Not too long ago, I saw a video of a Black woman who was so speaking my language. She was talking about how it’s interesting that we, as women, will basically show supernatural tolerance when it comes to our female friendships, and yet, when it comes to our men, we won’t let them make even one mistake before deciding that we’re ready to cut them off.
Hmph. Let me tell it, a lot of us will self-sabotage our relationships with guys because we’ve got such a long list of things that we won’t put up with, that we’re pretty much looking for them to “mess up” right out the gate. And gee, that’s super unfortunate because you can’t cultivate any kind of real intimacy with someone that way — not to mention the fact that we aren’t perfect either, which means that they have to extend the same kind of patience with us that we need to be willing to extend to them.
And what does this possibly have to do with the focal point of this article: intuitive intimacy? Well, intimacy is defined as being many things; one of them is a close friendship. And so yes, if you want to experience healthy intimacy with the man in your life (or future man in your life), friendship should be at its foundation. Oh, but intuitive intimacy — something that is going to be a huge dating trend in 2024 — is about so much more than that.
If you’re curious, keep reading.
What Is Intimacy? REALLY?
Being truly intimate with someone goes well beyond sex.
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Something that irks me, to no end, is that people who engage in casual sex will sometimes interchange that term with “being intimate” (even I’ve fallen into the trap while writing sometimes because pop culture uses it so much). And why does that get on my almost last nerve? Because, as a writer, an “occupational hazard” that comes with that is being pretty word-literal — and since casual means things like “without serious intention” and “careless” and has synonyms like “apathetic,” “erratic,” “detached,” “unconcerned,” and “purposeless”…how in the world does any of that sound even remotely like real intimacy?
Now, to be fair, aside from friendship, another definition of intimacy is sex; however, it goes well beyond that. Being intimate with someone is about friendship and sex while also experiencing affection with them, experiencing a feeling of warmth when you’re in their presence, interacting with them on a very deeply personal level, being loved and understood by them, and seeing them as a safe space and confidant.
Uh-huh, now do you see why intimacy deserves so much more respect than recreational copulation? Damn straight, it does.
In fact, if you really take all of what I just shared into your being, it’s rare to find someone who you can be truly intimate with, in the full sense of the word — and honestly, I think that’s what intuitive intimacy is going to remind a lot of people of in the upcoming months.
Here’s why I say that…
Okay, So What Exactly Is Intuitive Intimacy?
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For intuitive intimacy to make sense, let me first break down what it means to be intuitive. When you’re an intuitive person, it means that you have a strong intuition. And no, I don’t mean that arrogant (and sometimes delusional, if I’m being real) stance that some women take when they say, “My intuition is never wrong.” Listen, I have sat in many (MANY) sessions where a woman had so much ego (and sometimes even bitterness) tied up in her intuition that it backfired on her. How?
Because, when certain questions were asked, and various revelations were revealed, what really was going on was she was moving on projection, which is oftentimes a mere counterfeit of intuition. That’s part of the reason why I’ve written articles for the platform before like “So, Experts Have Something To Say About Your Intuition's Accuracy” and “When You Should Trust Your Gut & When You Shouldn't.” So no, please don’t be out here thinking that just because you “feel something,” your intuition is working at its peak level. There is a whole lot more to being genuinely intuitive than that.
- Being intuitive is about being discerning.
- Being intuitive is about being empathetic towards others (many empaths are intuitive).
- Being intuitive is about being highly observant.
- Being intuitive is about being very spiritual.
- Being intuitive is about being super observant and being able to pick up on things very easily.
Adding to that…
- Kids and pets gravitate to intuitive people.
- Vivid dreams (and prophecies) happen to intuitive people.
- Feeling shifts in energy and subtle changes in environments happen to intuitive people.
- Having profound insights on folks you just met happens to intuitive people.
- Seeking out solutions over causing more problems is a solid trait of intuitive people.
I’m sharing all of this so that y’all can see that no, “I feel like something is happening” is not really what it means to have an authentic intuition or to be truly intuitive. It goes far deeper than that.
So, when you combine intuitiveness with intimacy, you get intuitive intimacy — something that a Bumble survey says is going to be huge in 2024. And while a lot of people define it as simply “emotional intimacy,” as you can see from all of the definitions of both words that I just provided, that doesn’t really even begin to scratch the surface. However, if I were to summarize it, I would probably say that intuitive intimacy is all about being mindful — hella mindful — when it comes to yourself, the person you’re with, and the kind of intimacy you wish to experience with them.
