveal
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzYzNjU0OS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMDE2NTQxNX0.EfBFEWtC0zF9kAR1nZis4t9llpf1MKJNwd-NTNmrMn0/img.jpg?width=980" id="ff311" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="df203e0429003c3d1f83ea337f005c98" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Can you say WOW? It doesn't even look like the same room. If you ask me, it looks like something out of the <em>Southern Living Magazine</em>! We <em>did</em> that!</p><img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzYzNjU1MC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwNjI2NDQ5OX0.XDspuCI_iJIhjBZawrTRbObt6XsNfOLdAyDtlMN6zKs/img.jpg?width=980" id="e47b0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="7fbb2d7716c3f18227c4048bbdb22904" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
<h4>This article was originally published on <a href="https://tamronlittle.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank" style="">TamronLittle.com</a>.</h4>
<p><em>Featured image by Tamron Little.</em><br/></p>
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<p>These days, dating someone and making the decision to commit can be trickier than we anticipated, for both men and women. In this day and age, it's a lot different than the cute folded piece of paper you pass in grade school checking the 'Yes' or 'No' box answering the question, "Will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?" We can also agree that the type of title we want for our relationships have changed over time too. How we go about titles are way more fluid and is now based on preferences, <a data-linked-post="2638981519" href="https://www.xonecole.com/willow-smith-polyamory-men-women/" target="_blank">lifestyles</a>, and honestly to protect ourselves from past experiences. But, it is still a fact that <a data-linked-post="2646852904" href="https://www.xonecole.com/relationship-has-no-title-does-it-exist/" target="_blank">titles</a> are alive and well and they mean something to all of us. </p><p>I know, for me, as a woman, I like titles for my <a data-linked-post="2646415441" href="https://www.xonecole.com/three-c-s-of-healthy-relationships/" target="_blank">relationships</a>. I am not ashamed to say that I have had my moments saying these exact words, "So, <a data-linked-post="2635962552" href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-makes-a-woman-wife-material/" target="_blank">what are we</a>?" But what do you do when the guy you are dating is not on board with the title train? While I can assume all day why a guy would not want to put a title on it, I decided to talk to the source. I asked twelve of my brothas from far and wide to answer a few questions on titles and get to the bottom of why <a data-linked-post="2637395324" href="https://www.xonecole.com/heres-how-you-know-he-wont-commit-to-you-like-ever/" target="_blank">committing to a woman</a> is something that is or isn't on the agenda.</p><p><em>Disclaimer: For the sake of privacy, some men have asked to stay anonymous for this interview.</em></p>
What does it mean when a guy says he “doesn’t like titles” to a woman he’s dating?
<p><strong></strong><strong>Donaray, 31 </strong>– "For me, I would know. If I like a woman, I would give myself the proper space to get to know her. So even if a guy says he doesn't like titles or doesn't know if he wants to commit, subconsciously, he knows. Us men genuinely don't want to play around with a woman's emotions. If you put a title on things too early and it doesn't play out well, it's almost like playing with someone's emotions. So saying 'I don't want to put a title to it' is like a safety precaution."</p> <p><strong>Anonymous, 30</strong> – "Some people really just don't like titles. The guy could be <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/men-thoughts-casual-dating-courtship-commitment/" data-linked-post="2645141953" target="_blank">ready for a relationship</a> but feels that titles get in the way. He may be coming from [the fact] that he doesn't need the title of 'boyfriend' to treat a woman special or a certain type of way. That may just not be his thing."</p> <p><strong>Mike, 32</strong> – "I think when a guy says he doesn't like titles, it can mean he wants to keep his options open. Some people do not believe in commitment, but they want the benefits of a relationship without having to commit. Past examples of how they view love can play a factor into that."</p><img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzgwMjczNi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMTgyMjUwMH0.spC-CpuZ_uiFIny2B8nIeC7r88v7yXSKS1c3ZDn8ABw/img.jpg?width=980" id="ca26c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="6bdf1656cb3a78559acdd4938c57b7c0" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
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<h5>"I think when a guy says he doesn't like titles, it can mean he wants to keep his options open. Some people do not believe in commitment, but they want the benefits of a relationship without having to commit. Past examples of how they view love can play a factor into that."</h5><div class="ad-tag">
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Has there ever been a point in your life where you weren’t into giving titles to a relationship?