Examples:
- Your friendship with them needs to have a ton of empathy in it.
- You need to be so observant that the affection you give meets their core needs.
- And brace yourselves — the sex you experience with them should have a spiritual component to it.
Yeah, when it comes to that last one, let’s touch on “intuitive sex” for just a second.
Some Say That Intimacy Is More Important than Sex. However…
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I thought it was interesting that when I read different articles on the intuitive intimacy trend, something that pretty much all of them said intuitive intimacy was about emotional intimacy being more important than sex. Personally, I don’t agree. Even when you look at how the Bible speaks on sex in I Corinthians 6:16 (Message), it says “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much of a spiritual mystery as it is a physical fact.” It’s a reminder that sex was never supposed to just be a recreational or casual act.
So no, I don’t think that intuitive intimacy means that you should downplay physical pleasure or copulation — I think 2024 is going to remind (more) people that sex was always supposed to hold more merit and, perhaps if folks are more proactive and intentional about being truly intimate and fully intuitive in the bedroom, they can experience sex on a richer and more fulfilling level…and that makes me smile. It’s time. It’s past time.
Keeping all of this in mind, if you are currently in a relationship, ask yourself: are the two of you as intimate as you should (or would like) to be? Are you intuitive? Is he intuitive? Does it reflect in all rooms of your house? If the answer to these questions is “no” or “not as much as I would like,” I’ve got a few quick tips that can help to turn all of that around.
3 Tips for Building Intuitive Intimacy in Your Own Relationship
If you want to experience intuitive intimacy, focus on solidifying friendship.
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1. Focus on your friendship.
One of my favorite married couples has been together for well over 40 years, and every time I see them, they are together. I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them apart, and I’ve known them since I was a child. I teasingly asked them about it one day and the husband said, “Girl, this is my best friend, my hanging buddy right here. Ain’t nobody I’d rather kick it with.” This is precisely why I don’t get folks who think that your spouse shouldn’t be your friend — hell, your best friend.
"Best" means “the highest quality” and “most suitable and desirable.” Why would you want to build with someone who you don’t see that way? Friendships are about fondness, loyalty, and trust (for starters). If you want intuitive intimacy with your man, focus on solidifying the friendship.
2. Become more spiritual.
A few years back, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?” For those who are skimming this, your spirit is the essence of life — your life. And so, when it comes to your relationship, you and your partner should be improving each other’s quality of life in ways that you both can easily rattle off if someone asked you about it.
You both should be becoming morally stronger. You both should be feeding each other’s souls. You both should be “going deeper” into knowledge of self as a direct result of the way you influence one another. And yes, this should be transpiring both inside and outside of the bedroom. Is it?
3. Pay attention to one another’s energy fields.
Albert Einstein once said, “Everything is energy, and that is all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want, and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.” The shorthand of this is “match energies” — only be intuitive when it comes to the kind of results that you want whenever you do it. Energy is big, y’all. If you want to go to another level in your relationship, be cognizant of your energy and pay attention to his, too.
You need to be fueling each other. You need to be making each other more positive. You both should feel more alive in each other’s space. And when it comes to sex, a man is literally going inside of you — how can you let someone who isn’t worthy of that affect YOUR ENERGY FIELD in that way and on that level?
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This is the time when you’re gonna be inundated (if not flat-out overwhelmed) by a lot of trends that will be happening in every type of category and industry that you can think of. Yet, if there’s one that you should take seriously and honestly can feel pretty good about, it’s intuitive intimacy.
If you’re in a relationship, strive for it.
If you desire one in 2024, don’t settle for anything less.
Watch how it benefits you — on a billion different levels.
I can just “feel” it. #wink
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And so, since this is the time of year when catching a cold (and/or the flu) is common, let’s talk about the impact that sleep (and again, a lack thereof) has on your immune system. That way, you can remain as healthy as possible during the fall and winter seasons.
1. Less Sleep Means More Colds
GiphyLike I stated in the intro, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard somewhere that the fall and winter are the seasons when people are most susceptible to catching a cold or coming down with the flu. And that’s exactly why I thought I would start this all off by sharing the fact that some studies reveal that if you get less than six hours of sleep, on a consistent basis, you end up making yourself more vulnerable to coming down with both. In fact, some research says that only 18 percent of people who get six-plus hours of rest caught a cold while almost 40 percent who got less than that did.