<p><strong>BK, 28</strong> – "When I've said it, I think I just wasn't <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/we-talked-to-men-on-when-they-know-theyre-ready-for-love-for-review/" data-linked-post="2641010917" target="_blank">ready</a>. I wasn't ready because I just had no idea what putting a title on it actually meant. I didn't know what I would be signing up for, so I wasn't going to be successful. I would've automatically started to get into something haphazardly. Growing up, I understood relationships from what I saw on TV. The guy is doing everything he can to make the girl happy. Not really thinking about how miserable that must be for the guy. So I'm thinking, if I'm spending all this time and money just to keep her happy, then at what point do I get poured into? It just messed up my perception. Now I know, relationships are built on beautiful moments, even the small ones."</p><p><strong>Steven, 29 </strong>– "I'm a guy that wears his heart on his sleeve. If I want to be with somebody, I am actively saying I want this commitment and I want there to be a title with it. There was a time when I was dating a woman and I wasn't ready to make it official at that time. I didn't specifically say I didn't want a title. When she told me that she wanted me to be her boyfriend, I didn't say 'no' but I didn't say 'yes'. I kind of brushed it off."</p><p><strong>Cory, 32</strong> – "When I was younger, if you asked me to put a title on a relationship, I would get freaked out. I had <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/shawniece-and-jephte/" data-linked-post="2556333626" target="_blank">trust issues</a> and I didn't want anyone to hurt me. I wasn't ready mentally and I had insecurities. I felt a title would add more pressure where I have to do everything right and I can't make any mistakes."</p>How do you feel about titles when it comes to your own relationship?
<p><strong>BK, 28 </strong>– "I think a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-married-couples-share-the-keys-to-their-totally-off-the-chain-sex-life/" data-linked-post="2639733485" target="_blank">monogamous marriage</a> is in my wheelhouse just as much as an <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/willow-smith-polyamory-men-women/" data-linked-post="2638981519" target="_blank">open relationship</a> or life partner. I'm not big on possession. I feel like titles at times creates this idea that 'you're mine, you belong to me.' Honestly, I don't ever want to feel like I belong to anyone. I believe people should be experienced and titles, when used as a mandate, cuts you off from getting to know people that could really make an impact in your life."</p><p><strong>Jeremy, 26</strong> – "I don't have a problem with titles for my relationship. I actually prefer it that way. I feel most men, if they are really interested in a woman, they wouldn't have a problem with titles. The same way women do not want us out here talking to anybody else, we feel the same exact way about the woman that we like."</p><p><strong>Hasani, 28</strong> – "I'm not a huge proponent on titles. It's because of the expectations that comes with it. Once that title is reached, sometimes the flow of the relationship doesn't continue. I believe everything has to flow naturally and not forcing anything by putting a title on it. But I understand people need that for reassurance."</p><div class="ad-tag">
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<h5>"Honestly, I don't ever want to feel like I belong to anyone. I believe people should be experienced and titles, when used as a mandate, cuts you off from getting to know people that could really make an impact in your life."</h5>Why do you think a title might be important to the overall flow of a healthy relationship?
<p><strong></strong><strong>Donaray, 31</strong> – "Titles define things. There's no ambiguity when there's a title. There's a lot of mystery without a title and people don't deserve that. It's a busy world out here, where we gotta deal with so much stuff. Why would I want to deal with bullshit in my intimate connections too by not putting a title on it?"</p><p> <strong>DeAndre, 29</strong> – "I honestly don't think it is important. If there is a mutual understanding of how you feel towards that person, I don't think you need that. If I had to put value on titles, it helps people know who they are to someone. People have ideas of what a girlfriend or boyfriend is. My idea of what a boyfriend is could be different from your idea of what that is. So if we have <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/8-things-men-need-that-many-of-us-keep-not-giving-them/" data-linked-post="2636056443" target="_blank">clear communication</a> upfront, I don't see the point in a title."</p><p><strong>Rashaun, 27</strong> – "I think for some people titles brings that clarity. Titles can help set a precedence and lets the people involved establish a direction that the relationship is going. Titles also come with the obligation of trying to make the other person happy. But in a relationship, yes you can contribute to someone's happiness, but in its essence, it is not your job to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/kofi-siriboe-on-why-he-is-single/" data-linked-post="2639129057" target="_blank">make your partner happy</a>. You still have to be individuals, whether you have a title or not."</p><div class="ad-tag">
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Does a title make or break a relationship?
<p><strong></strong><strong>Sean, 28</strong> – "I think for some people not putting a title on something allows you more room for error. I can mess up more or the other person can mess up and I'm telling myself that I won't be as hurt because we don't have a title. But that's not reality. Feelings are still going to develop and you can build as many walls as you can. You are still affected by that person's actions regardless if there is a title."</p><p><strong>Anonymous, 30</strong> – "A title is powerful, but a title alone doesn't hold weight. It's really about the connection you have. Look at real estate, you have titles or deeds on a house. You can get the title to the house, that's cool. But if the foundation isn't solid and the floors are uneven or there's cracks in the concrete, you get an idea of how much love was put into it. A title is just a word to me. It's about the love that's put into the relationship that's important, before the title."</p><p><strong>Steven, 29</strong> – "Titles can put a level of pressure on your relationship. But from my perspective, I don't mind a title because I date with intention. Even after my divorce, I still desire a strong relationship with a title. I think a title can make your relationship with the right person and break your relationship with the wrong person."</p><img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzgwMjc1MC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MjQyODY5N30.ozchbsXO6qAOFTxWUtTvuFEdbfhxYLko3i3wog8DEwk/img.jpg?width=980" id="48975" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f96d3544447bb885813572463c95fbea" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
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<h5>"A title is powerful, but a title alone doesn't hold weight. It's really about the connection you have. Look at real estate, you have titles or deeds on a house. You can get the title to the house, that's cool. But if the foundation isn't solid and the floors are uneven or there's cracks in the concrete, you get an idea of how much love was put into it. A title is just a word to me. It's about the love that's put into the relationship that's important, before the title."</h5><div class="ad-tag">
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What do you think is the most important attribute that calls you to invest in a relationship with a woman, giving her the title/commitment?
<p><strong></strong><strong>BK, 28</strong> – "I think energy because you can recognize this is a person you can talk to and have fun with. Whether that's on a date or just in the crib tweakin'. Having the opportunity to date someone that's just as fun as you are is a great feeling." </p><p><strong>Sean, 28</strong> – "I like <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/8-things-you-should-do-daily-to-keep-your-relationship-strong/" data-linked-post="2633645639" target="_blank">consistency</a> and a woman who is considerate. I look at the potential and if you are willing to learn more with growth."</p><p><strong>Donaray, 31</strong> – "I look for the message a woman carries in the world. That's important to me because that same message is what's going to be passed down to my child. I look for a woman that would be a good teacher for my children."</p><p><strong>Anonymous, 29</strong> – "I like a woman that can control the room. She can walk in and it's all eyes on her. She brings a confidence and humble energy with her. That's an attribute I pay attention to."</p><p><strong>Anonymous, 30</strong> – "I like a woman that listens to me to truly understand me versus coming up with her own assumptions of who I am. That is super attractive."</p><p><strong>Chuks, 29</strong> – "Given that relationships are huge investments, I carefully study who to invest with; if I don't see myself <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/this-couple-knew-in-a-year-they-had-found-the-wright-one/" data-linked-post="2624695855" target="_blank">building a future</a> with a lady, I don't bother wasting her time and mine playing games." <br></p><p><strong>Steven, 29 </strong>– "I like a faith-driven and independent woman. A woman who doesn't need me to do everything for her. A woman that can handle her own is super sexy to me."</p><p><strong>Jeremy, 26</strong> – "I look at a woman's moral compass. Finding someone with a similar moral compass as mine, it tells you so much about their character."</p><p><strong>Cory, 32</strong> – "I'm not a guy that asks for a whole lot. As long as a woman is confident in who she is and she has goals for herself, then I'm with it."</p><p><strong>Hasani, 28</strong> – "For me, the most important thing is being present. My <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/whats-your-signs-love-language-a-how-to-guide-to-gain-the-key-to-their-heart/" data-linked-post="2632933769" target="_blank">love language</a> is quality time, so being there and being considerate about what I go through and giving me what I need is super big."</p><p><strong>Rashaun, 27</strong> – "I honestly don't know. I have been dating with intent, but that one specific thing that gives me that feeling, I haven't come across that yet. What I am usually attracted to is a woman who is hospitable and who is open-minded."</p><p><strong>DeAndre, 29</strong> – "The same thing I am looking for in a wife. Someone I can build and grow with. Someone that can be a partner and keep our goals alive, whether I'm here on this earth or not." </p><p><span></span><strong>Mike, 32</strong> – "Definitely a woman that is driven to work towards something. I also like to see a woman that has a strong sense of community. I'm a social person, so I need someone who also appreciates building something much bigger than yourself."</p>