The logic behind it all is sleep gives your body time to build up the proteins and cells (like cytokines and T-cells) that you need to fight off certain viruses. So, if nothing bothers you more than having a stuffy nose or stubborn cough when it’s cold outside, getting more sleep is one way to prevent that from happening to you.
2. Less Sleep Means More Allergy Symptoms
GiphyAt the end of the day, an allergy is basically what transpires whenever your immune system “overreacts” to something that other people’s systems do not. And since sleep is what helps to keep your immune system nice and strong — well, I’m sure you get how less allergy-related symptoms and more sleep go hand in hand. Also, since sleep helps to decrease bodily inflammation (more on that in a bit) and inflammation can also intensify allergy symptoms, that’s just one more reason to get as much shut-eye as possible.
3. Less Sleep Means Potential Diabetes and Heart Disease
GiphyDid you know that in 2024, Black women were diagnosed with diabetes 24 percent more than any other adult demographic. Also, it continues to be a reality that heart disease is the leading cause of death for Black women. These two sobering statistics alone should be enough of an incentive to do whatever you can to keep the risk of diabetes and heart disease way down.
One way to do that is by getting more sleep. Aside from the fact that sleep strengthens your immune system to where it is easier for you to fight off illness and diseases, sleep can keep your blood sugar levels in a healthy space; plus, when it comes to your heart, it gives it, along with your arteries and blood vessels a break.
4. Less Sleep Means Less Time for Your Body to Push “Reset”
GiphyIf you really stopped to consider all that your body goes through during the day (you can read some about that here), you definitely would respect it enough to do your best to thank it by giving it no less than six hours of sleep, each and every night. Sleep is what helps to slow your brain and body down so they are able to “refuel” for the next day. After all, how can your body prevent you from getting sick if your immune system is too worn out to fight ailments off? Exactly.
5. More Sleep Helps You to Fight Off Infections
GiphySpeaking of, in order for your body to fight off infections, there are certain cells and antibodies within you that need to be healthy and strong — one way that they get and stay that way is by you getting a good amount of sleep. For instance, remember when I touched on cytokines earlier? Well, the same way that they help to prevent colds, they also help to prevent infections too. And since sleep lowers your cortisol (stress) levels, rest gives your body the time and space to build up an army that can fight off free radicals and other health-related challenges while you are awake.
6. More Sleep Lowers Bodily Inflammation
GiphyWhenever a health-related issue is mentioned on this platform, inflammation is something that is mentioned quite a bit. Probably the easiest way to explain inflammation is it’s how your body responds/reacts whenever something is happening to your body that shouldn’t be, whether it’s an illness, an injury, a germ or something that you may be allergic to.
If you happen to have chronic inflammation, some symptoms that are associated with that include fatigue, stiff joints, skin rashes, weight gain and moodiness.
The interesting thing about all of this is if you aren’t getting enough rest, you could be triggering inflammation in your body. That’s because studies reveal that a lack of sleep can elevate molecules that are associated with inflammation. So, if you don’t want inflammation to increase within your system, you should definitely catch more zzz’s.
7. More Sleep Regulates Hormones
GiphyWhen it comes to hormones like serotonin, estrogen and cortisol, believe it or not, they play a role in how your immune system acts and overreacts. That’s because, if your hormones are out of balance, that can cause your immune system to work harder than it actually should and that can make you more vulnerable to sickness. One way to keep your hormones leveled out? SLEEP.
That’s because sleep gives your body the opportunity to rest, repair and restore your hormone levels. On the other hand, when you are sleep deprived, that can put/keep your hormones on the ultimate roller coaster ride. #notgood
8. More Sleep Strengthens Vaccines
flu shot GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyIf you’re someone who is good for getting some sort of vaccine around this time of the year, make sure that you rest up before and after getting your shots. Not only does adequate rest before a vaccination help your immune system to be better receptive to your shots but sleep also helps your body to build up enough antibodies to make your vaccinations effective after getting them. Because if you’re gonna get pricked, shouldn’t it be worth it? My thoughts exactly.
Get some freakin’ sleep! Your immune system depends on it.
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