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<p><em>Featured image by Shutterstock</em><br/></p>From Your Site Articles
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<p>I don't know who needs to hear this, but <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/cant-fall-in-love-with-potential/" target="_blank">falling for potential</a> will have you out here on your ass. </p><p>Almost never counts and according to xoMan <a href="https://www.instagram.com/christiankeyes/" target="_blank">Christian Keyes</a>, dating without a purpose is the key to staying single. In a recent interview with Dana Blair for <em>xoMan Live</em>, Christian broke down the <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/are-you-guilty-of-making-these-dating-mistakes/" target="_blank">biggest dating mistake</a> we all make: falling in love with potential versus reality. He explained: </p>
Christian Keyes Doesn't Date For Potential + Says Kissing Baby Hairs Is A Form Of Intimacy
<span style="display:block;position:relative;padding-top:56.25%;" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5c4226744c0e14d45c218cd1e5abc959"><iframe lazy-loadable="true" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ig_x1dc_0g4?rel=0" width="100%" height="auto" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;"></iframe></span><h5>"I think that's a bad idea because, you just said it, you are falling in love with your version of who that person is. If that's not who they are, then you're gonna change the things about them that you fell for in the first place. When you date with a purpose, you date on purpose. You don't just date to date. If I'm going to give you my time… I gotta see the possibility for it to be something epic because I feel like I deserve something epic."</h5><p>During his interview with Dana, Christian admitted to having a few <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/mistakes-women-make-in-relationships/" target="_blank">relationship faux pas</a> of his own in the past. When asked what his partners would say his biggest flaws were in a relationship, he had this to say: </p><blockquote>"They'd say maybe making them a priority. When I was younger, it was more about 'beat it up culture.' Now that I'm older and more grown and more seasoned, I think you learn to take your time and experience and enjoy each other and spend time enjoying each other. The progress report would be more attentive. More gentleman than savage. Occasional savagery." </blockquote>
<p>Although Christian's savage season was more than cringeworthy, he now understands that <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-things-that-make-up-a-truly-intimate-relationship/" target="_blank">intimacy</a> extends way beyond sex: </p><h5>"The touches, the foot rubs, the smells, the collarbone kisses, the ear nibbles, when she's in the kitchen making something and you walk past… The shoulder bites...she on the phone on a conference call just lean in, bite her shoulder a little bit and just keep it moving. I think all the things that create that magic and that real good, feel good feeling, all that butterfly stuff. I think that's all intimacy. I think laying there after making love is intimacy. Kissing on her baby hairs and rubbing on that booty." </h5><p>Despite his missteps in past relationships, Christian says that now that he's taken the time to define his own needs in a relationship, he'll know exactly when he's <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/you-wont-have-to-question-it-8-signs-that-he-is-the-one/" target="_blank">found the one</a>—but that doesn't mean she has to be perfect. He continued:</p>
<blockquote>"To be honest, I think we know when we're in a situation that's peaceful and organic, but powerful. You crave that person's presence all the time. They can be next to you and you don't get tired of them. You wanna do random acts of service and super nice shit like, aye babe how was your day?"</blockquote>
<h5>"The shit that some people might think is corny, that's the stuff that holds relationships together. I need those moments and I think that's how I know when I'm in the right relationship. Is it gonna be perfect? No. Am I gonna be perfect? No. Is she? No. Could she be perfect for me? Possibly."</h5>
<h4>To watch <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ig_x1dc_0g4" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Christian's full interview, click here</a>!</h4>
<p><em style='background-color: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; color: rgb(90, 88, 88);'>Featured image by Instagram/@christiankeyes.</em><br/></p>
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